Nat

          Not that you didn’t want to be great, powerful or evil, no, the sight of people being tortured, terrified and broken was just too amusing to resist, the screams were your lullaby, you definitely wanted all of that, however, all of the pressure about it on top of your own perfectionism absolutely drives you crazy. One thing was wanting to be great, another completely different thing was to be demanded to be great, otherwise you would bring disgrace to the name of your mother, foreshadow all of what she accomplished and bury her legacy into forgetfulness.

          The days where the pressure became too hard to bear by yourself were the days you missed your home the most. Diablo of course always put that states for your raising and education way up high in the stratosphere, always urging to unleash the very bad parts of you, just as your mother would wish if she were alive, nevertheless, he was also your rock, your safe place to crumble, to put yourself back together again, and safety was definitely the hardest thing to have when you were a Never. Trust no one, that was the ultimate rule.

          Surrounded by people yet always lonely, that was the fate assigned for you. Don’t get me wrong, you had your fair pair of friends that actually seemed very loyal to you, however none of them scored as high as you on the tests, and you knew better than trusting blindly on people, that was an Ever’s thing to do. Deep down you worried that they were only your friend because you had been given your mother’s diary, which among other things, contained tips and tests questions about every single subject in the school. 

          All this worry and caution nonetheless, were unconsciously thrown up in the air when the subject was a silly smart devious reader that had been battling with you for the number one position in your classes. Leonora of woods beyond, now Lady Lesso, was the furthest and the closest thing of a true friend you had. Furthest because you were always fighting, teasing and deriding each other, she was absolutely infuriating and would do everything in her power to outrival you. Closest because she was the only one that actually understood you, your only company to your cold sleepless studying nights, and something within you just… liked her.

          Something also tells you that she might not despise you as much as she tries to portray. It wasn’t rare to find yourself waking up in the library with an unknown warm blanket resting carefully upon your shoulders, the scent of ginger tea and petrichor intoxicating your senses, lulling you into a peaceful, deserving sleep. Somehow you never had any of your usual nightmares in these nights, of course, you blamed your unbelievable state of tiredness, never fully wanting to admit how much the redhead had grown on you.

          Your own blanket also rested on her shoulders a few times, the library as the whole school of evil was especially uncomfortably cold at the late hours, and you would never just see her shivering body shrink and do nothing about it, maybe if she was someone else. 

          Returning the given blankets back, however, was a particularly fun activity to do. None of you wanted to lose and admit that they were grateful for the small gesture, so it always led to an insane battle of flirting and teasing that was amusing for both of you.

          “Here, your blanket, little dove” You said handing her black fluffy blanket back, for some reason you slept with it the whole night, even when you were at your own dorm.

          “Oh, did it serve well the damsel in distress?” Lesso said with a snare smile and a raised eyebrow.

          “It did my mighty knight, it was really comforting and cozy, thank you for caring so much for little old me, I might be growing a little too big in that rotten heart of yours” Your voice was in a higher pitch, trying to impersonate the way some ever princess speak.

          “My, my, rotten heart, you really say the most delightful things baby girl, maybe your mouth isn’t so bad after all” Her left hand pressed against the stone wall with her weight at the side of your head, half trapping you there.

          “Oh no, my mouth is as bad as its owner, but that doesn't mean it can’t drive you crazy” A mischievous smile painted your lips.

          “You bark a lot little minx, your bite must not be so exquisite after all” Your faces were inches apart and challenge was dancing in your and Lesso’s eyes, the high difference making her look slightly down.

          “Who knows? I haven’t heard any complains tho” You shrug.

          “Low standards is definitely something around this place” Lesso says leaning backwards and dropping her hand from the wall, recomposing herself in a indifference façade.

          “Guess you would have to find it for yourself. Too afraid you might like it a little too much?” Your hands boldly touches underneath her chin in a father like motion.

          “You wish” The last thing you see is a dramatic roll of her eyes before she starts walking again, her blanket between her hands.

          Sometimes, just like now when she wasn’t looking or paying any attention, you got the strange habit of noticing the little things about her. You could draw by heart the shape of her back, and would recognize her in any type of crowd. The sharp edges of her face, the beautiful curls of her red cascade, the cruelty and determination in her eyes facing something new, the way her face twists when she can’t quite understand some subject, her habit of slightly taping her long fingers on the desk when she is anxious, well, you could spend hours just naming all of it, actually, thinking about it now, that’s kinda weird, nonetheless you can’t deny, she is absolutely hot. 

          Also, from time to time, you could feel her eager eyes on your figure when you were doing something else, normally it would be just a sting in your spine and when you tried to look back at her she would distracted by some other thing, however, you knew better and caught her looking at you though random reflections in the room once or twice. You always wondered why, maybe she was just trying to have any type of wicked ideas about what her next prank would be, but something about the look in her eyes on those occasions just made your stomach twist and flip on itself. Odd.

          Hundreds of snowflakes fell thick out of the window now, painting everything pale, dead and white. It was the middle of the finals test week, soon enough you would be home with some cozy hot chocolate made by your favorite bird that because of one of your mother’s gifts, could turn itself human to take care of you. Tiredness weighed heavy on your shoulders and more than anything your mother’s diary was your safehouse, not because it had the answers for the test, but because it made you feel closer to her. She passed away when you were only ten years old, and honestly, she could be bad and all, but there wasn’t a single day you didn’t miss her. 

          Two tests left, just this, two tests and you are ready to go. These were the thoughts that kept you going though that day, your eyes were clouded due the lack of sleep and all you wanted was burying yourself in your bed. While returning some books to the library before going to your chambers, you saw her slim figure in one of the desks, Lesso’s hand barely supporting her sleepy head, falling constantly in and out of the morpheus realm. You knew she was just stubborn enough to keep like that for hours, your conscious self decided to just tease and play with her, however, the buried, cover, forbidden, parts of you wanted her to go quickly to bed, she deserved to rest. 

          “As much delicious the sight of you drooling is, I don’t think it’s worth ruining a perfectly good book, especially at the test week” You stood behind her and sneakily bend down to whisper the words in her ear, watching closely her body reacts to you as she startle slightly, making you be able to see in first hand her scruffs’ hair rising.

          “Says the one who doesn’t even have to study by the books. Mommy’s girl is too good for that” The woman said in a monotone voice, her last words dripping with venom while she turned to look directly at you. In response your body straighten and you look down at her seated position.

          “As if I didn’t get to see your ugly face almost every day in this ragged old dusty library. I study as much as you do Lesso, don’t blame my mother’s diary for you being often second best” You knew you hit the wasp nest, but the flame and rage in her eyes just made her so much more attractive. She immediately got up and stared at your eyes, no personal space between you.

          “Say that again to my face” The taller woman dared you inches away from your head, her breath fanning your features sending a chill around your spine and making your stomach twist in a weird way. You could see the devil in her façade and her voice would make any great villain feel like an naive hero.

          “No need for getting all worked up baby girl, you know you always put on a good fight” You smiled, this woman definitely drives you mad, in this villainess mode then, for hades sake she just looks luscious.

          “Don’t underestimate me just because I wasn’t born in this place” She hissed between her teeth.

          “Oh, I would never think of it, I’m well aware of the threat you are” Your left hand drifted between one of her red curls, toying purposelessly with it “Sometimes I wish you were put on the school for good, just to have you as my own witted nemesis” There was a glimmer of desire in your eyes and you could see a fire roaming and dancing behind her own.

          “As much as being good disgusted me, having killing you as my destiny makes me quite amused” Her lips twisted in the most blissful way, full of lust and cruelty.

          “Likewise darling. Now, if you excuse me, I’ll go to sleep as this is a important part of the learning process, and I would recommend you to do the same, if you still wanna put up a good fight tomorrow” You said stepping away from her, your smile never left your lips.

          “Do your worst little Mal” The nickname she gave you after your mother, Maleficent slipped from her mouth in a challenging voice.

          “Oh I always do, hellish dreams, Leonora” That was the last words you said, already on the way to your dorm.

          Your heart was pounding fast on your ribcage as it always does when you get to be this close with the red head, your stomach was equally strange, but there was a large grin painted across your face. Secretly you loved the effect she had on you, and you loved even more the effect you knew you had on her, seeing all her little subtle reactions were more amusing then you dared to admit. 

          Surprisingly calm, that’s how you would define today’s test. It wasn’t easy, actually it was very far from it, only you and Lesso were the ones to put up a fight and get almost all the questions right, however, in the end, as usual, you managed - barely - to beat her and get the first place. If eyes could kill, you would probably be dead by now, normally you wouldn’t care for things like that, but she just gets so much prettier when she is pissed, and you just loved being the one dragging those expressions to the surface. 

          After the test you headed straight to your chambers, as always at this time, you were a bit too exhausted and you already had studied for the last test tomorrow, all you really needed was a big refreshing time of sleep, so when you woke up, you could just go over your notes and be able to do the test with full attention. 

          Fogged minded and sleepy you walk carelessly to your dorm, when suddenly something throws you roughly against the cold hard stone walls of the castle, her scent invading your nostrils as she has a hand painfully tight on your throat. Her breath fanned your face and her sculptural body was tied into yours.

          “Give me the fucking diary” The way she swears just did something between your legs.

          “I don’t think so beauty, that’s private property i’m afraid” You said with a snare smile.

          “And since when a Never cares about it? I want it, I’ll take it, I’ll claim it” The hand on your throat tightness slyly and her left grabbed your face roughly.

          “Oh… did I just make you so very frustrated you needed to assault me for it? Tsc tsc you should study harder little lamb” You said playing with fire.

          “You’re cheating you filthy bitch, you have the fucking answers” Lesso spat the words at your face and you could feel her breath fanning roughly your hair.

          “Oh your mouth really says the most delicious things baby girl. However, I’m afraid I don’t give a fuck, nor our teachers” The snare smile never left your lips, you were supposed to be scared, or concern, or trying to free yourself however, you now find yourself enjoying every single second of it.

          “I could kill you right here right now” Lesso threatens again.

          “But you won’t, because you adore toying with me as much as I adore toying with you” Your left hand is now drafting between her red curls.

          “I can find new pets” She said with a raised eyebrow but a well known smile was creeping on her lips.

          “Not in this school, not in the same way we toy my little pet. You desire me Leonora” Your hand is now caressing her scruff scratching it and pulling it, while your right embraced her waist, dragging her even closer to you, as if it was even possible.

          “The feeling it’s not unilateral, I can see your hungry eyes on little old me every time I get closer” Her right hand left your face and enchase itself on your own waist, while she caressed the skin of your neck with her left thumb, still grabbing your throat.

          “Perhaps we could use this anger of yours to do something way more ravishing” You asked biting your lips at staring at her own.

          “Why do you get so much more attractive like this, fuck-” Her lips crashed on yours harshly and her hands squeezed your waist deliciously, everything in your conscious went black, as all you could feel was her, her body, her hands. 

          Didn’t take long for her tongue to meet yours, and god, it was better than any daydream you could ever dare to have. You let her dominate while a deep moan ripper though your throat making her groan in response. The cold weather of the castle faded, everything turned hot as flaming blazes roamed in a decaying empire and both of your bodies weld like cast iron. 

          When air was needed and the kiss needed to be broken, Lesso’s devious mouth didn’t dare to rest. It traveled sinuously down to your neck, kissing, sucking, biting, bruising everything along the way as you gasp for air. Half of your fogged mind remind you that you were in the middle of the dark corridor near your room and if someone passed by you would be screwed, and not in a good way, but damn, it was so fucking hard to think anything coherent when she was almost eating your neck off.

          “Less- Leo-” You tried to say when a moan erupted on your throat as she just sucked the right place “My room. Now” That was all you could manage to say.

          “Lead” She said, detaching from your neck and looking at your eyes, breathless. 

          Taking a long deep breath, you grabbed her collar and dragged her towards your room. As soon as you arrived you opened the door and pushed her roughly in, closing it behind you as you pinning her, your mouth finding its way to its newest addiction, her own.

          No sound will ever be as pleasant as the sound of her voice issuing the lowest notes as she moans delightfully, when your mouth finds the right spots on her neck, sucking and abusing her skin just as she did with yours. 

          In that room evening turned into night as the hours faded in pure pleasure. You and Lesso fucked, had sex and loved eachother blissfully as you toggle between showing your truest feelings and succumb into the deepest pleasure full of roughness and devilish delight. You didn’t count how many times you and her cummed together, how many times you felt her taste and she felt yours, however you only stopped when your bodies couldn’t physically keep up with your desire, and begged you to give yourselves up to the sound sleep waiting for you.

          A wet red mane was spreaded across your sweat chest, as Leonora’s body rested tangled on yours. Your right hand gently caressed her scalp, and your left drew incomprehensible symbols on the small of her naked back. Only a thin sheet covered half of your bodies and for the first time in many many months, you finally felt at home, with her in your arms. 

          “I wish we fought less” You said almost in a whisper, staring at the ceiling.

          “Why?” Lesso asks sleepy.

          “So I could finally get to really know you” Your eyes drift slowly towards her “Not only by your mannerisms. I see you Leo. But I wish I could truly talk to you, get to know how you truly are without the shell you and I have built to ourselves”

          “Leo?” She asked raising her head from your chest and facing you.

          “Yeah, sorry, nevermind, forget what I said” Your eyes avoid her and the ceiling looks suddenly so much more interesting.

          “No, I like it” Lesso gently turns your head towards her, her eyes so much softer than you ever saw “My mom used to call me Leo” She confesses.

          “Can I call you like that?”

          “Only when we are alone”

          “Only when we are alone” You repeat as she lays again against you.

          “I see you too” 

          “What?” You ask gently.

          “I see the little things you do, how you try your best in everything you do, how your eyes frown when something doesn’t go as you expected, how you smile slightly when some of your friends achieve good grades” She sighs “What I wanna say is that I see you, and I like what I see”

          “I really like you too”

          “Maybe when this test week is over, we could have a lunch, and maybe we could talk, in that silly way you want”

          “Good”

          “Good” That was the last thing you said and heard before the tiredness came over your body and you surrendered to Morpheus' realm.

          That night was so much more than you could ever dared to dream, however, the higher you get, the greater the fall. A hot unpleasant ray of sunshine striked your face rudely, making you wake up annoyed and almost blind by the strong light that came through the window. You sit down lazely and rub your eyes, realization hits you as Leonora can’t be found nowhere, the drawer you kept your mother’s diary laying open, broken into, just as the piece of your dying heart shattered. 

          You should know better. You are a N.E.V.E.R, you only get nightmares, not dreams, and it was as if the destiny wanted to show where you belong, what is your place, as someone who doesn’t deserve a happy ending, as an rotting person who is dead long before your heart strikes for the last time. You are not loved, everyone who loved you is dead, and soon Diablo will be too, so you are left there, alone, as it was supposed to be.

          “That’s more what I like to hear, pet” She whispered with her lips brushing yours, as she crashed again into the kiss.

          When air was needed again, her mouth trailed to the crook of your neck, marking you in deep bruises as much as she could, taking moans from you in the way. Your hands were fisting her scalp painfully, pulling her red curls and pushing her head even more into you as if it was possible. She was driving you positively crazy, as she knew exactly where to touch, where to bite, where to suck to send an embarrassing amount of arousal down your legs. Of course, two can play this game, as you grabbed her neck and spun her body, crashing it just where you were standing.

          “My turn” You whispered in her left ear, squeezing her throat roughly as you crashed another bruising kiss on her already swallowed lips, making her body surrender under you. 

          It didn’t take long before your hand relaxed above her feverish skin and started to work on her tie and the very first buttons of her white blouse, exposing her neck to you mark it as yours. As soon as the kiss ended you worked upon her derm doing you absolute worse, hands all over her body and your knee buried between her legs. 

          The very first low aroused moan to fall from her throat almost made you pass out, never in your life you thought you would love so much a noise as you do now. Her hips rocking sinfully against your thigh, her voice muttering the filthiest sounds that you could never dream of. You were completely drenched, mad. She was a drug, and you are an addicted consumer. 

          “Fuck” Escaped through her hoarse throat as she gulped a deep breath.

          In a sudden move she flipped you two to your original position, she on top of you, now putting her own knee between your thighs and pressing her body extremely hard against yours, making your already sore wounds complain.

          “How bratty, you definitely know some bad manners. Impressive, pet” She whispers as her hands proceed to squeeze you even harder.

          Destiny definitely didn’t were very fond of you, as if it was like it was purposely trying to play a trick on you, her thumb sank deep into one of your nasty stitched and inflamed cuts, a little gifts from last mission, busting this one painfully open, ripping your unhealed and neglected skin in the process. You had no choice but to jolt, groaning in agony, as the air left your lungs progressively getting hard to breathe, once the injury was quite near to your ribs and it was also the main memory from that job.

