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It really wasnāt a good time for these past few days⦠Another argument ensued between you two and everything has been quiet none of you were messaging each other.
With a sigh, you prepared yourself for everything to end. You know itāll hurt. You wish it doesnāt at all but what can you do? You didnāt want to admit it but you check on him the way youād know how without disturbing him.
āHe must be worried.ā You tell yourself but it feels hard to accept that. Even if it was true. āI messed up.ā Thatās what you have at the back of your mind. You sighed again. Tears silently stream down your cheeks.
You canāt hold a grudge over the people you deeply care about but the feeling of injustice is still there so you end up hurting yourself more.
Your phone pinged. You hurried to hold itĀ and clumsily do so. You were thinking of your friends messaging you but to your horror, you saw your boyfriendās nickname in the notifications. He left a voice message.
āThis is it. I guessā¦ā You braced yourself. You played the message.
āBaby? Youāre home, right? Hello? Why arenāt you answering?āĀ He slurred. Heās drunk.Ā āAh shit. Didnāt I press call? Baby? Fuck.āĀ He cursed. There was a few seconds of silence.Ā āIām sorry⦠Oh shit.āĀ He chuckled.Ā āI donāt think you wanted to hear that⦠This is a voice message, right? So youāll definitely get this.ā
Confusion plagued your mind. Your tears pool in your eyes and fall like rivers. āThis s it.ā You thought.
āI canāt be the person you wanted. Not like the ones you see in books and shows⦠I wish I could be⦠But I donāt have powers. Iām not an elf or an angel or a demonā¦ā
You couldnāt keep yourself up.
āBut fuck it. Iām gonna love you the way I can. Fuck those- fucking⦠fucking⦠Fuck men!āĀ You heard shuffling from the voice message.Ā āNo, not me. Not fuck me. Wait. I want you to fuck me. Ah shitā¦ā
You tried not to laugh but you realized something more important. What was he doing when he was saying all this. Heās drunk. Is he outside? You shot up and thought about him sitting somewhere but itās cold already.
He laughed.Ā āIām trying to be selfless here⦠I want to let you go if that makes you happier⦠But⦠I donāt really want to⦠I want you⦠I love youā¦ā
You stopped from your frenzy of preparing to go out.
āFuck it. If me wanting you to stay makes me selfish, then I want to keep being selfish. But I promise⦠Iāll leave you alone if you need me to.ā
You started to curse. āYou stupid fucking idiot!ā You remembered how you always become so excited when youāre watching this in dramas but now youāre in the receiving end, you understand now why the main characters act this way.
āIām coming to you, Baby. Just wait for meā¦ā
āFuck waiting! Iām going!ā You screamed as if heād hear you. You wanted to punch him so much but most of all you wanted to jump into his arms.
You frantically looked around and saw him sitting on a park bench. You ran to him. āBaby! Are you okay?!ā
He groaned. āI have a wife.ā He lifted his head and looked at you. āOh. Thatās you.ā He smiled.
Your cheeks heated up. You smacked his shoulder. āWhy did you come here drunk?! This is far from your place!ā
āI hate my place⦠I wanna be with youā¦ā He sincerely said. āI canāt think straight without youā¦ā
You dropped your shoulders. You helped him up and walked back to your house.
āI realized⦠I needed you just as much as you needed me. Actually, I need you more than I want to admit.ā
You listened to him. You remembered all the arguments and can only think that you caused everything. You canāt help but feel like youāre only a burden to him. That youāll always let him down. You wanted to say that but youāre scared. You think that these problems happen because of those. You brushed the thought off and opened the door to your house.
āPlease, donāt be quietā¦ā
āHuh?ā
āI know what you look like when you want to say something.ā
You shook your head. āItās okayā¦ā
āItās not. Please talk to meā¦ā
āIāll be fine⦠Itās okay.ā
āBaby, please.ā He kneeled and held onto you. āTalk to me⦠Donāt push me awayā¦ā He cried. You hugged him and he reciprocated by squeezing you in his arms. āI donāt want to lose you ever⦠Not even to youā¦ā
You laughed. āThatās too meanā¦ā
You helped him to the couch. You wanted to get a few more things for him but he held you there. No intention of letting go.
