nani

“What’s the story with Ellie’s dad?” Joel asks one night as you’re having dinner at his place. The girls are at a sleepover and it’s Sarah’s first as a new student at the middle school. She was excited to go with Ellie.

“Ellie’s dad?” Your appetite is going away the more you talk. “Hmm.”

Joel nods.

“Is he around?” He asks. “It’s just that you’ve never mentioned an ex and Ellie never mentions anything about her dad.”

You sigh before putting your fork down with a clank. The chicken and rice beginning to nauseate you.

“We never mention her dad because there isn’t one.” You slowly respond. “There never was one.”

Joel stays quiet as he takes in your answer.

“Did you use a donor? Or is she adopted?” He leans back in his chair. You watch him closely, contemplating if you should tell him any more because with your salary, you know he’s thinking you didn’t struggle to adopt her.

“When I graduated from college, my best friend Anna got pregnant. She never revealed his identity, but she found out she had cancer the same month she found out she was expecting Ellie. We were friends in high school and we were inseparable. When we got to college, we began our company in her grandparents’ garage.” You feel nervous as you continue.

“She was the one that designed the skeleton of the company you see today. It’s so advanced and it hasn’t failed yet. That’s why they want to buy us out.” You pause to take a sip of wine. “Anna gave birth and I was scared she wasn’t going to make it. She went through with having a baby and didn’t take any chemo treatment. She said that she was glad that she was able to experience being a mother, even if she didn’t get to meet Ellie. She left everything to me. I had Ellie to think of when I made serious decisions and I had to raise her alone. She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”

Joel smiles.

“Yeah, she’s a great kid.”

You scoff in amusement as you agree.

“But you never got married?” He clears his throat.

You shake your head.

“I dated, of course. What 20-something year old didn’t? I just couldn’t party a lot or have anyone over. My last serious boyfriend was almost six years ago.” You clear up. “That was a pretty tough breakup.”

“What happened?”

“We were together for two years. I thought it was serious or at least serious enough for us to settle down and raise Ellie together, but he said he wasn’t interested in being a dad to a kid that wasn’t his blood.”

“What a fuckin’ asshole!” Joel exclaims.

You pat his hand and smile softly at him. You realize at that moment that you’re falling in love with him. Joel with a big heart. Joel with a sweet daughter. Joel, who you’re convinced is also in love with you.

“I dropped him as fast as I could. I don’t even know what I saw in him, or anyone I dated before him. No one ever stayed long enough and Ellie hated sharing me with anyone.” You sigh wistfully and shake your head. “This is different though, she’s much more open minded about this. Maybe because she got a friend in Sarah.”

“Yeah, Sarah’s pretty gaga over her too. Wouldn’t stop talking my ear off about her new friend Ellie.”

“I just hope she’s doing good at Dina’s house.”

Joel smiles at your worry. You’re different from the other women he’d had the chance to meet way before Sarah was born and even after his ex had walked out.

“I’m sure that she’s fine,” He assures you. “She’s got Ellie.”

“I’m glad Ellie has her.”

You’re falling. Fast.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.” You whisper. You swallow thickly, nervous to see his expression. Nervous for his answer.

“I am too.” Joel says.

You release a breath you hadn’t noticed you were holding. He smiles widely as soon as you do.

The rest of the night is spent snuggling on his couch, a western playing on the tv and your boots are positioned beside his front door beside his work boots. His need for holding you a welcome to your touch starved self. Seems like you were both starved for love and affection. He was becoming one of your favorite people in the whole world. Right behind Ellie and Sarah.

“I don’t want to go,” You’re sure you sound like you’re whining.

Joel pulls you closer.

You had asked for a name and hoped he wasn’t older than you were thinking. You try not to seem so glum as you go through the doorway of the restaurant and head over to the hostess.

You tell her the name of your reservation, which is of course your friend’s name since she wanted to keep your date a surprise, and she motions for you to follow her.

What you don’t expect, is for Admiral Simpson to be sitting at the table. He’s stands as he see you and seems confused as well.

“Sir,” You say and your back straightens right away.

He also stands stiffly as the hostess smiles and motions for you to sit.