          Lesso’s lips immediately withdrew from your throat when she heard your complaint, her eyes full of concern while she scanned your scrunched face. Soon, her gaze went down your body, finding a scarlet spot on your shirt, beneath her now moist hand.

          “Shit, you’re bleeding” 

          “Figured as much, Sherlock” You joked, receiving a deadly look in response “Being me and doing my job isn’t exactly a piece of cake, you know? But you don’t have to worry, I’ve had worse” And as Murphy was mocking at you, your vision started to blur. 

          “You need to go to the infirmary, immediately” Her voice was serious, and her hands moved to rip the buttons of your shirt, trying to get something to help her stop the scarlet liquid from getting out of your body.

          For a moment, you could see her eyes stare at your frame, astonished. It definitely wasn’t what she expected from a “princess”. Your torso was covered in scars, some of them from swords, some of them from monsters, some of them from exposed fractures, some of them you didn’t even remember, but more than anything, your last assignment wasn’t anywhere near easy to your skin.

          Deep bruises covered your figure, black, purple and red coloring your derma, unhealed stitched cuts laid roughly in your skin, freshly bandaged from last trip to the blue forest. Faltering, her free hand gently traveled through your injuries, hidden in her eyes, you could see sorrowness. 

          “This wasn’t exactly how I imagined you ripping my blous-'' Leonora silenced your words by pressing firmly the fabric on her hands into your bleeding wound, making you whimp in discomfort.

          “Shut up” She uttered seriously.

          “Why do you even care?” The words falling from your lips before you could stop them, covered in sincerity.

          “I don’t. Still, you are the headmaster of this school. I can’t just let you bleed to death” Lesso responded coldly.

          “Even if the headmaster is your nemesis? Let me die and evil wins” You pondered.

          “You want me to let you die?” She didn’t answer your question as her icy eyes locked on yours.

          “I already died decades ago, Nora” A familiar sad smile painted your lips, it was true “I don’t care about what happens to me, I’m doing an extra shift anyways, but I know you, and you care. Why? You’ve got what you wanted, the power, the respect, why do you still care about… me?” How could she? You were nothing! Your mind couldn’t comprehend the mysteries behind her green eyes.

          “Because it’s you for fuck sake!” She said, raising her voice, as if it was the most obvious thing on the whole planet “You’re the closest thing to love I’ve ever felt, the closest thing to home, and I know. I know I don’t deserve you, villains are never loved, we’re incapable to love, besides, evil never ever gets happy endings anyways and after all I’ve done to you, I deserve you even less. But please, don’t ask me to let you die, because I can’t bear that” 

          “What about Rafal, you-” Your brain was still trying to process her words, did she… loved you?

          “Can’t you see? I never loved him. I loved his power, and what he could make me be. Yes, I thought I was in love at first, but really I was just in pain, all the time, because in the process of gaining power I lost and hurt the only person that truly understood me, that cared for me. You”

          “I’ve never stopped caring for you-” Lesso cuts you in the middle of your sentence, again.           “And that’s the problem! You need to stop caring!” Her deep green eyes were pleading almost glistening as her hands were doing pressure on your still bleeding ripped cut “I hurt you beyond repair and still you take care of me, you carry me to bed when I’m tired, you make sure I’m comfortable, you caress me so I get good dreams, you do my work to make sure I can rest and eat, and most of all, you stop taking care of yourself to take care of me!” Her last words leaving her throat as a scream “Or do you think I haven't noticed your skin hotter than usual these past few days? You’re constantly with a fever, and will not rest for the sake of it!”

          “Nora, I-” You finally let yourself call her the way you used to, before all this insanity came into place.

          “Please, don’t let me destroy what’s left of you, you’re far too important” A single tear strayed her face, as sincerity and fear flooded her beautiful voice. You’ve never seen her so vulnerable, so broken, and it made your heart sink painfully, more than any injury could ever be able to inflict.

          “You didn’t des-” She still didn’t allow you to talk, so deep down drowned into her long buried emotions.

          “Yes I fucking did! I remember your eyes that day, how broken you were. I always break the things I love, I broke my mother and now I broke you too. I thought if you get away from me it would be for the best, you wouldn’t have a miserable life, but look at you! All these scars, these bruises, this is my fault, if I hadn’t met you and if I didn’t get you dragged into this madness you would still be safe and sound with your family. I took you away from them, hurt you, and left you alone” Tears streamed down her face at this point as a poring rain “I should feel good about it, about all the evil things I’ve done, but I fucking don’t. Because it’s you!”

          “Can you please let me finish a fucking sentence?” You said as gently as possible, the sad smile never leaving your lips, as it was your long known friend.

          “Sorry” Her voice never sounded so small, and you hated yourself for making her feel this way. But you knew it was for the best.

          “What happened with your mother isn’t your fault, she got sick because people get sick, that’s it, don’t you ever think it was because of you, you were a kid, and you did everything you could. You found us! You searched for my family’s help, and I’m sure as hell they got her back on her feet” Your eyes never left hers, as you muttered these words with all your heart “I love you, Nora. I loved who you were back then and I certainly love you now. I love who you became. God look at you, you’re stunning, deliciously evil, have a great sense of humor and for God sake when I thought you couldn’t be more attractive you appear in a suit with a walking stick.” A light chuckle left your lips “You are everything to me and more Nora. Always was and always will be”

          “Wait, you… loved loved me?” Shock danced behind her flooded eyes.

          “Yeah. You ARE my impossible ending, Nora. I thought choosing to leave would make at least one of us happy but I see now I was wrong” Your hands cupped her soft cheeks carefully, smoothly brushing her tears as they continued to fall.

          “You choose to?” She asked confusedly.

          “Yeah, though that without me you would finally be happy, with the things you desired, and more than that, you would never have known how I feel. So if you ever felt the same, you wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences. I didn’t wanted you bullied or expelled”

          “You willingly gave up your own happy ending because of… me?” Her eyebrows furrow even further.

          “Yeah… School for good after all huh? Predictable and slobbery” Your long forgotten truthful laugh escapes from your throat. 

          “Shut up” She says unpretentiously, as lovely giggles erupted from her voice “I didn’t exactly hatted your slobbery anyways” 

          “Tch tch tch” You mockingly shushed her “Don’t talk any louder, dear, people might think that the mighty Lady Lesso has gone soft after all” You joke.

          “I always got a soft spot for a dear ever, babe, but still, I’m not less evil because of that” An unholy smile emerging from her lips.

          “Good, because I love you just in the wicked way you are” You say genuinely as you move one of your hands to stroke her hair.

          “Even if evil can’t be loved? Even if I don’t deserve you” A hint of fear glimpsed in her eyes.

          “We should both agree that by now we are some twisted thing in between good and evil, right?” You smiled, suddenly feeling the weight of overwork finally charging its price. You took a deep breath to continue “Make up to me then, every day, make up to me by loving yourself the same way I love you and even more. You deserve love, Nora” 

          “You’re unbelievable you know that? So corny, poppet!” All you remembered was to smile widely before your conscience left your body.

          Certainly some time has passed, as you are in a different environment now. The dim candle lights made the silhouettes of what you thought was the school’s infirmary, as the litters aligned in bays and a long balcony could be seen. Your systems were slowly waking up, as a burning pain raised from where you knew it was your previously violated cut. Looking down at your body you could notice freshly made bandages, and in the table near you, a lot of medical supplies. 

          For how long you had been out? That was the question hammering in your head. You must have given Leonora a hell of a scare. You didn’t mean to do it, of course, but you knew hospitals and infermaries made her really nervous, as she remembered her ill mother. Tilting your head to the side now, you could see her beautiful red hair lying beside your body. 

          Her hands were intertwined on yours and her breath was steady. Still, you couldn’t not notice the dark circles beneath her eyes, she might have been covering your part of the work, just like you had done for her all those nights before. Carefully moving your right hand as you left hers, you started to gently comb her hair, trying to wake her up smoothly.

          “Hey you” Your hoarse voice said fondly when she lazily raised her head to look at you.

          “Hey, corny head” She greeted softly “How're you feeling?” She asked calmly, grabbing your hand from her scalp and gently rubbing her thumb over your soft skin.

          “Rested. Was it that bad? For how long was I out?”

          “You’re lucky your mom’s recipe was powerful” Reprehanse in her voice “It was just for one day”

          “I’m sorry I scared you” You said sincerely.

          “It’s okay” One of her hands traveled to your own scalp now. God you missed that.

          “It’s not” You would never mean to harm her.

          “I had some time to think you know” Leonora said after some moments of silence, just you staring at each other's eyes, screaming through the gaze all the unspoken feelings you had to each other, but didn’t dare to say it out loud.

