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The material has no actual interest in exploring what it means for Ilya to be Russian in America. It just doesn’t. What it is interested in is 1) siphoning off pieces of Russian culture for the aesthetic (such as using Russian music in scenes where Ilya is miserable… always miserable) 2) implying that Ilya’s ‘foreignness’ makes him more desirable—this is why a big portion of hollanov’s foreplay is just the show riffing on Ilya’s English 3) creating trauma-porn off his Russianness. ‘This poor Russian soul has been brought to the great lands of the West and can finally experience love free from the shackles of his homeland’. This is why Ilya is so conflicted about being queer and Russian one moment and then his evil Russian dad dies—now he’s ‘free’ to be Canadian. Please don’t lie to me and say there is interiority there.

So the way to make it sing is by having Ilya’s definition of what good boy Shane Hollander looks like differ from that of everyone else in Shane’s life. It can start out as ‘oh, you like to suck my cock’ because that is subversive in a heteronormative society, but as they get closer it should become more specific because any other man who likes sex with men could theoretically give Shane the same thing. 

Ilya can be a little meanly teasing about it too, because Shane doesn’t need a delicate touch all the time; he chose to be a professional hockey player and deal with the struggles that come with it. He also chose Ilya. He likes to be pushed and Ilya likes a good chirp. Shane rolls up to their hookup location gagging for it and Ilya takes one look at his parent-approved linen dress shirt and says he can’t have sex with a guy wearing something someone else picked out for him. They go shopping and Ilya demands Shane pick out one outfit by himself that he likes. That sort of thing. 

Shane should also be becoming more assertive in other areas of his life as this is happening. He’s written as extremely passive and it’s genuinely not very interesting for a romance protagonist to stay like that (…imo lol). The story typically shields him from taking any action that could lead to adverse consequences which in turn shields him from growth—big indicators of this are Rose breaking up with Shane for him and Ilya taking him back almost immediately, or Shane saying he’s a bad boyfriend in TLG and his mother immediately comforting him out of it with “Ilya’s head over heels, he’d live in a city dump for you”. It’s not that it would be enjoyable to witness Shane dealing with the ramifications of hurting those he loves but it would be good to see him as someone whose choices are impactful and relevant to the story.

Because Ilya makes a space for them to be subversive together here, Shane, coming into himself, would take that with him into other areas of his life. For example: he would tell his parents about Ilya, instead of the story making his desire for them to meet happen outside of his control and absolve him of the difficult decision and its potential pitfalls… the possibility it might ‘break’ his good boy image.

Speaking of subversive: no one in Shane’s life likes Ilya, which adds another layer. Shane is not only a slut; he’s a slut for Ilya. He purposefully lays himself down and out for a guy everyone thinks lacks responsibility and kindness and would throw Shane over for the next girl (biphobia, my detested). And that’s so juicy because Shane picks well! We know Ilya would give his arm and leg for those he truly commits himself to and that he is very observant, more so than really any of the other hockey guys. 

In the series, this always gets kind of brushed over. Shane’s parents ask “Are you sure there weren’t any nice Montreal guys?” Hayden Pike in his novel extra looks his nose down at Ilya and basically tells him he can’t be serious about Shane because of his sexual history. No one ever challenges this, truly, and I think it would be interesting to. Shane Hollander wants to be a good boy for a boy who isn’t seen as ‘good’.

Maybe Shane says something. Maybe he doesn’t, but his entire body gets tense and he feels a little like his skin is burning listening to his loved ones and his teammates and the media disparage the guy who’s started kissing him gently and telling him he’s amazing after he does what he’s been told—never taking Shane for granted, now. Shane can’t take Ilya for granted now either. 

Shane plucks up the courage (the courage he’s steadily been building under Ilya’s care and attention) to ask Ilya to let him worship him and tell him how to do so, and it’s definitely the most difficult scene Ilya’s done because he’s only okay at best outside of sex and hockey and it makes him flush hot all over to have Shane appreciate all the effort he goes to for him when his efforts in everything else are never acknowledged. There’s a level of service here as well because Shane can stay still and open for Ilya and he does it well but he also thinks Ilya is beautiful and wants to be given permission to express that. 

