Natalie Edward

As artists, we're always asked the same question: What inspires you?

My evening walk with the dog is often the time of the day when I reflect on random things that have recently happened in my life.  Today, I realized that when I'm asked this question about inspiration, I always give a quick answer without thinking about it too much. What am I inspired by? I'm inspired life, love, pain...BLAH. BLAH. BLAH. 

Well, I thought about this question while Latte the dog and I wandered the neighbourhood. I'm sure my answer will change in a few months, or a few weeks, or maybe even tomorrow! But right now, as of THIS moment, this is what I'm inspired by:

Children. Their imaginations, fearlessness and inquisitive nature are what inspire me. I think that as adults, we tend to assume more than we ask questions. We seek the answer of "why" as closure, instead of as an introduction or starting point. Kids go through each day with the drive to learn and discover, and thus ask why as a way to begin exploration.  When I'm around kids, I remember the importance of imagination and exploration.

Next, I'm inspired by Art.  I'm referring to poetry, dance, music, visual art, film... Essentially, human expression in all it's forms. We are a species with such complex thoughts and emotions, and it's often hard to understand why we feel a certain way, or why we take certain actions. When someone is able to depict details of human nature and our emotions, I feel SO disarmed, and yet so enlightened at the same time! It takes my breath away. 

A large part of this art inspiration is taken up by other recording artists. I'm constantly blown away by the work of other musicians. At the Vancouver Folk Festival, I overheard part of a press conference with Dan Mangan, when he was talking about what and who inspires him. Afterward, my impression of Dan was that he is a humble (and intimidatingly smart) guy that isn't afraid to ask the universe "why".  He also left me with one very important thought: Us humans? Yeah, we're not so special.

Another artist that has recently inspired me is Missy Higgins.  I've always been a fan of the Australian songstress, and was pleasantly surprised when I discovered she released a new album this year. I poked around on her new website a bit, and started reading her "About" page.  What I read managed to shock, sadden and excite me all at once.  MISSY QUIT MUSIC!?

“You get the amount of success you dream of and it doesn’t bring the happiness you thought it would,” Missy says. “You have an existential crisis – how do I become happy? If this doesn’t give you fulfilment what does? And when it’s caused by something you’ve always attached as being your identity, what do you do? I’ve always been the singer or the musician or the songwriter. And when I quit music that was terrifying. Who am I? It was scary but it was also important to find out.” (http://missyhiggins.com/about/)

She quit.  But then she came back. And wrote some pretty amazing songs around the whole experience. I have to say that there have been many times over the last few years where I felt like I wasn't good enough, or smart enough, or driven enough to make it in the music business. Actually, I quit too, for just a little while. I took all of this past winter and spring off, because I couldn't seem to get out what I was feeling inside (aka, a pretty intense writer's block that lasted somewhere around a year and a half). I left the music scene thinking that I'd never go back, that I'd never write a song again. I came back into it mere months later, without really meaning to.  I wrote a few new songs, and then all of a sudden started getting emails about shows.

Now that I've started writing and performing again, I'm faced with the question of what I have to do to be successful.  And if I get there, is it going to make me happy? 

Two months of unemployment. Two full months of unemployment in the most expensive city in North America. It has worn me down.

May might have been the hardest month of my life so far.  A lot of personal things happened that were only made harder with my very prominent lack of income. There is such a huge part of me that wants to just give in, throw up the white flag, and call it quits. If not for my amazing, supportive and loving boyfriend I probably would have done just that. And now we're heading into month three, and I'm still unemployed with a lot of debt. I'm not going to give up. I REFUSE to give up because I've worked so hard to get this far.

With all the things that have happened as of late, I started writing again. I haven't written in what feels like way too long, so lets see if I can ride this wave. I've decided to pick myself up, dust myself off, and set some goals... At least some music related ones, for now. I'm going to (try to) turn this random-nonsense tumblr blog into something with a little more thought and substance. Here goes... 

Brand New Goals:

1. I am going to record an album with Pierre Marchand.  I want to do this for a few reasons; Not only is he a great Canadian producer, but he is also someone who has worked regularly with Sarah McLachlan.  Most people don't know that my music career grew out of a single performance at a small-town idol contest.  I sang Sarah MchLachlan's song, "Angel" a capellla (the song played at my Aunt's funeral, the first close family member I lost), and won first place. From that moment, I started gaining confidence in myself and in my music and singing abilities... and the rest is history. Thus, my desire to record an album with Pierre Marchand; His work seems to be where I started, without even knowing it.

2.  I am going to tour with Josh Ritter. The more I learn about this talented artist, the more I grow to like and respect him.  I've always loved Josh's music, but after seeing him play live at the 2011 Vancouver Folk Fest, I liked him even more.  He looked like he was having so much fun!  I respect that charisma and ease that an artist shows when he really, truly enjoys what he is doing. I love that he has a blog full of first-hand advice for people wanting to make a life in music. I mean.. That's just plain awesome. So, it has become a new goal of mine to go on tour with Josh. Who knows when it will happen, but with any luck and perseverance, maybe it can happen sooner than later.

3. I am going to respect myself and my songwriting more. It sounds like such a lame and cliche thing to say, but I really do need to start respecting myself more.  I have always been easily frustrated by my songwriting abilities. I'm afraid to write a "cheesy" song, and I think that limits me.  I am easily frustrated if lyrics and chords don't fit or flow the way I thought I pictured them to be, and then I end up giving up on the song.  I have been avoiding recording a new album because I don't feel like I am where I want to be with my songwriting. Always just a step behind... Yet, I don't give myself the chance to grow. I want to start taking things as they come, and I want to stop creating such ridiculous expectations for myself.

4.  I am going to play at the Vancouver Folk Festival. for the past few years, the Van Folk Fest has been my cloud nine.  It's better than Christmas, and I start looking forward to it months and months and months beforehand. But, I've always been a spectator, never a performer.  Not that I've ever submitted my music. I always seem to drop the ball on that one. Maybe I feel like I'm not ready... I don't know.  But, every year I wonder what it would be like to be on the stage, instead of standing in front of it.  It's soon going to be time to find out.