sunnybuns

like a little wink from some time way back when

but boy howdy it did

i hate the way i make shit about me

should’ve just stayed home

cause i cant relate to anyone’s stories

and no one laughs with me when i tell mine

the silence pushes me farther out on my island

clutching for connection like some alien being

like that’s all ive ever been

some Other Thing that just don’t think the same

or feel the same

and can’t figure out

making emergency marriage pacts

not even expecting to see 30

ratty hair and grimy skin

eyes bright and wide open

looking up to meet the world’s gaze so brave

i could’ve stood there forever i think

getting sucked back into time

things weren’t even what i’d call easier

but i loved who we were

i love who i was when i was with you guys

kinda makes me wish i had back then too

it’s too easy in this bitty town to leave my glasses in the car,

slip in and out of the grocery store, work,

and retreat back into my cave unnoticed

when im Back There i feel like theres a sign on my head,

a single person You Are Here

as though anyone’s been looking

i think more than anyone else,

im afraid i’ll only run into who i was Before

and spend my 2 hour drive home thinking about the feeling

soaked to the knees and barefoot

laying on the cold concrete like maybe

i could get washed away, if not

just little by little, like some big stone

flowers in my hair and big clompy shoes

trying to be big as thunder

when do we start growing into ourselves?

stop blooming, stop changing with the season?

sometimes id kill to be that kid again,

if only for a minute

other times i feel like i still am Them, just

probably would’ve caused a wreck

turning around in my seat and fumbling for my glasses

couldn’t be sure with my blind ass these days

and i know it’d make you mad for me to say, but

i think id recognize the sight of your hair,

and of you taking a drag off a cigarette