the doggie wiggle tapdance of impatience

what if your friend had a freak accident where his thang got cut off and he need a dick transplant and he ask you for 3 inches

how he gon ask me for all I got

i just googled some facts about worms and they are apparently 1000 times stronger than humans 

i read it wrong this isnt true 

in 2018 we will stop feeding ducks bread bc we realise it’s bad for them nutritionally and isn’t great for their water either and feed them good shit like oats, corn, lettuce, defrosted frozen peas, duck pellets and a bunch of different kinds of seeds. 

can ppl like……… stop having a concept of me in their head ……… no object permanence here…..i only exist when im right in front of you….. no memories allowed. thx for understanding. 

there’s nothing funnier than watching two cats stare at each other while one slowly raises their arm to strike for ABSOLUTEY NO REASON

if youre ever having a bad day please remember party rock is in the house tonight everybody just have a good time and we gon make u lose your mind we just wanna see u shake that

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone