where you were standing
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cold!natesib x dead!reader | angst | grief | guilt | hurt no comfort | tragic ending
No one ever really understood Nate. He was the kind of person people thought they had figured out—cold, distant, impossible to read. The kind of guy who didn’t let anything get to him, who always stayed in control no matter what. And for the most part, that was true. Except when it came to her. Y/n was the only person who ever got past the walls he built so carefully. The only one who made him feel something real, something he couldn’t ignore or shut down. Which is exactly why losing her didn’t just hurt. It broke something in him he didn’t even know could break.
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Nate didn’t move at first. He just stood there, staring at nothing, like if he stayed still long enough the world might rewind itself. Like maybe this was just some mistake that would fix itself if he didn’t react, if he didn’t acknowledge it. His mind clung to that thought harder than it should have, trying to make sense of something that didn’t make sense. But the silence didn’t change, and neither did the empty space where she should have been.
It didn’t fix anything.
He dropped to his knees.
The impact barely registered. The cold seeping through his clothes didn’t matter either, and neither did the way his hands trembled when they hit the ground. All of it felt distant, like it was happening to someone else. The only thing that felt real was the silence pressing in around him, heavy and suffocating.
She wasn’t there.
Y/n wasn’t there.
Two days ago, she had been right next to him—talking, smiling, pulling him into conversations he always acted like he didn’t care about but never actually wanted to leave. She had a way of making everything feel lighter, like the constant tension in his chest could finally loosen, like he didn’t have to be on edge all the time. With her, things were quieter in the best way.
Now everything felt too quiet in the worst way.
Too empty.
His jaw tightened as he tried to force everything down, locking it away the way he always did. Nate didn’t break. He didn’t lose control. That wasn’t who he was, and it never had been. He was the one who stayed steady, who stayed composed no matter what.
But something cracked anyway.
A sharp, uneven breath slipped past his control, and he dragged a hand down his face like he could physically wipe the feeling away. It didn’t work. It didn’t even come close, because his mind wouldn’t stop. It kept dragging him back, over and over, refusing to let him sit in anything except that moment.
Back to the park. Back to her hand in his. Back to the way the sky had been dimming just enough to make everything feel softer, more private, like the world had narrowed down to just the two of them.
He had planned it.
Not perfectly—he wasn’t the type—but enough. The creek, their spot, the place where she had laughed at him on their first date for being so closed off, like she could already see through every wall he had built. He was going to ask her there. No ring, no big speech, nothing rehearsed. Just the truth, for once.
For once, he was going to give her that.
His fingers curled into fists as the memory tightened around him.
He never got the chance.
Something had felt off, and he knew that now with a clarity that made his chest ache. The way the air had shifted, the way she had glanced around like she felt it too. He should have listened to that instinct. He should have reacted faster, paid more attention, done something—anything—to change what happened next.
But he hadn’t.
And that was what stayed with him.
“I should’ve seen it,” he muttered under his breath, his voice low and controlled in a way that didn’t match the storm building underneath. “I should’ve stopped it.”
The words felt useless the second they left him, but they kept coming back anyway, just like the memory did. It replayed over and over, like his mind was determined to make sure he never forgot—not the good parts, not her laugh or the way she looked at him, but the last seconds he couldn’t change.
Nate squeezed his eyes shut, but it didn’t help.
Because the worst part wasn’t just that she was gone.
It was that she had been scared.
That thought settled deeper than anything else, sinking past the anger and the guilt and into something heavier. It stayed there, unmoving, impossible to ignore. Fear was supposed to mean something. It was supposed to keep you alert, keep you alive, keep you one step ahead of whatever could hurt you.
He understood fear.
He respected it.
But it hadn’t saved her.
And now it was the only thing he had left from that moment.
Nate let out a slow breath and forced himself to stand, even though everything in him felt heavy, like his body didn’t want to cooperate. His expression hardened as he straightened, every emotion locking itself back behind something controlled, something unreadable.
That was who he was.
Or at least, who he had to be now.
Because breaking down wouldn’t bring her back. Nothing would—and for the first time, he had to live with that.
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@hollisedd @kingoveverything @qiyokuliife @myliifeisamess @2bun22
a/n: okay guys heh second fic?? uh yeah sorry that its short i just wanted to write something quick ^-^
lmk what else i should write about ;-; thank you for reading <3 *-*
also if you guys are confused y/n got shot at the park OKAYYYY bye.