          “Yeah? What did you think?” A hint of fear lashing through your body.

          “True love it’s not getting madly in love with someone. It’s choosing someone over and over again despite their flaws and mistakes because the world doesn’t feel right without sharing it with them” Her other hand encapsulate your left cheek, carefully caressing it “You choose me, even when you were not by my side, so I decided to choose you, whatever this corny bullshit it means” You felt an explosion of feeling though your heart, most of them good, but there was still one thing nagging at you.

          “It’s going to be a big mess, you know that right?” 

          “Oh yeah, it will. But what made you think I didn’t like some mess?” A wicked smile appeared on her lips and my God it made her look even better with it.

          “Guess we are going to punish whoever stands in our way then, seems like a good plan” You said in a determined voice.

          “For an ever, you’re wicked as hell, baby girl” Her grin grew wider and for sure, this woman will be the death of you, anytime.

          “I’m also a never, honey. Don’t try me” A vicious expression growing on your own face.

          Days passed cold and empty without her, as she made it very clear that she didn’t want you around, your repulsive good princess self wasn't tolerated, and she would destroy you if she ever had the chance. You were her nemesis and Rafal’s visits didn’t make your life any better, he would personally destroy everything within you, every little piece of joy you had left with his sharp words. 

          Leonora could never have what she wants with you by her side, she would never be as powerful and as respected if you still gravitate around her, she would never achieve what Rafal’s demanded if she still had you, and most of all, if she did allowed herself to love you, she would just be the weird dyke everyone hates that date an ever and probably she would be just bullied and expelled. So you did the highest love gesture you can think of, you gave your own happiness up so she can have hers. 

          Having made that choice, however, didn’t make you feel any better about yourself, you were positively miserable, to the point you didn’t care if you would live or die or just became some sort of fucking talking candelabra like Lumiere in the next day. Rafal’s of course, always making sure you would feel that way. Nonetheless, one day, when you least expected, something unimaginable happened. The Storian itself summoned you in the headmaster’s tower. 

          It proposed that you attend both schools, good and evil, so you could be its personal assistant and make sure all the stories were told the way it was supposed to be, being the good brave hero in some stories and a terrible despicable villain in others. You didn’t think twice before accepting the job, you would take anything that could get out of that school and not doom you to be in a dress, adoring a man for the rest of your life. 

          The next years were like hell, attending one school was already difficult enough but two? That was almost impossible. Endless hours of studying, little sleep and an extra year just to finish the evil subjects almost made you go crazy, but you managed it, you almost made friends along the way, but no one was ever close to you as Leonora one day was.

          Don’t get me wrong, you didn’t exactly got an easy life, bruises, cuts and scars were almost permanent in your skin and you could never thank your mom enough for the skills you had learned from her so you could treat yourself between a job and another. Faking death and disappearing became your specialty, even though leaving those you liked behind were never even remotely pleasant.

          It kept like this for hundreds of years, between being a hero or a villain, a skilled witch or a mighty sword fighter, making friends and enemies, nevertheless, even with the busiest life sometimes, when the stars were in the right place, you couldn’t help yourself but to think about a certain redhead, and if she is happy. You heard she became dean of the school for evil, and you couldn’t be more content for her, as long she was happy, you were trying to be too. Life was just like this, until one day, the contents of your next mission parchment were different than the usual.

          The Storian wasn’t asking you to be a villain or a hero or to be a support character in any story, as the first student to graduate in the school for good and in the school for evil, you shall help the deans to unify both schools, as there was no more pure good nor pure evil. 

          That really hit you as a surprise, you didn’t think that they would see the infinite shades of gray in their black and white world so soon, but it also meant you were about to see her again, work with her, talk to her, and not being able to tell her what you truly wanted, not being able to touch her the way you body desires, and not being able to love her in the way you heart ached for.

          You tried to deny it, to run away, to flee as much as you can, but there wasn’t no one else for the job, you were the first entity and also the first reader to actually be both, be allowed to be both, good and evil. You had no choice but to go.

         When your eyes meet with the now Lady Lesso your heart skipped a beat. She was even more attractive then the last time you saw her. Her redhead was beautifully puffed in her perfect curls, her body embraced and exalted by a suit alongside a buttoned coat, her fingers sinfully wrapped around a walking stick and her eyes… well you always loved her eyes but her makeup made them even more  beautifully intense, like they could read your soul. 

          “Well, well, if it isn’t my own nemesis” Her deep voice enchanted around the great hall when you entered and sent chills down your spine “You look terrible by the way” She uttered with a smile that chanted evilness.

          “Likewise” You muttered with a sly smile, lies slipping easily from your lips.

          Reformulating a school wasn’t an easy task, there were centuries of segregation and contradictions that lead to a lot of work to do, and it all fell on your and the two deans' shoulders. It was inevitable that you and Lesso grew a little closer, but not even remotely like it once was. 

          Dovey always got annoyed when you three were in a room, banter and mockery would just fly around like a lost bird, and it was always she the one to collect the attention to the main subject again, soon followed by you and with some resistance the other dean. What you thought would be a desister of a job turned out to be quite fun because of her.

          “When was the last time you even slept properly?” Clarissa said when you two were chit chatting in the great hall, your upper body just threw against the wooden table and your head was resting on your extended arm.

          “Good question, maybe when I finished my last job” Your eyes fell shut.

          “I sincerely don’t know how you’re on your feet” Dovey said, partially impressed and partially disapproving of your own negligence.

          “Years of experience” You simply said.

          “I Didn’t know the great hall has turned into bedrooms, should I get along and make myself comfy?” A deep voice from behind you said as she sat by your side and started to comb your scruff’s locks. You could recognize that voice anywhere. 

          “It didn’t, I’m just a bit tired, and if you keep doing this I might fall asleep shamefully fast babe” You said with a already sleepy clouded mind, grabbing gently her hand and raising your torso from the table, interlocking your fingers and resting your hands on the wood “Now, I gotta go and finish what Dovey requested, there’s has to be a little bit of little old me for both of you, you know. Guess that’s the burden of being so hot” You said, already standing up and slowly letting go of the other woman’s hand.

          “Babe?” Lesso said repeating the way you called her with a raised eyebrow and a smile full of sneer.

          “Yeah, sorry, old habits die hard” You couldn’t hide the sadness in your eyes “Still, I gotta go, my dove needs me” You winked and joked looking at Clarissa to give yourself time to put your facade back on, and gladly, she made a princess exaggerated movement.

          “My hero” Dovey jokes. 

          “Do you guys need a private room?” Lesso said disgustedly and all you did was to laugh genuinely.

          The dynamic between you three kept like this until the weight of never ending work started to hit your bodies, you were all exhausted and you could see Lesso completely overworking herself. Don’t get me wrong, Dovey was full of work too, but she didn’t have to neglect her sleep to be back on time, once her part of the job was a little bit lighter than the rest, while you and Lesso were completely out of your minds.

          On a cold sleepless winter night you found the redhead found asleep in between her papers in the library of the school for evil. You went there just minding your own work but as soon as you saw her image, your heart softened. Her hair puffier than usual these days layed beautifully on the long wooden desk, her body shrunken in cold and in her face the dark bags beneath her eyes contrasted with her angelic expression. 

          Leaving your own papers on the long table you walked to her and placed a caring hand on her back rubbing it gently, while you whispered lightly on her side trying to wake her up.

          “Hey… Lesso… you should go to bed, it’s more comfortable… Leonora… Hey” All you heard in response was some murmurs.

          Long minutes passed with you trying to wake her up with no success, and there was no way in hell you would let her just rest there. Carefully you picked her up on bride style and her body seemed to understand what you were trying to do as it willingly wrapped around yours, her face hiding on the crook of your neck. The location of her room was not strange for you, since you already stumbled into her when she was walking out of it. Therefore, you calmly directed her body there. 

          The path wasn’t too long, but the feeling of her breath lightly brushing your neck was making your heart melt in a way you had long forgotten. The way her body recognized yours, her scent stronger than ever, inebriating your senses and making you feel like you’re finally at home again. The memories couldn’t help but to flood your mind. Memories of a time long gone when everything was easier, happier, lighter.

          Gentilly, you placed her body on the bed of her room and a whine of compliance left her lips as the heat of your body wasn’t evolving hers anymore, so you covered her in as many blankets as you could find, making sure she was more than comfortable. Your head told you to just turn around and leave her as it was, safe, warm and comfortable, but your heart pleaded to stay a little longer and comb her hair one last time, and for once, you listened to your heart. 

