hi

Karma 25(in april) he/him white jew with DID

i like to draw ouma and the others. i don't like those damn games, but a part of my soul still lives there in that stupid fucking bandanna. i talk a lot about things i made up in my head about the game. i will not replay it.

feel free to reblog any of my art, while it is personal to me, i also don't take it too seriously. this blog is partially cheek in tongue and i don't take any of my "theorizing" too seriously. i have 2016 kin sludge in my blood.

this blog has themes of child abuse, grooming, sexual abuse and sexual harrassment. DO NOT FOLLOW IF UNDER 18. not a fandom blog i'm just insane.

they want a reaction. they want me to freak out and start crying and losing my mind. they want me to talk about harrassment and how its terrible within tumblr or the queer community, they want me to make giant heartfelt statements they can rip apart. they want me to give them more ammo to use. ive fallen for it, a lot in the past. i learned a lot in my later teens that if you dont give them anything, they cant use anything. i know the only reason people send me this shit is because theyre sad insecure people who have nothing else going on, and i DO have things going on, i DO have goals and motivations and things to focus on that aren't my own negative emotions, and i've learned to sit with my negative emotions. at this point in my life i'm someone who greatly prefers watching them attempt to "find" something to use against me, specifically because there is nothing i do online that i feel like can be used against me. even if i have acted stupid or shitty, i also know those are like.... parts... of who i am? if someone freaks out at me for being judgmental or rude its like. yeah. sorry, i am. block me then. i know i am working hard on doing what i feel is right and if someone has actual criticisms of what im doing and what is "right" about it, they don't start the conversation by calling me a kike and telling me i deserved to be raped. thats things people trying to FIND something on me start with.

and thats the part that stresses me out about people who freak out about anon hate or harassment so hard on the internet. it sucks. it sucks to deal with. but it also literally is a nothingburger unless its specifically targeted, and targeting doesn't happen to people who do not currently exist within abusive structures. the only reason i was able to be heavily harrassed and abused over the internet as a teenager is because i had an abusive real life boyfriend who was leaking all my shit online, giving people access to do things regular people cannot do, and had my childhood shared online by my autism blogger parents who'd post shit about my symptoms when i was really young. "lolcows" and other harrassment targets such as patricia taxxon or christina chandler are not just trans women who messed up badly but had a pre-existing abuse system already actively abusing them when the harrassment started that people took benefit out of. the regular person is NOT vulnerable to this. MOST PEOPLE are not vulnerable to this.

but in all other scenarios, i genuinely do not see the problem with lying a lot of the time. if i do not get close to someone or dont want them knowing something about me i dont see the problem in lying to them. in fact, i get kind of angry at people who seem to be unable to lie to strangers or keep themselves safe by bending the truth. its like acting like your morals are more important than your safety, which isn't true and if you actually felt like you were in danger i don't think you would be as honest as you are. there are a lot of people on tumblr who talk about speaking "compulsive truths" or defending themselves "Compulsively" and it makes me almost angry to see because for a lot of reasons it often is just putting them in more danger. it says to me that they havent been in enough situations to have learned the skills to keep themselves safe. so when people tell me i am so good at deflecting or staying sturdy within the face of people attacking me or harrassing me, i feel less "happy" with the compliments and more irritated. these are survival skills i learned, and not skills i do because im "tough" or "strong" or "funny."