Science, TV shows and other food for thought

Devakshi have one of the most realistic of stories because it progressed from hatred to cordiality and sprung forth from a deep rooted friendship. This friendship is what helped them flourish in their dating days, and the regression of this component is what killed them in the end. Throughout their marriage, Devakshi worked so hard on being husband, wife and DIL, that they forgot how to be friends. Years later, we are again seeing bittersweet cordiality sprout into the beginnings of a friendship. Here are a few lessons Devakshi taught us about friendship followed by an analysis on what they had lost as spouses and are regaining again.

1. Given the right circumstances, even the dearest people who you trust the most can fail you. Not because they started loving you less but because something along the cores of friendship (communication, patience, understanding), started faltering.

2. It’s never too late to apologize or to forgive. Don’t regret the lost time. Make up for it. Forgiveness may take time and won’t be complete immediately, but with baby steps, it can happen.

3. Some people are more prone to forgiveness and less prone to long-lasting anger than others. People need their time and space, but only communication can eventually revive what was lost. In this case, Dev is far more optimistic and eager than Sona for full recovery of the “good old days”. 

4. Mistakes, though some worse than others, are never one-sided. The quicker you can accept this, the easier it will be. 

5. Love is not unconditional- friendship is. It’s friendship that makes you respect a person at all costs and friendship only that gives you the right to kick someone to reality AND help them back up. 

6. Friendship is the foundation of all great relationships. Making friends may come easy for some, but staying friends is a true attestation to love. Never forget to cherish that above anything else. 

“LOVE IS FRIENDSHIP THAT HAS CAUGHT ON FIRE...

     Every love story incorporates a deep friendship, but not all friendship is necessarily romantic. In the last three episodes, we saw Dev’s misunderstanding about Jatin clear up and a bond of friendship reforming between Dev and Sona. Upon seeing Jatin and Sona’s bond, Dev did perceive Jatin as a friendship that had amplified to something more. As much as he tried to believe Sona (and boy did he try to believe her), overhearing two shady conversation and seeing Jatin and Sona together at Devakshi’s favorite date place tipped him over the edge. The first of 3 episodes started with a drunk Dev saying “Ms. Sonakshi Bose. Tum yehi thi. aur yehi ban ke rehna chahti thi”Aur aaj ke baad to Ms. Sonakshi Bose ban ke hi rahogi.” De is implying that Sona was inherently inclined to break her relationship with Dev, and to break relationships in general. In the next second, Dev had a repeat self-realization that he has no right or reason to think she shouldn’t move on or there was something between them left to mend. As expected, Dev at this point decided he is never going to try to win her back, as if he is convincing himself to move on. 

  Jatin was circumstantially dragged into this mess and stayed there as Sona’s guardian and best friend. When he showed up with the police, Dev did a double take , as if he was gauging whether he should be upset that Jatin is helping Sona or thankful that he did so much for his family. To be honest, I thought it would take time for Dev to believe that Jatin and Sona weren’t together. But Sona had proved her trustworthiness at various points before Khatri’s arrest that he was ready to keep and open mind when listening about her and Jatin’s collaboration.

IT IS MUTUAL CONFIDENCE....

     As friends, Devakshi had a confidence in each other’s judgement, strength and kind heartedness. This included things as small as Dev calling Sona about taking sleeping pills or the way he took care of Sona during her accident. In fact, this was one of the biggest reasons they started falling in love with each other. Devakshi’s greatest asset as lovers was their confidence in each other’s love and the unhesitant promise to stay together forever. It wasn’t until after marriage that Dev and Sona stopped talking, understanding and listening. For Dev, explaining his intensity, his past and his family dynamics became an exhaustive task he barely tried to do. Sona, on the other hand, struggled to make Dev understand her intentions as a new married woman of the house and how her marriage to him can’t be separated from her marriage to his family. This became most prominent with the jhula track, where neither Sona understood how fast she was trying to change Dev nor Dev maintained the honesty required of a husband, and it only got worse from there. (This is where Asha aunty and my FAVORITE Dev and Ish hug come into play :) ). With worsening communication came decreased trust. Weakening of trust led to decreased confidence in each other and their promises. Dev and Sona had no doubt, that they really loved each other, even if that was the easiest bitter accusation to make 7 years later. If anything, they were disappointed with themselves and each other that they couldn’t maintain the promises or confidence in each other that had started brewing with their friendship. Seven years later, Dev and Sona started off showing off that they don’t need each other, trust each other, love each other and never did. However, Jatin and Khatri’s secret brought a turning point to both of their psyches that brought them to something resembling friendship. When Khatri asked Sona what Dev was to her, she confidently admitted that they have a relationship of maan, maryada and dosti. Even thought she hadn’t yet confronted a raging Dev since the fight, distance from Dev made the heart grow fonder, and Asha’s words on trusting brought a new epiphany and ray of hope for Sona. She wasn’t ready to love him again but became aware of the advantages of opening up to her friend and trusting him again. 

Sona herself was wondering how she could get Dev to believe and react appropriately to Khatri’s and Jatin’s truth. In order to stop Dev from killing Khatri (as expected from him), Sona started by establishing her trust on him rather than asking him to trust her. “Maine zindagi main tujhse zyada kisi pe barosa nahi kiya”.  The fact that she paused in completing this sentence showed it was something even she hadn’t fully accepted in a long time. But with Asha’s recent emphasis on trust, and Dev’s recent distrust, she subconsciously found the perfect point on which he could believe her. By not telling him how he should feel but rather showing her faith in him, Sona got Dev to calm down. Having Sona accidentally call Ishwari maa during her explanation yet again served a similar purpose. Dev started sensing how Sona had truly accepted his family’s problem as hers and how Sona still feels that emotional connect with the people who he knows had hurt her so much. From that point on, Dev became more prepared to verbalize his guilt and appreciation. Dev saw Sona standing with Khatri and couldn’t even dream that Sona would have come there just for his well being. This made Dev think she was involved in Khatri’s planning, and Jatin showing up could have also ended in something worse. However, all of these small moments collaboratively helped Dev be grateful to Sona and again cleared Dev’s doubt on Jatin’s role. Dev’s helplessness, guilt, fears, faults and regrets started coming out like uncontrollable word vomit post Khatri’s arrest, and he was once again taken aback when he saw Sona TRULY meant it when she said she trusted him. Dev was shocked seeing Sona consoling him and worrying about him, which forced him to recognize that his Sona, his best friend, was again at his side. 

IT IS QUIET UNDERSTANDING...

     A friend will joke with you confide in you and love you. But only a best friend has the patience, generosity and foresight to make you understand something about yourself better than you do and to tell you how they feel without needing to say much at all. In many cases, the body language ends up speaking louder than the words. There were several instances where Sona’s actions were more effective than all her explanations, but I’ll just discuss the best ones that come to mind. 

