Life of a Wife, a Mother & a Dreamer - by Nadya Julia

Perth, Australia.

Despite our last trip being somewhat traumatic; someone stole our child's backpack in the playground, thinking that it had our wallets inside. Little did they know it was filled with biscuits and dirty laundry.

My husband and I have always loved Australia. It was where we went to see The Killers, Taylor Swift, Coldplay. It is filled with humble coffeeshops. The supermarket is definitely something else. A cultural experience.

The weather, the traffic, the beach. We absolutely love everything.

There's still a side of me that wished we would be able to live abroad, see what that may bring to our lives. Always wondered what it felt like to ride the public transport, to just sit at a bakery and read my dusty books, experience Christmas markets.

If we’re talking fashion here, my style is more of what I feel at the moment. I wanted to be those aesthetic Pinterest girl, but somehow I find myself picking bold colorful outfits. 

When it comes to life, I’m not the best planner, nor that I like to go with the flow... Just take life as it is since nothing really lasts forever.

If we’re talking about relationships or friendships, my style is a bit more introverted these days. I used to be the most extroverted person in the room, would talk to the most random people, and some would think I’m just trying too hard when it fact I was simply trying to be nice to as many people possible. I want people to like me.

Salah satu buku yang menurut gue wajib banget sih, adalah The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari. Banyak banget life lessons di dalamnya yang bikin gue tenang setelah baca. 

Tumblr is my go to place to tell my life about, so of course my favorite book is a self-help book.

Salah satu quote yang gue suka banget adalah: Investing in yourself is the best investment you will ever make. Dan itu bener banget sih! Bahkan gue merasa akhir-akhir ini, it’s getting truer and truer. 

Pas banget! Abis ada reunion-nya kemaren, dan bener-bener bikin berlinang dari baru mulai nonton acara tersebut.

Unless you’ve been living under a cave, then you probably could guess that there was a FRIENDS reunion and therefore, yes, my favourite TV Series is FRIENDS.

Pertama dikenalin sama FRIENDS itu pas SMP, kalo ke rumah sahabat gue si Gilvina, pasti nonton VCD (atau DVD?) dan selalu pasang FRIENDS. Lucu banget, dan bener-bener nonton ituuuuu terus walopun episodenya lompat-lompat. Terus tiba saatnya punya pacar pas kuliah, lalu stop nonton karena dia ga suka (Should have realized then and there we were never meant to be the minute I knew he didn’t like FRIENDS). 

Terus mulai nonton lagi pas putus, karena kangen sama FRIENDS. Bener-bener penghibur hati yang lara. Kalo mentok jaman siaran lagi mumet, nonton FRIENDS dan berasa ke recharge. Sampai sekarang ketemu suami yang sama tergila-gilanya sama FRIENDS. Bener-bener seseneng itu, ya Tuhan. 

Bisa nonton FRIENDS bareng, ga keberatan kalo gue nonton berulang-ulang. Bahkan mungkin selama hampir 4 tahun bareng, udah 3 kali ada mungkin nonton 10 season lagi huhu se-freak itu.

Why I love FRIENDS, well because it was close to seeing something magical. From the writing, to the cast, to the way they seamlessly did season 1 to season 10, bahkan saat orang-orang ga suka jalan cerita Joey sama Rachel, menurut gue sah-sah aja karena jatuh cinta sama temen lama ya terjadi toh dalam hidup?

I really can’t live without my brother. Kita beda setahun; dulu pas kecil sering ga akur, tapi sekarang deketnya banget-banget. Kadang gue ngerasa kita kayak anak kembar. Kalo dia seneng, gue ikut seneng. Kalo dia sedih, gue sedihnya bisa lebih-lebih.

I remember one day he came to my apartment, after a very bad breakup. Dia cuma main sama Bumi, waktu itu Bumi baru sebulan, sambil bilang ke gue dengan suara bergetar nahan nangis, “I really loved her.”

Tanpa bermaksud terdengar congkak, tapi gue selalu merasa diri gue ya sahabat gue sendiri. Mencari cara berjuang menafkahi diri sendiri, mencoba peruntungan kesana kemari; ya karena walaupun udah ditolak dan dikucilkan berkali-kali, diri ini tetep kekeuh lanjut lagi.

Mungkin terdengar aneh sih, tapi kadang gue suka baca postingan Tumblr lama gue dan merasa terinspirasi lagi; dan akhirnya gue jadi ga menyerah. Mungkin tulisan lama gue mengingatkan gue pernah ada di titik terendah, dan gue tetep push through. Jadi kalo ada di titik rendah lagi, harus push through lagi.

Di satu sisi, gue menyadari gue adalah pribadi yang kompleks, yang kadang sulit dimengerti sama orang lain. Gue tidak menyalahkan masa lalu gue, tapi tentu yang gue lalui di kehidupan gue bersama keluarga, di tempat kerja, dan lainnya, membentuk sisi insecure, sisi lebih suka menyendiri; makanya bersyukur banget dikasih pasangan yang pengertiannya luar biasa, sampe kadang gue ga menyangka dikasih dukungan dan pengertian segini besarnya.

