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Lion El’Jonson
“You would be transformed into a worm?” The Lion stares for a long uncomfortable moment. “By whom?”
“That isn’t important.”
“It is absolutely important.” The Lion turns a silly relationship question into an active investigation, he wants to know whether this is a psychic curse, xenos bioweapon, mutation, assassination attempt or some kind of loyalty test. “No hypothetical question is this specific without cause.” After demanding several clarifications he finally answers. “If you remained yourself then yes but you would be kept in a secure terrarium until the threat was identified.”
Fulgrim
“Yes.” Fulgrim answers without hesitation. “You could become the lowliest creature crawling beneath the soil and I would still recognize the beauty of your soul. I would commission a garden worthy of you, a miniature palace of crystal so that I might admire you without placing you in danger.” He understands the actual point of the question but unfortunately he begins designing the worm enclosure aloud. “The crystal should be rose tinted… No, perhaps amethyst! And you would need a miniature crown.”
“Fulgrim, I’m not actually becoming a worm.”
“No, but the concept has artistic merit.”
Perturabo
“What species?” Perturabo asks.
“Any worm.”
“That isn’t sufficient information.”
“It’s just a question.”
“The conditions determine the answer.” Perturabo requires data. Are you an earthworm? A parasitic worm? A giant alien worm? Do you retain human cognition? Can you communicate? Was the transformation deliberate? Can it be reversed? You tell him he is thinking too hard and he becomes offended. “You have presented me with a logistical problem and now object to its proper examination.”
He builds you a worm habitat capable of surviving orbital bombardment, it has climate control, nutrient monitoring, automated soil rotation and six redundant life support systems.
You ask whether that means yes.
“Obviously.” Perturabo crosses his arms.
“Then why didn’t you just say that?”
“Because love does not exempt one from adequate planning.”
Jaghatai
“A worm?” Jaghatai understands the question perfectly but refuses to let you win easily “Would you still complain when I travelled too quickly?”
“I’m a worm.”
“That has never stopped you from complaining before.” He smiles. “Yes, I would love you but I would place you in a small pouch and carry you with me because worms are slow and I am not.”
Russ
“Why are you a worm?” Russ frowns.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Did Magnus do it?”
“No.”
“Then who?”
“Nobody, it's hypothetical.”
“Oh.” He squints at you then suddenly realizes what you are actually asking. “You want to know whether I would still choose you if you were helpless, strange and unable to offer me anything.” His expression softens. “Yes, little worm, I would keep you close. I would guard you from birds, frost boots and foolish men.” He then spends the rest of the day calling you ‘my little worm’ in front of everyone. You regret asking.
Dorn
“Yes.” Dorn answers literally and sincerely
“You wouldn’t be upset?”
“I would be concerned.”
“But you would still love me?”
“Yes.”
“What would you do?”
“Construct an appropriate habitat.” Dorn immediately begins listing practical requirements. He doesn’t mock the question and simply accepts that his beloved is now a worm and begins arranging defences.
“That’s very romantic.”
“It’s basic responsibility.”
Konrad Curze
“If you were a worm?” Curze looks at you with enormous, unblinking eyes. “Soft and defenseless, buried beneath the earth, surrounded by larger things waiting to devour you and unable to scream.” He leans closer. “I would know you, I would know which trembling little thing was mine.”
Sanguinius
“Yes.” Sanguinius answers before the question is even finished. “I would love you in every shape. I would miss your voice, your hands and your smile but I wouldn’t mistake loss for an end to love.” He smiles with unbearable tenderness. “I would keep you safe in the gardens.”
Ferrus
“No.” Ferrus frowns. “Because you wouldn’t be a worm.”
“That isn’t the point.”
“Then the question is defective.”
“It is supposed to test whether your love is unconditional.”
“Why not ask that?”
“Because this is funnier.”
Ferrus stares at you as though humour itself is a structural weakness until he realizes you are genuinely waiting for reassurance.“If some force reduced you to a worm, I would still love you. I would also locate whoever caused it and crush them.”
“Thank you.”
“But I would prefer you did not become a worm.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“Good.” He considers the matter settled forever.
Angron
“Who called you a worm?” Angron’s expression changes immediately. “Who made you think I would stop loving you?”
“It’s only a joke.”
Angron understands the emotional insecurity underneath the question and it makes him furious at the possibility that you might doubt him. “You could be wounded, changed, broken, silent or helpless. You would still be you and if anyone stepped on you, I would kill them.”
“What about birds?”
“I would kill the birds.”
“All birds?”
“All birds within reach.”
You explain that birds are an important part of the ecosystem but Angron is unmoved. The skies are no longer safe.
