Min for short. "They" is a perfectly functional singular third person pronoun, and has been since the days of Chaucer. Do not repost my works to other websites. I am an adult, and write with an adult audience in mind. I tag for a handful of big triggers, some internet courtesy, and a LOT of archival purposes. The archival tags may not make sense to other people.
Image: a two-circle Venn diagram.
TimKon circle: himbo squared, friends to lovers, friend group shenanigans.
JayTim circle: family drama, thicc thighs save lives, enemies to allies to lovers.
Overlap: Tim’s life is hard & he deserves some beefcake.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
#ALWAYS thinking this#like calming pie guy did something TRULY revolutionary out there#Somebody give calming pie guy a stipend and an secretary. get those pies on the market#at LEAST the minion black market like come ON it pulled a HETERODYNE out of fugue!!! - tags by @chaos-has-theories get in the post
"I like Stone Soup," said the cow. "Stone Soup is an honest con. We get a meal, everyone thinks they've seen a little bit of magic, you sell the stone for a little bit of pocket money, you pick up another stone at the next town. Everyone gets something."
"And if I remember right, you were the one who suggested we steal the magic beans."
"That wasn't stealing, that was a legitimate trade."
"A legitimate trade for a talking cow that disappeared by morning?"
"He didn't even lock the barn! How is that my fault?" She huffed and laid her head onto her forelimbs. The stalk of grass in her lips wobbled with her scowl. "Old fool never knew what he had."
Jack hummed. He craned forward to get a better look into the tiny, cracked glass, pulled gently at the corner of his eye and delicately dabbed the makeup brush.
"My point is," said the cow, "this all seems rather - cruel."
Jack turned. One half of his face was magnificently painted in faerie shades of blues and violets. The other half was just confused. "What on earth are you talking about?"
"For gods' sake, Jack, this is a perfectly innocent girl who you plan on humiliating in front of the royal court."
"How would she be humiliated? As far as she'll know, she'll have a lovely time at a lovely ball in a lovely ballgown."
"You don't have a lovely ballgown!"
"Well I can't afford a ballgown, now can I?!"
"So you're going to make her waltz in her fucking underclothes?!"
He took a dramatic breath. "Look," he said, brandishing the makeup brush. "If it worked on the fucking emperor, it'll work on a fucking scullery maid. If she gets told by a fairy that she's wearing a fairy dress that can only be seen by intelligent people, she is going to believe like hell that she's wearing the very image of sartorial extravaganza."
The brush was masterfully twiddled. "And when everyone else finds out that she's wearing a fairy dress that can only be seen by intelligent people, there won't be a single person in that room who would dare to disagree."
The cow shook her head. "I don't know, Jack," she sighed. "I just don't know."
"It'll be fine," Jack said, turning back to the tiny glass and bringing a deft hand again on the canvas. "Trust me. How did you do finding the slippers?"
"Couldn't find crystal," said the cow. "Best I could get were a glass set from an elf down at the cobbler's."
Jack hummed. "Well, they shouldn't be that important. Nobody will look too closely at her shoes."
There were two guards at the palace gate, slabs of meat and muscle wrapped in candybright costumes. They looked every bit as solid as the iron gate between them, and looked like the kind of guard prepared for every kind of foolishness they'd see tonight.
They weren't prepared for the woman who stepped down from the cow-drawn wagon. Her slippers gleamed amber in the torchlight, and her dress was... It was...
Well, the fey who hung over her shoulder told them that her dress was a beautiful thing, spun from the glimmer of starlight, the sound of snowfall, and the colour of the moon. He said that any discerning gentleman could tell that this was true, and the guards agreed.
Neither of them had looked too closely at the dress. In fact, they had been trying to carefully, politely and inexplicably avert their gaze.
It had been, Jack decided, a wonderful night.
The story of the woman with the fairy dress had spread through the party like - well, gossip, which is what it was, but it was gossip said by the rich, who couldn't afford to be wrong, and that was just as good as wildfire.
The real magic had been when the prince had asked her to dance. Her chemise had twirled like a dishrag, and everyone in the watching crowd that night would swear they saw her gown glimmer and gleam in a whorl of stars and snowlight.