      As stated before, we saw Dev’s breakdown soon after Khatri’s exit. As soon as Khatri left, Dev assumed that his mom’s crime must be money related, as money was the one thing that the family could have been desperate enough for.  That doesn’t mean that this is all there is to the crime, or that what Dev is assuming is actually true. Now coming to Dev’s assumption that Ishwari robbed a family. Immediately after it dawned on him that the crime could have been a robbery, Dev started describing the desperate situations of his old life. Dev understands the plight of a poor person, and can see Ishwari’s act from that angle. Furthermore, it is an initial instinct to be in shock and denial when the mother you worshipped for so long may have potentially been involved in crime. Dev never once claimed this crime as okay. Rather, he emphasized just that he wishes he could have done something to prevent it. Dev has always been selfless. Even when he has hurt people, it’s because he didn’t know how to find a permanent balance between all the people he loved. In trying not to break hearts, he broke several. It’s this trait that makes Dev reprimand his 10-year-old self for not being the man of the house and made him confess to Sonakshi that he was unable to fulfill whatever little she had demanded of him. Sonakshi tried to reason with Dev regarding all his issues, but Dev only wiped his tears once she grabbed his arm and said, “It’s fine. It’s ok.” All of Sona’s previous words, though true, sounded like justifications to what Dev considered his faults. But when she grabbed his arm and said nothing but “It’s ok”, the cloud seemed to have lifted for now. It was as if Dev didn’t need someone telling him where he was right but a best friend who would patiently stand by him even when he was wrong. 

     Dev started outwardly expressing this comfort by subtly holding her hands a few time. Eventually, his emotions took over, and Dev couldn’t resist wrapping Sona in a bear hug. He thanked her not only for helping with Khatri but for coming back as the best friend he has needed for years. Golu was the closest to this kind of support Dev has ever had, but neither he nor Sona, could calm his heart’s turmoil like Sona did. Sona, on the other hand, only half hugged Dev. She was not fully ready to allow Dev into her bubble but knew how much he needed that at the time.

      We see Dev’s second breakdown when he thought about how unaware he was about the inner guilt that Ishwari had suffered through by herself. Ishwari’s secret lends to why she was so overprotective of her children, and potentially to why she had such a paranoia of Dev leaving her or no longer loving her. Dev is now realizing that this aspect of Ishwari’s behavior runs far deeper than basic insecurity and is feeling guilty that this was something he could never tune into or relieve. When Sona walks into the room, she immediately recognizes that Dev needed to release all of his emotions and for now just needed a shoulder to cry on. Therefore, she initially sat there with a hand on Dev’s shoulder while he continued his conversation with himself. We see Sona’s squeezes Dev’s shoulder even harder when he says he was a bad husband, as if to non-verbally assure him that neither was his love meaningless nor was her hatred for him real. Sona served as his silent shoulder to lean on until Dev had run out of things to say.

     Devakshi had their first light-hearted conversation as friends after the anniversary celebrations. Here we saw how Dev approached Sonakshi so carefully and started opening up upon seeing her smiling phase and receptive mood. Dev became so hopeful that he leaned in for a hug when Sona was only willing to to give a handshake. While this did lend to a humorous moment, we also saw the most understanding exchange between the friends, which happened just by picking up on each other’s indirect cues. When Sona silently offered her hand, Dev immediately admitted that it will take time for them to open up, but they will start to understand each other more with time. When Dev was unable to let go of her hand, Sona picked up that he didn’t actually want her to go and actually gave him a few chances to hold her back. 

     This ability to understand what the other needed or wanted better than he/she could was something Devakshi possessed prior to their marriage and started dying in their relationship. The scene that immediately came to my mind was when Dev quite literally asked Sona to understand his heart’s desires, which was something he knew even he couldn’t do. In comparison to this, Devakhi’s marriage showed increasing disconnect between the two in which even things said directly went insanely misunderstood or ignored. 

SHARNG AND FORGIVING ...

Devakshi have again reached a point where they take time to reflect on things that happen in their lives. They have reached a point where they can at least share their feelings, if not forget about them, and show each other a mirror where it’s most required. I love how Sona was able to compare Dev to Ishwari without a single ounce of bitterness. Instead, Sona took it as a moment to show Dev that he is doing to himself exactly what he regrets Ishwari doing: keeping all her pain contained and releasing it in an unwise way when he can’t take it anymore. To this extent, we can say Sona has forgiven Dev. She is not ready to forget and make the same mistakes again, but she is able to talk about the people who hurt her the most in a way that will help them the most. She was always able to identify Dev’s flaws, but after 7 years is attempting to at least understand what she can’t fully justify. 

     Even Dev, who was keen on calling Sona the obodro that left him, had huge moments of self reflection he was able to confess. When Devakshi were at the farmhouse, he admitted he was the reason that Sona had become an obodhro, and that she used to be the girl who laughed at his stupidest jokes. 

We see in the conversation after the anniversary, that Devakshi aren’t just opening up about their problems but actually taking time to enjoy each other’s company. Sonakshi is sitting here laughing at Dev’s stupid joke when, not even hours before, he was regretting that he changed her from the woman who laughed at his stupidest jokes to an obodro. Dev is almost more hopeful for full recovery of "the good old days”, and Sona is more hesitant. He doesn’t take long to ease into making jokes and friendly conversation once she welcomingly smiles and gives him the green light. By the end of the conversation, he’s even prepared for a friendly hug that she, albeit politely, declines. 

     It seemed throughout their entire marriage, Devakshi grabbed at the small happy moments they could to flow through the whirlwind called life. Devakshi stopped appreciating each other’s presence and stopped reflecting on those happier moments. Positive vibes became a needle in the haystack that they struggled to find and had no moment to cherish before the next problem arose. 

IT IS LOYALTY THROUGH GOOD AND BAD TIMES...

     Trust and loyalty are two components that require all the previously mentioned characteristics. When the understanding goes down, the confidence in each other decreases as well. When the confidence in someone decreases, it’s hard to trust them, and lack of trust makes loyalty all the more difficult. We aren’t talking just about a dying love or an extramarital affair. There was nothing in Devakshi’s relationship suggesting they loved each other less or really had plans to move on. Even though the circumstances for the break up had been building for eons, the intention was there to be with each other through everything. Devakshi stopped trusting each other’s ability to be there with each other against all odds. That’s why by the end, when Vicky put the blame on Dev for the prenup and losing Bose house, Sona believed it. As much as Dev had tried to balance his life, he had failed to do it and failed to realize that he had failed. At this point in time, Sona had reached the maximum point of her tolerance and was willing to believe that Dev could do anything of any caliber (even hurt her) for his family. Dev, who was still ether oblivious or in subconscious denial of his faults or his family’s faults, trusted his log-changing, superhero woman to be by his side through all difficulties. He didn’t think there was any problem so big that they, especially she, couldn’t handle. 

Eight years later, Dev is standing outside of the farmhouse admitting that he had failed as a husband and couldn’t provide Sona with what little support required through good and bad times. He is questioning why she is still there standing by his side when he couldn’t do the same and realizing on surface level, where he went wrong in their relationship and where he has gone wrong since they reunited years later. On the other hand, Sona voices that “Ek problem kya aa gayi, aur maine haar mani.” I’m sure many of us raised our eyebrows at how Sona reduced their marriage to one problem. However, the idea of that statement was that she was recognizing from what angle Dev would say that she left him too. Both had made promises they couldn’t keep. The main difference is, while Dev’s was a gradual downfall, Sona’s tolerance started declining exponentially. The Dev who had broken down his hard shell for this woman became so soft, he couldn’t handle the necessary struggles. The woman who found a best friend in her enemy and considered him her first and last love even when she was losing him to Natasha, couldn’t stand up to the promise she made once she had him. Now, Sona is able to be that person again, and Dev is able to recognize and appreciate that. 

