𝓒as

or maybe you didnt want him to. didn't want him to know how deeply you felt because of that chance that he doesnt feel the same or the chance of messing up the relationship you already had with him.

him. mike wheeler.

the boy who's been by your side for years, the boy who gives you relationship advice after you've convinced yourself you liked a girl—just for her to laugh in your face and call you a fairy. the boy who apologizes after everything and really makes you feel like he means it.

the boy who was walking towards you right now with his bag on his shoulder, a wide smile, and a fresh new haircut.

you kept asking for him to come over—or you to his to see it directly after it was done. god, was he embarrassed. muttering into the radio like a whining dog, saying how bad it looked and how it looked nothing like what the magazine had to offer.

❛ I wanted al pacino, not christopher lloyd. ❜

you could only laugh. leave it up to mike wheeler to make a back to the future reference in times of need. any movie reference if you're being honest, there's not a chance mike won't take to make a reference to a movie that no one has even heard of.

but now, with him walking towards you with his hair shorter than it was before and eyes that refuse to look at you. he still made your cheeks flush and your knees weak. was it even bad? god, no. mike had always been so goddamn dramatic, dragging stuff on as if it's stuck to his skin like a leech even years later.

like the time you threw away a origami crane he gave you after he made it in class. he was so hurt, even with more cranes covering his desk—he still finds a way to bring it up. guilt trip you into doing something for him.

❛ please? it'll make up for the time you threw away my hard work of a paper crane... ❜

and it never would make up for it. but you'd oblige to whatever he wanted because he'd give you those eyes that made nothing else matter; just seeing his eyes turn from a sad puppy dog into wagging his tail and smiling, it made you do anything. it drove you crazy.

❝ is it really that bad? ❞ mike sighed in defeat as he stared at you, almost zoned out as you stared at his hair that definitely tried to give al pacino.

❝ it looks—gr—good, great, it looks—wow. ❞ you stumbled with your once thought out words in a poor attempt at assuring him, resisting the small urge to hold your hand up and run your fingers through his soft curls.

mike almost read your mind once he raised his own hand to run his fingers through it as if he could pull it out his scalp and back to it's original length. if only it worked like that.

❝ you're just saying that. ❞ he muttered under his breath, dropping his hand back down to his side. mike wasn't just fishing for compliments, he was fishing for your compliments. your soft reassurances that no one else could give him the satisfaction of. the sound of your voice that had such purity he'd believe you if you said the sky was green. that kind of compliment.

his head slightly fell with his hand, his chin making a small attempt to reach his neck with eyes meeting yours. the eyes, the eyes that you can't ignore or pull away from. his eyes.

❝ it does! it looks good, mike. like, really--really good. ❞ your tone turned into a whisper as you continued to admire his change. it was different, but mike needed different. something to distract him from the fact the world almost ended.

mike finally let his smile take shape once you told what he wanted to hear. but that wasnt everything he wanted to hear—he wanted the truth about how you felt. how everyone said you felt about him. he was tired of hearing it from them and wanted to hear it from you. but the relationship he had with you, wasn't something he wanted to risk. atleast for now.

❝ has the rest of the party seen it? ❞ you asked as you adjusted your bag that was digging into your left shoulder as you stood there with him. five minutes before the bell—five minutes before you had to say goodbye for now to mike wheeler. even when you're two doors down.

❝ no, not yet. ❞ he sighed, ❝ couldn't really find 'em. ❞ he shrugged, but what he really wanted to say was that he didn't exactly look for them. he looked for you first, even when he saw the back of dustin's head on the way to you.

❝ ah. ❞ you nodded, watching as his eyes started to wander. you couldn't tell if he was nervous or just being awkward again.

❝ do you want to find them? ❞ you asked, now four minutes with mike wheeler you're daring to share with the others.

❝ no—well i just, don't think we have enough time. you know? i'll always see them on my way to class... or something. ❞ mike didn't want to share the next four minutes with anyone else anyways. not when he could spend them laughing about his niche references only you would get—sometimes.

❝ right, of course. definitely not because you know lucas can't help but humble your new do. ❞ you joked, tilting your head ever so slightly to see his eyes tilt with you.

❝ hey! you said it looked good! ❞ he defended himself, straightening his back as if you just had offended him. even though that wasn't the reason, he knew you were right—and was almost glad you reminded him to keep his guard up around other people because they never seemed to be as nice as you. and then there were three minutes.

❝ and it does! but c'mon, its lucas. and he likes to take after max and you know it. ❞ your smile was leaving indents as you laughed with him, watching his grow too but still sounded as if you were the one humbling him and not lucas.

