Nathan Grant

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

It Just Keeps Getting Worse

A Little Too Pampered

Even though he was reaching the point where Nathan taking care of him was feeling suffocating again, Matthew didn’t have it in him to ask for space. It wasn’t like he ever wanted it either. If it were up to him, there wouldn’t be a second bed in their room at all because it was hardly ever used, lest they were fighting. He knew that it was normal to need to make the first move sometimes; it was unfair to think that Nathan was going to fix everything every time, even if it was something minute like this .. but Matthew still wasn’t sure what was even wrong. He scooted over to erase the space between them and scooped up one of Nathan’s hands onto his lap. 

Nathan huffed out a sigh of relief as Matt took his hand. Okay, maybe he hadn’t messed up as much as he thought he had earlier. He had figured squeezing on so tightly had made Matthew not want to touch him or hold hands anymore, but apparently his boyfriend was still okay with being near to him. He chewed on his lip, fidgeting with Matthew’s blanket again with his free hand as he watched the movie. His heart was still beating loudly in his ears, even if he hadn’t done anything wrong, and wished he could throw himself into some kind of work -like taking care of Matthew or exercising- just to get his mind off of it. “You’re okay, right? You don’t need anything?” he asked about twenty minutes into the movie. He couldn’t fuss over the covers anymore, they were absolutely perfect.

A Little Too Pampered

Swallowing back his sigh, Matthew nodded. “Good, yeah.” He wasn’t sure what he’d said that made Nathan move away, and although Matthew was doing his best not to think his boyfriend as delicate, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t need the same kind of care that he had earlier on and it was becoming more obvious that there wasn’t really a way to say that without hurting Nathan’s feelings. He shifted beneath his blanket and turned a little so he could look over at Nathan. “Come back?” he offered weakly, outstretching a halfhearted hand. 

“Mhm, okay,” Nate agreed, although he wasn’t quite sure what Matthew wanted him for. Nathan really wanted to be close and cuddled beside Matthew, but he didn’t know why Matt would want the same thing. He was so stupid, and ugly, and annoying. Nathan didn’t matter, and lately he had been confused whenever Matthew acted like he did. Still, he rushed to Matthew’s side because he did want to be close to him even if he had been a bit awkward lately. He sat next to Matthew, a gap between their bodies, hoping his boyfriend might take the initiative to close it so Nathan wouldn’t have to. 

A Little Too Pampered

A Little Too Pampered

A Little Too Pampered

Phone Calls with Mom

“No, no.” Matthew’s arms easily slid around Nathan now, body leaning forward so he could rest his head on his shoulder again. It was always hard for Matthew whenever Nathan got in slumps because he wanted so desperately for his boyfriend to be well again, half the time he ended up saying or doing the wrong thing because of it. “I’m too comfortable, so you’re not allowed to move. Not that hungry anyway.” 

“Okay,” Nathan agreed, rubbing Matthew’s back soothingly. He had a feeling that if he could recline just the right amount and rub Matthew’s back for just long enough, he could get his boyfriend to fall back asleep. He let his knuckles trace up and down his boyfriend’s back. “We’ll just stay in bed for a little, don’t you worry,” he said quietly, guiding Matt’s head to rest on his shoulder with his free hand. He let his boyfriend burry his eyes into the crook of his neck to block out the early morning light. Within ten minutes Matt was fast asleep, and Nathan was happy to be trapped underneath him. Maybe Matthew was getting better, but he still needed some taking care of, and Nathan was happy to do it.

Phone Calls with Mom

Matthew nodded. He was doing good. He didn’t need as much help maneuvering around in his wheelchair now, unless there was a bit of distance between point a and point b. Even then, though, he was still wary about having anyone other than Nathan push him around. And getting up, eating, seeing Dr. Hunt .. it all came a bit naturally now, like Matthew was almost excited for it after spending so many weeks cooped up in their bed. “We both are,” he felt the need to remind. Even though Nathan was having a rough time now, Matthew wanted to make sure he at least acknowledged how much better he’d managed to become and how getting back to that place wasn’t impossible, even if it might’ve felt as much now. Despite the little smile on his face, the hand on his bum had Matthew grumbling into the kiss and shifted to sit up some. “We should eat something instead, maybe,” he offered, leaning down to peck Nathan’s lips again. “I’m craving carrots.”

“It’s seven in the morning, you’re crazy,” Nathan replied, sitting up in bed and taking Matthew with him. He wasn’t particularly hungry. He hadn’t been feeling great about himself lately, and he’d definitely been feeling nauseous, so he wasn’t up to eating anything. Especially not carrots. Orange throw up was probably the grossest throw up. “But I can get you carrots if you want, babe. You just rest, it’s early for you. Tell me what you want, and I’ll get it,” Nathan promised. 

Phone Calls with Mom

“Okay,” Matthew mumbled slowly. Realistically, he knew that there was going to have to be a time when he and Nathan couldn’t spend as much time together as they did now. He was lucky enough that Mr. and Mrs. Grant were alright with having him around the house, or else Matthew would have yet another summer to grow wary of because of time apart from Nathan. Come the following school year, though, he knew that he wouldn’t be able to be at his boyfriend’s side as often. Depending on where he went, he might even only be able to come around on the weekends, or something, and that was beyond unsettling. It held enough weight to sometimes get Matthew thinking if he really needed to go to college at all. But that wasn’t something he would ever get around to telling Nathan, or his parents, or .. well. Anyone, really. It was irrational. One of his arms squeezed through the minimal space between Nathan’s back and the mattress.“I’m getting there, I think. The busy schedule helps.” 

“You are, you’re doing really good,” Nathan promised. “I think you spoke about it well with your mom, saying how you still have a ways to go, but... but babe, I think most of the work is almost done, you know? I’m sure the hardest part was just talking to me, huh? Because that seemed like a huge hurdle that you managed to get through. And then getting out of bed was so hard for you, and eating has been hard for you, and.... I’m just really proud of how far you’ve come. Like, I still worry, and I still wanna be careful, but you’re doing great,” he promised. Nate squeezed around Matt’s middle and then let go so he could lift Matthew’s chin up and kiss him fully on the mouth. One hand reached down to give his boyfriend’s flat, little bum a squeeze. “You’re so cute.”

Phone Calls with Mom

Had this all happened a month ago, Matthew probably would have been a bit more upset that Nathan had gone behind his back and planned some impromptu phone call with his mom, and he might’ve even rejected the phone being held out for him this morning. However, he was in a better place now and although it probably should have worried him how well Nathan still was at keeping things from him, it didn’t. “I love you.” Matthew left a little kiss to Nathan’s shoulder. “Thanks.” 

“No problem,” Nathan promised. “I just... I want you to be happy, you know? I don’t want it to be so hard for you to get up and do things. And I want you to have people in your life who help to make you feel good. Like... people other than me, you know?” Nathan explained, wringing his hands together a bit. As far as Matt had come, he really did have a ways to go. Nate didn’t know how he would ever make it if he went to college next year. It wasn’t that he didn’t have faith in his boyfriend, it was just that... Well, Matt was fragile right now. And that was okay, he couldn’t help it; Nathan still loved him endlessly. “I do love holding you, and snuggling you, and kissing you, and talking to you, and spending time with you, and a million other things. I just want you happy when I’m not here.” Nate flushed, realizing how that sounded. “And by ‘not here,’ I mean, like... at class or something.”