Nejisakuweek

Tell me that you want me.

His hands were stiff. His skin was cold. His fingers pressed painfully into her, reminding Sakura of the futility of what they were doing. What she had hoped would be less unpleasant. She ground her teeth together, closing her eyes as he panted above her. Moving. Heat. Pressure. Gasping. Trying to feel… something.

Gods.

She’d never done anything like this before. Were her insides supposed to burn like this? To feel so stretched. So… full. If not, what was he even doing to her? She let out an involuntary sob, trying not to shake as he held onto her even tighter. It was a good sob. A great sob. But a sad one. She wanted so much more from him. But she didn’t even know her husband.

Who was he when he took her like this? Was the cool, collected and uncaring Neji Hyuuga still in there? Or did he truly wish to take her like an animal. Primal and devouring. She wanted it. She wanted him.

Sakura dug her nails into his skin expectantly as his warm breath tickled her throat. But he didn’t seem to be in much of a hurry. His pace started out leisurely. Like he wasn’t tormenting her with every stroke. As though he was trying to memorise her. She hoped. Her heart begged.

She tried to pull him into her. To show him without words just how much she loved the sensations he was inducing in her. To ask that burning, aching question. As he shifted suddenly, Sakura almost screamed her want out loud.

Tell me that you need me.

His hands were all over her now, warmer and rougher. His body heat was overwhelming her. Neji had picked up his pace. The burning increased. The friction was doing delicious things to her insides. She could hardly bear it.

“Sakura…”

She gasped. Her name on his lips sent her vision spiralling. His name slipped past her own lips before she could stop them. Not that she could. Sakura could no longer hold back her moans, he paused for a moment, as though startled. Their heavy panting filled the air. The sounds of their bodies melting into each other. But violent and deafening. Rushing in her ears. She tucked her legs around his waist as he resumed his thrusts.

Her hips were moving of their own accord now. Undulating with waves of ecstasy. She’d never felt this connected to someone before. She wanted every inch of him. Every moment. Sakura never wanted this to end. They could spend the rest of their lives in this position, and she would want for nothing.

She could feel herself losing control. Of course, her husband would be a tease. A horrid man. When she wanted something, he had a reason she couldn’t have it. Always prepared with a quip and excuses. If he did bother to talk to her at all.

And that was just inside the bedroom.

Neither of them had wanted this marriage, but here they were. Here she was. Irrevocably in love with the man that had been foisted upon her. Months of skirting around the issue. Of cold and detached sex that slowly warmed into deliberate and reverent lovemaking.

Tell me that you love me.

He had teased her with the possibility. She needed to hear it.

Time had tempered her infamously spirited nature and once she surrendered herself to the inevitability of her marriage, Sakura had taken the time to get to know her new husband and found herself falling irrevocably in love with him. Six months. That’s all it took for him to unintentionally woo her.

To seduce her.

They were coming to the end now. Sakura didn’t know anything other than how to feel it out. Neji became frantic, his thrusts becoming uneven and harried. She gave up trying to keep up with him, her addled mind only focused on the increased heat. The twisting feeling in her gut. The oncoming storm inside of her.

And when he was finally done, spent and filling himself, she failed to hold back the tears. Whether Sakura was happy or devastated she didn’t know. It felt like fucking but softer. Warmer.

She was no-one important. But somehow, Neji wanted her. And the words spilled from her mouth. Perhaps he would return them, but she was done waiting for him to say them first. Her voice was raspy.

He pulled her leg to shift onto his side, holding her close and whispered, “I love you.” 

Sakura sobbed with happiness, embracing the warmth of his hold as Neji cupped her face with his hands as pressed his lips to hers.

“I love you, wife.”

“Forever?”

Tell me that you have me.

“Lady, I will win this tournament for you!”

Sakura Haruno exhaled deeply, just managing not to roll her eyes. She lifted her chin in return for the proclamation (as was expected of her) but said nothing as the knight trotted away on horseback, trying to look important and gallant as he waved to the adoring crowd. Whatever. She was supposed to feel flattered by his fleeting attention, she supposed. And excited for the martial display that was soon to begin. But, gazing out over the jousting arena and watching the rabble of bodies and flowing food and booze among the audience, she just felt monumentally bored. Exasperated. Frustrated. Annoyed. All things uninspiring.

“I will win for you, My Lady!”

She forced herself to sit up straighter, her shoulders slouching instinctively. Another knight in shining armour who thought of her as some damsel. Some prize. They were all stupid. One after the other, proclaiming their intent to “win” as they trotted by, like it was a competition. They weren’t trying to win for her. Her father told her they were all after her heart.

Bullshit.

It was all about appearances, and the chance to look back from their pedestal, should they win, and say they called it. Idiots. The celebrations for the jousting contest had only just begun. It was anyone’s guess who would win.

“You look angry.”

Sakura tilted her head to the side to assess her attendant. Her name was Yumi, a low-ranking palace gentry.

“I am in contemplation,” Sakura snapped.

Her attendant was smarter than that, however. “He has not arrived yet.”

Sakura knew exactly who Yumi was referring to. And chose to ignore the not-so-subtle reminder of why she was bored to tears in the first place. No amount of anticipation for Neji Hyuuga’s appearance could energise her enough to be delighted by the current state of festivities. All the competitors were strutting about on horseback in the arena, as though they’d already won. The crowd was tense and excited. Loud and obnoxious. Singing out of tune and stamping their feet in time with the music of the royal minstrels.

I’m just frustrated.

She was rude. But he had not arrived yet.

Yumi gave her a gentle nudge to draw her attention back to the so-called gallant morons. Another man bowed slightly to her, this one a bit awkward in his saddle compared to the others but equally banal.

“I will win for you, My Lady!”

This man was wearing a bouquet. Sakura stared as he untied a single rose stem and tossed it in her direction. Her attendant reached forward to catch it before it could hit the ground. 

“It is my good luck charm,” he declared, then moved on, leaving his faux talisman behind.

Different. But not good enough.

She was more interested in another knight. A curt, arrogant man who had once been assigned as her bodyguard via orders from the king himself. Perilous political negotiations had necessitated extra security a year ago when a foreign dignitary was assassinated. For months, Sakura had spent her waking hours being followed by this one man. People thought it insane that no more guards were assigned to her.

But Neji was all she needed when they came for her. And he was all she’d thought of since the day he’d saved her life.

“I will win this tournament for you!” The next man declared half-heartedly, beating the pommel of his sword to his breastplate, before also moving along.

To the next pretty face he can find, she thought, fighting a scowl.

Why she had to endure this, Sakura never understood. Ever since her coming of age, it was expected she would show her face in all the right public spectacles. To boost the appearance that she cared what some arrogant prats thought. Her father would have her wed to the first man who impressed him if not for her mother’s gentle interference. Sakura would show her interest publicly when a potential suitor caught her eye. 

But no, she didn’t want any of these losers.

Sakura sighed. She truly was being unfair. She blamed it on this farce of a show. If they knew her true thoughts, Sakura would never be marriage material. Except for him.

Sakura sat up straighter suddenly, running a quick hand over her hair to tuck some loose strands (fashionably loose) behind her ear, then proceeded to twiddle her thumbs nervously on her lap.

He’s here.

Only Neji Hyuuga would think to make his grand entrance into the jousting arena without his armour and lance already prepared. Ignoring the crowd as though he was better than them all. Eyes scanning the stands along the elevated lofts. Looking for something. Or someone.

For me.

Sakura watched him with bated breath, willing him to spot her. When his pale eyes finally found her, they locked on. Her lips parted in anticipation as he canted his horse towards her, mimicking the knights that had come before. He always did like to make his entrances improper.

And what an entrance. She was biased though. The man who’d been foisted upon her because nobody else would take him, had stolen her heart. He was a more gallant man than the rest of them, despite his irreverence and attitude. Sakura still remembered the long nights they spent lamenting their lot in life. He was the overlooked cousin to his clan’s main family. She was the cousin to the crown that was only paraded around to give the impression the king cared for his family.

They found solace in each other. In more than just words. His touch. His embrace. He was always warm and tender with her. Her eyes roved hungrily over his body. Unencumbered, his physique was deliciously obvious to her. He was a dangerous man, and Sakura knew better than to think he was unarmed, despite his current attire. But to her, he just looked like a man.

“My Lady,” he dipped his head to her, keeping eye contact. “Fair weather. Fairer view.”

She smiled. “What, no promises to win this tournament for me, my Lord Hyuuga?”

He shifted, pulling the reins on his horse to trot closer until he stopped entirely. He gave her his full attention, ignoring the curious glances from the crowd.

“I need not.” His lips twitched, hinting at his intent. “You need only wait and watch as I win.”

Sakura gripped her skirts tightly. Surreptitiously.  “Perhaps you are too confident, Lord Hyuuga?”

His arrogant mouth twisted minutely, and Sakura smiled in return. “We shall see, My Lady.”

They made a show of sizing each other and she broke the stalemate after a ten count. “At least offer a token of your esteem. On the chance that your confidence is misplaced.”

“On my word as a knight,” he said, raising his voice to enhance the show for the audience. “I will shower you with trinkets once I win, if you desire. However, I am of the opinion that My Lady is of higher value.”

She nodded in agreement.

