DeadByTheWeekend

My parents got Chinese tonight and I got away with a couple bites of fried rice and a piece of broccoli beef. It’s still a lot but it’s not a full meal, which they usually try to make me eat.

You know I’ve never really been into working out but damn do I feel so much better. Like I get why people do this now I just did 100 sit ups and while it hurts like hell I feel like I could punch a senator and get away with it.

Guess who gained two pounds in a day :) so I’ve been fasting all day today. My moms making fried chicken later but I’m not gonna eat it. I refuse to give in this time!!

I threw up twice today :( I rarely purge but I just felt like I had too

I hate existing. My brother got me a Christmas sweater and it’s a large. What’s worse is it fits perfectly. I swear I’m never eating again.

I know today is Christmas and I should be happy, but the only thing going through my mind is how much I’m going to have to eat. This is my first major holiday not being a minor and I miss being a little kid so much. I haven’t enjoyed Christmas in years but I have faint memories of one, when I was maybe 6/7, that was amazing and I was so happy despite being in the middle of such a traumatic environment. Why is it getting harder as I get older? I’m finally safe but I’m more depressed than ever. Why is everyone getting better and moving on, but I’m still stuck?

How did I get to the point were the only time I feel ok is when I’m empty?

Starting this to rant and find some mutuals