Nekotaus Misadventures

Scallywags Old and New

              ROTTY!

            You warty blistercap I was beginning to think you might have actually died when I blew out your back end in the nether regions of space! But here you come again like a bloody weed in the middle of my planetary garden, in all your ruddy galactic-aquatic glory.

            So which porpoise do you intend to slap me with- the blue one or the pink one? And who picked up your junker hide, anyways? Did you have to give them your other leg to secure your ship, or did you swindle them with your neurotic jewelry again? Was it the Federation, and you just escaped from that several parsec sentence for space piracy? Remember all the time we used to talk about space jail, space coppers, space woodchucks and all those other words that sound completely ridiculous with space in front of them? Space tails. Hah! And then your space science friend informed us that most of them were actually read things, and we almost got eaten by a space cucumber, that was such an exciting month!

            Seriously though, if you’re intending to come after me with that clunker make sure to bring some markers so you can color me impressed if you get here. And as usual, don’t let your guts rot too much, I don’t think you can take losing too much more of your intestinal fortitude, and-

            Eh?

            What was that sound? I don’t think I have anything that makes that sound. Wait, something popped up on my computer- apparently someone is trying to access information about my WiFi system that doesn’t exist. Looks like they’re out of luck.

            But- oh! Blue Scarf girl has returned, and brought with her a friend. This girl- oh dear, oh my. That’s… quite the, uh… Startling patchwork there. And those leggings, maybe if they were dark blue, forest green maybe, but… And a cardigan, that style, for THIS weather? Oh dearie you have quite the… interesting style.

            Well, Blue Scarf and her friend Fashion Disaster are chilling against my wall, computing with me. Fashion Disaster is even scrolling tumblr. Kudos to you, girl. However, they don’t look terrible comfy down there on the rough grass with their backs against the uneven wall. My poor spotties, and the things they do for WiFi. Humans do many uncomfortable things for convenience and connection- but perhaps I can do something about this. I’ll put it on my list.

Cat-tastic

              I have a habit of turning into a cat sometimes. Not because they are my favorite animal- they’re not- but it is a very useful form to have. Cats seem to appeal to all manners of people and creatures, despite the fact that by most accounts they are probably an evil super race.

Does this look like the face of evil to you?

            But how often? Well, whenever I want to be for the most part. Being a full cat has its advantages, but also makes it hard to do certain tasks like organizing, typing, and fixing serious problems. I do like to do those things with my own hands, and having no opposable thumbs or dexterous fingers makes that much harder. So, if I still want to be a cat in those situations I will settle for cat hybrid, where I can have most of the dexterity of a human but the grace and natural senses of my feline counterpart. Besides, who doesn’t want to walk around with splendid mottled ears and a slender tail? They are both just as useful as my claws and whiskers.

            These days there haven’t been many visitors around, so I haven’t had a good reason to be fully human. I’ve been in cat hybrid form most of the time, though a problem has arisen in this that I simply to not have enough windows to fill my sun quota. If this persists, I will have to take extreme measures and knock out a wall or something to add more windows for maximum sunshine. I will also have to put more clocks around, cats have habits to take lengthy rests wherever they may be and I am no exception.

            If I spent more time 100% cat, I’m not sure I would get anything done. The urges to investigate everything and locate the warmest places are very strong, even though I already know it all since I created this place from the ground up. However, whenever I leave cat form is the simplest form to do it in. I can basically go anywhere I want, sneak in past dogs and guards and gain attention form whoever I want, and watch others inconspicuously. So if you happen to see a male calico cat sometime (these generally are very rare due to the type of mutation it is, the probability of having a female calico as opposed to a male is very high), it might be me! So sen a wave my way and put out some milk if you have some- I might take a shine to you and give you a position of power if I take over the world.

The Anti-Bloggers

            Oh, those people? Many of them are complete killjoys, but I suppose worth talking about as I’m sure they’ll come up sooner or later. For the most part those people can be summed up as the other Keepers, Fate and their cronies, and Other People Who Don’t Like Me.

            The Keepers are probably the ones who will come up the most. They are a group of people much like me, in fact, who are probably twitching right now from me talking about them. We, as a group, are extremely old and powerful around the universe. Some will be more hostile than others, and out of the- seventeen? Eighteen?- of them there are two or three I can think of that I may even be able to get over to my side. The rest are either going to be neutral or a problem, and the more I talk about them the more they’ll get upset. So then, why keep the process slow and steady? Moony Lyppy Bookie Big Dog Kittyboy Maleficent Grumpyhat Playboy Bushwhacker Slasher Troublemaker Things 1 and 2 Ghosty Ferretwings Skyjewel Knifelover. You know who you are! Come and get me.

            That should get some results.