“There must be a mistake,” He says as he looks at her. “You’re not here under Ashleigh Murray’s name, are you?”

As soon as those words are out of his mouth, you stutter as you try to respond. He glances over you quickly and settles on looking straight into your eyes.

“I am.” You manage to say.

He nods and he helps you into your seat by pushing it in behind you as you sit down. Your internal monologue is going crazy over this.

How could she do this to you? And how the hell is this even happening right now? I am not like Cyclone at all!

“I’m so confused right now.” Is what you mumble out and use a finger to lightly rub on your eyebrow. You quickly pull it back and check that there isn’t make up on it.

“How do you know Ashleigh?” You ask him. There’s absolutely no way that the world is small enough for him to actually be friends with the one person, besides your squad, that you talk to every other day on base.

“Well, since she’s a communications officer, she’s been under my command for years. One of our best and I always request for her to be a part of my team.” Admiral Simpson, or Beau, responds in a quick tone. “She’s not on the mission because she’s having a baby. Desk duty.”

“I can’t believe she did this to us.” You’re glancing around hoping this isn’t a prank.

He watches you just as awkwardly and he picks up the menu. You pull out your phone to send a quick message to Ashleigh and he clears his throat.

“Maybe,” He starts. “Maybe, we could just have dinner. Not as a date now, more like a formality because we’re already here and we never get to enjoy our time off.”

“Especially with the mission right now.” You say.

“We don’t have to talk about work.” He says. “Let’s eat, I don’t know about you but I’m looking forward to the house steak.”

You laugh because your nerves are shot and you’re expecting him to say, sike! But he never does. He looks over the menu and you do the same.

“We could treat ourselves to some wine. The finest kind, of course.” He says.

“Maybe not the finest.” You say looking pointedly at him. “Just the regular kind is fine.”

He nods and motions for the waiter. He lists off his order for wine and you’re distracted by how well spoken he is. He’s wearing an all black suit with a black dress shirt under. It’s surprisingly pleasant on the eyes and you’re catching yourself watching as his chest hair peaks out.

Admiral Simpson is hot.

Your cheeks heat up when he looks over at you and you’re quick to avert your eyes. He noticed, of course, but didn’t say anything.

“Well, this is awkward.” He says suddenly. It causes you to burst out laughing. He smiles.

“Yes, it is.” You agree. You smile softly at him and he keeps your stare.

As the night goes on, your mood has definitely brightened and he seems more relaxed with making conversation.

“You did not do that!” You laugh as he recounts what he had to do in his first year of being in the navy.

“I swear, I had to shaved my head cause I lost a bet.”

Things were looking brighter.

It’s a surprise how well you click with Admiral Simpson. Of course, there was the thought of getting caught during dinner.

He kisses you after walking you to your car. A weird way of saying goodbye from someone who never showed interest in romance before.

“I actually had a really great time tonight.” You say as you turn to lean against your car door. He smiles and has his hands in his pockets. The air feels warm even as you stand in the cold.

“It was nice.” He says. He’s slowly scooting closer to you. You’re not stepping away as he’s in your personal space and is looking down at you.

“Admiral Simpson?” Your voice sounds breathy.

“Beau,” He corrects. “Call me Beau.”

You nod and he’s slowly leaning down to brush his lips against yours. It’s soft and fast and you’re surprised you’re not recoiling or pushing him back. He pulls back and seems just as surprised as you. You feel flushed with butterflies in your belly.

You whisper your first name to him and add a soft, Beau. He smiles down at you.

“Good night.”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The months after the uranium mission fly by and you both stayed in touch and began dating. In secret, of course, because the rest of the Dagger squad has no idea how in love you are.

He tries to ignore the quick glances you take every time you’re in each other’s line of sight. He also tries not to linger around you as to not draw attention. You’re quick to cut conversations off before anyone can tell you’re bantering like an old married couple.

The Dagger squad never catches on until one night. At the Hard Deck, Hangman notices when you answer your phone that something’s up. Especially after he catches a glimpse of your contact photo for Beau. It’s a cheesy Valentine’s Day selfie of when he took you to see a play.

“Is that Cyclone?” He asks way too loud. The group suddenly goes quiet as they turn to look at you.