At the end of this anniversary day, Dev is laying awake in bed, worrying about all of his new revelations. Conversely, Sona is unable to sleep while thinking specifically about him. She was there to hold his hand and wipe his tears. In some time, we should be seeing Dev do the same. 

IT SETTLES FOR LESS THAN PERFECTION AND MAKES ALLOWANCES FOR HUMAN WEAKNESSES.”

Some of my favorite scenes of all time have been when Dev or Sona are sitting below and against the other. These scenes are always full of impromptu calming motions such as holding hands, caressing the face and playing with fingers. Furthermore, seeing one kneel before the other amplifies the helplessness of the tormented person and portrays how they are with each other through their ugliest cries and weakest moments. Sona loved Dev even more when he was able to show her his weak side. Dev loved Sona even more for accepting it wholeheartedly. The first time we saw this was during Neha’s wedding. As a boyfriend, Dev had plans to keep his pain within and not worry his girlfriend, But he immediately broke down when she reminded him that she will always be a friend first. This was followed by a very appreciative and intimate “thank you” by Dev the next morning. In this instance, and in Dev ki Deewangi, Dev poured out his woes as non-stop tears. In both instances, Sona worried for him from within but stayed strong and practical to (quite literally) help him get back up on his feet.

We never saw such effective release of emotion through Devakshi’s entire marriage. When they said something, they fought about it. When they had a breakdown, it was more accusatory and usually resulted in the other person denying it or the hurt person forgetting it. The most recent example was just prior to Devkashi’s break up, we saw Sona’s least effective breakthrough of all time, She yelled her heart out, only for him to divert from the main point. They forgot it all in the heat of a romantic night, and it only became worse when Sona jumped up with joy at the thought of seeing Ishwari the morning after. 

     When Sona was talking to Mamaji after her breakdown, she mentioned that she knew she must have been at fault somewhere for Dev to keep telling her that she left him. However, at that time, the only real fault she could pinpoint was that she made the mistake of loving him. It’s too early for Sona to introspect on her flaws, despite her tuning into her emotions, because Dev has barely talked about them to her. He has said multiple times since the leap how she didn’t keep her promise and how she left him, but neither Sona questioned why he said it, not did he explain it. When thinking about the past, we can conclude this much. We get the hint that Dev considered Sona something out of this world given the positive impact Sona had on Dev’s life and the fact that he never failed to tell her this throughout this relationship, He considered her his savior and superhero and actually took pride in her independence, her calmness and her selflessness. That’s why when the time came that Sona couldn’t handle it anymore, he was baffled at the idea that she had accepted defeat. He understood that family, and his role in the family, had a lot to do with this, but the man of temporary solutions and isolated worlds of happiness thought Sona should be able to somehow keep husband a separate priority from family (as he was trying to keep wife separate from his). But more than this, he was baffled that Sona had believed he was capable of signing the prenup and of throwing the Bose family out of the house. We know somewhere or another even Sona is going look back and wonder how she thought this of him. But in that moment, given everything that had been happening, it was fair for her to believe Dev Dixit can go to that extent for his family. For these things, Dev thinks Sona left him, and Sona won’t really understand that until he’s willing to open up. 

     Considering all this, we now see Sona is standing in front of that same farmhouse where those misunderstandings built up and ruptured into a divorce. Sona starts off remembering the moment of that night that hurt the most: when a drunk Dev Dixit switch from pleading her to forgive and forget everything to a Dev who was saying things we would have never imagined. Looking back at that night, we know that Dev was too drunk to even once deny the two crimes he was committed of and clear her misunderstanding. We know that these harsh words came only after Sona clearly said, “I don’t think I can forgive you” and it hit Dev that she meant it. And we know that Dev in any and every other situation of his life never thought these things about her. But hearing her accusations, not being able to verbally defend it, and hearing Sona give up before he’s even gotten started broke him into saying- fine, then forget it. This “Leave”, and the prior one are the two negative days Sona can’t seem to get out of her mind, and the two days only Dev can fully explain.  In this moment, she’s not thinking about what broke them and what was wrong or right that night. The only thing she remembers while standing in front of the farmhouse today is the war of words and the final break that hurt the most. Sona is remembering the moment that Dev said there is nothing left in between them, and thinking about how untrue that is today. She knows that Dev coming to the farmhouse means he really does consider losing her as the time he lost everything. She realizes that him coming here means something about those memories haunt him as much as they hurt her. She understands that, even though he said there is nothing left between them that night, there is so much left unfinished and unsaid even from his end. (“Na main toot kar jhud paayi, na tum Dev”) The most unique twist was in the last line of the episode:  “Iss liye tum aaj yaha ho. Aur tumhare liye, main bhi.” As I said earlier, Sona has figured out why Dev has come here. But the interesting thing was Sona saying main TUMHARE LIYE yaha hoon. Despite the fact that Sona came to the farmhouse based on where DEV had lost everything, her whole flashback was centered on what killed HER that night. It made me think there was a part of Sona that would have come to the farmhouse in this situation too. She probably could of thought about what she would have done in Dev’s place and reached the same conclusion. But at the end of the day, she accepted this as Dev’s escape spot, and her revisiting was not because she wanted to reminisce the old Dev but because she wanted to help the new one. Sona is in a position where she wants to be with Dev now as a friend and a parent. She’s starting to understand this new Dev and is slowly recognizing that many of her new wounds are created because the old ones resurface. However, she won’t be able to fully understand him or the pain he causes her until she has the chance to open up and get Dev to open up. 

Scene 1. Sona vs. Khatri

Scene 1. Sona vs. Khatri

Why does Sona take Jatin’s help? Who does Sona have to help Ishwari? To answer the first question, Sona had walked out of the Dixit house in search of the man who was standing outside. She suddenly ran into Jatin, who asked her what was going on and why she looked so panic-stricken. This is how Jatin very fluidly became involved in this before Sona knew how serious it even was. Jatin is her best friend and the one person she can count on to have complete faith in her and her desire to help the Dixit family. This was something not even Saurabh was on board with as he was considering his sister’s safety over her concern. Sona cannot take on such an important situation alone, not only due the complexity of the situation, but the danger. Now coming to why Sona helped Ishwari. Sona has a remaining emotional connection with the family that she can’t escape. Love and hate are easy emotions to surface, but indifference is much more difficult. You only feel for the people who have affected you in any way- whether it’s a positive or negative emotion. Becoming unaffected is usually next to impossible, and leaving someone’s life doesn’t mean leaving their heart and mind. Moreover, the desire for acceptance and the motivation to protect her loved ones has always been a huge part of Sona’s personality. If that wasn’t and inherent part of her, she may have given up on the Dixit family long before she did. Sona knew what Ishwari was like before she even married Dev but thought she would be accepted if she tried hard enough. It wasn’t until infertility and countless impossible challenges (which often resulted in temporary solutions) that Sona was able to realize she could never genuinely satisfy Ishwari. However, by that time, her emotional connection with the family had already strengthened. More than hating them, she is disappointed in them. Her problem with Ishwari even today isn’t the woman herself but the fact that Dev was unable to balance the two, and Ishwari did nothing to help the situation. Sona got married to the man, but stayed married to the family. Once she got married, she was never able to treat them as two different entities. That’s why even in today’s scene, Sona emphasized to Khatri that he couldn’t hurt “MY FAMILY”. Not just Ishwari. Not just the father of her child. Her family. Relationships are complicated, and have to be treated as such. Pure hate and pure love are both very rare feelings. There are very similar motivations between why Dev took on the blame for the robbery and Sona is taking on the tensions of this mystery that have nothing to do with Sona indirectly paying Dev back. You can’t understand one and not the other. 

