desiraes:
there’s a battle going on in her head. the logical part that knows they’re inseparable telling her to get over it and tell him so they can quit this whole distant thing. and the anxiety ridden , illogical part that’s keeping her petrified in place. ❛ no , i didn’t — that’s not what i said … polly isn’t a person. it’s called “ polycystic ovary syndrome. ” ❜ sighs softly at his lack of understanding , something that would usually have her looking at him with pure admiration before bursting into a fit of giggles. but not this time , not with the amount of tears she’s shed and the ones she’s yet to shed. ❛ nate … ❜ starts softly , dreading the thought of having to explain it to him , though she shouldn’t have expected him to get the scientific medical talk on the first go. desirae’s clenching her fists as she tries to piece together a way to explain it to him. a breath of relief ( that she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in ) falls from her lips at his words , and they’re just enough for her to find the words to break it down for him. ❛ this syndrome — not polly — it’s a hormonal disorder that affects reproduction in women and causes infertility and i’ve got to talk to the doctor about it more in terms of cures and what to do but to put it simply … ❜ she’s speaking slowly , and somehow calmly , as if it’ll help him understand. ❛ nathan , it means that unless we can get it to go away , i can’t have kids. ❜ finally meets his eyes through her tear filled ones , heart racing in anticipation. ❛ i’m sorry , ❜ sobs , even though it was well out of her control but it just feels like the right thing to say. ❛ i’m so sorry , ❜ she repeats over and over to both him and her as tears flow freely without signs of stopping.
when she collapses into sobs, his first instinct is to help her. he wants to scramble across all of the space between them and comfort her, but he’s flooded with a freezing cold hopeless upon realizing that he doesn’t know how. nate grasps uselessly at the blankets now pooled in his lap, but lifts his head again, alarmed, when desirae says his name ... and then his full name. he was gobsmacked, but still heard her next words. i can’t have kids. “it’s okay.” nate scrabbled, rushing to try and comfort her before registering the meaning of her words. the instinct to help — to help desirae in specific — is something that nate has always felt, for as long as he can remember. it’s not knowing what to, having no idea how to console the only person in the world he’s always felt like he truly knows which has him feeling helpless. “there’s nothing that you need to be sorry for,” nate murmurs, sounding less rushed and more sincere than when he was telling her it’s okay before he had even registered her words. although, he stood by his initial reaction. it is okay with him. “it’s not your fault. we don’t have to do anything.” nate felt a deep ache as desirae cried and he watched, unsure how how to console her, and unsure if he even could.
