I've been really struggling with nostalgia lately, which is very strange because this is the first time in my life I have a relative sense of stability (even though I feel like it won't last very long).
I miss the days that I could live inside my own head. I miss the days where I could hyperfixate on Youtubers to the exclusion of everything else in my life. I know in hindsight that I only did that because my life was pretty shit and I needed an escape, but it was a hell of a good escape.
I'm working on trying to reconnect with my teenage years and the things I used to really like in a more healthy way (which is part of the reason I'm back on here.)
I guess an update, for anyone who is still here. I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago. My life is good, less dramatic than before but somehow a bit more complicated. I'm spending more time with family and helping out more with my sister's kids, and I'm in therapy. Things are sort of normal except from the Horrors, and regularly wondering if I've fucked my mind/body/soul up too much during my teenage years to really be able to get shit back together. That's only, like, some of the time now.
I'm single, and it is somewhat by choice but also because I've just not really met anyone I connect with and trust enough to date. I guess I have trust issues and I struggle with emotional availability. C'est la vie.
I have good friends, I am regularly caught up in fights between different political organisations but it usually ends up being love in the end.
I don't know. Any other ex-Tumblr kids having a really weird time with adulthood?
