yeehaw

to rehash my early johnigail hc: I think Abigail was John's first. They got each other in a way no one else did and got attached to each other (not actually in love, both had some things to work out before it could be love). He then by accident got her pregnant and got struck by the Dutch van der Linde son curse (read: deliberate conditioning by Dutch that causes them to be desperate for love, get attached to someone, mess it up, set it all on fire, self destruct, and come crawling back to Dutch convinced that yeah the gang really is all they have and ignore their actual feelings forever)

He then rebounded by having FWB sex with Javier and whoops they fell in love by accident, had a weird toxic relationship built on the basis of cheating for two years (plus Javier constantly suffering from severe internalized homophobia, hooray for traumatized ex-Catholics who claim they don't care about their previous beliefs and yet let them influence their every decision torturing themselves in the process, which in it of itself is inherently Catholic coded) until John decided to finally put duty first and dedicate himself to his family after Jack's kidnapping, screwing Javier's feelings over in the process which influenced his decision of turning against John in the end (because I am a huge sucker for characters causing their own downfalls)

Afterwards he and Abigail worked out their issues and actually fell in love, and we're up to the 1907 epilogue

The 1911 jovier face-off ripped John to shreds mentally. He took the kill Javier route instead of handing him over. More merciful to give him a quick death in his home country, opposed to giving him to the Pinkertons to be thrown in jail, tortured for info, then humiliated and hung for an white audience in America. (especially since I think that's what they did to John pre-RDR after kidnapping Abigail and Jack. He was brought to prison for a while, they tried to get info out of him before releasing him to hunt the gang down. I think he did try to have Bill shoot him in the beginning on purpose and decided to give Javier the mercy he'd wanted)

He had to put on a strong front because his family needed him and they couldn't afford for him to fall apart now, but he would have to deal with the fall out eventually. Fortunately for him, he was shot 20 times before that became an issue

if im allowed to put even more head canons in (of course I am this is my post) I don't think Javier ever allowed himself to be bottom in their relationship. that was a little too far for him to justify to himself. meanwhile john's mentality is we're already breaking every law ever if we go to hell we go to hell *shrug*. i dont think Javier appreciated that sentiment in the slightest and caused tension between them. Between that and john cheating and both being mad about the other not committing fully while getting mad at being pushed to commit themself

Did Abigail know about them? She suspected something was up. Not exactly what, but something, and would start fights with john about it without either actually saying it outright, but when he chose her she decided she rather not open that can of worms and just be happy john finally committed to her.

ahh i love fictional complicated toxic relationships

Adding on to that i think Javier and Bonnie were the only people she really got jealous about. after 1899 i don't think john cheated (mostly outta respect for Arthur's sacrifice until he actually fell in love like the asshole he is) but Abigail was a working girl from a young age she internalized that mens eyes and hands will always wander so if he cheated physically whatever. What mattered to her was that they were each others home and partners in life against hardship and threats to that scared her.

I have another head canon that they had their daughter up in canada but she was born premature and died from cold and having to bury her, grieve, and survive the cold + misery alone as an actual unit is what finally pushed them to really be husband and wife (yes this clashes with my Marston daughter was born in Beecher's Hope and represented their brand new start and her death was a bad omen hc)

Did you notice I didn't mention jack once? yeahh i think johnigail loved each other and they worked cause they understand each other's toxic behavior and worked around it and that worked for them but poor jack was dealing with two idiots who loved him but didnt know how to be good parents. John and Abigail would die and kill for jack but poor kid didn't want them to, he just needed them to give him a shred of stability.