Just to recap, here is what I’ve gotten from Khatri’s mysterious case so far...

     Dev knows his mom used to carry a blunt knife around as protection from some man- a knife what wasn’t actually dangerous (meaning she meant no physical harm), but was enough to scare someone. This holds a bit contradictory to Khatri implying she devastated an entire home in the street that she WORKED on (not lived). We also learned that Khatri’s referred incident happened 20 years ago, much later than the flashbacks of 8-year-old Dev that we have gotten to see. It’s possible that age 8 is turning point of Dixits’ lives for the worse and 20 years ago something happened for the better. Which, according to Khatri is related to Dev’s rise to financial power happening in some corrupt fashion. Up to now, we have seen Dev pride his success on his hard work and more importantly, his mother. There is no contest that Ishwari was a strong mother, but he made Dev her dependency after making him her strength. Ishwari credits Dev on all his sacrifices for the family, but never fails to remind him he’s never freed. It will be interesting to see if and how all or any of those conceptions fall apart. This may partially be why Sona’s initial reaction to Khatri’s news was so paradoxical. Sona gave a defiant “she would never do that” but also looked extremely terrified. On one hand, she can’t accept that all the things she believed about the Dixit house- their hard work, their success, their morals would be a lie. On the other hand, she knows to what extent Ishwari can go as a mother. Add in Khatri’s relentless efforts towards Ishwari’s destruction and his question of how someone can rise to so much power, and you have a recipe for subconscious suspicion and fear. 

Bose Family

We see that the two Bose couples had very similar actions and reactions throughout this episode-from coming to the same hotel, ordering the same food at the same time, to mild flirting and being sorely disappointed by their experience overall. While Bose family scenes lent to some comic and romantic relief in the midst of Devakshi’s angst, they also depicted the marriage situation that Devakshi could only dream of. Asha/Bijoy are their own kind of couple goals, and they are indirectly influencing Saurabh and Ronita. Behind Bijoy’s anger is a desire to provide his loved ones with the best life. Behind Bijoy is a balanced woman who knows how to calm him down and make him see reason. Saurabh had the same level of anxiety and anger today due to desperation to give Ronita the best. Ronita on the other hand, was level headed and calmed him down with the most sincere coaxing and compliments. Bijoy and Asha is a couple that taught us so much, including that love isn't everything in a marriage, but neither is compromise. Asha tolerates Bijoy’s anger in exchange for his love. Bijoy despite presenting his anger never fails to shower her with love. This was the dynamic we saw between Asha/Bijoy and Saurabh/Ronita today. Devakshi failed in many ways, but due to lack of balance than lack of love. They repeatedly forgave and forgot for the sake of their love, but the compromise part of their relationship ended when the circumstances made it a near impossibility. As opposed to Sonita, they faced a mother who only tolerated a short honeymoon when her selfish reasons were at play. Here two parents who would give up even their dinner plate for their son’s perfect experience. Ishwari called Devakshi repeatedly in Shimla to make sure the trip was more functional than leisurely. Bose parents were honestly mistaken in following the couple to their honeymoon. These very literal differences symbolize how even Devakshi’s attempts at rekindling their doomed love were hindered by external efforts. The most poignant contrast of all was seeing Ronita and Asha say the same thing to their hubbies after their hubbies did the same thing at the same time. Sonita are getting a mentor and mirror that Devakshi never had. Ronita got a mom in law that exemplified all the dreams Sona had for her and Ishwari. 

“Tum Papa se itna pyaar karte ho?”

We saw Dev come home feeling extremely dejected about the possibility of Sona and Jatin being together. We saw Elena try to be his source of solace as someone who has insight into both the Sona and Dev side of matters. However, Dev was only able to walk around the rim of his actual problems by saying "Chupate woh hain jhino ne kuch galat kiya ho" and implying Soha and Jatin together was distastefully wrong. However, the person Dev needed the most , as always, was his best friend- his Sona. No amount of Elena’s coaxing, patience and understanding could get him to open like Sona used to. But Sona was the one person he couldn’t talk to at the time. This is why Dev’s first meeting with daughter after so long was so well timed. He found the exact temporary solace in Soha that he was looking for, especially when she indirectly assured him of how much she loves him. Her positive outlook on the chicken pox situation was the exact kind of positivity and love Dev needed in that instant, and we saw that radiating on his face. His smile was a tell tale of his happiness, his choked voice was a sign of surprise, and the tears in his eyes were his gratitude that someone will always be there to love him unconditionally. BUT Sona’s presence broke him out of that reverie in no time. When Sona came in, his happiness became less genuine and became more about him holding to together for Soha. By the time Soha, left, this entire euphoric feeling had vanished. The fact that not even Soha could keep him at peace was solid proof that Dev couldn’t even PRETEND his problem was Sona leaving a sick Soha alone to see Jatin. The excuse of “I’m here for Soha, I care for Soha” was completely vanquished. Once again, Dev attempted the flimsy old tale of my house and rules, but couldn’t help but add that breaking promises had become a habit of their relationship. While seeming to “break” his deal with Sona, Dev was referring to past promises of staying together forever, of never loving another again. Up to this point, Sona thought it was Dev in one of his moods. She focused on the “house rules” and “deals” that were separating her from her daughter, because her mind was still in the zone of the last few days. Until they walked into the other room, Sona had no idea that the problem was no longer one parent to another- it was one ex against the other. It was about the shadow of love for each other, not love for their child.

D: “Tumhari asliyat kaho gi ya yeh bhi jhoot hai?”

Dev establishes the surety in his accusation upon entering the room. He’s spent days pondering on who Jatin really is for Sona, making excuses regarding his “house rules” the blanket the jealousy that was brewing. This wasn’t jealousy because he thought he had a chance with Sona. This wasn’t jealousy from realizing he still loved her. This was confusing limbo between having some shadow of love from 7 years ago and unknowingly falling in love with this Sona all over again. It was a jealousy that Sona seemed to be easily moving on when he couldn’t. Dev was at a point where he wasn’t sure if he was right but he wasn’t sure if he was wrong either. He was desperate for an answer to the question gnawing at his brain, so he followed Sona and found her with Jatin. When Dev walked into the room today, he thought he had all the proof he needed. He had seen Sona and Jatin together before and had seen them meeting in the car, but this time, he had overheard multiple phone conversations that sounded like a secret between her and Jatin. This time, she went to meet him in the middle of the night after such a conversation and didn’t even see Khatri until after Dev had left. 

D: Enough of your tumi tumi

We have always seen the “tumi” exchange happen in anger, but I was still not expecting it in a tension scene of such caliber. It was endearing to see this exchange, and it sort of lent into the fact that this conversation was going to open up some feelings and discussions of the old days. 

D: I hate it. I hate you.”