And that was all well and good until midnight, when she had slipped her arm into his, gave the prince an "Attends un moment!" that glittered with polite laughter, and hauled Jack away from the hors d'oeuvres.
He slipped the squidgy grey thing he had been eating into a pocket. "May I help you, my lady?"
"I need to talk to you."
"But of course, my-"
"Now."
Jack heard the tone.
Oh fuck, he thought.
Her glass slippers made high, clear, silver sounds as she marched across the marble floors and out onto the balcony. She let him go and stepped away, breathing in the cool, clear air of the summer night, smelling of night stock and distant rain.
Her shoulders were shaking.
Jack felt something in his heart turn cold. Oh fuck, he thought. Oh fuck. Oh fucking fuck. I've gone too far, the spell's been broken, the con's gone bad, I have to get her out of here-
And then she made a... noise.
He would've called it a laugh, only it sounded like the kind of noise made by an aroused boar. It was joined by a rivulet of little snorts.
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry." She turned. She looked at him. She turned away again and melted into snorting hysterics.
Jack blinked. "My lady?"
"I'm sorry," she said again. She took a few calming breaths, bubbling with suppressed laughter. "I'm sorry. But holy fuck, did you see their faces?"
"Uh," said Jack.
"I mean what a bunch of morons. Fucking hell, look at this thing." She grabbed the collar of the chemise and pulled it up for an experimental sniff. "The Duchess wouldn't stop talking about opulent and extravagant it is. I think I haven't washed this thing in a week."
The penny dropped and activated his brain. "How long have you...?"
She flapped a hand. "Oh, from the start," she said. "At first I just wanted to see how far we'd get. I thought we'd be turned away at the gate, but then it just kept going!"
She pulled herself up to sit on the balcony rail and grinned at him, glass slippers glittering as she swung her legs. "There has to be a market for this," she said. "Selling fairy clothes to the nobs? Get the whole royal court's bits flapping about?"
Jack stared, and in spite of himself, felt his face grinning back. "Nah," he said. "Already did that with the emperor. No point in pulling the same con again."
Her face lit up. "So that was you! I thought so! You got a long con going on here?"
"Something like that."
"I want in."
"I already have a partner."
"I know. She's lovely. I want in."
He stared. He shrugged. He offered her his arm. "Why don't we head down to the stables to talk about it with her?"
They had made it down to the outer court before she drew herself up short. "Damn."
"What?"
"I think I lost a slipper."
"Oh, don't worry about that," said Jack. "It was only a glass set, anyways."
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
read FMA and have become fully fascinated by Van Hohenheim. Genuinely has there ever been a better immortal character. His combination of invulnerability & low self esteem means he has about zero self-preservation instinct and will just let people knock him flat including his own 15 year old son.
His entire deal is that he became superpowerful by convincing 500000 ghosts to talk about their feelings but he's too nervous to talk to his own two sons because he thinks they don't like him. Which to be fair, they do not. but cmon dude.
So most stories take place when Events are Happening, and this means that no matter what kind of job the characters have, they’re probably not too focused on them. Fanfics, on the other hand, often show the down time. Which means that the writer has to figure out what the hell these characters do in their jobs. Unless the characters have a job the author understands or knows well, the author is often at a loss for what to have the character doing.
So they sit them at a desk and give them paperwork. What is the paperwork for? Rarely specified. It is Paper Work for the characters Important Adult Job they have and they need to read or sign it or something. And there’s always a line about how Character Hates Paperwork. Doesn’t matter if Character is a Mafia Boss or a General or a Diplomat, here they are in an office trying to get out of Doing Paperwork.
There’s also a sense of, like, humor and mundanity that comes with it. Like the examples above, it always particularly stands out to me when a dangerous individual is griping about some paper they need to sign or something. The less you can picture Character doing paperwork, all the better to force it upon them. If Character is saddled with Paperwork, they’re usually now concerned about the physical damages their motley crew causes, because damage = More Paperwork.
Anyway I just think it’s fun or funny, Sephiroth doing paper work and Sawada Tsunayoshi doing paper work and this just in, Tony Stark is doing paperwork. Sorry, Phoenix Wright can’t play right now. Yeah, it’s paperwork.