          Her face was peaceful and her redlocks were as soft as you could remember, you made sure to not undo any of her curls as a pleased whimp came from her mouth. Your heart fluttered and you wished deeply that everything could be just like this when she was awake, but you couldn’t. You would never take what she achieved on her own, the respect she gained, and most of all, deep down you knew you weren’t enough for her, and she deserved better, she deserved the world and even more.

          Few minutes has passed when you decided that you should probably get going, after all, the work wouldn’t just magically disappear, but you couldn’t resist to kiss the top of her head before you go, even though you knew it was a kiss that you did not deserve. 

          The way back to the library was full of thoughts, happiness, sadness, nostalgia, all crumbling and dancing within you, however the pile of work still on the long wooden desk made you focus shift slightly. First you decided to finish whatever Lesso was working on, and placed the finished work on her bedroom’s desk, then you shifted your labor on what you originally went to the library for. It was already day when you were able to finish it and there was still more work to do.

          That night wasn’t the only you found Lesso fast asleep, sometimes you could even find yourself sleeping around the castle, but you were far more used to sleepless nights than her, therefore you found yourself neglecting yourself in a double dose, once for your own work and twice for taking care of Lesso as you promised her you would all those years ago. Your wounds, however, didn’t take that neglect lightly, as some of them started to get sore and did not heal properly without your attention. 

          Visits to the blue forest became more and more frequent, as you needed to collect some specific herbs to try to make amends with your body and lower the slight fever that warned you that something wasn’t right. Soreness, pain, was something you learn to live with, but an untreated fever could lead to days in a hospital, and you should always avoid those.

          Once after a visit to it, you passed through the school for evil and suddenly you felt a hand grabbing your arm in a vice grip, your instincts almost kicked in to take down any threats to your body, but your brain could realize that it was just a well known redhead pushing you into her office furiously. Your entire body aches as she throws you against the adorned door and a low hiss escapes your lips. 

          “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Anger audible in her voice.

          “Going to my office? What the fuck Lesso” You said annoyed.

          “Don’t play dumb with me. You know what I mean” Her face was millimeters close to yours.

          “Maybe you should be more specific my dear. I’m doing a whole lot of things you know” You knew it wasn’t an answer she wanted to hear, but you know what? Two can play this game.

          “Why are you taking care of me? Do you think I’m stupid?” 

          “I would say reckless, but since you already did…” A sly smile adorned your lips, oh you knew it would drive her crazy.

          “Tell me one good reason to not kill you right here and now” Hatred and evilness sparkled in her eyes.

          “You like it or not, sweetie, I’m now your headmaster, and I would definitely appreciate some good behavior” You said, pushing yourself towards her.

          “There’s nothing good about me, pet, you should know that by now” Her hands painfully grabbed your chin “I could think hundreds of ways to torture you just to start with, so don’t you ever think I need your fucking useless help” She almost spit those words in disdain.

          “I know you don’t need it, but, you see…” You said removing her hands from your face and holding it firmly “I went for the school for good first, so as wicked I might be, I really live up to my promises, well, most of them” Your grin grew wider

          “Feel free then, pet I’m not the person you promised this bullshit, not anymore”

          “I wouldn’t be so sure, Leonora” You didn’t like the way her name fell from your lips.

          “Don’t you ever call me by that name again” She hissed the words in anger

          “Oh, did I stumble though a sore spot?” If she wasn’t the same person, neither were you.

          “You are really pathetic, you know that right pet? Little old me captivated you so much that you can’t forget me? Do you still love me?” Damn, it stings “Geez I was so bad and I didn’t even attend school yet” A sneer laugh escaped her lips, dripping with venom.

          “Why do you still overwork yourself then darling? Trying to cover that emptiness? Or is it just self loathing?” She knew all of your weak spots, but what she didn’t expect however, was that you knew hers too.

          “Why hurt your body if I can destroy who you are once again. Do you think I forgot the look on your face when I said the first time how useless you are and that I didn’t want you around? How broken were you? Poor little pet… So in love for the wrong person” You could see the devil on her face now, you really drove her crazy.

          “Leonora…” Her lips silence your words as it brushes a trail of bruising kisses down your neck, making you lose any kind of reasoning you might one day have. Your hands travel to her red hair not entirely sure if they want to push or pull her even more. Unwittingly, you tilt your head to the side, giving her even more space to toy with.

          “That’s not the name you’ll moan tonight, pet” She said kissing and biting your jaw, your body completely surrendered to her.

          “Lesso…” You almost moan, but could manage to steady your voice.

          “See? You’re a fast learner after all, always liked that in you” She says nipping your earlobe, and you eyes shut close, her hands dancing between your body.

          “Two can play this game, you know?” That was all your aroused voice handled to say

          You could handle being chased, being beaten, tortured, see the most important people in you life telling you how much they despise you, but there’s one thing that was just too much. You couldn’t bear to watch Missy being tortured, torn apart, you could handle anything, except seeing the woman you love being hurt, in any way. Yes, she is a murderer, yes, she probably tortured someone sometime, but still, she is not that person anymore, she has changed, and you saw her changing. 

          When you first glanced at Missy in the vault, all you could think was how she looked just like you before granny stepped up, so hurt, so resentful, so trying desperately to feel something other than pure misery, but also trying so despairingly to seem okay, to seem like you need no one else other than themselves. You saw you in her, and you couldn’t help but do exactly what you so dreadfully one day hoped someone would, you cared. You cared for her. 

          One day you saw her hiding her bruised knuckles from you and Nardole’s view in one of your visits, so on the next one you found some excuse to bring a punching bag with you, alongside with some boxing gloves, so she could hit on something without hurting herself. On another occasion you saw her eyes a little swollen, so little that you doubt that Nardole would ever suspect it were ever that way. Thereupon you made another excuse to quickly go home and make a bottle of your better mix of milk and honey, granny’s recipe for when you were feeling down, just to unfortunately “forget” the full bottle inside the vault, unnecessary to say that it was empty the very next day.

          Little gestures like that, that’s what caught Missy’s attention. She began subtly to be a little less wry towards you, and little by little, your conversations lengthen and you two started to get along with each other. There were nights that you two just layed comfortably alongside each other and watched your favorite tv shows, others you just sat together each one reading your elected books with a pleasing silence between you two. Sometimes you just chatted about some random subject until the tiredness of the day got you, some other times you just spent the whole night bantering The Doctor and talking about his mannerism. And just like that, you fell in love, just to now, be punished by your bad dreams.

          Sometimes you wonder if your nightmares weren’t just your mind showing you the fears you so desperately try to forget. In any case, you were just too shaken to go back to sleep now and for that, you knew exactly what place you needed to go to find your serenity once again. The TARDIS’ beach has been your hide spot almost since you moved into the ship, it was quiet, had a gentle breeze and most of all, you could confess and tell everything you wanted to your beloved machine without the risk of anyone listening to it. 

          Your feet already knew the way by now, but the ship always made the room closer than it should when you needed it the most. You never thought you would love a machine as much as you love this one, all the sounds, all the lights, dimming and brightening in rhythm, but nothing compares to the lovely humming, that ladies and gentleman was the sound of home. The Doctor doesn’t imagine, but you’ve recorded it and put it to play every night you spend outside the ship just to lull you to sleep. Your mind would probably keep drifting about the wonders in the machine if the sound of something falling didn’t catch your attention. 

          “Bloody hell!” You heard from a tiny room ahead, there was no doors and the place filled with technological timey wimey stuff such as wires or metal plates, one of the later was resting in the ground “You should be in a fucking junkyard by now you useless shit” Missy hissed to the TARDIS.

          “Don’t talk to her like that! It’s not her fault that her driver is a little too neglectful towards maintenance” You said taking the ship’s side.

          “A fucking metal plate just fell on me so I think I get to call her whatever the fucking hell I want” Missy said clearly pissed. You were about to say something else in favor of the ship when you noticed a thin sharp redline in her forearm.

          “Shit, your arm, we really should go to the medbay” There was concern in your voice.

          “Oh this? It’s just a scratch poppet, you don’t have to care so much for little old me” Mockering was dripping from her words.

          “It's not a scratch, it's bleeding” The sight of her dark red blood made the scenes of your nightmare scream painfully in your head “Just… please, let’s get it clean before it gets infected” Your tone was shaken and the tiredness dripped over sorrow.

          “Well, if it calms your sentimental heart off we go then, there’s lots of things to fix and it’s really easier to do so when you all are not drifting around the time vortex” She said already walking outside the room. You didn’t say a single word, a tight knot was placed in your throat, all you managed to do was follow her steps. 

