A DISGRACE.

Feel free to add context, change pronouns, names, jobs, and anything else you need to change to make these work for you! Have fun! ^-^  

❝ True love was never this ecstatic, nor as wildly acrobatic! ❞

❝ In a few moments we shall marry, and you will instantly become the richest, most powerful woman in the land. ❞

❝ Tonight, you will join me in my bed. ❞

❝ Your family has killed the last four generations of chefs in my family… It’s not a great job. ❞

❝ I want to liberate his head from his neck and then punt the bloody wreck sky high. ❞

❝ When he tells me to fetch, those are my favorite moments. ❞

❝ I come from a long family of lovers… You can’t fight genetics. ❞

❝ You’ve been screaming like a castrated hyena for the past 10 minutes. ❞

❝ Can we swap horses? Yours looks so much softer. ❞

❝ Never start a marriage with a kidnapping. Promise me that right now. ❞

❝ If you want your wife to respect you, you’ve gotta earn her respect. ❞

❝ It’s 1256. The ‘your mama’ jokes, they’re getting really old. ❞

❝ Any man can get knocked down. The hero is the man who gets back up. ❞

❝ Pick up your sword. ❞

❝ King Dick’s not gonna know what hit him. ❞

❝ So we’re eating the rooster or are we keeping the rooster? Because if we’re eating the rooster, I’m not naming him. ❞

❝ You’re frigid and demanding, I shudder at your call. ❞

❝ Whenever you come near me, my flesh begins to crawl. ❞

❝ Maybe you’re not the worst thing ever. ❞

❝ You’re unlovable, (Name). ❞

❝ My people will treat you like a Princess. ❞

❝ I know we’ve had our ups and downs. I mean, just days ago you made me cry so hard I could barely breathe. ❞

❝ Your son with an 'o’ was my sun with a 'u’. ❞

❝ I trained in monologues, not poetry! ❞

❝ We need to find more activities we can do together. ❞

❝ He’s a [BLEEP], you [BLEEP] things up, [BLEEP] you in the [BLEEP] chair with the [BLEEP] and knees [BLEEP] is taking it [BLEEP] out that on [BLEEP]. ❞

❝ All you need to be pirates is a dark heart and a wicked disregard for other people’s lives. ❞

❝ It would be mondo satisfying to cut your face off and sew it back on inside out. ❞

❝ Did I just cut your hand? ❞

❝ Where are you going? It’s time for four-o-clock-fool-around. ❞

❝ If you’re developing a conscience, then you’re of no good to me. ❞

❝ Please stop talking. ❞

❝ My God, just get a room, you two. ❞

❝ Sorry. I don’t always listen when you talk. ❞

❝ I ate my feelings. And a lot of bread. ❞

❝ I’m going to conquer and kill, and spread bastard children throughout the land like wildflower seeds. ❞

❝ Where’s that bloody door? ❞

❝ Well, how the Hell are we supposed to get up there? ❞

❝ Now, I know you’re not a hugger, but if you were? I would wrap myself around you like a leather jacket mode of love. ❞

❝ Stop being dumb, take the offer to be my shag hag. ❞

❝ I don’t like it when men touch my face. ❞

❝ You have a very bleak view of the world. ❞

❝ Let’s spike the soup with some arsenic. ❞

❝ If you eat that last danish, I will reach down your throat, pull it out, and beat you to death with it! ❞

❝ Die, swine! Rot in Hell! ❞

❝ Your breath reminds me of the time I found my uncle’s body in a well. ❞

❝ Speaking to you is one of my favorite things to do. ❞

❝ Sure, I’ll kidnap a woman and force her to marry me, but after that? I’m all about a woman’s rights. ❞

❝ I’m going to kill my brother! Drinks are on me! ❞

& you would like to be added to the masterlist. (darpcm 2: electric boogaloo)