A nice Montreal boy would have the blessings of his family and friends. A nice Montreal boy would live in a convenient location for Shane to visit when he’s not traveling with his teammates. A nice Montreal boy would be less publicized, would be easier to slip under the radar. A nice Montreal boy wouldn’t be in a profession that monopolizes time and energy and could more easily balance out Shane’s hockey career with his own. A nice Montreal boy would, in this case, have similar hobbies and similar sexual experiences and that sameness would be comforting and not inspire irritation or insecurity.

shane is always trying to appear good in public. he has a lot of pressures on him to be the perfect athlete, the perfect role model, and then it comes out that he’s gay. and that fucks with that image, but he could at least date a nice guy. but he is dating rozanov—playboy, bad boy, dirty player, shit stirrer rozanov. he is failing to be as good as he is capable of being because he chose ilya as a partner.

and shane floats the idea to ilya and it’s maybe a bit touch and go. because canon is damage control—of course ilya will go with shane, he created the damage. ilya is good at cleaning things up. but in this au ilya gets to be a classic romantic prospect shane is taking home, and he’s thinking why would you want me to meet your parents when you don’t have to?

shane ignoring everything in him telling him rose isn't for him romantically, because this is what he's supposed to want. he's spent his entire life knowing this. his parents are deeply in love and soulmates. his best friend is happily married to his soulmate. he always understood that he would get serious with his soulmate and marry her and have some kids because that's what you do. he never should have had that thing with ilya, knowing his person was out there. but, since he did, he can justify it to himself: ilya was experience for the real thing.

Shane COULD have had a nice Montreal guy. He purposefully picks Ilya instead. Wouldn’t you, as someone close to him, want to know why? Want to understand your friend better? It’s like they see Shane as the perfect, no flaws guy Shane tries to present himself as (which makes him miserable) and Ilya not as a person but the media grafted ‘bad boy’ image in the flesh come to ruin him.

The thing about Rose is that, well, she's designed to be perfect for Shane. She doesn't really have a character outside of him. He's the main character, she's the plot point, and he doesn't have time to deal with her needs when he has his own so the writing doesn't give her any.

They're a couple and you don't really know why they're a couple other than one's a boy and one's a girl and Shane needs that at that moment. They have a politeness to them that means they can be in each other's presence for extended periods of time and they say they like each other, but the story isn't really interested in that. It's interested in getting Shane where he needs to go.

So Shane comes out to her and she's perfect about it. Only asks the most perfect questions and responds in the perfect way and she moves easily from the role of girlfriend into the role of mother because that is what Shane needs at that moment and she doesn't have any needs of her own.

It's less like Shane is having a conversation with another person and more like he is having a conversation with himself. It's a needed conversation. It's important. I'm not saying it's not. It had to be had in some shape or form. But that doesn't change that she is perfect and empty. Shane didn't need anyone other than a witness in that moment, and that is what Rose is.

And then. Shane comes out to Ilya, and Ilya blows him off. He laughs at him. Because Ilya is a person outside of Shane in a way Rose never was, so he actually gets to be annoyed that Shane dragged him around. He actually gets to think less than perfect thoughts in Shane's direction about Shane being frustrating for doing this and hurting him and taking this long to say that he's gay. Ilya has always known that he likes women and men and he is bringing his own experiences into the conversation because that is what happens when two people talk to each other and are fully formed.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: รักโคตรร้ายสุดท้ายโคตรรัก | KinnPorsche: The Series (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Tae Taechin Lerttravinont & Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakun, Porsche Pachara Kittisawat/Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakun, Tae Taechin Lerttravinont/Time Thaweewat Ratanapakorn Characters: Tae Taechin Lerttravinont, Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakun, Porsche Pachara Kittisawat Additional Tags: Unhealthy Relationships, Friendship, Love, Alcohol, Secrets, Infidelity, Character Study, the opposite of rose-colored glasses, Past Kinn Anakinn Theerapanyakun/Tawan Summary:

Before Time, before Porsche, there was Kinn & Tae.