Notice that Dev said this as soon as he struck the first implication that Sona and Jatin are together. At this point he had given no excuse or reason for his stalking them or why it bothered him. This I HATE IT was not in reference to how Sona was as a mother or any other old tale but an open confession that he hates to see Jatin and Sona as a couple. Hate is a very strong word, and the accusations he was striking for the past few days hadn’t reach anywhere near that. He told her she should stay with Sona, he was suspicious that she was with Jatin but believed it when she called him a best friend. Yes, he was jealous, Yes he was wary about Jatin’s rights in Sona’s life. But it wasn’t until this photo capture that the possibility of them together hit him as a genuine reality. Today it was about his pain not Soha’s. That’s why today, he didn’t fake judge Sona as a mom (fake because he’s in reality always admired her for it) but as her husband. It was as if for a moment, he had forgotten that there was a 7 year lapse in their relationship. It was as if Dev Ki Deewangi was back with ten times more force, a force created by years of agony and hidden emotions. The last time Dev or Sona talked about hating each other was at summer camp, when Dev had very recently found out he had a daughter. Discovering Soha had reopened some old wounds and created some large, fresh ones. This “I hate you” was also said in reference to big, new wounds and reopening of the old. The summer camp “I hate you’s” were said seconds after they remembered each and every intimate moment they had spent together. Even this "I hate you” was seconds after Dev’s indirect reminder of all the promises they had made and didn’t keep. Back then and now, something significant shifted in Devakshi’s relationship. Which is why I couldn't help but title this piece- I hate you like I love you. 

D: “Sirf main nahi, puri duniya janegi”

Dev has no real intention of telling the world Sona is with Jatin. If he did, he would have been able to tell Elena  yesterday, when she was coaxing him. He would have been able to tell Soha that Sona was with Jatin uncle. Dev had no plans to tell the world, but felt the burden of the world with just him knowing. He wanted to cry, to show his frustration, to show his heartbreak. But the only person that he could unload on was the person who he had made, as he said today, “the most important person in his life.” That was the only person who could know and would get what he was saying even when he wasn’t sure how to say it. 

D: Iss baat ki hairani hain ke tum tumhari che saal ki choti bimar bachchi-

S: Shut up! Maine aisa kuch nahin kiya jis pe much sharminda hone chahiye

D: Of course, independent strong ladki ho, kuch bhi kar sakti ho

S: Tum mere character pe ungli...

I love that Sona didn’t even wait for the classic “bimar bachchi” excuse to work again, nor did she bother to justify her motherhood in any form or fashion. At this point, both subconsciously knew that this had nothing to do with Soha anymore. Sona stating that she didn’t do anything to be ashamed of caters to the fact that she was actually out trying to save the Dixit family. In Dev’s mind, this is translating to “so what if I am seeing Jatin? There is nothing wrong in it. There is nothing between me and you.” This is confirmed by the fact that he pulled his independent girl card again. Dev had fallen in love with the strong and independent Sona, so him using it so often in anger now seems ironic. It’s almost as if he’s pointing out that the strength that was so fluid and natural is being made an actual showcase in the form of “obodroism”. Him using this term today was a special indicator that his real hairani was not Sona leaving Soha but Sona and Jatin being a couple. Because a strong, independent ladki wouldn’t be a poor mother. However, she would, as Dev is implying, have the strength to power up and move on. While I was typing this, I started to think - but being strong and independent has nothing to do with being able to move on from a romantic relationship either. Yes, it may help, but it doesn’t make it a definite thing. So why does Dev associate that? That’s when Sona’s following line about “ilzaam and character pe ungli” hit me. Sona was wondering the same thing I was. She was shocked to think that Dev considered her someone who could EASILY get over her memories, her feelings and her deep-rooted love. Dev has many times mentioned that Sona left him, almost as if he thought she could have and should have fought through impossible odds in which he and his family failed her. Today, he showed her that he considered both leaving him and moving much easier for Sona than they actually were. As I said before, Dev knows there is nothing between him and Sona but was in full “husband” mode today. The idea of another man taking his place, the idea that his love would be nothing more than a distant memory is ironically making him assert his old haq on her even more. It’s almost as if he’s forgotten that they have broken up and is behaving according to that. 

D: Aasoo aa rahe hain? Kis ke liye ? Jatin? You? Sympathy for me?

S: I’m telling you, munh band rakho

There was a palpable sarcasm in each word of his sentence. The reason I loved this line so much is because, people often ask if someone is crying and paining sarcastically, but the fact that they even notice or care to mention is a sign of love masked in anger. I was surprised to see Dev even put himself on the list of reasons for Sona to cry, even if out of sympathy. Given his surety that Sona had moved on, even this comment seemed to be soaked in sarcasm. It was because of this tone that Sona took extra offense and told him once again, to shut up. It’s interesting that she stopped right there, because she could have tried to clear his misunderstanding on her own. But she had learned that it was futile with all the “proof” Dev thought he had and the unchangeable assumptions that he was making based on them. 

D: Main kitna pagal hoon na? Yehi karti ho na? Hum bhi toh pehle dost hi thi. Yehi tumhari chaal thi.

Dev reaches that staple point of every large revelation- the one where you tell yourself you should have known all along, and shame on you. This is the classic move in the book where you soften the blow of feeling cheated by claiming that there was nothing surprising about the cheater. Dev was quickly able to draw a parallel between their friendship turned love story to this new supposed couple. He is confirming to himself that his subtle suspicion on the “best friend” title being a dupe was proven right. So why is he saying “Yehi tumhari chal thi”? This “thi” is very significant, because it signifies that “leaving” is Sona’s habit more than her plan, and that history is going to repeat itself.

 D: Itna dard diya ke mujhe dard mehsoos hi nahi hota

S: Agar tum ko dard nahin hota toh ye sab drama kyun kiya

D: Tum jaan na chahti ho? (I was tired of your daily lies and your facade of being a responsible adult) Tum jaan na chahti ho? Main jaan na chahta tha ke jis ladki sey maine itna pyaar kiya woh kaha jaa rahi hain, kya kar rahi hain?...Lekin woh ladki thi hi nahin. Yeh sab to jhoot tha

Second half of the first line is about as real as Dev the Casanova. Dev first convinced himself that he doesn’t need Sonakshi, then convinced himself he needs no one but himself. He went from that to saying he needs nothing but Soha and is trying to tell himself now that he does’t need Sona. In each and every one of those scenarios, a part of him has always needed Sona. He just didn’t know it, and the idea of accepting it and potentially facing more difficulties scares him. Sona normally went along with this facade and did it herself too. But today, she wasn’t able to resist making him admit that farq padta hain. It’s as if for the first time, the denial of feelings, the misunderstandings and these harsh accusations were hurting more than just facing the fact. Dev’s response to this was very interesting to me, because he partitioned his lies from his truth without realizing it. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? I was tired of your lies, I was tired of you pretending to be a responsible adult (in reference to motherhood)...DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? I wanted to know what the girl I once loved so much was doing, where she was going. Dev wasn’t tired of lies, he was scared of the truth. He doesn’t think Sona has transformed into someone who would be a bad mom. He thinks she has transformed from the love of his life to the woman who could easily do without him. Yes, her exterior has transformed into something he can hardly recognize. But he isn’t able to, or doesn’t want to, grasp that the woman he once loved immensely is still under everything being seen at face value. 

 D: Ek baar tum Dev Dixit ko tod chuki ho, ab nahin tod sakti. Ab mujhe batana padega, even though main sab janta hoon...kya lagta hain tumara?