Your face burns as you look down at the still ringing phone. You twiddle with the ring that’s on your dog tags and struggle to find an answer.

“No way,” Is all he says before Rooster and Coyote pause their game of pool to rush over and see what he’s talking about.

Phoenix and Bob are sitting beside you and are just as interested in what’s happening. She puts her beer down and says, “Let me see!” She’s drunk already and her cheeks are flushed and she’s giggling.

The phone is out of your hand faster than you can keep a tight grip on it. Hangman and Phoenix are giggling as the phone rings again.

“Should we answer?” Hangman asks.

“No!” You cry out. “I’ll answer and I’ll answer your questions after.”

They all agree and you’re quick to rush out of the bar and dial Beau again.

“Hey, darling.” His voice is smooth and it makes your stomach erupt with butterflies.

“Hi, Beau,” You say holding a finger against your ear to hear better. “They know.”

“They know?” He asks.

“Yes,” You sigh. “I hope you’re not mad.”

He sighs and says that he’s not.

“What should I tell them?”

“The truth, darling. They were bound to find out anyway, right? A surprise engagement would’ve been awful.” He says.

You glance down at the simple ring on the chain on your neck. It’s a Simpson family heirloom and you smile at the thought of how he proposed.

“Yeah, you’re right. As always.”

“Invite them to the party. We’ll talk then.” Beau says.

“Alright, wish me luck.” You say.

“Good luck. I love you.”

You take a deep breath as you walk back in. The group is seated around a table and it looks like they’re whispering amongst themselves. They stop once you’re standing by them.

“Okay, what’re your questions?”

They all start speaking at the same time and you wince at how loud they are. It’s Bob who makes them all quiet down and go one at a time. Phoenix is first, she seems like she’s sobering up.

“How the hell did that happen?”

You rub the back of your neck and answer honestly. “We got set up by Ashleigh in comms. She didn’t tell me I was going on a date with him and he didn’t know it was me either.”

“But like it’s Cyclone!” Payback exclaims. “Admiral Cyclone! He’s such a hard ass and a dick like 90% of the time!”

Fanboy also agrees with him. And Coyote sticks his hand up as if he were in school.

“When? Where? Why?” Was all he asks.

“End of last year, around October. We went to this steakhouse downtown. And honestly, I was just as surprised as you guys are now.” You say.

“That long? That’s almost a whole year ago.” Fanboy cries out. “We’ve all met each other’s boyfriend and girlfriends.”

“It’s a secret. At least it was.”

“Well, are we going to “meet” him too?”

You shake your head.

“We’re having an engagement party next Saturday, you’re all invited.”

That causes them all to freak out.

Bradley tries to understand what you’re going through, but he can’t. This is something only you will go through. As exciting and wonderful as it seems, it’s also terrifying and mind blowing.

You’ve had contractions on and off since you hit your eighth month of pregnancy. A frightening expectation, but welcomed nonetheless.

Nicole Bradshaw, already nicknamed Birdie in honor of her paternal grandfather and father, is set to make her debut in exactly two weeks. Although you think she’ll be here sooner than that.

As you shift and try to get comfortable, you feel a twinge of pain run through your hips and back. You huff a breath out and place a hand over your stomach. This is all new to you, your hearts feels like it’ll jump out of your chest. Bradley’s turned away from you on his side of the bed since you’ve complained about being too hot. You try to stay calm as you sit up. Almost half an hour passes before you feel another contraction. You can see the sky lighten as you lay back down and try to keep your breathing steady.

You jump as Bradley’s alarm goes off. It’s five in the morning and you don’t know if you should tell him before he goes on his run or after. He wakes up quietly and quickly turns the alarm off. He turns to face you and almost jolts in surprise. You usually sleep in late.

“What’s going on?” He sits up. “What’s wrong?”

You shake your head and say, “Nothing.”

Bradley, your sweet husband, knows you better than you know yourself. So when you see his expression, your eyes start to well up with tears. He leans over to pull you into his arms.

“I think I’m in labor.” You whine. “But, I don’t know if I really am. My water hasn’t broken.”

You groan softly as you shift in his hold. He pulls away quickly and gets out of bed.

