little_human

I’m not talking to many people right now. But there has been SO much talk about abortion lately and I’m exploding in pain so I just need to vent to you.

I got pregnant and had a miscarriage. With my baby’s birthday coming up on February 8th, i am sickened by the talk of abortion.

I got pregnant by rape. I believe that some higher power let me have that miscarriage so i did not have to make the choice of abortion. But if it would have come to that i would have done it. Because of his family. Because of my family. Because of that baby.

It eats me alive inside knowing that i would have killed that baby i mourn for. I miss that baby. That baby was MY baby. But i could not have had that baby.

Abortion is not some sick way of getting rid of problems. Abortion is what some women feel is necessary. If this were my baby with my husband or wife, i would have kept it no matter what. But because every experience is DIFFERENT, you have NO idea what these women are going through.

Politicians have NO right to force me to have the baby of my rapist. Especially while they do nothing to lock him up.

Who knows what he would have done if he ever found out i was pregnant.

I mourn the loss of my baby very very deeply. I think about my baby so often. I was so scared about being pregnant i never even went to the doctor and i never got to know if my baby was a boy or a girl. I never saw my baby except for the blood that was pouring out of me when i lost it.

It is unfathamable to be in my position.

It hurts.

I weep.

And the pain of what has been happening in our country and the conversation surrounding abortion is sicking and HURTFUL to women put in these positions.

If you have never been in our place, you do not have the right to tell us how we get to respond.

You have no idea.

You may have done something different but you don’t know my circumstances.

I am a mother without a baby.

But i am equally ashamed to be a mother who may have killed her baby but also mourns.

It is a terrible line to be on.

You don’t get to judge me.