Semakin tua, semakin sederhana hal-hal yang definisiin bahagia. Bisa minum kokumi. Bisa peluk suami. Bisa tidur siang. Bisa ketawa nonton youtube. Bisa masak udang balado.

Tapi bener deh, kebahagiaan total menurut gue itu setelah ketemu seorang sosok yang mengubah gue jadi orang yang lebih baik; dan dia sekarang udah jadi suami gue. Sampe gue ga bisa inget hidup gue tanpa dia dulu. Rasanya udah bareng dia lamaaa banget, padahal baru 3 tahun. Dari dulu selalu baca quote, “Millions of people on earth, but in the end, it only comes down to one” dan ga bisa relate banget sama quote itu. Gimana bisa satu orang menggantikan jutaan orang lainnya? Tapi emang ternyata bisa. 

Bahagia itu setelah sahabat, terkadang musuh, partner, lover, semua jadi satu. Rasanya seperti seseorang kasih tau gue kalo gue menang lotre... “Hah? Kok bisa? Ga mungkin deh kayaknya...” tapi deep down seneng banget karena menang gituloh (?) Gaboong dan ga muna, ya pasti seneng kan kalo menang lotre?

This list is a long one. I don’t think it’s fair to name one, but one pops in mind. Not just because of the movie itself, but more of the sentimental value of it.

I don’t have a lot of memories of my Dad, but I remember watching Mulan with him. ‘Til this day, I still remember all the scenes, remember all the songs, but what stick to me the most was the end scene when Mulan gave the Emperor’s sword to her father. He threw it away and said, “The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter. I missed you so much.”

I looked back and saw that my Dad was tearing up. He smiled at me when I caught him crying. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Dad cried. Out of all the moments in life; he chose to show it then, while watching cartoon with me. 

Although I’m happily married, but I’ve never viewed my single days as miserable. They were full of youth; so full of fun times. But please note that here; I’m talking about the days after I dragged myself out of a very dark place. I truly believe that successfully getting yourself out of there requires commitment— because no matter how many quotes you see on Tumblr, books you read or advices you hear— it all comes down to you to get out of that mourning/self pity phase.

I kept myself occupied, loading my days with work on weekdays, and socialising on weekends. I went on dates, getting to know other men as much as I can, but reminding them that commitment is not for me at the moment. This is something I would tell people before they settle down, get to know people as much as you can, that way you know what you want and don’t want (that is if you would ever want to settle down).

I can’t remember my childhood where my parents didn’t fight. All I remember was them screaming at each other. Or my dad throwing something in the room. It was always chaos. I knew at some point it was going to end up in divorce.

My dad had always cheated on my mom, but it wasn’t a surprise to us. It was always his thing; we never really expected him to change. ‘Til one day he decided to knock up another woman, and that’s where he crossed the line. 

My mom didn’t want her to raise a child without a husband, so she backed off. My mom isn’t perfect, she made lots of mistakes in her life, but she always bounced back afterwards.

This is arguably one of the hardest post I have to write. My childhood was filled with a lot of hate, and a lot of pain. I surrender to the thought of never getting married. 

Oh, gosh. Where do I start? I guess I can wander off and say all the places I’ve never been to, but given the circumstances, I really just want to go to the places I’ve been to.

Surabaya, Kev’s hometown. We would just spend the day at his living room, watch Netflix the whole day with his parents, eat some nasi empal Pengampon, go out for some coffee and just call it a day.

Or Australia, where my parents are. My Mom would feed us with her cooking, and buy all sort of junk food. Bottomless chips and ice cream. She lives in a small town in Adelaide, called Keith. There’s a beautiful park just near my mom’s place. We’d have little picnics; eat chicken wraps and have some chocolate milk.

Or Arkansas, where Kev’s sister lives. She has 3 kids. Bumi would absolutely love playing with them. Kev said his favorite burger is near his sister’s place, I’m not a burger person, but of course I wanted to know what’s the fuss is about.

Kevin is a crier; in the extent of time that we’ve been together, I think he cried much more than I did. But never have I seen him cry as much as I did that night.

His mother has Alzheimer’s disease. It gets better at times, sometimes worse. That night he just received news that his mom was staring into space the whole day, losing appetite and all. We’ve planned to go back to Surabaya plenty of times, but of course the pandemic made us change that. 

His dad has taken care of her the past few years; making sure she eats, picking what to wear for her, helping her with basic needs. And Kev doesn’t want me to go through what his dad went through.

“If I ever end up like my mom...” he asked, while catching his breath, crying on the bed.

“Please just put me in a care home, so you don’t have to deal with it.”

I cried, too, not knowing what to do. “Of course I’m not going to just send you away. Why would you say, or even think that.”

My mom was still dealing with postpartum blues when she found out that she’s pregnant with me. My brother was about 6 months old. She told my dad that she wanted to get rid of me. My dad stopped her; he really wanted the next one to be a girl. 

“What if it’s a girl?” he tried to talk some sense into her.

I always feel like everything was my fault, I grew up saying sorry a little too much; and of course, in the hands of the wrong people, this can be very dangerous.