❝ as long as you say it looks good, I don't think anything else matters. ❞ mike smirked. he knew exactly what he was doing—make you feel like you're the only one who makes him feel this way. and there was no denying that you were, but in your own head you were afraid he was only joking and not taking how you might have felt about him into account. two minutes left.

❝ that's the spirit. ❞ you whispered with a smile, a small smile that only showed him that you felt appreciated, not in a compliment way, or in a flirting way—even when that's exactly how you felt.

one minute left and there was silence between the eyes, a soft plead in his to tell him what you want; and everything that you want. and a soft shame that glistend in your own that just said,

❛ im not ready yet . . . ❜

© erroticearth 2025 - 2026

AMESH Season 2 would open with Amesh, his glioblastoma advancing quickly. He would tell the first story of the season, but would be struggling to make it through. We'd focus on his love story with Natsuki for those first few episodes as it becomes clear that Amesh's death is imminent.

Meanwhile, Ilonka is trying to reconcile how she was fooled by Julia Jayne, all while falling further in love with Kevin, and she realizes he may be fading faster than he lets on.

Ilonka begins a serialized story in an effort to encourage him to "stay alive a little longer," like he did in season one. And the story she tells is... REMEMBER ME.

This was the thing I was most excited about for this season.

REMEMBER ME is one of my all-time favorite Pike books - it tells the story of a teenage girl who is pushed off a balcony, and awakens as a ghost. She has to navigate being a spirit while trying to solve her own murder. We would have stretched this story out over 5 episodes. We were going to use it as a vehicle for Ilonka to try to come to terms with the fact that she is going to die, and to begin to trying to wrap her head around being a ghost... but this is the coolest part... the lead character of Ilonka's story wouldn't be played by Ilonka. She'd be played by...

Anya.

Because this is how we live on, isn't it? In the minds of those we leave behind. And Ilonka would use REMEMBER ME as a way to imagine her dear friend Anya, waking up as a ghost, navigating the afterlife. And this sets up one of the best mechanisms of the show - even if a character dies, as long as they're remembered by members of the club, they live on in their stories.

As the story starts to pick up steam, though, the group will have to deal with the death of Amesh, which he greets with grace and bravery.

In his final moments, he sees someone in his room - the Janitor from the first season, as played by Robert Longstreet, who says comforting things to Amesh even though he can't respond.

In his final, final moments, the SHADOW descends upon Amesh, and he is engulfed into it, which reinforces the idea that the Shadow is DEATH...

With Amesh's death comes something that upends the entire thing: a NEW PATIENT. We didn't work out too much about who this would be, but it would be a new roommate for Ilonka. Someone taking Anya's old bed. Ilonka would find herself being initially cold to her - just as Anya was when Ilonka arrived. Even feeling like this new girl shouldn't necessarily be ushered into the Club. But of course they would develop a beautiful friendship over the course of the season. The new girl joins the club, where something else exciting is happening - Cheri is telling a story. We hadn't decided which one, but I think it might have been MONSTER.

Natsuki would be the next to die, which would be heartbreaking. And again, she would talk to the janitor just before it happened... and again, the Shadow would come in the final moments.

For Spence, though, things would take a different turn.

The advancements in HIV treatment in the late 90's would come into play, and we'd see his prognosis change. The HIV cocktail came out in Dec 1995, and we really wanted to explore that.

Spence would ride the swell of antiviral advancements, and by the end of the season, he'd no longer be classified as terminal. In the finale of season 2, Spence would leave Brightcliffe just like Sandra did in Season 1, heading off to manage his disease and live the rest of his life.

But onto the BIG MYSTERIES of the season one... here are some answers: What is up with Dr. Stanton's tattoo and bald head? Well, a few things. First, Dr. Stanton is actually the daughter of the original Paragon cult leader, Aceso. Her nickname was Athena, she wrote the Paragon journal that Ilonka found in S1. She turned on her mother and helped the kids escape, but because she was part of the cult in her teenage years, she had the tattoo.

It was her initials that Ilonka found carved into the tree in season 1 (her maiden name was Georgina Ballard, hence the G.B. that Ilonka finds carved in the tree).

She hated what her mother became, and the atrocities of the cult. She reclaimed the property after her mom was gone, and wanted to change it into a place that celebrated life. She was trying to undo her mother's legacy and leave something behind that was beautiful. She is wearing a wig at the end of S1 not because of a sinister reason, but because she is undergoing chemo. Dr. Stanton has cancer. Having helped so many people deal with disease, she now has to deal with it herself.