          The sound of her heels clicking rapidly echoed around the machine’s corridors. You could feel her eyes burning on you, but not a single word fell from her mouth. The route was brief but it felt like an eternity, memories of early flooding your mind while you try to pretend outside that nothing was happening. As soon as you enter the medbay you finally said, trying to sound as natural as possible: 

          “Um… you can sit on that stretcher, I’ll gather some supplies, wait a sec” You said, avoiding her gaze and trying to find what could be useful to clean and bandage her wound. 

          “You know I wouldn’t really throw a functioning TARDIS in a junkyard right?” She broke the silence “Also, I’m quite sure The Doctor it’s a little too attached to this particular one, so throwing it away wouldn't exactly help me get his friendship back” 

          “Yeah, I know, don’t worry” That was all you managed to say while you sat in front of her, starting to clean her cut, trying your very best to push the hurtful images to the back of your mind.

          “Did I say anything wrong, pet? Have I done anything wrong?” She tried to keep her usual tone but you could hear a hint of concern in her words “See, I’m little new on this being good thing”

          “Don’t worry Missy, you haven’t done or said anything wrong or bad or anything like that, it’s okay” You assured her.

          “Then why are you like this?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

          “Don’t worry, It’s nothing important” It was a paper thin lie, but still, you tried.

          “Well, the thing is, it is important” A deep sigh fell from between her lips “Look, I’m new to this kind of stuff but you once said you took care of me because it was all you ever wanted when you were down, having someone to care without the need to ask for it, so please, I know I’m way far from being the best person or the deserving person to do it but just for this once, let me take care of you”

          “You remembered” It was ages ago when you told her that, and she still remembered it, just the way you said. A smile crawled on your lips and your eyes brightened.

          “Of course I do remember, kitten, some of the things you say resonate you know” She said as if it was obvious. Your smile grew wider and your eyes started glistening.

          “Damn, you are truly amazing, you know that right?” There was true admiration in your words

          “Well, I’m just making my part of the deal. How was it again? You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed? I’m responsible with my pets, especially with my favorite one”

          You just couldn’t hold your tears back anymore, sorrow and pain, happiness and fondness was all mixed within you, all too much to contain. Missy then stood up and gently scooped you into her arms in a warm embrace, mildly stroking your hair. You never imagined she could be so tender, so warm, and more than any moment, she felt like home, it felt like you had your person again, and it made you cry even more. 

          She patiently waits for you to get it all off your chest, letting you wet her blouse as much as you want to, as much as you need to. Her other hand drew weightless incomprehensible circles on the small of your back trying to lull you into calmness. Your face was bared in the crook of her neck, her familiar scent invaded your nostrils and reminded you of the days you slept together in the vault in your movie nights, those were good nights.

          “Don’t worry, I’ve got you” She said in a tender tone.

          Good minutes drifted through the clock until you finally cried all you needed, the grief from your grandmother, your unrequited love for Missy, your nightmares, your fears, all gone now in the form of tears. 

          “Better?” She broke the silence carefully when you pulled slightly away from her embrace.

          “Better”

          “I just want you to know that if you want to talk to someone, about anything, even about earth’s history, I’m here for you okay? Little old me is never out of duty” Her eyes flooded with truth and tenderness.

          “Thank you” No word in the would could express the gratitude, the feelings you had now “I suppose talk about it wouldn’t hurt, I trust you Missy” When you said it so honesty a hit of surprise hit her face, followed soon by joy “So I think it would be fair enough to show you my hideout”

          “Hideout?” One of her eyebrows arched.

          “Well, when I get some really bad nightmares normally like to wander around, so in one of these walks the TARDIS showed me that room, since then whenever a need a safe place I just go there and talk to my machine friend” 

          “Machine friend? Might have to throw her in the junkyard after all” She said in a mockering tone.

          “Missy!” You said with a small laugh.

          “What? That’s my name dearie, don’t wear it out, ohh” Her brain finally realized something “So that’s why you took her side earlier, naughty naughty” She smiled showing her canines.

          “There’s enough room in my heart for you two, it is bigger on the inside” 

          “I very much like exclusivity, pet” 

          “Will you go with me or not?” You fake annoyance.

          “Follow a pretty girl to an unknown location in the middle of the night? Seams safe enough, off we go?”

          “You’re unbelievable” A genuine laugh fell from your lips.

          Your hands instinctively enclosed hers in a perfect puzzle as soon as you started to walk, a comfortable silence between you two in the brief road, iIt was really strange how things were really closer than the usual, actually you could bet the TARDIS purposely made this way, in fact she might have arranged it all. She knew you loved Missy. Anyhow, in no time you were standing on the beach’s door. 

          When you opened it and instantly you felt a pleasant light breeze on your face, the sea air filling your lungs, and the sun perfectly clouded, not too hot, not too gloomy. You took a glance into Missy’s face and a light sound smile painted her lips. In no time you took off your shoes and put your toes in the sand, dragging your honor guest with you.

          “Oh nono, no boots in the sand, take your shoes off” 

          “Sand it’s awful to clean”

          “My place, my rules, please” Pleading painting your eyes.

          “Fine, but don’t take pictures of my feet and post it online, I know they are pretty”

          “For the love of God woman” You couldn’t help but to laugh. 

          A towel laid carefully placed in the sand, close enough to the ocean but not too close to get wet, still holding hands you two sat comfortably on it, and you laid your head on her shoulder. Glancing at the waves you started to talk.

          You told her about your granny, how you missed her, told her about the nightmare that bothered you early this night, told her pretty much everything, except that she was the one you loved. Missy attentively listened to all the things you said, always making some witty comment to make you laugh. It was peaceful, among all the chaos, it was peaceful.

          She then told you about her childhood, her friendship with the Doctor, and in the end you just were chatting literally about anything that would come to mind. Talking with her was easy, was natural, and you wished it would go on forever, but now, with your head on her lap, a stubborn yawn slipped between your lips.

          “Sorry, did I bore you sweetie?” She played.

          “Shut up”

          “Naughy, but you really should get some sleep, I don’t know much about humans, but I do know about your daily semi-coma thing” Her hands were dancing blissfully between your locks.

          “I should, but I don’t want this to end” Sincerity flooded your words.

          “I don’t have anywhere else to be pet, quite imprisoned I would say” 

          “Still, I don’t want you to leave, also, I don’t want to have that nightmare again” Your face contorted to the thought of that.

          “Well, if that’s the problem I suppose I could sleep with you then, those nasty nightmares won’t bother you anymore, furthermore I will still be by your side”

          “That sounds nice” Butterflies danced in your stomach.

          “But just for the records, if I fill your bed with sand that’s totally your fault” 

          “Blame is on me then, off we go? I can borrow you one of my pjs” 

          “Little old me, in your room, light clothes, you really will have to sleep, you know that right?” A mischievous smile danced on her lips.

          “Yes, I do know that” You rolled your eyes with annoyance to mask a light shade of pink in your cheeks “Off we go?” You said getting up and extending your hands to her.

↪︎ Name: Giovanna 

↪︎ Birthday: October 18th

↪︎ Age: 19

↪︎ Height: 1.70 meters

↪︎ Personality Type: INFP

↪︎ Sexuality: Lesbian, but unfortunately I'm still in the closet

↪︎ Zodiac Sign: Libra

↪︎ Pronouns: She/her

↪︎ Nationality: Brazilian (São Paulo state)

↪︎ Hair Colour: Brown

↪︎ Eye Colour: Dark brown

↪︎ Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

↪︎ Hobbies: Writing is probably my main one, but I like to sing and play basketball once in a while, also, I like playing games a lot.

↪︎ Favorite color: Blue, especially TARDIS blue 

↪︎ Favourite food: Ice cream

↪︎ Favorite Scent: Petrichor

↪︎ Favorite Show: Doctor Who

↪︎ Favorite Breakfast: Mate tea and cheese bread (pão de queijo)

↪︎ What songs are you most into these days: Well, anything between Halsey, Jessie J and Mamamoo

↪︎ Coffee, Tea or Hot Chocolate: I drink mate tea every single morning, so…

↪︎ Average Hours of Sleep: 8 hours. However, sometimes I can sleep just 5 hours and be okay and sometimes I need 13 hours, who knows.

↪︎ Number of Blankets You Sleep With: One and it’s just to get all the demons away because I live in Brazil and here it’s ALWAYS HOT.