“You should go on your run.” You say. “This is supposed to take a long time.”

Bradley shakes his head.

“I can’t leave my wife at home while she’s in labor.” He says.

“You take like an hour to run and she’s not rushing to get here yet.” You try to reason. You feel another bout of pain and take a sharp breath.

“Hold my hand.” He whispers. His shirt is still stuck to the top of his torso. You laugh a bit at his frazzled appearance.

Your usually calm and collected pilot is nervous.

“How long should we wait?”

As he said that, you feel like something pops and the bedspread beneath you gets wet.

“Okay, keep calm,” You say squeezing his hand. “I think my water just broke.”

You watch his expressions as he runs his fingers through your hair and leans down to kiss your forehead.

“Should we head to the hospital?” He asks.

“Doctor Peña said to go once my contractions are five minutes apart.”

The morning progresses quicker than either of you expects. Bradley’s called into work about you being in labor and as expected, your phone has been flooded with phone calls and text messages from the rest of the Dagger squad.

Phoenix has been sending you affirmations as a way to keep your spirits up as she’s stuck on base. Penny and Maverick have called about ten times and by lunch, you’re ready to head to the hospital.

Bradley helps you with showering and getting dressed. He helps you step into a fresh set of underwear and helps with the dress you choose to wear.

He stops at the front door to turn and pull you into a kiss. You grasp his arm tightly and he laughs softly.

“This is the last time it’ll be just the two of us.”

Tears well up in both of your eyes and you nod smiling widely. He’s quick with getting you out the door and you hear him pause and speak to one of the photos on the wall at the entrance.

“Bye mom, bye dad.” He kisses his fingers and presses them on the frame as always.

You make your way to the hospital and try not to freak out. You feel like you’re watching everything through tunneled vision. His hand is over your belly and you’re grasping onto the handle over your head.

The hospital finally comes into view and he’s quick to help you out. You walk slowly towards the front entrance and he’s calling for a nurse to help.

She’s immediately running in action and helping you sit down. Once you’re checked in, they help you settle into a bed and you’re lucky to have your own private room.

“I’m going to call your parents.” Bradley says. You’re holding onto him tightly. “I’ll be right back, don’t worry.”

You try to relax and groan as another contraction hits. You’re crying and trying not to yell as you ride it out.

“Why didn’t I say yes to the epidural?” You groan out loud. “I am never doing this again.”

The day progresses and it’s finally time for you to push. Bradley’s positioned by your head since you don’t want him to watch.

“You’re doing great, honey.” He coaches your breathing and you’re crying.

“Bradley, I can’t do this.”

“You can do this.” He says firmly. “Just keep going. I’m right here.”

You take deep breaths and push.

A sudden relief courses through you and you’re suddenly feeling very awake. A shrill cry rings through the room and your doctor is holding up a goo covered, squabbling thing.

Your baby. Your darling little girl you’ve been waiting for. She’s tiny and angry. The doctor guides Bradley with cutting the cord and you’re slumped back on your pillows.

“It’s a girl!”

You’re suddenly overwhelmed with tears and motherly pride as she guided onto your chest. Your hands are quick to cover her back. She’s whimpering in protest and begins to calm down as your hand rubs up and down her back.

Bradley watches you both fondly. He has tears streaming down his face as he sits down beside your bed.

“You did such a great job, honey.”

You feel him press kisses over your forehead and cheeks before he pecks your lips.

“Hi, Birdie.” You whisper. “Hi, I’m the one that’s been feeding you junk food every day.”

You laugh as she makes soft noises. Bradley’s hand settles over your hand.

“Thank you.” He whispers.

“For what?” You ask with furrowed eyebrows.

“This isn’t goodbye,” You whisper. “I promise, I’ll find you. Wherever you go, my warrior.”

“Don’t go.” He hears himself plead. Your sharp intake of breath makes his heartbeat speed up. He lowers his forehead onto yours. He watches as your eyes close.

“Din,” You whisper again. “We talked about this.”

“Don’t forget me.” He sighs with unshed tears in his eyes.

“Never.”