Your Royalty or Nobles in your feudal society should be doing this constantly unless you want to show how they're losing the kingdom and about to be usurped or overthrown.
petitions, speech-writing, complaints, requests, assignations, disputes, judiciary forms, declarations that need signing off on, matters requiring the Royal seal, matters requiring a royal endorsement, pardons, judgments, invitations, rebuttals, census data, crop yields projected or actual, livestock records, water rights, Sumptuary laws, taxes taxes taxes...
even when the royalty look like they're just fucking off to have fun, they're doing Socially Mandated Fuck-Off and Have Fun Time
Tournaments? Gotta show you're manly and virile through sport, or the nobles will supplant you. Feasts? Gotta show you're wealthy through conspicuous consumption, or the nobles will supplant you. Patronizing the arts? Gotta show you're cultured and erudite, or the nobles will laugh at you behind your back and probably supplant you.
Lawyer here. Here’s some more mundane/modern ones for you:
Invoices.
Intake sheets (information about new clients. The one for my firm is 13 pages and requires an hour long meeting. Then you have to do something with the info gathered)
Data entry for invoices and intake sheets.
Billing. (More involved than timesheets because you’re justifying to clients why you’re getting paid so much).
Form letters.
Taxes. Including 1099s for any contracted work.
Bank statements/accounting spreadsheets. Gotta track how expenses are trending.
Insurance documents.
General messages. Lots of office still use a paper system for missed calls and “important” stuff because it just works better than emails and chats for some people.
Memos. Big enough office to have at least one attorney on payroll? You’re getting memos about every legal question and concern and contract. It’s how we’re trained to communicate in formal settings.
And if you want to get into modern military, the forms are numbered, and people will refer to them by either their actual name, or the number. (Have you filled out the 4187 for this? Yes, I filled out the personnel action form.)
If you want to add a rage level, there’s the Regular Paperwork and then the special hell of Fuckup Paperwork.
Cause there’s the invoice, and the follow up invoice and the we are about to have a problem follow-up invoice.
There’s the incident report and then the I swear I yelled at that worker about this don’t be mad at me if they do it again second warning documentation
The requisition form and the it has been six months now get me the fucking thing or you’re gonna hear from Cindy escalations form.
For law firms, there's also the 'I am asking nicely for you to send me this legally mandated document' and then the follow-up 'My please was a social nicety, I am no longer asking, I am telling you to send me this document or explain to a court why you refuse to do so' which, depending on the type of law, can fill a significant amount of the day
We were doing an activity where the kids got to make a playbill for a musical about themselves and all the other kids were like “character list: mommy, daddy, me, my brother, my best friend” “scenes: I get a puppy, first day of school, my baby sister is born”
But one little girl was like “oh, it’s a musical about ME you say” and the character list was all the other girls in the class cast as her body parts, and a story about how her body works.
“Kaylee is nice so she will be the heart. Lily is my kidneys. Sapphire is the lungs.”
She surreptitiously showed me that the girl who kept taking the crayons she was using was cast specifically as “left buttcheek” and I had to pretend like that wasn’t the funniest thing I’d ever seen.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
My woke take, as someone who has worked in both a public library and a school library, is that we desperately need both more books that are at a higher reading level but a less mature subject matter, and more books that are at a lower reading level but a more mature subject matter, because 8 year olds who are advanced readers are still 8 year olds and don't want to read about graphic violence and torture, and teens and adults who have learning difficulties or who are just later readers for whatever reason are still teens and adults and don't want to read about Billy the Bunny going to school or whatever the hell.
Shoutout to people in the notes also mentioning people learning the language, I should've mentioned that really, given that I've been stuck reading German picture books myself while learning German.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
When I was in elementary school, there was a wordplay prank kids pulled on each other by asking "What are you eating under there?" When their target, confused, responded with "Under where?" they'd laugh and shout "You're eating underwear!"
No one was actually eating underwear; no matter how upsetting the mocking was, it did not change the truth. Similarly, responding "What?" to someone quickly whispering "Idiotsayswhat" does not make you an idiot, or any of the other wordplay pranks.
