don't be a cop; please avoid being a snoop

please enjoy whatever thing our subjectivity produces and *do not look to us as A Person To Read* because this has been a vent blog for us in crisis for like the last three years

and definitely do not reblog posts about how unhappy we are or what is happening. this is the crazy person going thru it platform you *know* how to comport yourselves deep down

DO NOT SEND US MESSAGES

and JFC do not try to infer where we fucking LIVE

we could use $55 assuming the usual guy is free?

(hopefully this and probably next week are the last times for a while we gotta do this to pay a stranger a stupid amount- our ex is up for taking it on for cabfare and a snack, so $40/month, with some weeks he can't where we might have to do this stupid shit. but we're glad to have to ask a lot less and less often.)

that said, we also have a stretch thing we would like to ask help with, which is some money towards a [redacted civic institution we live near] membership? it's been hugely helpful with project Get Out Of The House 2021-2024 and we're hoping it will help this year, last year we got R to cover it but that ended up being a drama mess which made us feel shitty about it so. Not Her would help. that's like $75 but getting it to $40 or less makes it coverable by our budget / bearable debt)

we could use $55 assuming the usual guy is free?

(hopefully this and probably next week are the last times for a while we gotta do this to pay a stranger a stupid amount- our ex is up for taking it on for cabfare and a snack, so $40/month, with some weeks he can't where we might have to do this stupid shit. but we're glad to have to ask a lot less and less often.)

that said, we also have a stretch thing we would like to ask help with, which is some money towards a [redacted civic institution we live near] membership? it's been hugely helpful with project Get Out Of The House 2021-2024 and we're hoping it will help this year, last year we got R to cover it but that ended up being a drama mess which made us feel shitty about it so. Not Her would help. that's like $75 but getting it to $40 or less makes it coverable by our budget / bearable debt)

we could use $55 assuming the usual guy is free?

(hopefully this and probably next week are the last times for a while we gotta do this to pay a stranger a stupid amount- our ex is up for taking it on for cabfare and a snack, so $40/month, with some weeks he can't where we might have to do this stupid shit. but we're glad to have to ask a lot less and less often.)

that said, we also have a stretch thing we would like to ask help with, which is some money towards a [redacted civic institution we live near] membership? it's been hugely helpful with project Get Out Of The House 2021-2024 and we're hoping it will help this year, last year we got R to cover it but that ended up being a drama mess which made us feel shitty about it so. Not Her would help. that's like $75 but getting it to $40 or less makes it coverable by our budget / bearable debt)

we flagged we were sick and having food poisoning via signal display name two days ago, Thursday night

we didn't flag that we had attempted to OD to her because it increasingly means nothing

she hasn't tagged us or expressed care about the ankle or the misgendering much less the food poisoning

it's really funny you say that because that thought has been in our head basically continuously over the last two three years of mistreatment shading into abuse-

and when we have said that exact thing, that it wouldn't be like this if she didn't want it like that, to her-

instead of taking that as an invitation to do something different in line with her desires, her values,

she has accused us of assuming what she thinks and feels, a boundary violation, and as she sees a vague messy zone of things as being that (some of which definitely make sense to us, some of which are really fucking scarily confusing), she gets to assert that we are repeatedly violating her boundaries

and then make the focus entirely on what we do wrong such that the initial 'how you are treating us is actually really harmful' becomes forgotten or impossible and she gets to withdraw for an indefinite amount of time until she is less angry. sometimes a month. in which if we make any emotional requests of her in that time that is framed as us making it harder to come out of the angry resentful space

which she told us after we told her that her treatment of us was abusive. six months ago.

1) the presumption of young people that their cohort is the avant-garde of everything which. was stupid twenty years ago when you still had some younger boomers in middle age out being hot and sexy gay perverts and is extra stupid now that like some of the youth have elder millenial parents, I.e. the people who came to the middle of every party. classically even with the substantial and impressive innovations made by people born after 2000 being a dirtbag transsexual in a polycule using homebrew hormones was invented by Gen X, I don't know what to tell you