Nashville Rookie

I got monsters in my head

That won't stay dead.

Shadows breaking windows.

Shattered glass

Back from the past.

Two left feet dancing

Always out of tune.

It's okay,

They'll forget by noon.

Or that's what I told myself

When I put my shoes

Back on the shelf.

I said,

Doctor, what's going on?

She said,

You got turned around

Sometimes Even time falls down

Just keep holding on,

There are eyes in my fingers.

Watching every single blink.

Footsteps in the sink,

Buried in the mud of hate

And dodging bullets

From those who took the bait.

I said,

Doctor, what's going on?

She said,

We got turned around

Sometimes even time falls down

Just keep holding on,

I said,

Doctor, what's going on?

She said,

Just keep holding on,

Just keep holding on.

Sometimes even time falls down.

I keep reaching for letters in a chain

To keep from drowning in the rain.

Every link makes my heart think.

Every connection my mind's emotion.

If only I knew the difference between

Bounded and grounded.

Is life just a puzzle of double trouble?

Which side of the rainbow

Will the wind blow?

Stones are sinking under the snow.

Does anyone hear me?

Can anyone explain it to me?

Yes, right here it's me.

If only I knew the difference between

Bounded and grounded.

Is life just a puzzle of double trouble?

Which side of the rainbow

Will the wind blow?

Rain drops burning under the sun.

I keep reaching for letters in a chain

To keep from drowning in the rain.

Which side of the rainbow

Will the wind blow?

Which side of the rainbow

I met a man with an oversized coat.

When I asked a question

He had to clear his throat.

Searching for the answer.

Hoping to find the right note.

I asked him why.

Empty words passed by.

I knew the answer

But I wanted to hear the lie

As he straightened his tie.

Above us, a glass ceiling.

He barely heard me speaking.

Before he got into the elevator.

And I watched the closing door.

If it's him or her.

It will always be him.

That's how they made it.

Even if the lights go dim.

I saw someone like me.

Ready to pass through the gate.

I asked the woman how she did it.

She said it was far from easy,

You have to pack your bags

nice and heavy.

She went into the elevator.

One more question for her.

Will it ever be me?

She said count the oversized coats

Carrying small tots

Watch ten pass by

Then give it a try.

If it's him or her.

It will always be him.

That's how they made it.

Even if the lights go dim.

Watch ten pass by

Do you feel the world climbing into your soul?

Is there a half that makes it whole?

Ceilings falling before breakfast time.

We're all just a breeze in the chime.

Just a breeze.

Just a breeze in the chime.

Just a breeze.

Just a breeze in the chime.

The hunted became the hunter

One day in mid September

Do you see the smoke cut into your skin?

Is the punishment worth the sin?

Walls crashing before quiting time.

We're all just a breeze in the chime.

Just a breeze.

Just a breeze in the chime.

Just a breeze.

Just a breeze in the chime.

I want to be a gentle kiss

Not a missile we'll never miss.

Just a breeze.

Just a breeze in the chime.

I know a story

That keeps a mother up

At night with worry.

Afraid of light finding it's way

To what she has locked away.

It's the one thing she can't let the world see...

An empty room,

Where her daughter use to stay.

An empty room,

That smells like the cheap cologne

Of the men she couldn't leave alone.

Too afraid to do it all on her own.

Now she stands guard

Outside of an empty room.

She tells herself she deserves immunity

She didn't know she was guilty,

She closed her eyes so she couldn't see.

An empty room,

Where her daughter use to stay.

An empty room,

That smells like the cheap cologne

Of the men she couldn't leave alone.

Too afraid to do it all on her own.

Now she stands guard

Sunflowers in bloom

Curtains open in every room.

The smell of fresh morning dew.

A world that is new.

These are the things

I wish I could still dream of,

Closing my eyes

To what time brings.

Dreams getting shorter

As we lay in winter

Dreams getting shorter

As we lay in winter.

Hope part of yesterday

Fear most of tomorrow.

No one knows

Where the sun shines today.

Dreams getting shorter

As we lay in winter.

Dreams getting shorter

As we lay in winter.

The changing seasons

And their growing lessons.

The sound of morning birds dancing.

In a world that is new.

These are the things

I wish I could still dream of

Closing my eyes

To what time brings.

Dreams getting shorter

As we lay in winter.

Dreams getting shorter

"Do I Even Have a Choice?"

I've said yes mam

And opened doors

I am what I am

Not an act for the show.

But does anyone really know?

Why do I have to be alone to be heard?

How much does it cost to have a word?

I hear my voice

Do you hear my voice?

Do I even have a choice?

Do I even have a choice?

My bottom lip has scars

From my own teeth marks.

Silenced for monsters

And some jokesters.

My ears burn

Waiting on my turn.

But not everything that goes around

Comes around

In a circle of greed

There's no points for

A good deed.

Why do I have to be alone to be heard?