Her treatment would be successful, and she'd go into remission, but having to face that - while caring for the terminal kids at Brightcliffe - was going to be a very introspective arc for Stanton.

What about the Living Shadow? It's Death, right? Well... no.

At the end of the season, Kevin will die... followed shortly by Ilonka. And as she is dying, two things will happen. First, she'll find herself talking to the Janitor, played by Robert Longstreet... and she'll make a discovery.

HE is Death. And nothing to be afraid of. It turns out no one else ever saw this character. Stanton has a cleaning service, and the Nurse practitioners make up the rooms - the only people who ever saw this mysterious Janitor were the patients. He is Death, and offers them kind words before they die. Then what was the Shadow?

This is an idea we take directly from the book REMEMBER ME, and we'll see it play out in the final moments of Ilona's final tale. In Pike's book, Shari is pursued by a dark entity called The Shadow. When it finally catches her, though, it turns out it is not a bad thing at all.

The Shadow is THEMSELVES. It's the Unknown. As it engulfs someone, in the last moment of their life, it takes them through a place of understanding and catharsis, preparing them for the next step.

THIS is what happened to Anya in S1 when the Shadow finally reached her - that's why she fantasized a life beyond Brightcliffe, which ultimately let her find acceptance of her death. It looks different for everybody, depending on their mind-set - because it is simply an extension of themselves.

The Shadow is just the final catharsis, a return to our original form - it is a moment of true understanding, and once we experience it, we move on to the next place.

We see the Shadow in full effect when it finally comes for Kevin. KEVIN DIES with Ilonka at his side, and it leads to the biggest reveal of the season:

Who were the Mirror Man and the Cataract Woman?

They were Stanley Oscar Freelan and his wife, who built Brightcliffe (fun trivia, he is named after the real-life Freelan Oscar Stanley, who built my favorite hotel in America - the Stanley Hotel. The Stanley is also the inspiration for THE SHINING!).

But more than that... there's a reason that Ilonka only sees Stanley in the mirror, and sees the Cataract Woman whenever she looked at Kevin. This is something else we took from Pike's original book... these aren't ghosts, but glimpses of PAST LIVES.

Ilonka WAS Stanley Oscar Freelan, and Kevin WAS his wife. They've lived many lives this way, and are true SOUL MATES - they always find each other, and they always fall in love. In this life, they knew it would be a short one, so they agreed to find each other in the house they built. They've been "remembering" who they are, and glimpsing their former selves in reflections, and sometimes when they look at each other. This is also why Ilonka's very first words to Kevin in S1 were "Do I know you?" and why Kevin thought she was familiar as well. They are two souls who always find each other, again and again.

The story is this: Stanley was dying, and built this cliffside home hoping that the seaside air would help him. It did, and he far outlived his prognosis (this is also true of the real-life Freelan Stanley). However, his wife began to succumb to dementia.

She would wander the halls, looking for him ("Darling!") and would even forget to feed herself ("I'm starving...") and she eventually refused to leave the basement. Heartbroken for her, Stanley painted the walls to resemble the woodland view, and the ceiling to resemble the night sky, so that it would be a little more beautiful for her.

He also painted a labyrinth on the floor, which was a technique used to try to curb the effects of dementia. She'd walk the pattern of the maze and it was believed it could help her cognition. Eventually, she developed frightening cataracts, but Stanley loved her through it all.

They were soul mates.

So while they seemed scary in season 1, that was just how Ilonka and Kevin's mind were trying to remember their pasts. We even had their faces distorting in ways consistent with how memories degrade over time. When the Shadow comes for Ilonka, and gives her this understanding - this "remembering" - she realizes she has nothing to fear. She and Kevin will shed these personas and be reborn, and have the joy of finding each other another way. The Shadow comes for her, Death takes her gently, and Ilonka goes off with Kevin back into the cosmos, ready for their next incarnation. The series would end with Cheri telling this story to a whole new table of patients, including our new series leads. Most of our original cast now would exist as stories, a story told to the next "class" of storytellers at the table, all of whom we will have met by the end of the season. A story called "The Midnight Club."

Well, that's it... that was what we had in mind. It's a shame we won't get to make it, but it would be a bigger shame if you guys simply had to live with the unanswered questions and the cliffhanger ending. I loved making this show, and I am so proud of the cast and crew. Particularly our cast, who attacked this story with incredible spirit and bravery each and every day.

But for now, we'll put the fire out, and leave the library dark and quiet. To those before, and to those after. To us now, and to those beyond.

Seen or unseen, here but not here.