I want to kill myself so bad but Iâm such a pussy
I'd rather be in outer space đ¸

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@nancypancy99-blog
I want to kill myself so bad but Iâm such a pussy

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If you need someone to talk to, just message me or send an ask :-)
Gentleman?

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GOOD VS. EVIL
Spirit Animal
life shouldnât be this exhausting. im not living im just surviving.
My mom told me she doesnât know what I expect from her, my father, my brother, or grandmother. I expected support. I expected love. I expected compassion. I expected a safe place. Â I expected a FAMILY. Â I knew I was difficult to love. But I didnât know I was so worthless. Nobody every wants to deal with it. Even when Iâm trying. I try. I swear. I pretend like Iâm happy. All I said was I feel so alone and thatâs what I got. She doesnât know what I expect. I expected a fucking mom.Â

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wrote this for my ex, too scared to send so posting here
Yno I wasnât tryna drag u down w me. I wasnât tryna ruin ur life or make u sad with me or any of that. I didnât do this on purpose. Honestly all I wanted from u was to know u still loved me even tho Iâm like this. I wanted u to not care I was like this yno. I wanted u to see the good and say fuck it itâs worth it anyway. And I honestly was always a bitch cuz I was scared u were gunna leave. Idk why I was so scared to lose u. U actually saw the good in me. U actually saw me. U made me wanna be better and do better. Motivated me. Idk itâs like when I realized how easily I could lose u n that happiness I panicked. N everyday I tortured myself with the thought what if what if what if what if he leaves. N I couldnât even enjoy it. N now itâs gone n idk how to handle it. I want to hate you so bad but my heart wonât let me. Every time I think about it my heart shatters all over again and I get this burning sensation inside my whole body. I really love you. And it saddens me so deeply that I lost my love. Just want it to stop hurting. I hate Iâm like this. I hate that I feel so much I hate that I care so much I hate it so much. Made me lose what mattered most. You.Â
You need a private talk? Just send me an ask!:)
Truth is Iâm really fucked up. Iâm more fucked up then I thought and it scares me every day to realize that Iâm really the problem. No one else is. Itâs me. And idk how to change it. Iâm scared nobody loves me like this everyone is waiting for me to change and get better. But idk what the problem is. I just feel lost and alone and nobody understands me. I canât be happy because of me. Idk whatâs wrong with me. Scared of losing everything because of it. And I canât even change it. Everyday I wake up and I just cry because itâs still there. It wonât go away. Why am I so worthless. Why doesnât anybody hear me?Â
I think I want my next piercing to be through my heart with a wooden stake
Iâm so mad at myself.Â

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âMy brother killed himself on the twenty-eighth Thursday of last year and I missed four days of work and my mom wanted to know âWhyâ. My brother he was always a fan of beauty but what he did was not beautiful at all. And last week I got the news that one of my good friends from high school had overdosed (again) except this time sheâd gone too far and now she was gone. And I had a hard time falling asleep at night and her mother hugged me tight and thanked me for coming to the service but I did not want to be there at all. This is not beautiful. The girl down the street wouldâve turned 21 last year and I can scarcely imagine the wild times she wouldâve (shouldâve) had. But she is buried six feet deep after falling nearly 300 and she did not leave a note. This is not beautiful. My freshman year of college and my roommate was beautiful and how I wanted to be just like her. But she wore herself down till she was almost invisible and if you blinked you had to go and find her all over again. So now her parents are no longer supporting her college tuition but are paying her hospital bills watching their daughter crumble. This is not beautiful. So yâall can take your narcissistic romanticizing and glamorizing of self harm and eating disorders and committing suicide and shove them as far up your ass as you possibly can. Starvation is not beautiful. Killing yourself is not beautiful. Sadness is not beautiful. This note I am writing is not beautiful. But you you are beautiful and itâs about damn time you start believing it.â
â (via runiqu)
I really donât wanna lose you but I lost all control now and idk if I can do this fuck