lottie

 The Claw’s New Year party has dragged on more than expected, and it’s almost four. Few customers are left, some chatting over the loud music, some getting ready to leave. George’s talking to Jesse and watching over her little sisters sleeping on some booths, Nick and Bess still on the dance floor.

Nancy and Ace have been joined at the hip since they got together, and after Ace notices Nancy’s sixth yawn in less than twenty minutes, they agree to call it a night. Ace piles some of the stray cups in the sink and takes a few scattered chairs to the far corner. They wave to the crew and promise to be back by afternoon to help figure out the mess.

The night air is crisp against their flushed cheeks when they step out the door. Nancy tightens her coat, and Ace rests a hand on the small of her back. He is the designated driver tonight, so they make their way to Florence, kicking snow and trying not to slip on it.

Nancy rolls her eyes as Ace opens the passenger door for her, not able to contain the smile that creeps up her face. She gets in and immediately stretches herself to open his door from the inside. If he gets to be chivalrous, so does she. He gets in with a matching grin and dips to kiss her softly.

The engine is turned on and left to warm up a bit before taking off. They go straight to Ace’s apartment, his right hand on Nancy’s knee every moment it isn’t on the gearshift. She dozes off as soon as her hair hits the headrest. 

The climb up to the actual floor is slow paced, Nancy’s feet catching on at least two of the steps. The warmth of Ace’s arms guiding her and his whispered “careful”s make her feel tipsy, it takes some actual effort to not fall asleep then and there.

While Ace searches for his keys in his pockets, she leans on the wooden door frame and rests her eyes. She’s so tired her eyelids itch like crazy, and her fingers are tingling with cold. The door unlocks, but she stays put, opening one eye to check on Ace. He’s right there looking back. She reaches out with one hand to grab his jacket lapel and brings him in with more might than strength, just to rest her arms on his shoulders and stroke his hair. 

“Let’s get inside, yeah?” he coos, kissing her cheek and brushing his nose to her ear. Nancy nuzzles her face in the crook of his neck, so he hugs her waist and pulls her up a few inches from the ground. She lets out a surprised shriek and hugs him tighter. He closes the door softly with his boot and turns on a light with his elbow.

Ace puts her down on the neatly made bed, and leaves her for a moment to head into the bathroom. He takes a couple of minutes to brush his teeth and wash his face, then fills up a glass of tap water and picks up Nancy’s toothbrush and paste. 

He expects her to be asleep already. Upon exiting the bathroom he sees her back, she’s curled up on top of the comforter. “Nancy, do you wanna brush your teeth?” 

He walks around the bed to face her, and finds out she’s actually awake, her eyes glossy and unfocused. She’s breathing through her nose, her lips forming a tight line.

Ace leaves what he’s holding to give his full attention to his girlfriend. His hand finds her cheek as he asks softly, “Nance, what’s the matter?” 

Her eyes focus on him and she makes that expression she always does when she’s trying not to cry. Ace lets out a murmured noise that sounds an awful lot like ‘baby’ and then asks her if she wants him to hold her.

When she nods, he takes her shoes off and goes to do the same with her jacket, but a sob interrupts his actions, and he gets that it’s a time sensitive situation.

He lays down beside her and she rolls over to dig her nose into his chest. When she feels safe enough, the dam falls and she lets herself cry. 

She cries and she isn’t even sure why, they had a great night, didn’t they? All their friends were there, and she has an amazing boyfriend, who’s even holding her right now! And she survived a supernatural parasite just last month, and a major murderous sea spirit before that! So why would she complain? Her best friend came back from the dead, which is actually great, since it was her fault she died in the first place. She found out she is somehow adopted, and her parents hid it from her her whole life, but they had their reasons, and it’s not like her childhood was at all as traumatic as it could have been. Except for the child murder she encountered at the ripe age of twelve, and met again a few months back. And such a busy year even helped distract her from the fact that her mom is dead, and she has no prospects or projects in life!

She thinks she might be wailing, and she’s definitely ruined Ace’s sweater. A distant part of her mind feels ashamed at such loss of control of herself, but she’s not sailing her boat right now, so there isn’t much she can do.

