Moved to his-saiko

It has not been a good time. Or should I say it has been the worst of times.

It really wasn’t a good time for these past few days… Another argument ensued between you two and everything has been quiet none of you were messaging each other.

With a sigh, you prepared yourself for everything to end. You know it’ll hurt. You wish it doesn’t at all but what can you do? You didn’t want to admit it but you check on him the way you’d know how without disturbing him.

“He must be worried.” You tell yourself but it feels hard to accept that. Even if it was true. “I messed up.” That’s what you have at the back of your mind. You sighed again. Tears silently stream down your cheeks.

You can’t hold a grudge over the people you deeply care about but the feeling of injustice is still there so you end up hurting yourself more.

Your phone pinged. You hurried to hold it and clumsily do so. You were thinking of your friends messaging you but to your horror, you saw your boyfriend’s nickname in the notifications. He left a voice message.

“This is it. I guess…” You braced yourself. You played the message.

tw/cw. cigarette smoking, suggestive, fluff, comfort

disclaimer. details may be omitted to fit the character.

He puffed out smoke from his lips. I waved my hand in it as if I was playing with water. His arms and legs wrapped around me even more. He pressed his lips on my neck then bit down. I whimpered and melted onto his body.

“You okay, little kitten?” He whispered into my ear.

“What do you mean?” I whispered back and looked at him.

“Just checking, baby. You know I worry.” He said before smoking his cigarette. I let my fingers dance within the smoke he puffed out. He put out his cigarette and pulled me closer to him.

I giggled. “Babe, I’m not going anywhere.”

He turned me to him. “Pinky promise?”

I grinned. I kissed the centre of his chest. “Ab imo pectore.” I laid my head on his chest. His heart was beating a bit fast. I let my nail trail the side of his torso slowly.

He growled and flipped us so he could be on top. I chuckled. He bit down hard on my shoulder. I moaned and whined. My power, stolen from me. He kissed the most sensitive part of my neck then slowly trailed his warm hand down on my side.

“Stay.” He whispered. He grabbed my jaw and kissed me.

I whined and turned to hug my stuffed toy. He chuckled and spooned me. He kissed my cheek and cuddled with me. He pulled up the blanket to our waists. We were enveloped by silence. He exhaled sending chills over me as his warm breath slithers on my skin.

“I think I’m going to quit smoking.”

“You are?” I turned to face him. He tucked my hair behind my ear.

“Well, I’ll only smoke with my friends but if you’re around I won’t be smoking.”

“You don’t have to do that. I could just move out of the way if you want to.” I nuzzled and buried my face into him.

“That’s what I’m trying to avoid in the first place.” He pulled me closer. His warmth doing a better job to comfort me than anything else in this moment. “I want you by my side or on my lap whenever we’re together.”

“Babe, I’m not going to disappear just because our skins aren’t touching.”

“I’ll kill anyone who touches your skin.” He said with gritted teeth.

“Fine. Fine. Fine.” I chuckled and put my arm over his waist. “I’ll stay by your side all the time when we’re together.”

“Good. Can’t have anyone getting what’s mine.”

“No one is gonna steal me, dork.” I grunted.

“It’s just a precaution, baby.” He kissed my forehead.

“But if you get caught, I’ll get sad. Jail visits are difficult.” I pouted.

He smiled. “Then I’ll just stop smoking around you. See? Easy solution.”

“No more dancing smoke?”

“I can’t risk your lungs, baby. I’d rather just let you stay more in the bathtub or pool.” He kissed my forehead one more time then started stroking my ear with his thumb.

I can feel my eyelids getting heavy. “But you’ll suffer from withdrawals.”

“You don’t need to worry about that I have something more addicting than cigarettes.”

“What?” I put my leg in between his legs.

“You.”

I chuckled. “Liar.” I slurred.

“I’m not.” I heard him chuckle. Him stroking my ear was making me sleepy as it always did.

I purred. “Sleepy.”

He chuckled again. “Dummy.” He cooed. “Just go to sleep. You don’t need to complain.” He continued stroking my ear.

I closed my tired eyes. “Stay.” I slurred.

[sniff] (in a hoarse voice) Hey… Hi… Uhm… [tongue click] Fuck… Uhm… Hi… [chuckle] It’s-It’s been a while now, right?

Right, this is a voice message who am I fucking kidding.

Hey, I uh… I uh… [deep sigh] I’m not drunk I swear. [nervous chuckle] Just uh… Just drinking… A bottle… One bottle, I swear. [Sniff]

[silence]

Ah. Fucking shit… Hey, listen… I know I fucked up… I knew you were– I knew you were trying– Agh. Fucking shit. [sniff] I’m sorry. I know it’s something you don’t want to hear… But it’s all I can say…

What? It’s only been months? Years? [broken laugh] Well, it felt like a fucking eternity for me.

Why did I fucking let go?… [Sniff]

I… I’ve been scrolling through your socials. You got me worried. Are you okay?

No. Who am I kidding?

Listen, I know… that I hurt you real bad… and that’s on me… I said things… did things… that were far from what I said my intentions were.

We both know we were broken and you were trying to fix yourself… But I wasn’t…

And I- [voice break] I… I broke you even more because of that. I… I dragged you back down and hurt you… [cries]

I swear… [sniff] I didn’t- I knew I could be an ass to everyone but I didn’t want to be an ass to you… Especially you, I swear…

Ever since you stopped messaging me I realized how I fucked up big time. I tried to ignore it but I can’t help but think about you when I’m alone.

Your messages, your voice, your pictures… [laughs] I deleted them but they’re still stuck on my mind.

[silence]

I… Should have said something…

I should have said I love you too because I do. I just found that out a little too late I guess. It was an ass of me to expect you to know that when I didn’t do anything concrete to show it.

[silence, chuckles] Is it bad to wish that you’d pick up the phone, right now? Tell me to fuck off. [chuckle] I’d take it. If it meant hearing your voice one more time. But once I hear your voice I just know that I’ll try to take you back. [sniff, chuckle] Can’t let anyone have what I want.

Ah, fuck. That was a shitty thing to say too. [laughs]

Listen, I was stupid. I gave you things to expect and didn’t follow through with it. I really really want to start over… If you would let me.

© 2023 Alfi. Do not replicate