Guilliman
“Yes, of course.” Guilliman recognizes the question, he saw it in archived social records and knows there is a socially appropriate response.
“That sounded rehearsed.”
“It wasn’t rehearsed.”
“You knew the answer before I asked.”
“I understood the likely intention.”
“You’re treating this like diplomacy.”
“I am not.” (He absolutely is.)
Mortarion
“A worm in the soil living among rot and decay?” Mortarion looks suspiciously pleased by the concept.
“Yes.”
“You might be better adapted than most.” He studies you for a moment then recognizes the hurt hidden behind the absurdity. “I would.”
“You would what?”
“Still love you.” He sounds almost annoyed that you made him say it aloud. “I would keep you somewhere dark and damp.”
“That sounds terrible.”
“It is what worms require.”
Magnus the Red
“What an intriguing problem.” Magnus’s eye brightens, already taking it far too seriously. “If consciousness remains intact despite radical physical transmutation then the soul must maintain continuity independent of neurological structure-”
“Magnus.”
“Alternatively, perhaps the worm body develops a psychic essence capable of housing your existing identity-”
“Magnus, it’s a yes or no question.”
“It is absolutely not.”
Soon Magnus is surrounded by floating books, he begins investigating transformation rituals, reincarnation, biomancy and the metaphysics of personhood.
“Would you love me?”
He looks genuinely startled that this was ever in doubt. “Of course.”
“Then why all this?”
“Because I intend to reverse it.”
He spends the next three weeks trying to prevent an event that was never going to happen.
Horus
“A worm?” Horus laughs warmly. “My love, I would recognize you if you were hidden among ten thousand worms.”
“How?”
“You would be the one causing trouble.” He smiles. “Yes, I would still love you. I would carry you in my pocket during councils and ask for your advice.”
“I couldn’t talk.”
“You would find a way to express disapproval.” Horus understands the question, reassures you and makes you laugh without making you feel foolish. You almost forget that he could probably convince an entire expeditionary fleet to love him as a worm too.
Lorgar
“Reduced from your present form yet retaining the essence of your soul...” Lorgar begins composing a sermon about love transcending flesh, the sacred humility of crawling creatures and the divine significance of transformation. Minutes later he finally returns to the original question. “Yes. I would love you.”
“Thank you.”
“I might even love you more profoundly, for your suffering would reveal-”
Vulkan
“But worms are very small and easily harmed.” Vulkan looks worried and is immediately concerned for your safety. “And many people don't watch where they walk.”
“Vulkan, it isn’t real.”
“I would make you a garden, a safe one with rich soil and small shelters.” He has already lifted you carefully, as if you might transform at any moment.
“And you’d visit me?”
“Every day.”
“Would you talk to me?”
“Of course.”
“What would you say?”
“The same things I say now.”
Corvus Corax
“Yes.” Corax’s answer is immediate and quiet. “A change of shape wouldn’t erase what you meant to me. I would place you somewhere hidden and where no one could find you.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“For protection.”
“Would you visit?”
“At night.”
“Why only at night?”
He doesn’t answer.
Alpharius Omegon
“You are already a worm.” Alpharius looks at you calmly.
“What?”
“Exactly.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Doesn’t it?”
“No.”
He refuses to explain.
Omegon enters five minutes later and you ask him the same question.
“Of course I would.”
“He said I’m already a worm.” You point accusingly toward Alpharius.
Omegon nods thoughtfully. “Then the question has already been answered.”
Neither of them will clarify whether this is a joke, metaphor, code phrase or operational secret but later you find a tiny box of soil beside your bed with a note written ‘for contingencies’. You still do not know which twin left it.
ive been really focused on doing 3D work for secondlife so i cant draw anything good right now despite really wanting to. lazy gus just to get it out of my system
Doesn't hate dogs, but is just kind of neutral on them. Hand him a puppy, and he will hold it securely, tucked in one arm.
Fulgrim
He will enjoy puppies he can dress up and carry. Which are most dogs because Fulgrim is pretty big. Give this man a silken windhound.
Perturabo
He does not want this creature. What? No, you can't have it back. It's his.
Jaghatai Khan
Amused, a friend to chase the wind with, maybe when they're grown.
Leman Russ
Loses his mind. On the floor in a puppy pile with his wolves as well. There are a lot of heavy sniffing noises as they all become acclimatized to each other.
Rogal Dorn
A dog is practical security, but it is a vast responsibility... Companionship is logical as well.
Immediately starts drafting a dog palace.
Konrad Curze
Not giving that man a puppy. Have a bat.