J.K. Rowling can say "Engaging at all with Harry Potter fandom means you support my political ideology!" all she wants, but that does not make it true. Especially when you consider how many people blissfully go through their lives ignorant of social media. The Drarry shippers and 8th Year gen ficcers and the grandmother in your knitting group making a Hufflepuff scarf are not inherently supporting Rowling's crap just by doing those things.
Directly giving her money potentially allows her to donate more to her favored political causes, sure. That's also true of any other author, editor, artist, actor getting residuals, movie producer, musician...Hell, it's true of tipping your barista and buying carrots at the farmers market.
I'm not going to give Rowling any more money. I'm also not going to terrify myself by assuming the fellow shopper at the grocery store tossing the HP Keebler cookies in their cart wants me dead, or feed my scrupulosity by looking up the authors of every single book I check out from the library.
Someone reblogged this months ago going "But Rowling filled the books with nazi ideology!" and listed antisemitic tropes in the books, because they missed the actual point of my post. I wrote up a long response in my drafts.
Checked that person's blog and they have a post calling Israel "an extremely antisemitic nation" and another using the term "zionist pig" so they are clearly a fucking bigot who does not give an actual shit about real Jewish people. I'm blocking them.
I think my response does say worthwhile things, though, so I'm going ahead and putting it here:
As a Jewish person who grew up reading fantasy and sci-fi, the sheer amount of antisemitism embedded in media that goyische people gloss over is obscene.
It's like fish in water. It's so prevalent that most of them don't even notice it's there (much like colorism is). If I assume all of them are aware of it it and accept it, I will become a paranoid wreck, I really will.
If someone points it out to them, breaks down the tropes/symbols for them, and they still brush it off, that's a different kettle of fish. Then I know they're not safe for me to be around. But if they're just clueless?
Want to enjoy a children's film? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang's child catcher is several antisemitic tropes rolled into one. There's a whole mess around Mother Gothel's character design going from Lady Tremaine-esque to a caricature. The one Jewish-coded character in the How to Train Your Dragon television series betrays the heroes.
Some vintage romance novels? Oh no, the protagonists are in trouble with a Jewish money lender written like a mobster.
DC comics hired an open antisemite, and only fired her because she ran her mouth about another antisemite, not because of the times she celebrated violence against Jews or her sexual harassment of a Jewish journalist.
Oh, we have positive representation like Ms. Frizzle? Sorry kids she gets goy-washed in the reboot.
This ensemble cast has a Jewish character who doesn't turn evil? Oh they're going to celebrate Christmas or the in-universe equivalent with all the other characters.
Then there's Dragon Age's...everything.
Should I assume everyone who enjoys Disney, HtTYD, Dragon Age, Danny Phantom, DC comics, etc, wants me dead?
Should I?
If I assume the goyische audience clocks all of the antisemitism without one of us holding their hand, and that they accept and support the inescapable deluge of antisemitism in media, I will go insane.
I'm already stressed by the antisemitic violence in my country, in the world, and how people keep excusing it. I'm already closeted about my ethnicity at work.
I'm three for three on my workplaces being vandalized with nazi symbols. A different workplace didn't get vandalized but the intersection outside it was constantly plastered with antisemitic stickers. I've been within yards of a guy pulling down the collar of shirt to show off his swastika tattoo to his buddy while I was walking home. I'm not even going to get into the shit I experienced in school.
I need to stay alert to legitimate threats to my physical safety.
Not exhaust myself panicking over someone buying some stupid Harry Potter Keebler Elf Cookies.
~
What would have been my reply tags: #you did NOT read the room on this post #I KNOW Rowling's work is full of antisemitic crap and she leans into nazi territory #I have written about that exact issue before
#this post is about engaging realistically with the wider world and remembering that strangers on the bus #and casual acquaintances in my life don't already know the things that I do or realize they are ignorant
#it's about not promoting scrupulosity disorders
#yeah I'd like people to be more aware and stop spreading so much bigotry but I also want to not exhaust myself #I know there's shit like the Jaws effect there already present prejudices can be exacerbated by media