S: Dost tha, dost hain, dost rahega aur tum kuch nahin jaante ho

D: Jhoot bol rahi ho. Agar maine apni aankhon se nahin dekhta to yakin kar leta

S: Main sach bol rahi hoon.

Dev within the same sentence admitted that he had completely shattered without her and tried convincing himself and Sona that she couldn’t affect him any longer. It was as if he started prepping for his next challenge: hear the truth from her mouth and let it sink in once and for all. He was so sure of the truth that he couldn’t imagine the revelation being any different. Sona replying that Jatin was, is and always will be a dost established for Dev that Jatin was a big part of her life, is still important and will continue to be her friend (and just her friend) no matter what Dev thinks. The irony of Dev saying he would have believed her if he didn’t witness it is that he only witnessed it because he didn’t believe her. He tried his hardest to trust Sona, but the sketchy phone conversations, rightfully, did him over. It was this that made him witness the thing he now claims to “seal the deal”. But when Sona looked him in the eyes and defiantly said she is telling the truth, even Dev Dixit was take aback for a second. 

D: I’m sure main akela nahin hoga jo inh aankhon main dekh kar din ko bhi raat maan le. Tum to jaanti ho tumhari aankhon kitni khoobsurat hain…lagta ki duniya rukh gayi sab kuch ther gaya. 

This is a super poetic line in which Dev momentarily loses the divide between his compliments and his accusations. Dev tried to express how Sona trapped Jatin by expressing the thing he happily fell for to begin with. Because only UNAFFECTED men can tell you exactly why someone would fall in love with you. This line is so beautifully complex, because it implies that Sona can enchant a person but confuse them as well. Eyes that can make you mistake night for day imply both euphoria and trickery. 

D: Tum ne mera dil thota hain Sonakshi Bose. Sahi kehte hain-insaan surat badal sakta hain lekin apni fitrat nahi. Tumhari fidrat main jhoot hain. 

In case anyone still had any questions on if Dev hates or loves Sona, if he is being resentful or speaking from a place of real agony, he gave you your answer. Yes, Dev thinks Sona and Jatin together. No, he didn't mean the things about her character. If he did, he wouldn’t admit after everything he said that, in the present tense, she has broken his heart. With tears in his eyes, he cycles back to the same place that he had indirectly started this conversation: the promises she had made and didn’t keep. There is an implication of deceit in his “sahi kehte hain” line, and telling her that he expected this from her makes him feel like he’s holding it together when he’s actually at his weakest. It makes it easier to transform his pain into anger, because anger can be released in a way pain can’t. 

S: Maine socha tha iss se zyada Dev Dixit mujhe insult nahi kar sakta, hurt nahi kar sakta. Lekin aaj tum ne cruelty ki had paar kar di. 

Compared to the other times Dev and Sona fought, this fights bore open very raw and real feelings to a great extent. This was a fight that, though accompanied by some empty words, was also paired with some real pain rather than habitual hatred. This time, Sona was doing some more important for the Dixit family than she had potentially ever done and was being accused of something very opposite. Moreover, to see Dev’s hatred turn from annoyance and taunts to a real feeling of deceit shocked her. That’s why Dev Dixit has never stooped this low in her eyes. After this sentence, we see Dev ask Sona one last time what the truth is. In a desperation to clear both of their hatred, pain, misunderstanding, she almost tells him. However, she remembers how Dev might react knowing the truth and how Khatri my react to Dev and finds the strength to keep mum. Naturally Sona’s silence makes Dev assume he’s right once and for all. It was a truth that but deep enough for him to not want to stay a second longer. Sona grabbed his arm to stop him only to get the question...with what right? Dev’s “husband right” illusion had officially been shattered, even though remnants of deceit were still there. He then asked..”kyun”. Dev asking Sona why he should stay is proof that Soha never was the reason for everything he does. If she was, then the question of why he should stick around would never come up. Part of him wanted to know why Sona needed him after having Jatin.

Papa sad the?

    There is a lot I have been saying or wanting to say regarding everything that happened since Dev came to Bose house. Episode 286 was the one that inspired me to write a full-fledged meta in the first place. Since I would have to practically write a book if I covered Dev’s entire visit, I’m going to break apart this episode and branch out to past and future episodes where I see fit. It won’t cover everything I want to say, but it will take care of plenty.

Scene 1: Devakshi confrontation

The episode started with a volatile confrontation between Dev and Sonakshi, which was fairly true to their current characters. The conversation started with Sona’s noteworthy observation that, even though Dev is against Sona speaking ill about his mother, he knew all her words were about Ishwari. We have seen since the beginning of the leap that a part of Dev always knew that the reason Sona left the house was Ishwari, and that Sona was greatly suffering in that home. He has outwardly mentioned it to his mom in an earlier leap episode that Sona’s other option from leaving him was to suffer in Dixit house. However, both still manage to call bluff or sideline each other’s open confessions. Neither Dev nor Sonakshi see any chance of reconciliation or have any hopes that the other will understand their problem. Experience taught Sona that she should not expect Dev to be an understanding significant other, no matter how good he could be as a father or son. Sona leaving with such finality 7 years ago taught Dev that there was no chance she was going to take him back. It’s very easy to see why Sona left the house but more difficult to see why Dev never tried to get her back. Dev was so used to Sona’s unconditional love and understanding, and he took it for granted. This was the first time in Dev’s life that someone hadn’t put the obligation of everyone on him but rather made him her everything. She was a woman who Dev admired for her strength to achieve everything and face all difficulties. That’s why when the moment came that she realized she had tried way too hard and couldn’t take it anymore, Dev couldn’t understand why his wife had reached her maximum. (P.S @moredottedlines, I refrained so hard from inserting my stupid credit card reference here). On the eve of the break up, Dev begged her to forgive and forget, thinking it was the easiest thing to do. What is stuck in his mind is her response that she said she never could, that she threw her mangalsutra in the fire and said we are over. There was such finality in this moment that really attributes to why Dev didn’t go back for her and still blames her for giving up even now.  I’m not saying that he couldn’t have tried. I just see what could have prevented him. We saw a flashback of the night after Sona left where Dev blamed both Ishwari and Sona for the demise of their relationship, and we were left wondering why Sona came into the picture then. The current leap episodes have given some more clarity to that. Fast-forwarding 7 years, we see that Dev is preventing Sona from speaking ill about Ishwari despite agreeing that both women, along with him, were to blame on different levels. Dev’s intention in telling Sona not to speak like that about his mother was not because he doesn’t know it, but because he feels others don’t have a right to say these things about his family. As we saw before with giving Vicky a job, Dev had a hard time accepting this new person into the rest of this blood related family. He loved her immensely, but couldn’t understand in what way her importance should extend to the family. The difference between then and now is Dev actually no longer has such an obligation to Sona, even if he was capable of involving her.