Sanguinius
Lays on the floor as well. Gentle puppy parenting. He's in love. Until they start the landshark phase and his wings are on the menu
Ferrus Manus
Not a dog guy. More of a cat guy. He'll just hold the puppy for you until you come back.
Angron
Will refuse pets. Doesn't want to accidentally hurt them if the nails start biting. Loves dogs, though. Used to pet the strays around the arena during his gladiator days.
Roboute Guilliman
Stares at the puppy for minutes before he drafts a puppy Excel sheet of all of his needs. It now has a bed underneath his desk, an ultramarine collar, and strict puppy training.
Mortarion
Not really a pet guy. He'll watch it until you come back, but that's about it.
Magnus
Neither a cat nor a dog guy. I can see this man owning a turtle. Doesn't want his books being chewed up. Will create a puppy pen until you return for the pup.
Horus Lupercal
He and the mournival are fighting over first puppy rights. Horus is a dog guy. Loves his mutts and takes them everywhere.
Lorgar
He's giving "dad who said he didn't want the dog" energy. Groans and complains all the time about it chewing his writing. Complains about it sleeping in his chair. No, he won't move it. That'd just be mean.
Vulkan
Vulkan loves all animals, so a puppy will just brighten his day! Is actively trying to convince you to get more pets. He wants a ferret next.
The salamanders do puppy rotations.
Corvus Corvax
Will gently hold the puppy for you. He finds them amusing, but doesn't want to have that kind of responsibility right now.
Alpharius Omegon
Started with one puppy, but now has three of the identical dogs. What are you talking about? You gave them these?
---
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Primarchs being haunted by the death of their lover
Just imagine the Primarchs knowing that you’re gone but always seeing you in their peripheral vision, still dreaming about you while your death is fresh, sometimes outright seeing phantoms that are a manifestation of their grief but then realizing they have just been talking to empty air. Just imagine:
Primarch: “Where have you been!? It’s been three months! Do you know how worried I was? Why are you silent? Answer me!”
Astartes: “Father..who are you talking to?”
The Lion feeling like he’s losing his mind as he walks around the hallways, hearing laughter that is too similiar to yours, phrases that you had said to him and him alone and following the trail leads him only to servants that shatter the illusion of familiarity instantly, making him wonder what he had heard.
Fulgrim trying to immortalize you in his work, saying “I wont let it end like that” under his breath because he sees your phantom behind every corner but not your face. Never your face. The memory of a Primarch should be flawless so why can’t he remember the color of your eyes?
Perturabo throwing himself into his work because the alternative would be to confront your death. In the dim light of his workshop he will ask you to pass a tool, getting annoyed that you don’t answer him and look up only to find himself alone. The iron he had tempered for so long finally showed cracks.
Rogal has buried his grief and tries desperately to move on, knowing that he could not change your fate but ever now and then he would call a serf by your name with a surprised voice before apologizing and returning to his stoic demeanor. He will never admit how often he sees your face in passing servants.
Konrad yelling and cursing at you at night as reality and his visions blur together, wishing he would’ve never met you or at least have gotten rid of you himself. Your death has taken something from him and he demands it back but when he calls your name there is never an answer.
Sanguinius calling out “My love?” in that desperate hopeful voice as he hears rustling in your room, that has remained untouched ever since you left, rushing in to see you sitting in your favorite spot but finding it empty, only the curtains swishing softly with the wind.
Vulkan talking to a merchant as a trinket caught his eyes, getting roped into a conversation and telling the man how his lover would enjoy that gift but trailing off near the end. He buys it anyway even if you have lost the capacity to enjoy anything and puts it on your grave even if it hurt him more than you.
Corvus knew that searching for solace in shadows was a fools errand but why did it feel like you were still watching over him? He would not find you, you would not manifest before him and he would not be able to pull you out of the shadows but what would one more corner do?
Guilliman outright yelling at you asking where you have been, relief and hope filling him before being interrupted by one of his sons. He never talked about the outburst and made sure it would not happen again in public. It was unbecoming of a Primarch. It was time to accept that he was indeed alone.
Leman seeing you standing in a storm on Fenris, barely visible in the distance but he would always recognize you, yelling for you to come inside to join him and desperate to reach you before you would freeze but everytime he reaches the spot it’s empty with no footprints around, crushing any hope he had.
Jaghatai nearly crashing his jet bike as he could’ve sworn he had seen your face among the civilians but never finding you. His head moves around trying to catch a glimpse before resignation fills him that it had been just his imagination. It’s a heavy pill to swallow that he will never find you again.
Ferrus having to make a double take every time he passes a corpse on the battlefield as he could’ve sworn it looked like you. He knows it can’t be you but why does the face look so similar, why is the hair just the right shade, the body just the right size and when will he stop seeing you in every casualty?