“I will ask for your hand in marriage,” he said boldly, and the crowd gasped. “Once this tournament season is mine. I look forward to your acceptance.”

“Bold assertion,” she admonished him, unable to keep the smirk from her lips. 

“And I am simply confident the lady will be cheering me on from her seat.”

Right.

He could be such a churl, but heaven help her, he was her churl. All their banter was flirting if one could read between the lines. And most people did not. They needed their interest in each other spelled out in public. And so, it was. Sakura watched as Neji’s squire rushed in to arm his master. It was irreverent. It was a mockery. But all of Neji’s disrespectful notions were currently overshadowed by his marriage declaration.

Sakura loosened her nervous fingers and spread them out over her skirts, ignoring the gossip springing up around her. She ran a thumb along her lower abdomen gently as Neji finally guided his horse away. He was in the first round, and she was confident in his abilities.

He will win.

The dust had settled, and the air was clear. Everything was … good. But something was missing.

Sakura Haruno stared up at the moon, the corner of her mouth twitching then turning downwards. Something was wrong.

When they were children at the Academy, Iruka once asked the class who they would want to be with if the world was about to end. Young Sakura had thoughtlessly scribbled in Sasuke’s name on the piece of paper and moved on. In hindsight, it should’ve been her parents or friends. Not some boy she didn’t even know. But others were answering the same thing. She’d found out later that Ino had also written Sasuke’s name. And she could guess Hinata had written Naruto’s.

During her Genin days, the name would remain the same. Up until she was promoted to Chunin. Then she wasn’t so sure. After being transferred to a new team with Neji and Tenten for a few months, things changed again. Exposure to a completely different dynamic as well as a healthy friendship did wonders for Sakura’s perspective. Being a part of Team Seven for so long, and then Team Kakashi, Sakura had existed inside a dysfunctional bubble.

She’d been living in a barely-there fantasy. Her sensei was lazy and favoured the boys over her. Her crush wasn’t interested in her. Another teammate who thought he was in love with her but wasn’t. None of them had a clue how to deal with each other and their ensemble cast of weirdos. Even being the most normal one of the team, Sakura was still odd.

Green eyes drifted downwards, to the horizon. She ignored the sounds of celebration around her, her heart racing. She had spent the past two years, after the defeat of Kaguya, just walking around. She didn’t stop to think about her own love life. She smiled. She played. She fought. She healed people. She helped rebuild. She tried to move on.

I almost did it.

But something was missing from her life.

Him.

So, she encouraged Hinata and Naruto. She watched them kiss for the first time above the moon. She followed them home. She looked on as people praised them all for their success. She smiled and nodded and accepted the congratulations and thanks. But her heart was breaking all over again.

Memories and emotions she’d long since shoved down were now bubbling to the surface.

“I think I could grow to like you.”

He was smiling at her, through the haze of her memory. Sakura could almost see Neji, standing right in front of her, offering up a rare smile. He was kinder than people knew. More emotional than he used to be. A good arse kicking from Naruto in the Chunin exams had knocked some silly into him. But he was still reserved, and Sakura had liked that about him.

Sakura blinked heavily as her eyes caught Sasuke’s. He too looked uncomfortable at the attention. Frankly, she was surprised he hadn’t run off. She nodded to him and turned away. No way she was going to walk back over that bridge. It had burned long ago.

I wish him luck with whomever does catch his eye.

No.

Her love was gone.

Sakura sighed. She waved a few more times at people and began pushing her way through the crowd. Where she was headed, who knew. But it shouldn’t have surprised her. Nobody else knew. It had been their little secret. Until the war. Until they agreed to take a break and focus on the world instead. She wanted to be with him. He wanted to be with her. But there were more important things.

Up until the moment he was just … gone. Now all Sakura could think about was how Neji was taken from her. She couldn’t watch Naruto and Hinata be lovey-dovey anymore. She would save her fake smiles and real tears for their wedding.

Sakura wasn’t bitter. No. She truly believed they belonged together. But she just needed some time alone.

With him.

She stopped in front of Neji’s grave. Her time on his team had changed her. He had changed her. Maybe she loved him more than he loved her — she was used to that kind of relationship. Maybe not. But she remembered him as though they were equals.

I remember you.

The gentle strength in which he’d held her. Touched her. And the lost moments she would never get back. The promises. The plans for the future. Sakura had asked Neji if he ever dated Tenten. He’d asked her if she was falling out of love with Sasuke.

No. And yes.

Sakura looked up. She could still see the moon from here, of course. Now intact. But its broken form had unleashed a painful memory in her. A man once broken, fixed, then broken again. A man she could’ve spent a lifetime loving. But in the end, she never got what she wanted. Him. But she could have him. Somewhere out there. In another world.