            Fate and their cronies are a bit more complicated. Fate probably will immediately get ticked off and send some of the other Keepers after me. They might send me passive-aggressive messages first due to how much they hate dealing with me, but will also send cease and desist messages through one of their soulless minions and try to scare me. I don’t know why they think it will work- they’ve already used all their tricks on me. Honestly, I’m excited to see something new! Maybe they will come up with some interesting way to affect me instead of just putting me in timeout again. Hopefully Fate will ask Alluramina and Destiny. They would have some good ideas too, and I’m interested to see what they’ll do. So that’s them.

            The last group of people who just frown on me in general are the Other People Who Don’t Like Me. It’s probably the biggest one, considering how many lives I’ve ruined, plans I’ve foiled, and people that have gotten really ticked off at my habits. Most of them can’t travel from their home planet, so I don’t imagine they’ll be much trouble (other than possibly sending me hate mail) but a few with the ability to travel are powerful enough to be at least a bit dangerous. These individuals include but are not limited to: a vampire, an army of gods, a handful of titans, several elementals, Death, PRISM, and a herd of laser-eyed unicorns. That’s not too bad, but that kind of list is not one to be forgotten. I have plenty of measures to tell me when/if they come, of course, but a few can slip past them easily enough so I think soon I will be procuring more safety measures and attempt to constantly be on my guard. Probably won’t help me all that much but it will at least be fun to set up.

            How silly of me! It seems I completely forgot to introduce myself. I am Necrotaus, the 4th Keeper, ambitious and curious Jack of all Powers. My current headquarters is what I call Ignishead, or Iggy, due to it being a collection of igneous rocks in the middle of a forest stuck together by dried magma (aka MORE igneous rocks) and my own will. It's also called that because I once had a pet salamander dog who loved to  hang out in volcanoes named Ignis, and I shaped it vaguely after his head, so literally Ignis' head. I wonder where he's gotten to- maybe I'll have to find him again. He'd like it here.

            Speaking of those who have an affinity for my home, I believe a resident of the nearby town has come to investigate the mysterious hotspot. This is only the first of many, whom I believe I will call my Spotties. This one is a young lady, as I can see out my window. She has a nice scarf, and a beautiful sky blue case on the phone she wields to inspect my radiance. I think I will call her Blue Scarf Girl, thought her scarf is not blue.

            Blue Scarf Girl seems very interested in my uneven walls. The foundation is granite, with pink and white crystals of quartz that sparkle in the sunlight. How much do you suppose she knows about rocks? Whatever she knows, I bet she isn't familiar with how many secrets one crystal can hide! For example, sometimes I pick pieces out of my wall and use them in laser diffusion caps. I use them in my laser shotguns, and when one blows up sometimes I put the pieces back in the wall! Anything she is touching may once have been bouncing photons. I bet she doesn't know that!

            Laser shotguns aside, it seems that Blue Scarf Girl has decided to go. I do hope she comes back, but for now it is time to move on to other things. I've finally gotten around to setting up my Dwarf Fortress game on this computer. It seems quiet enough at the moment, except that as many dwarves tend to be, all my villagers are either quite happy or completely bonkers. Oh well, they  will survive, as they are a hardy folk. Much like mailmen, not rain nor sleet nor hail nor snow nor acidic rain nor hellfire from the depths of the ocean will stop them in their tracks. Only possibly giant trolls or dragons and even then I have seen a few who were not even slowed. Mailmen, I mean. A dwarf is a quick snack for a dragon, metal shell or not. It takes an extraordinary dwarf to slay one, formed by serious training or amazing luck.

            Meow~

            So I’ve been working for a while to obtain intergalactic Wi Fi in my headquarters but now finally I can tap into the internet of any system or planet I want. It took hours of soldering, stealing equipment, downloading software, and boosting my signal but now finally my reach is far enough to interact with every internet system, encoded or not. I can flip between them with just a few clicks and indulge myself with many forms of international communication on small or large scales, encoded or easily accessed. I can access many regions, definitions of life from different worlds, and research everything that makes an individual spot tick.

            With my newfound power, I’ve chosen to try out this blogging thing. IT was easy enough to get here, so why not? I decided to make a corner of reality to share my findings about the universe as I’ve lived in it. Of course many people I know will frown upon it, but riles are meant to be broken! Isn’t knowledge meant to be shared? I’ve been meaning to improve my sharing skills, and my friend has been sharing knowledge for years in his library- I just have very different information to share! And buckets! I love to share my buckets. I make many walruses happy.

            Hmmm. My far-reaching signal seems to have other unintended consequences, like turning my massive gravity-defying fortress into the strongest hotspot for several countries around me. For now I am set up in a forest, but eventually someone’s going to take advantage of my signal. Not that I have a problem with it, besides, the best way to get to the throne of many a modern world is through free Wi Fi. I’ve started a timer and turned on my TV- now to see how long it takes before anyone notices.