How much does it cost to have a word?

I hear my voice

Do you hear my voice?

Do I even have a choice?

I'm dancing around a barrel

Trying not to throw a towel.

Living in a world turning fowl.

Watching scrambled channels

And no one can turn the dial.

We all have thoughts medicine can't cure

And diseases scientist are so unsure.

Ring that wallstreet bell

Cause we're all going to hell.

And we're all pointing fingers

And playing tattletale.

So much motion all around

Absent of all emotion.

So much lost and never found.

Phantom steps are dancing

With no footprints come morning

And we're all pointing fingers

And playing tattle tale.

We're all pointing fingers

And playing tattletale.

Our vision isn't fine

We are too deep into the wine

Life is just a blur.

And Angel wings don't have fur.

We're all pointing fingers

I've had the good

And the bad to hold.

I've seen mountains

And valleys.

Pulled back curtains.

Had countless tears

And a few cheers.

There is one thing I know ...

You've never danced

If you are always dancing

You've never grieved

If you are always grieving.

You've never lived

If life isn't always changing.

I once played

When the day begun.

Laughing under the sun.

Imaginary friends

Everyone pretends

And that never ends.

Now there's so

Much work to be done.

Not as much time for fun.

The road always bends

And everyone pretends

And that never ends.

You've never danced

If you are always dancing

You've never grieved

If you are always grieving.

You've never lived

If life isn't always changing.

I still smile

When a star twinkles

Even with a few

More winkles.

Everyone pretends

Mommy,

Where are you?

School is really scary.

There's a monster here.

My friends are playing dead

With red paint

Coming from their head.

I'm hiding

Just like the teacher said.

There are loud bangs.

Mommy, where are you?

The man on t.v. said guns protect us.

Why are they being aimed at us?

The man on t.v. said he would use his gun

To shoot bad people.

Mommy, what have I done?

What did I do wrong?

Please forgive me

I'm not bad, can't you see.

Mommy,

The monster is in front of me.

I close my eyes so I can't see.

Mommy, what did I do wrong?

His gun is so long.

And it's pointed at me.

What did I do wrong?

Don't you love me?

I never knew bad people

.....was me.

Her body can't turn away.

Taking steps that she can't unwind.

Never before feeling the sun this way.

Her footprints leading out of the familiar

Spellbound by more than gold and silver.

She's going to live her life her way.

No matter the price she has to pay.

Eden say good bye

To the paradise of yesterday.

Your heart couldn't lie.

Now you're on your own way.

Now you're on your own way.

There's so much of life to live.

Paradise sure sounds nice.

But even the desert has lessons to give.

Can't appreciate the fruit

Without a little dirt on the root.

She was given just one rule.

But sometimes a queen

Has to make her own jewel.

Eden say good bye

To the paradise of yesterday.

Your heart couldn't lie.

Now you're on your own way.

Now you're on your own way.

The world will never be the same

Since that temptation came.

Now perfection isn't given but has to be found.

Now we're not just breathing

We are living.

The all knowing knew

Exactly what she would do.

When he gave her a woman's soul.

Somethings you just can't control.

Eden say good bye

To the paradise of yesterday.

Your heart couldn't lie.

Now you're on your own way.

I look at you and

My heart grows full bloom.

Every part of me is with you.

No matter what's going on

All I feel is you.

You have my attention

And my imagination.

You have my satisfaction

And my meditation.

You have my forever

And my ever after.

My thoughts get lost in your eyes

Every part of me is with you.

No matter the unanswered why's

All I see is you.

You have my obsessions

And my confessions.

You have my cage

And my passage.

You have my forever

And my ever after.

My dreams awake with you my destiny.

Every part of me is with you

No matter the protest to the unity

All I want is you.

You have my crucifixion.

And my resurrection.

You have my pleasure

And my desire.

You have my forever

And my ever after.

You have my forever

In 2017, I was a business woman climbing the ladder of success. Despite being drawn to art early on in my life, my mother the accountant, encouraged me to take a more "stable" route. I went to college and majored in Human Resources and Business Management. After graduation I was off and running in the world of the 9:00 to 5:00, that was really a 6:00 to 6:00 and 24/7 on call job.

I found myself in Nashville, TN as part of my career advancement journey. In December of 2017, my wife randomly got tickets to a Brandi Carlile concert at The Basement East. A few hours in the same room with that band, those fans and that music and my entire life changed.

I began painting. The creative urges my soul felt were finally being feed unapologetically. I knew this new found spirit for life was a direct result of that concert, but unless you have actually been to a Brandi Carlile concert, you won't fully understand.

In 2021, I fell into a deep depression. My wife and I had separated and I was a shell of a person, living primarily under my pillow where I spent the day crying. Other fans of Brandi who I had meet via social media encouraged me to keep reaching for the light of music, the same light that had changed my life a few years earlier.