     We also saw within this same conversation that Dev sacrificed his own reputation to save Saurabh and Ronita’s marriage, and that he couldn’t believe this wasn’t the same “obvious solution” that Sona had come to. This incident was proof that Dev doesn’t just channel his selflessness towards Ishwari or Dixits but for any loved one- even if it’s Saurabh. This got me thinking that Dev Dixit had the potential to excel in every role had their families been something better. He had no problem or bias in upholding individual relationships or loving Sona, but wasn’t able to maintain the very difficult ties that bound his separate relationships together. Now we see that, while Dev’s main concern is saving Saurabh, Sona’s concern was Dev should have told the truth. Sonakshi was always a strong (headstrong even), independent woman, but only started making a true showcase of this identity when being warm to unappreciative people killed her from within. She was someone who was used to excelling at whatever she tried and would do anything to achieve what she wants- whether it was being a perfect daughter, perfect nutritionist or perfect bahu. It’s important here that Dev pointed out that she’s putting a HUGE emphasis on Dev telling the “truth” without caring about the consequences on her brother. Dev has always been someone who would easily do this for his family, and old Sona would have accepted this too and understood it almost as well as Asha does. But this Sona has been disappointed and lied to so many times that the idea of anyone hiding anything angers her to the core. It doesn’t matter to her if Dev’s intentions were good or if Saurabh’s heart will be broken. She is tired of looking at good intention rather than good outcome. She is tired of seeing relationships being built on lies. It’s not just the pain of the past but also the seven years in between that have made her like this. As Dev likes to put it, she’s the obodro version of Dev Dixit. To Dev, that means someone who is curt, rude, hasty and doesn’t enjoy herself. To me, an obodro Dev is someone who has remaining bitterness from a plethora of struggles but still has the cleanest heart. The fact that Dev keeps using this term in a negative connotation is also an indicator to how he felt about himself before Sona entered his life. We know that Sona has brought Dev’s inner kindness and childishness to the surface. He’s aware that his personality changed for the better with Sona’s presence but can’t imagine why his absence in her life has reversed the process for her. Part of that could be because Sona is the one who said they are over.  It’s hard to sympathize with someone when you think they made a completely conscious decision to take you out of their life. As I said earlier, Dev has started to understand in the last 7 years why Sona was so unhappy with the Dixit family. However, he fails to see why that means she couldn’t work it out with him. He wanted Sona to fight for their marriage, and she wanted him to fight for her. Dev is thinking, “I couldn’t change my family, but you let something like that break us.” Sona is thinking, “You couldn’t change your family and that was a huge thing that broke us.” Both of them have to pass an entirely new journey to learn why neither of those things is as easy as it seems. All these things are what lead Sona to the point of wanting honesty from Dev now even if at the expense of Saurabh’s marriage. This emphasis on brutal honestly is something Sona has passed on to Soha too. Soha has repeated many time that she never lies, and that might actually be one reason why Sona trusts her to be in some right state of mind at any given time.  

Scene 2: Jatin and Sona phone conversation     

     The idea of being like obodro Dev makes Sona so worked up that she has to call Jatin for confirmation and consolation. It’s not just that Sona would hate to be like Dev but the idea that Dev claims to pity her for it. Dev’s sympathy is exactly what she has been running from for the past 7 years. She has worked years to completely free herself from any need, desire or dependency on Dev Dixit, especially after his challenge that she failed as a wife and more. Coming to the call itself- let me just say this “Ami tomake” entry is far more endearing than “iss duniya main do tarah ke log”! The fact that they can even say that without it being romantic is a true testament to their friendship. In this conversation, we see how both these men have preconceptions about Sona that lead to contrasting, but very one sided, opinions about her. Jatin was there during Sona hardships and is well aware that these are the circumstances that have changed her. Throughout this conversation we notice that Jatin’s entire focus is on how Sona has positively changed through her hardships while Dev’s focus in the prior conversation was the burden of a hard shell and cold heart. Deep down, both men know there was once a completely different Sona that has changed for better AND worse. It’s that, while Dev misses the Sona he fell in love with, Jatin knows what created the Sona that’s changed. Dev told Sona what is true but in a negative connotation that she doesn’t want to hear. Jatin is telling Sona what is ALSO true but only exactly what she wants to hear. Neither showed her the other side of the coin. I agree that Jatin overall understands both Dev and Sona better than they (want to) understand each other. But this conversation, along with many of his other scenes indicate that Jatin’s approach to making Sona see her right path won’t be to make her realize the bad in her but to make her see the good in Dev. Dev unknowingly used this approach by proving himself as a good father. However, he won’t be outwardly doing it until he’s motivated to justify himself. The same goes for Sona. 

Scene 3: Asha and Dev Conversation on Sona, robbery and more.  

     Dev himself spelled out in this scene what I’ve already said a thousand times. Neither Dev nor Sona are in this family for each other. They have no hopes of sorting their own problems and reconciling. They are doing what they are doing only for Soha. They fight because situations bring them against each other. They fight because no matter how hard they try, they can’t ignore each other’s presence. But for both of them, the idea of staying in this resentment, idea of not forgiving but definitely putting on a façade of forgetting is far easier than the possibility that they will have to suffer from the same disaster again. I see this as a situation of did the chicken before the egg or vice versa? On one hand, they don’t really sort their problems peacefully because they see no purpose or desire. On the other hand you have to wonder how they will ever find the desire to reconcile if they don’t talk things through? The answer is that their daily situations will make this happen. We’re already seeing in Bose house that a large amount of focus is being placed on Dev’s interactions with the other members of the house besides Sona. On the other hand, the conversations between Dev and Sona are remaining fairly unprogressive and immature. While this is a method that takes a lot of patience, it also makes sense that things get sorted in some form or another with the family before Dev and Sona even express desire to figure themselves out. Through Asha, we see the mother that Dev needed to be a better person but never had. While Ishwari picked favorites, Asha remains a mother Switzerland. Asha understands both Sona and Dev and reprimands whoever is needed, wherever it’s needed. While Ishwari wanted Dev to be dependent on her, Asha demands they learn to sort their problems like adults (even if she gives them child-like punishment). Unlike Ishwari and Bijoy, Asha is willing to accept the other half of Devakshi for Soha’s sake if not anything else. My favorite thing about Asha right now is her intolerance for the immaturity. CVs scripting this into the episode show the scenes were written to shape family dynamics more than Devakshi ones. We are supposed to hate how Devakshi handle each other, because it’s forcing Bose family to interact with Dev more than they expected to. 

Scene 4: Bijoy taunts Dev on the robbery     

     The exact balance to Asha in Bose house is Bijoy. Bijoy irritates Dev repeatedly throughout Dev’s time here, 99% of the time without Dev initiating it. At one point, he made a taunt to Ishwari and Golu for their mere presence and treats Golu rudely later at Saurabh’s haldi for his association with the Dixits. Despite very stark differences between Bijoy and Ishwari, Bijoy is serving a similar taste of medicine to Dev that Sona had to suffer with Ishwari. Dev is never able to satisfy or appease Bijoy the way Sona could never satisfy Ishwari. Bijoy provokes Dev not just if he has done something at that time but for whom he is to Sona. Ishwari did the same to Sona. Sona didn’t say anything to Ishwari, because she thought she could win the whole family over if she tried hard enough. She felt an obligation to succeed at any cost- not just because she was married to Dev but also because Sonakshi Bose Dixit never fails -even if it’s at the expense of her self-respect. Dev, on the other hand, does not hold back when it comes to Bijoy. That’s not because he’s a worse person than Sona but because he knows no level of “trying hard enough” is going to win Bijoy at this point in their relationship. There is nothing advantageous here about losing self-respect, especially after you’ve already been tolerating it for several days. He claims that he just needs to survive these few days with Bijoy for Soha’s sake. This dynamic was another one, just like Dev and Sona’s that was slathered in immaturity and making no positive progress. However, the drunken confrontation between the two men in the later episode changed that. It was such a scene that seemed anticlimactic, as both men decided reconciliation was hopeless and that it’s best to fake it. However, just the fact that Bijoy was able to discuss the true roots of his hatred was a huge step forward from his behavior and a big eye opener to Dev for his. The tears in Dev’s eyes during Bijoy’s confession showed not only Dev’s inner guilt for what he had done to the Bose family but a newfound empathy with Bijoy’s pain. There is a clear regret in Dev’s face that comes, not from hurting Sona, but from making a father ache like this for his daughter. Unfortunately, and realistically, this moment isn’t enough to make all well between Bijoy and Dev. Dev outwardly expresses what we suspected from his behavior all along; he doesn’t think Bijoy can move on. Bijoy in no time agrees, and Dev is left saying, if for no other reason, forgive and forget because it’s been 7 years. If Dev had any intention of making amends with Sona, he would not use “time” as a reason to move forward. But he doesn’t, and neither does she. 