āIām scared. Please stayā¦ā
āIām not gonna leaveā¦ā
āStill⦠Stayā¦ā
āOkay.ā You brushed his hair and kissed his head. āI love you.ā
disclaimer. details may be omitted to fit the character.
He puffed out smoke from his lips. I waved my hand in it as if I was playing with water. His arms and legs wrapped around me even more. He pressed his lips on my neck then bit down. I whimpered and melted onto his body.
āYou okay, little kitten?ā He whispered into my ear.
āWhat do you mean?ā I whispered back and looked at him.
āJust checking, baby. You know I worry.ā He said before smoking his cigarette. I let my fingers dance within the smoke he puffed out. He put out his cigarette and pulled me closer to him.
I giggled. āBabe, Iām not going anywhere.ā
He turned me to him. āPinky promise?ā
I grinned. I kissed the centre of his chest. āAb imo pectore.ā I laid my head on his chest. His heart was beating a bit fast. I let my nail trail the side of his torso slowly.
He growled and flipped us so he could be on top. I chuckled. He bit down hard on my shoulder. I moaned and whined. My power, stolen from me. He kissed the most sensitive part of my neck then slowly trailed his warm hand down on my side.
āStay.ā He whispered. He grabbed my jaw and kissed me.
I whined and turned to hug my stuffed toy. He chuckled and spooned me. He kissed my cheek and cuddled with me. He pulled up the blanket to our waists. We were enveloped by silence. He exhaled sending chills over me as his warm breath slithers on my skin.
āI think Iām going to quit smoking.ā
āYou are?ā I turned to face him. He tucked my hair behind my ear.
āWell, Iāll only smoke with my friends but if youāre around I wonāt be smoking.ā
āYou donāt have to do that. I could just move out of the way if you want to.ā I nuzzled and buried my face into him.
āThatās what Iām trying to avoid in the first place.ā He pulled me closer. His warmth doing a better job to comfort me than anything else in this moment. āI want you by my side or on my lap whenever weāre together.ā
āBabe, Iām not going to disappear just because our skins arenāt touching.ā
āIāll kill anyone who touches your skin.ā He said with gritted teeth.
āFine. Fine. Fine.ā I chuckled and put my arm over his waist. āIāll stay by your side all the time when weāre together.ā
āGood. Canāt have anyone getting whatās mine.ā
āNo one is gonna steal me, dork.ā I grunted.
āItās just a precaution, baby.ā He kissed my forehead.
āBut if you get caught, Iāll get sad. Jail visits are difficult.ā I pouted.
He smiled. āThen Iāll just stop smoking around you. See? Easy solution.ā
āNo more dancing smoke?ā
āI canāt risk your lungs, baby. Iād rather just let you stay more in the bathtub or pool.ā He kissed my forehead one more time then started stroking my ear with his thumb.
I can feel my eyelids getting heavy. āBut youāll suffer from withdrawals.ā
āYou donāt need to worry about that I have something more addicting than cigarettes.ā
āWhat?ā I put my leg in between his legs.
āYou.ā
I chuckled. āLiar.ā I slurred.
āIām not.ā I heard him chuckle. Him stroking my ear was making me sleepy as it always did.
I purred. āSleepy.ā
He chuckled again. āDummy.ā He cooed. āJust go to sleep. You donāt need to complain.ā He continued stroking my ear.
I closed my tired eyes. āStay.ā I slurred.
There was a moment of silence. I shifted to squeeze myself even more into his body. I felt his arm wrap around my waist. I didnāt have the energy to open my eyes. I could smell him and his scent was relaxing.
āYouāre always so scared despite your headstrong personality.ā He started. I didnāt have the strength to speak again so I kept quiet. āYouāre so kind even to those who fucking goddamn broke you.ā I felt him go tense with anger as he remembers the story of my past relationships. I groaned and nuzzled his chest to calm him down. He calmed down and breathe out.