His helmet-less head makes you see every expression on his face as you pull back. It feels like a sin to be able to take in his face. This isn’t how you both planned for you to see him. Months of small touches and grazes as he courted you, whispers of the creed’s rules. He planned to marry you. You know this, you’d expected it, but Grogu is more important. You’re more important. Ahsoka’s comments of you needing to be trained, are what makes you both make this hard decision.

You’re leaving with Grogu.

He’s staying behind and watching from a distance.

“I love you.”

You try to pronounce the mando’a equivalent of that to Din. His breath hitches as he repeats it back to you.

So many years of them asking, “Wait, when’s your birthday, again?” Even when you’d been friends since high school. One year, they straight up told you they forgot. This year was different. You wouldn’t text them or call. You hadn’t spoken for months and so you didn’t even reach out.

Your family lives too far to make a quick trip to where you lived and so it was a quick FaceTime call from your parents with a promise to spend the holidays with them. Soon after the call ended, you cried until you got ready for work.

Tonight, you booked yourself a table at one of the restaurants in town. You felt awkward dining alone. You usually just ordered take out and stayed home, but you wanted to make your night special. Even if it was just you, you fixed yourself up. Left the t-shirt and jeans at home and wore a nice flowery dress with a pair of small heels.

You tried not to rush yourself and you took your time with enjoying your food. You paid no one but the waiter any attention. You had ordered a small dessert, a chocolate cake, and when it arrived, you pulled out some candles and put them on top. You lit the candles with the single candle that was on the table and sighed.

You didn’t want to cry, so you closed your eyes and made a wish.

Just as you blew the candles out, a man had walked over to you. It startled you a bit because your eyes had been closed. He smiled and motioned to sit with you.

“Hi,” He said.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you sat up straighter.

“Hi?”

He points at the chair and asks, “Could I join you?”

You nod meekly as this handsome stranger, with a mustache that looks like it’s right out of an 80’s cop show, sits down.

“I’m Bradley. I’m here with my friends,” He turns to point at the table behind them. “I saw you eating alone and wondered if you’d like company.”

“That’s very nice of you.” You say, smiling softly. You didn’t know what else to say.

“Happy birthday.” He says.

You feel your bottom lip tremble before you clear your throat and blink tears away.

“Thank you.” You whisper. “You’re the only person, besides my parents of course, that has said that to me today.”

His eyebrows raise in shock but he doesn’t really have any other reaction.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” He sounds sincere. You watch him closely and shake your head.

“Is there another reason you came over here?” You ask. He nods.

“I think your beautiful. And I know you really don’t know me, but I’d like to join you.”

Your mouth opens in shock before you recover.

“You’re right, we don’t know each other.” You say. You look down at the cake between you both and sigh. “Would you like to share this with me?”

He smiles widely and nods.

“Sure.”

The night progresses and soon it’s time for his friends to leave. They walk over to him and the only girl in their group walks up and tells him they’re leaving.

He ends up walking you to your car and he sighs loudly at you unlocking your car. You turn in confusion and he smiles.

“Uh,” He says. “Is there any way that I could take you out sometime?”

“Like a date?”

“Yeah,” He smiles. “Like a date.”

You shrug.

“Okay.” You both pull your phones out and exchange contact info.

“Okay,” He leans over and sticks his hand out. “It was nice meeting you tonight.”

“You too.”

That’s the story you tell your son when he asks how mommy and daddy met. Bradley and you laying on either side on his big boy bed.

The second year should’ve been when you were planning to get pregnant, but then life hit you both hard. His father passing, and your mother getting sick. Life wasn’t stress free at all.

And then you got pregnant.

It was unexpected, but you were happy.

Until the night that changed your life. Waking up in cold sweat with a sharp pain. Crying out in panic and Beau scrambling around to help you. The ride to the hospital was terrifying, but going home without your baby in your belly was your worst nightmare.

The time between then and now was long, but you tried and tried. Visiting doctors and fertility treatments, now here you are. Five months pregnant and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I hope she looks like you,” Beau whispers. You’re laying in bed facing each other on your sides and waiting for sleep to arrive. He runs a hand up and down your back.

You had both found out the gender of your baby that afternoon. Beau’s smile never waned as he drove home and helped you settle onto the couch while he made dinner.