↪︎ Do You Like Singing? Yes, very much

↪︎ Cats or Dogs? Both, but I have a cat

↪︎ Random Fact: As long as I know, I never had broken any bone in my body. I've been able to play acoustic guitar since I was about 8 years old. I learnt English pretty much by myself and I’m the first of my family to be able to actually speak it. I had spanish classes in my school for 7 years and still I’m not able to speak it. 

↪︎ Are You a Musical Person? Yes! My battery use on my phone it’s basically Spotify

↪︎ Three must-go: Phone, earphones and wallet

    It’s just so very dark outside. No moons, no suns, no planets, just the black abism of the universe. It could drive someone mad. Maybe it’s driving you mad, maybe you just can’t see the difference between the telepathic illusions and the reality anymore. Who are you trying to fool? You are mad. Definitely human minds are not made to be frozen in time, or to be tortured by some sadistic maniac, and no, this time you’re not talking about your sadistic maniac, actually, all you desired was to see her face one last time. You’re talking about some other creature, some that you never even saw the face, but it was there, deep on your skull.

    Seems ages ago when it all happened. You and Missy were chased by a platoon of Judoon for months, and no matter what you do, they were always there, every time closer to catch the entire TARDIS with both of you inside. It was on one of these times that they finally got you in their hands. The Time Lady had fried the ship’s dematerialization circuit on the last escape and the spare one was a bit too difectful, she then contacted someone on some market that she didn’t have time to explain quite well to you, but of course, it was a trap. As soon as you got your hands on the piece, you were surrounded by Judoon's troops, all you had time to do was to hit her vortex manipulator, before they blocked it. The very last contact you had with her was though the psychic link she held on you.

    “I’m sorry Missy, I love you.” Seven words. That was all you were allowed to say until they blocked it too.

    There was no escape left, and in a blink of an eye, you were transported to their ship, completely surrendered. Even in such a situation the Time Lady didn’t leave your thoughts, how she could ever live like that, all the chase, all the trouble, there’s no use in both of you getting caught, so you made a decision. She gifted you with all time and space, it’s time for you to give something to her in return. You begged to the rhino creatures to let you serve her sentence, one prison two sentences, quite a good deal to be honest. From far behind  you an ice monotone voice agreed, it seemed to be the contractor, all was set to stone.

    Since then you live between the stone and metal walls, with only a little barred window where you could see the abism of nothing, sometimes you like to just stare at the little distantes spots of stars and try to connect the dots to form images, it was a good way to pass the days. Lights in the ground made the place backlighted and it was almost a bit cozy if it wasn’t all that existed there. You wish your body was working properly, almost all your metabolisms were frozen in time, probably only your brain were still working to keep you conscious, and it took months for you to relearn how to turn off and sleep but still you miss the taste of food. God, what wouldn’t you give for a piece of chocolate.

    As much as sleep makes you forget you’re here and numbs your pain, it also scares you to death. It wasn’t unusual for you to get nightmares, at times it felt that you weren't sleeping at all, the difference between them started to get fuzzy as the days passed by but Missy was present in every single one of them. Sometimes she would just laugh while she breaks all your bones, sometimes she would just spend hours mocking out loud all your flaws, insecurities and talking about how much she contempt you. Sometimes you saw her choking to death, sometimes she killed you, well, this last one stopped occurring these days, maybe they ran out of ideas, there’s a limited amount of ways to kill someone and you think you experienced them all.

    However, sometimes you just pretend she was there, plastic and static like a picture.. You would talk to her about your day, your difficulties, just to see another face around helps, especially that one you loved, although an answer never was expected, it reminded you too much about the nightmares. Sometimes you just imagined her laying with you on the floor of your cell and staring at the roof while you remember all the adventures you had with her, all the time and space, all the creatures, all the running and most of all, all your moments together. Even if you were just a casual sex to her, she was way more to you.

    Another ordinary day passed by, this time the nightmares were harder then the usual and you were afraid of everything. You would be crying if your tears hadn’t dried so long ago, now you were just writing on the wall, it became quite therapeutic thanks to the chalk you held in your pocket, but you only used it when it was really necessary to write your feelings down, too afraid that it could end when you needed the most. Suddenly a noise was heard and a new shadow could be seen by your side. It was happening again. You didn’t dare to look.

    “Y/N?” Missy’s voice called your name and you couldn’t suppress your body from recoling “Y/N!” The sound of her heels getting closer to you was deafening. Your elbows rested on your knees and your hands covered your head turning your body in a tiny little ball of fear. You were ready for the first assault when all it came was a caress stroke on your shoulder, still, you shivered in terror. “Hey baby girl, it’s me, it’s just little old Missy.” a gentile voice spoke.

    “It’s not, you’re not real, she didn’t come for me.” You said in a tiny trembling voice.

    “I did. I was looking for you restlessly, poppet, I finally found you.”

    “You’re just another mind game. What are you gonna do this time? Kill me again? Break all my bones? Tell me how disposable and useless I am? Go ahead, I’m waiting.” You’re getting sick of it, all you suffered wasn’t enough?

    “Oh baby, I’m so sorry about what you’ve been through… it’s all my fault, I shouldn’t let you come with me to that shop. Please look at me.” Her hand danced carefully between your curls. It’s been so long since anyone touched you like that.

    “Please, please go away or ruin me. I can’t take these games anymore. Please don’t give me hope, that’s all I ask.”

    “He’s dead, Vansell is dead, I killed him myself.” Her voice was bitter. “Neither he nor anyone will ever put their hands in a single hair of yours ever again. I promise.” Vansell? You never heard this name before. Finally you glanced at the woman kneeling by your side. “I could feel you know... all your pain, all your misery from our psychic link. I was powerless, completely useless, he blocked all my answers, I couldn’t send anything to you and that killed me. Please Y/N, believe me, I’m here. Truly. We can leave.” She was fully bared before you, no mask, no mocking, that was purely her. Suddenly a smell caught your nose.

    “What smell is it?” You couldn’t contain the question inside your mouth.

    “I-it’s your perfume. It reminded me of you” Her eyes drifted from yours in embarrassment and then it was the first time you allowed yourself to truly look at her. Missy was ruined. Big black bags laid beneath her tired blue eyes, her hair was frizzy and falled roughly from her coiffure, she was almost without any makeup, all seemed to fall out with time. You couldn’t imagine any of that, not the way it is in front of you. 

    “It’s really you?” Your voice was muffled with fear.

    “It’s me, baby girl, we can go home.” The Time Lady’s voice was cotton-candy soft.

    “I’m scared.” You stated frowning.

    “I know you are.”

    “I don’t think I can move. I waited for so long but now I’m just too anxious and terrified to do anything.” It was confusing, your body was confusing.

    “I’ll be by your side. We are going to have very difficult days, but I’ll be there. I got you. I’ll be your safe place, just like you became by when I needed the most.”

    “Y-you don’t have to. Just leave me on the earth, you don’t need a broken pet.” Your heart skipped a beat, you could never be so special to her.

    “The very last thing you said to me was ‘I love you’, let me prove to you that I feel that too. You became way more to be then just a pet, Y/N.”

    “You really came.” There was no doubt, even in your sweetest dream you could imagine that, your self-loathing would never allow you. Finally you let yourself smile, the first one in months.

    “I did. and I’ll always come to you.” Your faces were close, and slowly she leaned over you and met your lips with hers.

    This kiss was definitely different from the others you shared with her. It was slow, delicate, sweet, as if nothing matters to her more then be there with you. Her hands cupped gentilly your face and you could feel her hearts beating fast through her palms. Her tongue danced the most private waltz with yours, showing with every single moviment how much you meant to her. The entire world faded to you, there were no problems, no insecurities, no fears, it was just you and your safe place. Only when you two were complete out of breath your kiss was broken, and she rested her forehead in yours.

    “I can calm you down with a bit of hypnosis and we can go home, how does it sound?”

    “Oh, so you haven’t used it yet.” 

    “No. I would never use it without asking permission. You’re far too important.”

    “Then do it. I want to go home with you.”

    The first nights weren’t easy to go through. You were too afraid to sleep and suddenly realize you’re still on that cell and this wasn’t more than a dream, too afraid to wake up one day and realize that Missy wasn’t there. However, the Time Lady was indeed always there for you, dealing with every single one of your fears, lulling every single one of your nights, helping you with teas and hypnosis whenever it was needed. With time, bit by bit, you were getting back to be yourself again. And then, you asked to see one of the things you missed the most, the sunrise.