Scene 5: Ishwari’s Nightmare

     Ishwari says at the end of the nightmare, “Aakhir jis baat ka darr tha, wohi hua na Dev?” Even in her subconscious, Ishwari indirectly blames Sona for the fact that Soha wanted to move to a separate house. Ishwari still feels Dev will prioritize Sona. Sona thinks Dev will prioritize Ishwari. In reality, Dev is trying to prioritize no one but Soha. @archanasean brought up a good point once that, does this nightmare indicate that Ishwari won’t even spare Soha from her insecurities? That’s the trigger that made me realize that even in this nightmare, the actual blame is indirectly being placed on Sona still. We already know that Ishwari is super determined to undo everything Sona has made Soha. As a grandmother with a history of raising dependent children, she doesn’t see the appeal in a child who has full-fledged independence. For any vice she finds in Soha, it’s going to somehow go to Sona. Which is why I’m hoping for a future event in which Ish can’t even deny Sona’s upbringing did some good.  

Scene 6: Golu and Sona discussing Devakshi and their friends      

     Golu has been taught everything is Sona’s fault. Soha has been taught everything is Dev’s. Bijoy and Ishwari’s bias for their children was emphasized through Golu and Soha. Both parents wear blinders when it comes to their children. The main difference between Bijoy and Ishwari is that Bijoy has other sensible family members to help him find the balance and stop him when he is going too far. Plus, Bijoy has insecurity but not possessiveness. He fears Dev’s involvement in Sona and Soha’s life and fails to have a global perspective because of this reverence of his daughter and lack of knowledge on who Dev really is. We know of Bijoy’s bias towards Sona since day one, which was once jokingly reflected as Sona vs. Saurabh. His inability to understand Dev comes from never living with him and having several misunderstandings to worsen the situation. Ishwari, who was was unable to trust Sona despite living with her and being her patient, can’t say the same. Ishwari has both insecurity and possessiveness. The part Ishwari won’t admit is that she thinks Dev’s priorities will again change from his family to Sona. She feels she’s worthless if she’s not everything Dev needs. Without a husband, without a job, without any sort of independence, she is nothing if she’s not Dev ki maa. Yet it’s also true that part of Ishwari’s paranoia is from genuine concern that Sona will re-enter Dev’s life and leave him to shatter all over again. This is why she consistently brings up Elena as the sister who didn’t give up on them and is so taken aback and excited to see Dev even slightly happy again. Sona’s story about the person she was forced to be friends with was a great parallel to Devakshi. It showed that, deep down, Soha understood that fixing relationships is a long and gradual process and can’t be forced. She brought up how her teacher forcing her to fix her friendship with that girl ended up breaking them in less than 24 hours. Soha understands that forcing into geographic proximity doesn’t fix everything. In fact, the close space might make it worse. Soha’s stubbornness (may I say inherited from her parents) was never supposed to work. It was supposed to be a stupid decision that Devakshi impulsively listened to as the “single mother” and the “new parent” so that all these other relationship dynamics discussed earlier take place. Too bad this friendship story didn’t hit Soha earlier in the excitement of having her new father! I’m glad Devakshi stopped catering to such zidd and Soha herself is starting to show immense maturity again.

Scene 7: Ishwari vs. Sona    

     There is a genuine side of Ishwari that is against Sona coming back from fear that she will leave and make Dev become something he isn’t. This is the aspect of Ishwari that is relatable to any parent. We see the same happen with Ronita’s mom, who I find to be something in between Ishwari and Bijoy. Similar to Bijoy, Ronita’s mom is insecure about how her daughter will be treated in the new family. Similar to Ishwari, her insecurity is not just based on a general worry of her daughter living with strangers but also on one specific threat to power: Sonakshi. There is a genuine side of Ishwari then there is the side that makes her tell Sona in this scene that Dev still “worships her”. It’s not even true, but who cares as long as Sonakshi thinks mama is in charge (and maybe she’s still trying to convince herself it’s true?). This was a good parallel to show that insecurity can occur without deep pasts and unique bonds – those are just components that made Dev and Ishwari’s situation go to an extreme. Ishwari never came out of her extremity, and Dev, despite knowing it existed, couldn’t figure out how to permanently fix it. Dev couldn’t explain his complex mother-son relationship to Sona when she was begging for it, and he said it was too difficult to explain so quickly. That is understandable. Problem is he barely even tried to give it in small doses later on, and she was never able to understand because of this. That’s why up to the end of their marriage, Sona claimed balancing wife and mom isn’t that hard if you try, and Dev kept insisting that’s not the case. It’s not just Sona couldn’t understand him but that he never gave her the full opportunity to do so. This is one of several situations where one thinks he/she had the much easier solution over the other. No doubt, different situations are more in favor of Dev or in favor of Sona. It’s part of their journey to make almost every part of their life consistently easier for both.

Scene 8: The mess before Asha the savior     

     What Dev said about Ishwari offering to let them stay in separate homes is not only important but brilliantly timed with Ishwari’s nightmare about Dev and Sona living seperately with Soha. We know Ishwari was not suggesting this from the heart, and Dev in saying this now is him holding on to the fact that Ishwari asked despite knowing he might say yes. I’ve said in the past too that Ish has a way of saying the most accurate things with the worst intentions. This was one of those moments. She had a fair point that moving away could have helped Devakshi’s marriage. However, she’s also raised Dev with ideals and family mentality to NEVER do that. I don’t see this scene as Dev thought changing houses would have fixed all their problems. I see it that Dev thought their relationship could have been saved by some circumstance- any circumstance- had both sides of the family been respectively supportive. Dev was right saying that marriage was between two families and that the parents actually broke down their kids’ moral through their behavior rather than building it. Of course Ishwari is no Asha, and her offer to let them live apart is nothing compared to the issues she created in the first place. But it means more than anything to Dev that Ishwari offered something even resembling a saving grace while Bijoy encouraged Sona to not give Dev another chance. Dev isn’t denying that they had many problems with difficult solutions. He’s focusing in on the question of...but who gave them a second chance? Who encouraged them to work it out when they needed it the most? Bijoy has given Dev several chances- but as a FIL, but those were chances to fix his and Bijoy’s relationship. Right now, he’s only thinking of who was throwing him a life vest when his most important bond was in jeopardy. What Dev fails to understand is that Sona had reached a breaking point in their relationship where no one, not even her father, could have convinced her to try further (rightfully so).