Sternenkind

“What other people think and say about you is none of your business. The most destructive thing you would ever do is to believe someone else’s opinion of you. You have to stop letting other people’s opinions control you.”

“I couldn’t be with people and I didn’t want to be alone.”

“I survived by telling myself ‘I’ll kill myself tomorrow but not today.’ I kept putting it off for days and days and days with the hope that the darkness will leave my body one of these days. and some days, it leaves and some days, it stays. I’m still surviving and that’s the sad truth and maybe I’ll kill myself tomorrow but not today.”

I wanna cry, scream, hurt myself, and die so bad, but I just don't have energy for anything anymore...

Trauma isn’t just the sadness that comes from being beaten, or neglected, or insulted. That’s just one layer of it. Trauma also is mourning the childhood you could have had. The childhood other kids around you had. The fact that you could have had a mom who hugged and kissed you when you skinned your knee. Or a dad who stayed and brought you a bouquet of flowers at your graduation. Trauma is mourning the fact that, as an adult, you have to parent yourself. You have to stand in your kitchen, starving, near tears, next to a burnt chicken, and you can’t call your mom to tell her about it, to listen to her tell you that it’s okay, to ask if you can come over for some of her cooking. Instead, you have to pull up your bootstraps and solve the painful puzzle of your life by yourself. What other choice do you have? Nobody else is going to solve it for you.

“You look like you’re about to cry.”