I wrote a poem and then another and another, putting my emotions into words. Musicians read the poems and said, "You are a damn good song writer." Insecurities kept me from fully accepting their praise, it's still hard to fully accept, but I kept writing. The musicians began writing music to my poetry and now, less than a year later, my poems are now becoming the words to songs.

The first song completed "Sugar and Salt" , came with tremendously praise. The second, "Save an Angel" , even more praise and kind words.

I don't know if these songs will ever become hits on a radio. But the example that Brandi Carlile brought into my life in 2017 never left me. Had I not been at that show, I have no doubt "Sugar and Salt" and "Save an Angel" would have never been written. I would likely still be lost in a deep depression falling down a dark hole of hurt and pain, but instead, I turned those emotions into art and in doing so gave myself strength to face another day, then another and before I knew it, I was no longer under my pillow, but up living my life.

I knew that concert was special. I knew it when I was there, I knew it every single day after. Not only did it change my life, but later I would learn it was at this very same concert that Amanda Shires approached Brandi Carlile about forming an all women band, a band we would later know as The Highwomen. A band that was, just like that concert, more than just music but music and energy with a purpose.

Sorry to bust in on ya.

I just heard the news

You got the gay blues.

Don't want the word gay

Said in your schools today

Well I got a question or two.

What good do you think that will do?

Do you remember Sandy Hook

And the precious lives guns took?.

No student has ever been killed by a round of gays.

But many have died for being that way.

You still hate the gays and fight for your guns

You better wash that hand you raise to praise Jesus.

The one you raised to vote for the guns that kill us.

The one you raised to vote to discriminate.

The one you raised to vote against love and for hate.

You better wash that hand you raise.

You better wash that hand you raise.

Guess you support the lives that kill

You quote the Bible,

Think your words may be garbled

Cause my Bible says God's gift was free will.

We are all his children

And it's a sin to kill.

My Bible says Jesus is a savior

And love thy neighbor.

Hey, Florida.

We need to check your Pulse

You remember that don't ya?

Innocent people living their lives

Until gay hate bust in and took that life.

God made Adam and Eve

They made some babies

And yes some of them were named Steve.

Some of them were tall.

Some of them were short.

Some of them liked to play ball

Some of them like to snort

But all of them were God's children.

You better wash that hand you raise to praise Jesus.

The one you raised to vote for the guns that kill us.

The one you raised to vote to discriminate.

The one you raised to vote against love and for hate.

You better wash that hand you raise.

You better wash that hand you raise.

Hey, Florida

I hope you have a gay old day.

Did you know saying gay

Won't turn you that way.

So here's to all of the gays.

...You keep being gay

And maybe the Christians

Will someday become Christians.

You better wash that you raise to praise Jesus.

The one you raised to vote for the guns that kill us.

The one you raised to vote to discriminate.

The one you raised to vote against love and for hate.

You better wash that hand you raise.

Addiction. It comes in many forms and impacts the lives of not only the addicted but also those who love them.

Addiction. It can infect anyone, no matter their wealth, gender, beliefs, color....it is a disease that knows no boundaries.

The person you love still lives inside the addiction. Their behavior driven by the addiction is not their true soul, but rather a symptom of the disease. This song was written to acknowledge the pain that can be felt from loving someone that is addicted, but to also show that the soul of the one we love is still very much there and deserves to be saved.

It is not saying that someone who loves a person addicted should stay in a relationship to try and save them, no matter what. In fact, the song was written after I separated from my wife, but I never stopped loving her and never believed that the person I married was gone, only hidden away behind the disease. As much as I love her, I could not watch her slowly die from the addiction. If being with me was not enough to save her, then I needed to be strong enough to walk away and make room for whatever it was she needed to overcome the disease. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but had I not, I honestly believe she would have soon died.

I grew up with those bound to die young.

Fast cars on back roads.

Taking life as it unfolds

Always with a heavy foot on the gas

Or a tight grip on a tall glass.

Living on the edge of good bye

With no good reason why.

Challenging every turn

With nothing to earn.

Chasing a thrill

That's really no big deal.

Looking for a rush

From life's final push.

Pour another glass

I'm waiting for time to pass.

Every night I go to the bar.

Drink a few beers with the same faces.

Than try to find my old car.

I'm always doing what I do.

Sitting on the same stool since high school.

Ten years have passed.

Still reaching for the same glass.

Challenging every turn

With nothing to earn.

Chasing a thrill

That's really no big deal.

Looking for a rush

From life's final push.

Pour another glass

I'm waiting for time to pass.

I guess daring life

Is easier than honoring a wife.

It's smoother being faithful to a drink

Than to a woman who can think.

One day I'll have a glass too strong

And just like that, I'll be gone.

The drink that kills me

Sure as hell won't miss me

And the life I never lived.

Challenging every turn

With nothing to earn.

Chasing a thrill

That's really no big deal.

Looking for a rush

From life's final push.

Pour another glass