vi

It starts as Wiebe & Ilya just trying out new combinations and an off-hand comment that Ilya makes about “sticking the gays on the line together” but surprisingly, it works, after some fine tuning. Ilya at center, Troy at right, and Shane, after some solid practicing, at left.

When it first debuts, it’s in a low stakes game, but Twitter goes bonkers. Barrett scores a hat trick, and Ilya very nearly scores a Gordie Howe hat trick in a single shift. Ilya and Shane already are on the penalty kill together, and Barrett is on the first line with Ilya, but the three of them on a shift move through the poor Puffins D line like butter (throwing my team under the bus for sake of this narrative). The Cens were already having a killer season, but the press around the Husband Line goes crazy. Harris contemplates whether to kiss or kill Ilya for the idea.

Other players get in on the craze, making jokes about Barrett being Hollanov’s third. At first, the jokes make Shane really uncomfortable, until he & Ilya reaffirm there are no thirds and that there is more than enough space in their bedroom for just the two of them. That being said, Marleau, Sveta, Rose, and Bood have a field day on Twitter.

The Husband Line doesn’t get used frequently, despite its popularity. Wiebe decides to pull it out at 40 seconds left in Game 6 of the Stanley Finals, and the crowd goes NUTS. They don’t even have time to react between face off and Shane netting the cup winning goal.

the missing phone sex scene

"So you're going on the ice single, Hollander? You're going to find another player to fall in love with during this match? Just please not Pike. Promise me."

"Ough, I can't even look at your gloves right now because I know underneath your hand is naked. So naked. Not even one little ring there."

"Pike, Pike, can you believe this shit? Shane decided not to wear his ring today. You know, the one I put on his finger when he promised to love me forever? Where is the love now, Pike?"

"Hollander, if you make this next goal I promise I will marry you again once the divorce is finalized."

Eventually during one of the intervals Shane turns to him like "The fuck, Ilya? We're on the same team. Sorry I forgot my ring one fucking time. I feel like shit about it already, okay? Stop chirping me and save your asshole shit for the other team."

And Ilya gets his mouth up close to Shane's face so that his lips brush the shell of his ear.

"I would, moy lyubimyy, but you play so much better when you're pissed off. Especially against Montreal." He presses a kiss to his ear and pulls back with a shit-eating grin. "Just being a good captain and getting what I need out of my team."