Neobaka

THE SCALEMATE BECOMES ME

Derse dreamers are goths.

Client: I would like to make a couple adjustments to how my inventory and prices are displayed on our search results pages. Can I send you some screen caps of my notes?

Me: Sure, screenshots would be actually be a great help.

Me: I just want to let you know that’s my schedule up front. If that doesn’t work for you, you should probably hire someone else. I can get you a finished translation by January 10, but no earlier than that. Is that acceptable? Client: That should work fine. The deadline isn’t urgent.

Since he agreed to that, I started work on the project. When the holidays rolled around, I took my time off and didn’t check my work email because I was with my family. When I did log in on January 2, I saw this message.

Client: Please get back to work. I need this finished by the 6th.

Me: I’m sorry, but we already agreed on the 10th as a final date. I’m on track for that deadline, but can’t reasonably finish by the 6th.

Client: It has been a nightmare working with you. You insist on taking all this time off and prolonging this project – I can’t believe how lazy you are. I won’t ever contact you again with more work – you’re very skilled, but this highly unprofessional. 

this brand of chips, Lay’s, displays the flavor in spanish and portuguese, resulting in ham-flavored chips looking like this:

with “jamón” being spanish and “presunto” being portuguese

however, “presunto” is also a spanish adjective, meaning “presumed” (or suspected)

Need a cheat sheet for wizard finance? We got you

Some new exciting ways to show your doubt! Making flying pigs look pretty boring in comparison. The book When Frogs Grow Hair is on sale now, featuring these and many moooore.

Source [x]

“Researchers turned to musician David Teie to compose songs that would fit into those parameters, which resulted in the tracks, “Cozmo’s Air,” “Spook’s Ditty,” and “Rusty’s Ballad.” Testing 47 different domestic cats, the researchers played the cat-targeted songs and compared the felines’ reactions to two human songs: Bach’s “Air on a G String” and Gabriel Fauré’s “Elegie.”

After their tests, the researchers found that the cats showed a “significant preference for and interest in” the cat-appropriate music compared to the two human songs, to which they didn’t respond at all. The study also found that the cat music also evoked better reactions from younger and older cats than middle-aged felines.”

Source: [x]

Client: So many problems! For one, the font doesn’t work at all.

Me: I used the font you asked me to use. If you recall, I told you that it might not work beforehand and you told me to use it.

Client: …Fine. I also don’t like the colors.

Me: Butt you chose them.

Client: Well, I’ve changed my mind. Change them.

Me: Got it. Anything else?

Client: I thought I asked for music and sound effects, you sent me a silent film.

Me: Oh no, there’s sound.

Client: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: Not at all! Are your headphones plugged in by any chance?

Client: ….

Client: I don’t like you.

Client: Hello, I am in a rush to have my website translated to both Slovenian and Croatian. The site has about 20.000 words; how much you charge for that? Please give me a quote without writing too much.

Me: Hello! I charge between $0.05 to $0.08 per word translated. That would be $1000 for one translation, and $1800 for both languages.

Client: I said you need to quote just your price. And why would I hire you if you haven’t told me how much experience you have?

Me: (trying to be as nice as possible) Ok, let’s make this clear. I have years of experience, and as you can see, a 100% positive feedback from previous clients. As for the price, I told you all about it as conciselyas I could.

Client: Gosh you just don’t understand me? Do you understand English at all? TELL ME YOUR PRICE FOR THIS TRANSLATION IN BOTH LANGUAGES.

At this point, I started to wonder if the client was drunk, but tried to remain as polite as possible.

Me: I am so sorry, but you are so confusing. I said that the final price for this project would be $1800 for both translations.

Client: And why didn’t you tell me that at the beginning? The price sounds fair to me.

Me: I am glad that we agree on that. When is the due date for this project?

Client: The deadline is tomorrow.

Me: Tomorrow? You think that is possible to translate 20.000 words in 2 languages in one day? That is just impossible.

Client: Don’t be difficult. I need it by tomorrow at 5 PM.

Me: You know what? I’m going to pass on this one. 

The client didn’t respond, except that he wrote me again a week later.

Client: Hello, are you available for that translation we talked about?

Me: Oh sorry, I thought the due date was last week? Did that change?

Client: I was just testing you. You passed! I want to work with you, but on one condition. Your price is way too high for me. Can you do it for $200?

Me: (laughing) Are you for real? $200? Would you accept that pay for that much work?

Client: I know I won’t do it for $200 but that’s me and I want you to do it for $200. If not, I will find someone cheap who will do it and you will lose your money.

Me: Feel free to search for somebody else, because I will not work on that project for $200. I am just warning you, that there are many people willing to work for low price, but in the end, quality matches price. If that happens to you, please don’t ask me to fix their mess.

Client: You wasted my time, goodbye.

A month later:

Client: Hello again. I am so sorry that I need to speak with you again, but I have no other options. It happened exactly like you said it would. I handed this project to a guy from Vietnam and my website was “Google translated. Can you please fix it? I will pay as much as you want.

Me: I think I’m going to have to take a hard pass. You’ve been exceptionally rude to me and I’m not interested in working with you. Sorry.

Client: Why you! How dare you! This is ridiculous, I’ve never met someone so unprofessional! Take this job or I will sue you and make your life a living hell!

Me: Feel free to sue me if you think you have a shot. Have a great day.

He never spoke with me again. And guess what? He never sued me either.