-

Ace knew it was bound to happen. The amount of trauma that they’ve all been through this year would be enough to knock down a horse at best, but he knew Nancy had it worse than everyone. He had always been so worried at how good she was at repressing everything.

He brushed her hair through his fingers, untangling knots and undoing the two intricate braids she had spent half an hour making. The sobbing turned into hiccups and then to soft puffs of air against his neck when she exhausted herself. 

Ace hadn’t finished his night routine, but he wouldn’t move now that Nancy was asleep. He reached over to grab an extra blanket he had a few feet from the bed and covered her and himself with it. He turned off the lamp and went back to holding Nancy.

He was really tired before, but he won’t close his eyes, even when they start to sting. Something in his subconsciousness makes him stand guard. After half an hour of ruminating he gives up and his eyes shut.

-

He sits up before he knows why. The bed is empty, and there is noise coming from the bathroom. The door is closed, there is light coming from under it. His brain rushes to catch up, he looks out the window. It’s still dark, the clock? It's almost seven. PM? No, AM. Right. 

He gets up when he hears the sound again. Retching. Fuck. He picks up the toothbrush he remembers leaving a few hours ago in the nightstand, and makes a beeline to the bathroom. He knocks on the door, “Nancy, I’m coming in.”

Nancy is kneeling on the floor, her face inside the toilet. Ace crouches next to her and gathers her strawberry blonde hair in a haphazard ponytail, with a hair tie conveniently placed right next to her on the floor. He rubs her back, and finds she’s shaking and sweaty. When a few minutes pass and it seems like she’s not gonna vomit anymore, he asks, “Are you alright?”

Nancy nods. “I’m fine.” She takes a shallow breath in, covers her mouth with her hand, and closes her eyes. She’s nothing if not stubborn, and she won’t be controlled by nausea, no sir. “I’m okay.” She repeats.

She accepts the toothbrush when it’s handed to her, but doesn’t get up; she just reaches up her hand to the faucet and brushes her teeth from the floor. Getting up would be risking getting dizzy again. She spits into the toilet and flushes it. 

Ace is there, watching her every move and trying to make a plan. “Do you want to head back to bed?” he asks her. 

“Give me a second,” she says with a raspy voice. Her forehead is resting on her forearm, and she’s doing her best to breathe slowly. Ace nods and stands up.

He goes back to his bedroom and arranges the bed so they can actually get inside this time. He goes to the kitchen and picks some Primperan, a glass of fresh water and a bucket, that he leaves on Nancy’s side of the bed. He grabs an old cotton t-shirt and a pair of Nancy’s pajama shorts and heads to the bathroom.

Nancy looks up from her spot on the floor. Down there, all sticky and unstable, she feels so weak it makes her want to cry. She saw herself in the mirror earlier. Her face pale, skin almost transparent, reminded her of when the parasite was still attached to her. Bitter bile climbs up her throat, she swallows and pushes it down.

Ace, with his perfect bedhead, and his worried eyes, hands her a change of clothes. She looks down to find herself still in last night’s knitted dress. She accepts the offer and changes quietly, while Ace subtly looks another way. He grabs the dress and folds it on his arm, then reaches his other hand to help her up. Her stomach makes a weird noise, but she doesn’t get the urge to puke again.

She turns off the bathroom light and follows him to the prepared bed. She notices the bucket on her side of the carpet.

“You can take one of those pills, for the nausea,” he gestures to her nightstand. She takes one and downs it with a sip of water.

She turns to him and tears up again. Guilt and grief sit heavy on her chest, she can’t help but think, “I don’t deserve you.” 

It comes out as a broken whisper. She knows it’s not fair to say such a thing, but it’s eating her insides since they got together.

“Come here,” he says, laying down with his arms open. Nancy can’t deny him, and so she lets herself be comforted, even if she isn’t worth so much love. “It’s late and you haven’t slept properly.” She sniffs and hugs him back. “We’ll wake up in a couple of hours and then get breakfast, and then I can show you how wrong that statement is, okay?” She chuckles softly. If it was anyone else, she would be defending her honor right now, but it’s Ace, and he’s right even more times than she is.

“Okay.”

There is still a long way to go, but it’s a start.

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