i dont want to say i love you, but i care for you deeply. i dont know if that holds any weight to you.
you are a good person. and in my definition a good person is someone who allows themselves to change, to unlearn the trauma and the oppressive system you have grown up in, to acknowledge that the problems are present in your actions and to grow. you are a good person who values being kind to others, and that is simple and something i want to stamp and validate if no one else has ever done that for you. it isn’t within my bounds to do so. i admire you greatly, and i want to call you darling and babe and love and boyfriend. i want to be able to grow with you and eventually say “i love you.” it isn’t within my bounds to do so. so i might just write poetry and hold my breath and adore you from afar.
you are beautiful. your smile is genuine and mischievous and attentive. i want to run my hands through your hair and hold you close. hold your beauty within my arms the way god might hold the sun close to her chest. i love your beauty. i love your light. i love the way you hold yourself. i want to hold your hand in mine and kiss each knuckle. i want to press my head against your chest and check off all possible cliches in every gay romance cliche ive ever witnessed. i want to sneak onto the roof after a long late night walk and kiss you under the unseen stars and talk about the effects of light pollution.
unrelated though josh, you are not responsible for the emotions and fantasies i have for you. it’s not your burden to bear, so i’m sorry for imposing this on you.