Your eyes well up in tears as you place a hand on his face. He kisses your palm and sighs.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Beau whispers.

“I’m just so happy, Beau.” You sniffle. “We’re finally going to be parents.”

He watches as you begin to sob. He pulls you closer and kisses your head.

“I know,” He says. “I know.”

“I just have this feeling in my chest, that something’s going to happen and I won’t be able to do anything about it again.” You say.

“Look at me,” He says. You tremble in his arms. “I know that I can’t promise that nothing is going to happen, but I know that I’ll be here with you and that our girl will be here with us.”

You sniffle in response.

“She’ll be in her bassinet, right here with us. Then when she’s ready, she’ll be in her room and she’ll be running around.” Beau continues.

You smile as you picture Beau with your daughter. A tiny baby girl in his big arms.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･*ੈ✩‧₊˚ ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

When the time comes, it’s a calm and collected moment. No rushing around. No panicking from yourself or Beau. A quiet moment with a kiss in the car before taking a deep breath and heading to the hospital. Beau is softly humming as he soothingly rubs a hand on your belly. The pain is rapidly increasing as you try not to panic.

“Almost there,” Beau says.

You place a hand over his and squeeze. You groan and tears stream down your face.

It’s all a blur as you make it to the hospital and you don’t remember exactly what happened but hours later, you’re holding your daughter against your chest. Beau is sitting on the bed beside you.

“You did it.” He kisses you softly as he rubs the baby’s back. She lets out a whimper as she shuffles around.

You’re too busy to see Ellie sometimes as you have to go to meetings and events for your work

You sometimes barely have time to pick her up and take her home, dropping her off with a kiss and a half empty promise of being home for dinner

Ellie talks so much about Sarah, that when you finally meet Joel at a parent-teacher meeting, you talk to him about her

He’s surprised that someone so beautiful and graceful could be talking to him

He’s proud of Sarah and so he talks and talks about her and mentions Ellie

“You and your husband must be proud of Ellie. Sarah’s shown me some of her drawings that’s she done of her.”

“Extremely proud and I’m not married...”

That’s where the pining starts for him and he talks to Sarah about Ellie and what her mom actually does

“She’s adopted, something about her birth mom being like best friends with Miss Y/L when they were in college.”

“So, she’s single?” “Dad! You can’t ask that!”

Joel starts to attend school events with Sarah just to get a glimpse of you

When the school hosts a carnival, you get there and help out a bit with setting up and Joel miraculously gets there too to help

You watch as he helps the men set up the stage and then the chairs and tables

He keeps catching your eye and smiling

You wave at him shyly and his heart feels like it’s jumping out of his chest

He makes his way over to you when you’re done with your share of tasks

“Hi.” Awkward pauses that make you both laugh before you break into a conversation about your girls

“Ellie’s helping with face painting.” “Sarah’s helping with the race.”

He finally asks you out as you’re both sharing a plate of nachos

His face is pink and his hand is rubbing the back of his neck

“Would you like to have dinner sometime?” “Sure! I mean, yes. That would be lovely.”

“That is the worst shit I’ve seen in all of my years in the Navy, (your callsign)!” “Sir, that maneuver was necessary!” “Silence! I never want to see that shit again!”

Silence as you both stare at each other. His chest rises and falls as he tries to not yell again.

“You’re one of our best. You keep doing that and you’ll be grounded permanently.” Cyclone sighs, running a hand down his face. He walks over to you and shakes his head.

You surprisingly start to follow orders after that. You never expect to see Cyclone outside of work at a bar right before you’re deployed.

It’s awkward as you make eye contact with him and sit a few seats away from him.

He’s nursing a whiskey neat and you’re trying to not turn to look at him. He, for some reason, can’t help but admire the way you look outside of uniform.

He’ll act like he doesn’t remember how awkward he was as he asked to join you later on.

You try not to flirt with him as the night goes on and he very boldly asks to buy you another drink.

After that, he sort of starts to subtly ask you out to dinner and you agree. It’s still weird for you at first but he makes you feel ✨comfortable✨

You don’t sleep together until after you come home from deployment. All the pent up emotions of being away helps to give you a push.

After that, he asks if you’ll be his girl.