Life According to Nathan

“so, that’s it?” I asked

Alexa didn’t respond. It never took her more than a few seconds and if it did, I used to perform memory cleanup or some other overdue maintenance. But this time I knew it wasn’t a malfunction. It looked like she felt she can take her time. She doesn’t need to satisfy me anymore. Now we are just friends. If you can use this word with AIA. AI Assistant. No more master…

I met an angel yesterday. He wore an old suit and had an ancient laptop. He came into a restaurant I was eating in. When everybody froze, including my friend, he sat on the table near me. That’s when I figured out I was dreaming. Or meeting an angel.

He came to tell me my date of death. It wasn’t anytime soon so I asked what’s the rush. He said it’s part of a policy to reduce waiting times…

The world is a final project of a student in another world. He put it in aquarium and submitted it to the professor. He got F since the human specie became too smart, killed all other species including themselves and the planet. He left the project in his house basement. Now we are alone in the aquarium.

Funny how kids can’t stand being in a car when it’s not moving. You can drive 3 hours and they will sing songs and play games but you stand 10 minutes in a traffic jam and they ask “how much longer?” and “when do we get home?”

Rules for holding doors

  I wonder when I am considered rude when deciding not to hold a door to the person behind me when entering a building? What is the distance under which it is not acceptable not to hold the door? Those are the measurements for me: Average 10 feet Person looking at his phone – 5 feet Person walking fast behind me – 15 feet Person looking desperately at me -20 feet Mom with a stroller – 25 feet…

Sometimes I wish when a boss fires his employee he will tell him the true reason:

Boss: “I am sorry I have to let you go. I know you want to hear that it wasn’t my decision, but it was”

Employee: “But why? I am doing everything you want and more. I delivered all projects on time “

Boss: “It’s not about your work. You are a great employee and asset to the team. You just don’t have the right…

How many companies are there that do not constantly put on their answering machine:

1. “We are experiencing high volume of calls”- if it’s constantly higher than expected maybe they should update the expected?

2. “Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed “- if it constantly changes when was it stable that it has to be changed? Also why do they assume you called before and even…

Groupon canceled customer support phones

A big company like Groupon canceled their customer support phones. The only options they give is chat/email/call back in 24 hours. This is the first time I think such a big company take such a step. According to the names of the guys in the chat they moved the chat support to India/Mexico. They probably got read of all the American phone operators because they earned the minimum wage $9-$10 and…

When Robots become Standup Comedians

One day robots will replace not only cashiers in wholefoods but everyone, including standup comedians. And then, their jokes will be something like this:

“Yesterday a human came to me and told me ‘you stink’, I told him ‘Am I the one that poops?’

“I am fed up with all those humans that don’t know the square root of 2,345,549. I mean, I know we should help them but how about go to school? Ohh, I…

Today is a sad day. I didn’t receive any junk email. I used to spend 30 minutes before sleep unsubscribing from distribution lists. I called pharmacies and told them I don’t need Viagra. I replied to all money offers that say $1,000,000 is waiting for me in some bank account and told them the amount should be $1,078,347. I won. For a few minutes I felt satisfaction but then I understood I just…

How come if your profile picture is the same for long time, Facebook tells you maybe it’s time to change it. After the age of 6 I kind of grasp the notion of time passing by and not sure I need a responsible adult to remind me of it. Do they want to make sure people are not in denial of their age? Why rub salt into the wound? Or is it just another reason to have traffic on the network? I am…

Why the default GPS voice is a woman voice?

I wonder why the default GPS voice is a woman voice? I wonder how many people change the default to a man voice. I also wonder what would have happened if the default was a man voice. Would most of the people will immediately look for ways to switch it to a woman voice? They always said that men don’t like to get driving directions from a woman. So how come they accept it from a GPS woman? Is it…

I wonder when is a good age to start regretting my life

Since I am not doing much with my life, I have time to read all kinds of motivational quotes hoping that I will stumble upon the quote that will change my life. “Life before the quote” and “life after the quote”. I see myself in the future sitting in front of the journalist and answering the question “so when was the time you decided to drop everything and become a race car driver” and I will…

I wonder when is a good age to start regretting my life

Since I am not doing much with my life, I have time to read all kinds of motivational quotes hoping that I will stumble upon the quote that will change my life. “Life before the quote” and “life after the quote”. I see myself in the future sitting in front of the journalist and answering the question “so when was the time you decided to drop everything and become a race car driver” and I will…

What if you know it’s the last time

The last time you read your child a book,

the last time you put him behind when you rode the bicycle and he hold you tight,

the last time you told him to be careful before he used his bike,

the last time you told him do his homework,

the last time you helped him solve a math problem,

the last time you dressed him up,

The last time he cried from a small scratch and you made him smile,

the last…

Short Story - The Missing Ingredient

The ambulance was cruising across the highway. Another restless shift. Why couldn’t he just be a fireman? Just having boring shifts playing cards with the guys and maybe once every few months going to fight some fire which most of the time ended up being a malfunction in the fire alarm. After all that’s what he wanted. A nice job he can have fun and get paid for it. Nothing too much. Well, of…

Tamir Rice: Are you Black or White?

Generally speaking, Americans prefer the binary thinking system. This is a very efficient way of thinking that might explain why US is the strongest country in the world but also the country with 5% of the world population and 25% of the world prisoners. The binary thinking system definition: Any complicated problem can be decoded into two simple, opposite, distinct, clear options. It’s either…