Magnus being plagued by dreams where no matter how much he calls after you, you never turn around and no matter how much he runs after you he never reaches you. He always begs you to wait for him for just a moment but you always go to a place where he can’t follow you.
Angron putting his hand on the bed, clutching the sheets where you used to be and in his half asleep, pain addled state he would feel the phantom touch of your hand on his and refusing to open his eyes since he knew the sensation would disappear and he hoped he would never have to wake up again.
Mortarion talking to himself in a calm voice when he works, explaining what he is doing and what he tries to achieve, his voice so fond before he looks up at the spot where you used to sit, but only seeing the plant he had gifted you years ago. It was a poor substitute but it was all he had left of you.
Horus sometimes letting his façade slip asking “is that right, my love?” before his lips turn into a fine line when he realizes that no answer would come. His sons pretend not to notice the slip up but each of them knows that things had not been alright with the warmaster for quite some time.
Lorgar chasing you through the whose shrine as your shadow appears behind every corner, calling out to you until he arrives at your grave where the chase always ends. Falling to his knees he would whisper “please give me one more chance” even if he knew that you were deaf to his prayers.
Alpharius and Omegon would never admit it to anyone but they often feel your presence long after you’re gone. As if someone is standing close to them they look down out of habit, wanting to address someone that is not there before stopping themselves and acting like nothing happened.
Tag List: @subtlepoisonknowledge @beckyninja @jackalwolfsoul @stpdeletacc @randomlyappearingartist @celestia042 @the-mysterious-detective @tomatojellyfish @catabibaz0n @ladycoraxofficial @yyourmotherr @warhorny-on-main @primarchpenissucker @thaddeusthebee @honestlychoppedglitter @aggressivemenaceowo @emps-with-a-steel-chair (Everyone can be added, just ask in the comments!)
Went down this crazy rabbit hole with my hgs abt a modern blood angels AU where they're like all a part of their dad's crazy big biopharma company (or smth like that). Anyways, I dug a lil too deep and am now completely entrenched in how BOMBASTICALLY corrupt the US blood/plasma market really is. Like wdym we got big biopharma corps legit putting paid donation centers in poorer neighborhoods to promote the less fortunate to donate more plasma just so they can pay their bills... like smth abt that just don't sit right w me. And AND the fact you get paid more depending on the quality of your plasma in certain areas??? Actual dystopian levels of profiting off the poor my god.
Prolly gonna delete this in a bit but this is just wild imo, had to get it off my chest in some capacity.
Oh and here's Dante and Mephiston in suits ig //tw for smoking
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oooo here's an idea for your modern AU: meeting the pets. like I can imagine a few of the primarchs trying so hard to win the approval of their beloved's pet (because animals are better than people in many cases). I can see Leman being heartbroken if his lover's dog didn't like him at first!
I'm giggling. I don't have the energy to do all the primarchs at this moment, but I will torment poor Leman with a partner who has a cat.
He's good with most animals, and when he hears you have a feline companion he's all for it.
He wants to pet them, will try to play with them, and offer many treats.
Only to be horribly devastated by the simple fact that your cat does not like him.
You try to console him, telling him that they just need to get used to him and the whole he smells like his dogs thing
But your cat refuses to give Leman what he wants
They of course accept the treats, but if Leman tries to pet them, they're gone
Sometimes they even hiss and swat at him
Your brave love doesn't give up though
He shows up, he's patient, he's literally perfect
It helps remind you how much you really do adore him when you see him get excited that your cat doesn't immediately run from him when he comes through the door
You get a picture from the other room one night, where he sits on the couch while you make popcorn and grab some beer for the two of you
It's of your cat, standing on the back of the couch, sniffing at Leman's head while he grins, trying not to startle them
By the time you get in there, the cat has wandered off
Leman talks about it for two days
The switch really flips when he gets sick, though, and is forced to stay at his own home for an extended period of time
You offered to let him stay with you, but he'd refused, not wanting to infect you with whatever he had
Up to this point, Leman has been coming over daily, so his sudden disappearance actually seems to upset the cat
They go between the door, and the window that points to the parking lot of your apartment
They knows Leman's car. You think they're looking for it.
When he finally does come back around, you watch, giggling, when your cat comes racing from the other room, absolutely screaming at him for his absence
Leman stands there, frozen, as he's accosted by the cat
Then he bravely crouches down and offers a hand
The cat sniffs his fingers
Then rubs against him, purring loudly
You wake up in the middle of the night to find the cat curled between the two of you, where they'd never slept before
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