#sadreceptionist

Everyone give Terry Crews your power so he can burn Hollywood and its roaches to the ground

anyone who says they would rather be an avenger than a guardian is a fool. the guardians go on constant outer space adventures with a talking tree set to 70’s dad music. plus they all love and would literally die for each other. what do the avengers do? assemble for five minutes then get into a walmart parking lot fight and never see each other again. fuck you.

Thor ghost wrote this

agent: this is area 51, where the aliens live me: cool agent: and over there is area 69, where the aliens… uh… me: what agent: …. me: what do they do there

i think about this a lot

when you can sense a Mood incoming and feel like a farmer standing in a field looking out at the horizon as the storm approaches like “looks like it’s gonna be a bad one, boys”

I went into lush exactly once and the employee asked me to tell him “the story of my skin”

the goal in life, as is i expect for anyone, is to fuck a vampire