    Missy took you to the most marvelous place you ever saw. She was too excited that you wanted to leave the TARDIS and see something that, for her, it needed to be perfect. And it was. Two wonderful suns raised up upon the green valley mountains and warmed your skin, the sky was beautifully painted by orange, red and pink shades like in a masterpiece. The fresh wind blows your hair and fills your lungs with joy. Your favorite Time Lady wrapped her arms between your waist and rested her head on your shoulder standing behind you. Suddenly the realization falled on you, you’re finally free. A great view and your girl, that’s all you could ask for.

    Sighing, you let your eyes drift throughout the room, trying so desperately to focus on something other than yourself, trying to numb your pain. You observed the trembling shadows on the wall, glowing and dimming according to the fire that raged on the fireplace, the shelves bumped with books from all languages and subjects, some that your mind couldn't ever grasp about. The main lights were off, it was just you, the fire, and a lampshade that shaped your book's words, so known by you. 

    The leather sofas and the armchairs carefully displayed with tea tables around screamed the Time Lady's addictiveness for the drink, unpretentiously, your watch got caught by a well known couch. It was right there when she first told you how much you meant for her. Missy was reading out loud to you the same book between your hands, while her fingers danced delightfully between your locks and your head comfortably placed on her lap. She said you were her lighthouse, her safe place, and still, you couldn't believe in one word of it.

    A dripping sound suddenly lifts you from your thoughts. Your face was wet. When did you start crying? Funny, the more you try to escape, the more you see yourself surrender by her in every single aspect, drowned in her. She was your universe, and you knew deep in your bones that you weren't enough for her. She deserved more. She deserves to be loved by someone who would never leave her, who wouldn't decain and die in a few years, who she could share the rest of her life with. She just worths so much more than you could ever be.

    The worst part, nevertheless, was seeing her trying to cheer you up. Oh god, seeing her sad and concerned eyes pointed at you just destroys your soul completely. The only one you swore to protect, now suffers because of your insecurities. You knew you should talk to her, you knew that she was waiting for you to do that, but you couldn't. You just couldn't. Your mind kept repeating to you like a mantra how much desgust she would feel if she finally knew how stupid you are. Your hands covered your mouth trying to muff your sobs.

    Far away, you could hear her heels clicking on the floor, too fast for you to hide, too fast for you to run, all you had time to do was take a deep breath and wipe your flooded face. You didn't dare to look on her face, you just pretended to read the book on your lap.

    “I'm just making tea, do you want some?” She broke the silence uncertain of what to say.

    “Oh, no, I'm fine baby.” You said putting your best smile on your face “Actually, I think I'm going to bed. I'm feeling rather tired today. See you there later?” Quickly you got up, trying to pass by her unnoticed when she warmly held your arm.

    “Y/N…” Missy said in a plea “Please, talk to me. What have I done wrong?”

    “Nothing honey, I'm just a bit tired.” That was a paper thin lie, but it was the best you could come up with.

    “You're crying.”

    “I was reading a very emotional book, don't worry, it's just hormones. I'm getting very emotional these days.”

    “You were reading your favorite, Y/N, there's nothing sad or emotional in that book. Please, please talk to me. Tell me what's happening.” Missy never begged anything for anyone, but you were her exception. She was terrified to lose you.

    “It's stupid-”

    “If it's bothering you it's not stupid, nothing about you are. Share with me. I'm sure we can solve it, together.” Her hand slides by your arms and reaches your hand, lacing your fingers with hers in a warm embrace. There's just one thing in the whole world you couldn't resist: her supplicating eyes. You couldn't take it anymore.

    Exhausted, you just let yourself collapse in her arms. Tears fogged your vision and soaked her shoulder, your white knuckled fingers held her close as if in any moment, she should just turn into smoke and disappear. There was no point in hiding your sobs, hiding your misery, you let it all out. Even not grasping entirely your motives, the Time Lady held you tight, as if you were the most precious thing in the whole universe, lulling you until you calm down.

    “I’m…” Still attached to her, your muffled and choked voice began “I’m sorry Missy, I’m so, so sorry.” The words came out as a mantra

    “What do you mean?” Delicately, she involved your fingers from her blouse and kissed your knuckles, guiding you to sit on the sofa.

    “I’m not the right person for you, I can’t ever be.” You confessed avoiding her eyes.

    “Y-y-you don’t love me, is that it?” Never a few words hurt so much to be pulled out. A billion knots formed in her throat .

    “No!” You jolted, almost offended that she could think such a thing “I love you more than I ever thought I could love someone, it’s surreal.” Missy hides a relief smile, but her body lightens. “I’m so lost in you and your hearts make me feel so good, so loved, so safe that I feel I might explode in happiness. You’re my universe, Missy, and that’s why I can’t be with you” She frowns, disturbance filling her eyes “I can’t be with you knowing that you deserve so much more than I could ever be. You deserve someone who won’t fade and die in a few years, someone you can share the rest of your life with, someone so wise that you can rely on and who you could run all the universe with. I’m just a waste of time. I can live the rest of my life with you but you can’t live the rest of yours with me. I’ll hurt you. How many years do you think I would be able to run the stars with you? Twenty? Thirty? Forty? All of that is just a blink of an eye to you. I can’t just sit down and wait for you to discover the great froud I am. I can’t spend the rest of my life waiting for you to regret and most of all I can’t deal with your contempt.” The Time Lady was astonished. Her mouth opens and closes but no sound came from it. You didn’t dare look at her “I think… I think it’s better for us both if you just throw me back at my flat and forget about me.“ Your throat burns. Nothing ever could be harder than this. “You deserve more, Missy. Let go of me. Just promise that you will be happy, okay?” When your shattered eyes finally glanced at the Time Lady, she didn’t think twice before sealing your lips with hers.

    It took a few moments for you to realize what is happening, but as always, she melted you. Tasted salty and bitter from your tears, however, you could feel her hearts exploding and taking you in. Her hands cupped your cheeks so delicately as if you would break and fade in any second, her body leaning slowly towards you until your back touched the cushion, you were in the clouds. When your tongs meet, it was like your hearts meet too. Before you felt her love and passion, but now, you were emerging into it, drowning into it, until you bolt were breathless.

    “You can’t see it, can you?” She whispered, resting her forehead against yours.

    “What?” You answered still inebriated by her.

    “Your own light. Your kindness, your generosity, your forgiveness, your empathy, all of your stunning qualities, you can’t see it, can you?” She moves backwards slightly, just to see your eyes “You’re the kind of person who doesn't make people better.” It stings. “You inspire them to be better by themselves, to love themselves. For a long time I only saw myself the way other people see me, as a broken useless thing, but you saw me for me. You made me worthy. You believed in me even when I already gave up on myself.” You saw the admiration deep inside her blue sea eyes and your head skipped a beat. “You say I’m so wise but you taught me so much about people, about myself, I rely on you. I don’t care if we can’t run across the stars, I just want to be with you. You are all the stars I need, and I don’t want to waste a single moment of our forever. For the first time in my lives, I want to be happy, and that’s only possible if I’m with you.”

    “B-But I’m nothing special-”

    “Yes you are. You’re my lighthouse, my safe place, the one that makes me, a lover of chaos what to be good. I want to be better for you, Y/N, and that’s not because you asked me, you never did, that’s because you inspired me and showed me how good good can be. You made me love myself for god sake.” The sound of her laugh was strangled by her unspilled tears. “I want you until you’re grey and old, Y/N. I may suffer when you die, but don’t steal our time together from me.” Her eyes plead painfully.

    “I love you.” That’s all you managed to say.

    “Stay with me, and I promise I’ll try my best to return the favour and make you love yourself even more then I love you.”

    “There’s nowhere else I want to be.” She smiled tearfully.

    “Promise me that you’ll always talk to me when you feel this way?” She supplicated delicately. “I don’t think I can bear to hear you ask for leaving again.”

    “I promise. I’m sorry for hiding it from you, it’s just…” You tuck a rebellious curl behind her ear and place your hand in her cheeks, rubbing it affectionately. “My head kept telling me not to, you’re a big ball of confidence, I tough my insecurities would just look stupid for you”

    “Hey, first, you’ll never look stupid to me, actually you always seemed so... imprevisible? Complicated but simple, good but sometimes delightfully wicked, fragile but so strong, I think your contradictions were one of the many things that made me fall in love with you. Anyways, second, I might look like a big ball of confidence, but I’m far away from it. I wear this mask for my enemies so I don’t seem weak or less than them in the battlefield, and I can say for sure today, that my biggest fear is to lose you, not for your age, but for something else. It terrifies me to think that we can’t enjoy all the time we have left.”

    “May it be eternal while it lasts... Thank you. For being here to me.”