Near

Me:

- *points at any bug eyed animal* holy shit who invited L

- Linda and Matt having an ongoing bet over when Mello’s next freak out will be

- ‘Your Momma’s so fat she wears Saturn’s rings as a hula hoop’ ‘My mum’s dead’ ‘Well yeah man so is mine’

- Everyone dabbing in coordination at Near to see how he reacts. He dabs back

- ‘You know why Near wears white? To hide all them fine cocaines he’s been snorting’

- Asking someone how they want their bacon done and being told to Beyond it

- Roger is a cyborg created by Watari and his circuits will short if you let him near a microwave

- Twenty one Zero days since the last explosion

- The ongoing conspiracy that Mello is in fact, Taylor Swift

- The yearly elaborate traps rigged around the house to catch Watari Claus at Christmas

- Calling Linda by her Deviantart OC’s names from 2005

- *Exam season* ‘I haven’t slept in forty hours so pardon my language but, what the fuck is going on in this here day?’

- Knowingly telling the new arrivals that Watari is keeping you here until he is ready to sell your organs on the black market

- Any fictional detective is L

L: There's a special place in hell reserved for you and I'LL SEE YOU THERE

Light: Oh hey you know what time it is? *shows me his watch over which he taped a scrap of paper reading TIME TO DIE*

Near: I just want to go back to kindergarten were all you have to do is play with toys and clap in a certain pattern life is haaaaard

Matt: *turns to me* you know what? just fucking fill me with bull- *sees teacher* balloons! Fill me with balloons! so I can float into the stratosphere and die

Mello: hey what'd you get on the test- ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

Misa: The art teacher tried to tell me black isn't a primary color, but then why do they say other colors are the new black? Doesn't that make it first??

Ryuk: Who needs free will and the ability to make your own choices when you can have APPLES?

Rem: my existence is a void.

Beyond: *hears police sirens* FUCK

Naomi: who needs boys? In fact who needs people? Why do people even exist, and where's that asteroid when you need it?

Mikami: *literally crying* and he just THREW out his paper in the trash. The FUCKING TRASH. WHAT KIND OF HEATHEN DOESNT EVEN RECYCLE?!?

Kiyomi: *imitating overheard conversation* And then she like told me my hair looked dumb and I was like but bitch you're always dumb, whaddup??