āI know you donāt see it as much,ā he whispered, ābut Iām terrified at the thought of losing you. I think I get anxiety just from being an inch away from you.ā He chuckled to himself.
He sighed. āYou always envy me for being cool and borderline psychotic.ā He chuckled out of disbelief. āHow can you not see how adorable and amazing you are to me fuckā¦ā He asked in frustration. āI never met anyone who would say anything about everything like you. Hell, English is my first language and you have more words stored in your vocabulary than I do.ā
āYou always ask about what I want thinking that itās something you could give but what you donāt know is what I want is something I have to earn from you. Your love, your trust. I know you could give it to me like it was nothing but I know how hard it is for you.ā He kissed my head. āI want you by my side. I want you to keep bragging about me to my own friends. I want you to see you pick up sticks, seashells and whatever for your various hobbies. I want to see you telling me that every baby you see makes you have baby fever.ā I could hear him sobbing. I felt him bury his face into my hair. āFuck, I donāt even like kids but I want you to have mine.ā
āI was so lonely before you. I got lonelier when I knew I couldnāt see you and feel you then. Now that youāre here, I have no plans of letting you go.ā He put his hand on the back of my head. āYouāre my cigarette.ā He concluded. āI think thatās how you will say it.ā He comically muttered it to himself. āI want you to be my last. I hope you want that too.ā He finished.
I groaned, shivered and squeezed myself into him more to prevent him from getting into a bad mood. āCold.ā I complained.
He sniffled. āOh, sorry, baby.ā He pulled the blanket to my shoulders and did as much as he could to keep me warm with his warmth. āI love you.ā He finally relaxed. We both got to sleep.
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[sniff] (in a hoarse voice) Hey⦠Hi⦠Uhm⦠[tongue click] Fuck⦠Uhm⦠Hi⦠[chuckle] Itās-Itās been a while now, right?
Right, this is a voice message who am I fucking kidding.
Hey, I uh⦠I uh⦠[deep sigh] Iām not drunk I swear. [nervous chuckle] Just uh⦠Just drinking⦠A bottle⦠One bottle, I swear. [Sniff]
[silence]
Ah. Fucking shit⦠Hey, listen⦠I know I fucked up⦠I knew you wereā I knew you were tryingā Agh. Fucking shit. [sniff] Iām sorry. I know itās something you donāt want to hear⦠But itās all I can sayā¦
What? Itās only been months? Years? [broken laugh] Well, it felt like a fucking eternity for me.
Why did I fucking let go?⦠[Sniff]
I⦠Iāve been scrolling through your socials. You got me worried. Are you okay?
No. Who am I kidding?
Listen, I know⦠that I hurt you real bad⦠and thatās on me⦠I said things⦠did things⦠that were far from what I said my intentions were.
We both know we were broken and you were trying to fix yourself⦠But I wasnātā¦
And I- [voice break] I⦠I broke you even more because of that. I⦠I dragged you back down and hurt you⦠[cries]
I swear⦠[sniff] I didnāt- I knew I could be an ass to everyone but I didnāt want to be an ass to you⦠Especially you, I swearā¦
Ever since you stopped messaging me I realized how I fucked up big time. I tried to ignore it but I canāt help but think about you when Iām alone.
Your messages, your voice, your pictures⦠[laughs] I deleted them but theyāre still stuck on my mind.
[silence]
I⦠Should have said somethingā¦
I should have said I love you too because I do. I just found that out a little too late I guess. It was an ass of me to expect you to know that when I didnāt do anything concrete to show it.
[silence, chuckles] Is it bad to wish that youād pick up the phone, right now? Tell me to fuck off. [chuckle] Iād take it. If it meant hearing your voice one more time. But once I hear your voice I just know that Iāll try to take you back. [sniff, chuckle] Canāt let anyone have what I want.
Ah, fuck. That was a shitty thing to say too. [laughs]
Listen, I was stupid. I gave you things to expect and didnāt follow through with it. I really really want to start over⦠If you would let me.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming