My garden of white peonies

She would hold the worn book tight to her chest, gazing out with brown eyes bright from tears into the forest around her home. The deer would come and keep her company, able to sense the grief and regret enshrouding her; she would lift a hand to pet the smooth pelts of her families closest companions, but could not summon the smile she once held for them. None can hold a candle to a mother's broken heart.

She would be there for her remaining children, for her husband and their grandchildren. Putter about the house, ensuring all were warm and fed and happy. But gazing, far too often and for far too long, into the woods waiting just outside the door.

The earth and the trees and the shadows have been calling her home for far too long, now. She had ignored it, in favor of remaining with her family. Stubborn to a fault, the old Nara matriarch.

Perhaps if she'd listened, she wouldn't have had to watch her eldest child die.

Powerless to stop it, unable to ease their pain. She was only able to hold their hand, in the end; push the hair from their face and place a lingering kiss to their forehead. Whispering in a voice that wavered with tears that I'm here, little one. I'll always be here.

Her children are strong. Far stronger than her. She would know, she raised them that way. For nearly sixty years she's been the central pillar of support; a beacon calling them home, to let loose their burdens at her doorstep and enjoy a mother's hovering. As she grows older, as she loses Shin, it is her children who bear the weight of her anguish. She feels no small amount of guilt, that those she had taken care of all her life must now be the caretakers - but she appreciates it, more than she can say.

The forest calls her home. Akari wakes one morning and hears it echo, thrumming deep in her bones. Shisui braids her hair for her -his hands far more steady than hers, these days- and she kisses him as thanks, softer than a sigh. Not just for the pleat that falls heavy down her back, but for all the light and love he'd brought into her life. His dark eyes watch her with the cleverness of a man half his age from behind his glasses, and he wordlessly folds her to his chest. Her cane is dropped to the floor as her wizened hands grasp tight to his haori, face buried in his neck as she lets loose a shuddering breath. He knows. He knows.

He will never ask her to stay. He understands her, far better than any other. They both knew this was coming, and the only grief he has for it is the regret that he cannot follow her, not this time. She would never let him.

There are no goodbyes. No announcements. Instead Akari and Shisui walk together through the Nara lands, through the Uchiha and the Yamanaka and every other. It is slow going on their aged bodies, but well worth it. Their family smiles at the sight of them, hands tightly held as they wave and hug and keep going. Keep going. Moving ever onward, together.

The sun is setting as they approach the forest, just outside their home. Akari pulls her hand from her husband's elbow, turns to press a kiss to his mouth one last time. It taste of heartache, but not of goodbye. No matter how much time passes, no matter what happens or may tear them apart; they will always find each other again.

Shisui doesn't cry, though he comes very close. He swallows back every tear, every objection. His wife is stubborn, and she is ready even if he is not. He lays his forehead to hers, and whispers that she was always the greatest thing in his life.

With the lingering affections of her dearest love, with the fresh memories of a last day spent visiting family - Akari hands off her cane. She pulls her shawl tighter around her shoulders, smooths back her hair and offers one final smile for Shisui. He holds her cane like a lifeline, watching with eyes that refuse to spin red as she turns and walks into the forest. He doesn't want to remember, not this; instead he will hold tight to every precious moment she had given him. Instead he will remember her laughter.

The trees embrace their wayward daughter. Shadows fall on her shoulders, and Akari disappears.

-----

The next morning, Sai pays a visit to his parents. He'd had a strange dream of foreboding, weighing heavy on his mind. A wildfire loose in a forest, birds shooting into the sky in waves of black to avoid the flames. He doesn't understand what it means -if it means anything at all- but all he knows is that he has an unyielding need to be near his parents.

A bird cries at him as he rounds the house, gravel crunching beneath his shoes in the early hour. He startles at the sound, and looks across the small yard to the line of thick trees. There is a sparrow, small and brown and nesting just inside the treeline. He thinks it might be watching him, might be watching the house. He thinks it odd; the birds never settle this close to the bustle of the family, no matter his parents affinity to all things winged.

"Excuse me, have you seen this girl?"

Once again, all he received was a vacant look and a shrug before they walked away. Shikamaru sighed, pocketing the picture of you and returning to wandering the streets of your family's home town─ trudging and roaming, sharing your photo, asking about L/N. Hours ticked by until the sun eventually began to set, streaking the sky with swirls of orange and red with specks of yellow that started to fade like the hope he had of finding you. The days continued to drag on, and Shikamaru was tired of the dismissive attitude, the cheap inns and the nights he spent alone.

Shikamaru couldn't help but chuckle, covering his mouth with the cigarette pressed to his lips, voice cracking with every passing hour you were gone, "I'm such an idiot", he muttered dejectedly, "I should've just told her the truth".

It's only been a week.

Shikamaru kept chanting to himself every time he reached a dead end and began to feel the slither of dejection ruin his faith.

You told him about the small borough your parents lived in just outside the fire country before they decided to move to the Leaf. Shikamaru figured you would try and go here, considering your grandparents still had a home here they left for you before they died six years ago. Your parents died soon after, on your twenty-first birthday, leaving you without any siblings or other family you could turn to though, you never complained.

You had good friends in the Leaf Village, bonds you forged through the years you spent laughing, playing, fighting alongside your classmates. The countless tears and blood you shared with the people you considered family could never get erased. Your life was there, home, with Shikamaru.

However, this time your friends had no idea you were hurting so much during those two weeks you locked yourself away. Shikamaru had asked around before he left, looking for leads, clues, any indication of where you would go. Though that meant Shikamaru had to come clean about his secret engagement, it was no surprise the amount of backlash he received from friends about the way he handled it. Understandably too, Shikamaru knew now how wrong he was keeping things from you, but the deed is done, and he was suffering for it─ unfortunately, no one had an inclining of your location.

It's only been two weeks.

"There's a cushy life here if she decided to stay", Shikamaru murmured to himself, laying awake in his hotel room with a waning moon illuminating through the window, "But she didn't". Though the house came up empty, it became recently renovated, something you had set up a year ago as in intent to sell the house, but sentiment made you hesitate. Selling your grandparents home, the home they left for you, brood guilt in your conscious as if you were throwing away their last gift to you. And so the house lay vacant, with no sign of you having stepped foot there.

Perhaps on purpose─ Shikamaru sat up, a new thought coming to mind as he began to pack his things back into his travel bag. "She must have anticipated I'd come after her. She could be hiding out in the next town over until enough time passes to move into her new house". Though, that bodes the thought that you imagined Shikamaru to follow you, that he would miss you and try to find you, hence all the trouble you went into hiding.

"Or maybe you just want to be chased", Shikamaru muttered out loud, "That I would make an effort to try─ to prove my love or some shit". He sighed, strapping the bag to his back and shoving his feet into the shoes, "Women are so troublesome", and yet Shikamaru continued his search with newfound hope.

And so, he did.

Shikamaru searched and searched, and s e a r c h e d.

As the weeks bled on, Shikamaru lost his reasoning, his logic and his strategic mind. There was no longer any sound plan of finding you; his frantic heart led the search instead, bouncing from north, south, east, west. He ran over valleys and treetops and mountainsides─ running through the towns, villages, boroughs─ frantically in search of a woman that even remotely fits your description, desperation holding him by the reigns.

"Have you seen this girl?"

His voice began to crack, not from anguish or failure, but the sickness that tainted him inside. What was once a mild habit that connected him to his former mentor became a clutch that filled the emptiness inside and eased his migraine. But now, it also scratched his throat and hacked his lungs at night, raking chills over his body when he went a day without his little pocket of dopamine. It didn't matter that he wasn't resting or eating or napping. None of that mattered. Sleeping on treetops was better than the itchy comforters of a bed that didn't even smell like you.

Dishevelled and disorientated, he did his best to rub his eyes off the haze that came from a lack of sleep as he looked over the map before pocketing it and going on through his journey. Shikamaru pushed through, searching over grasslands and ravines and canyons, making himself known as the poor soul that lost his love and will forever wander through the Land of Fire in search of her.

It's only been three weeks.

The days twisted into blurs of light and night, running through almost every small town and village in the Land of Fire, shoving your picture in people's faces as the box in his pocket grew heavier and heavier. Shikamaru laughed, finding amusement in his anguish, startling the birds that slept with him in the tree, a sound that clawed at his chest and stained his cheeks with tears the more he disturbed the night with his frightful laughter.

At this point, it was funny a man like him─ renowned for his intelligence─ was finding it so difficult to find someone he claimed to know. His laughter carried, for all of his so-called accomplishments, Shikamaru couldn't even clear his mind enough to read a map without his vision blurring. His frantic searching was doing him no good, and he was no closer to finding you than when he started this quest.

It's only been four weeks.

Dead end after dead end; Shikamaru continued to cross off the towns and the villages from his map during his search─ his x's tearing through the paper with every failure, frustration wringing with gritted teeth. It was as if you completely vanished from the earth, leaving no traces, imprint or mark of your existence in the world other than the constant ache that sat on his chest.

It's only been five weeks.

Shikamaru endured through it all; the hopelessness, exhaustion, loneliness─ wandering, searching, combing through the land, frantically trying to find any mentions of you. He followed every vague description, every whisper, every obscure piece of information he could get and came up empty every time.

Maybe he'll never see you again─

"It's only been six weeks", Shikamaru spat bitterly, startling the innkeeper that filled out his name in their logbook. Their quiet excuse me pulled him out of the fog, making Shikamaru realise that he was deep south of the Fire country, near the mountains, with vague memories of how he ended up here. Maybe it was the desperate need for running water? Taking the key from their hand─ Shikamaru only focused on lifting his feet step by step, unable to think clearly with enervation weakening his muscles until he flopped onto his hotel bed.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, his migraine once again pulsating in his temple and hurting his eyes as Shikamaru tried to remember his logic of being so far south. Rubbing it gently finally helped the neurons connect─ right, a merchant claimed to have spotted you heading south from the Naruto Bridge, so Shikamaru stopped through every single town until south ended here in Tsuchigumo Village.

This village was the last one on the map─ hopefully, someone might have seen you here so, Shikamaru will continue his search tomorrow. Yet with every passing week, Shikamaru's resolve weakened, and worst of all, he was beginning to grow used to sleeping alone.

Shikamaru kicked off his shoes, unbothered by the hunger twisting in his belly in favour of sleep. His usual bedtime routine became replaced by something new after the first few nights he went without you pressed up against him. "She hates peas but likes sweetcorn", Shikamaru whispered into the night, pulling the sheets closer to his chest to mimic the warmth of your body, because everything else became a substitute for your love, "She likes fuzzy socks─ she loves fried cookie dough". He continued to list the things he could remember about you, seeing your smiling face in his mind eye until sleep finally overtook his senses.

Giggles and freshly baked cookies flushed his spirits; pale yellows of sunlight matched the sundress you wore, almost as bright as the smile on your face. The world was encased with spotted lights and a hazed filter that blurred, though Shikamaru didn't mind because you stood in the centre clear as day, and that's the only thing he focused on until laughter chimed behind him, the sound toddling past his feet until it collapsed in front of him, "Dada!"

Shikamaru laughed, picking up his bubbling toddler and holding them close, blowing raspberries on their chubby little cheeks to hear their squeals of delight. You laughed, taking his outstretched hand so Shikamaru could have the both of you close.

Soft kisses pressed on his jaw, the smell of your familiar cherry gloss filling his senses; "Welcome home, Shika".

When the morning songbirds chirped out of the window, the usual bitterness he felt was no longer present. You only seemed to live in his dreams, something that used to bring him solace, like a vision or prophecy that he would see you again and live the life he dreamed, but now it was only a cruel reminder of the love that he had lost. Shikamaru didn't want to analyse what that numbness meant for his psyche─ instead, he took a long, warm shower to ease the aches and pains that pulsed in his muscles.

"Fuck", he sighed, stepping out of the steamed shower stall, relaxed and clean, "I needed that".

The water in this town must have healing properties because suddenly, Shikamaru was feeling his strength return, especially when the complimentary breakfast rolled in with fluffy eggs and delicious, sticky rice. For the first time in weeks, his migraine was eased into a low ebb that he could actually ignore. Shikamaru sat calmly─ eating food, drinking water, replenishing his body with real nutrients that helped him build energy. And even after he was done, he sat back on the bed with a sigh of content. For a single moment, when he closed his eyes and pretended he was back in his own bedroom, everything felt still, quiet, calm.

At this moment, he could pretend that everything was well─ that nothing was wrong and he never knew what it felt like to lose you. Peaceful, soft─ "I need a nap", he murmured, sinking back into the warm mattress in his fresh clothes and a full belly. This was the first time in weeks his mind was quiet...

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

"Have you seen this girl?" He asked tiredly for what seemed like the millionth time, knowing what the answer would be and not having the strength to pay attention to anything but the ache in his muscles from walking around all day. Shikamaru stared at a distant spot over this new stranger, barely registering how the woman took a good look at the picture, taking a little longer than necessary to simply shake her head.

"Nope, sorry─ I've only just moved here from the Land of Rivers, so I don't know anyone yet", she murmured apologetically, hiding her white coat and the name tag that identified her as a doctor behind her larger jacket, "Have a good day".

Shikamaru didn't even notice how she scurried away or the way her eyes widened as soon as she saw your picture. His exhaustion blinded him severely, if he had been paying attention he would have known that she was lying and ask why would a doctor lie? Instead, Shikamaru continued to be shrouded in his misery, believing that Tsuchigumo Village was another dead end.

This time, when disappointment swirled, Shikamaru allowed it to envelope him with no fight, numb to the failure. He picked up his things, signed out of the inn, and left the village heading northwest─ perhaps he missed something. Surely you never left the country? This was your home, and you were too sentimental to up and leave your country. He just had to continue looking.

"It's fine", he muttered to himself, eyes droopy and sadness heavy on his back, "I'll just keep searching".

Have you seen this girl?

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

Dear Shika,

I know I'm the man that tells people to push through and never give up, but I haven't heard from you in weeks─ not since you were in Tsuchigumo. Now I heard you're wandering around at the border of the Land of Fields?

To be honest─ I'm worried about you, man. This behaviour isn't healthy, which I know is fucked up for me to say, considering I chased after Sasuke practically my whole life. But this is why I'm telling you that sometimes we lose ourselves chasing after people that don't want it. It consumes us and makes us do crazy things, I'm saying this as your friend, and because I know you're hurting, so you're probably not thinking straight to see it.

Maybe she doesn't want to be found.

You know how Y/N is─ she probably thought leaving and hiding away was better than watching you marry Temari. Y/N would rather run from her problems than face them, so don't blame yourself for the way she is. Enchu was the one that fucked everything up; it was his fault she left.

I hope you learn to forgive yourself one day.

You do what you have to but, at least shower or something cause I know you're not eating either. You wouldn't want Y/N to see you so messed up, so take care of yourself and come home when you can.

With love,

Naruto.

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

"Maybe she doesn't want to be found".

The words kept echoing in his head, filling him with doubts and the horrible feelings of failure.

Shikamaru groaned as he sank against the tree, whispering, "It's only been twelve weeks". With regret and despair keeping him company─ Shikamaru sat in a tree near Tenchi Bridge, close to the border from the Land of Fields, weariness clouding his vision, refusing to slip into a quiet slumber filled with dreams─ the only place he was ever sure to see you again and torment him with memories.

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

Dear Shika,

It's been almost thirteen weeks. The council has been asking for you, but I told them you're on a top-secret mission, only now they know you're running after Y/N, so they're probably going to send a ninja to come after you to bring you back.

Good luck, man.

~Naruto.

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

It's only been─

"My lord", a man with dark hair framing his face dropped from the treetops, disturbing Shikamaru's campsite in the Jofuku Forest, mere miles from the border of the Land of Rivers. "You've been gone for over twelve weeks─ the Hokage and your council request your presence".

Brown eyes hazed with fatigue settled on the stranger standing over him. Everything looked disorientated; a film shrouded the world, no colour, no light─ empty. Wait─ no, he rubbed at his eyes─ it took Shikamaru a minute to recognise the symbol etched on his jounin uniform as a ninja from Konoha─ and even longer to realise the stranger was his own clansman. His head felt heavy─ like it was rolling on his shoulders, and the migraine forever piercing between his eyes, making it harder to name the man known as "Kagusa", he finally managed to murmur.

He nodded, crouching down to Shikamaru's level and taking in the scruffed clothes, unkempt hair, pale skin and shaky hands clutching on his cigarette packet. Kagusa sighed heavily, grateful that no one else caught their chieftain in such a state as he started to carefully pack up the poorly set campsite, "I'm taking you back, sir". He kept his tone low, feeling sympathetic for his young chief going through his first heartbreak, "We're gonna head straight to Konoha Hospital, okay?"

"I haven't found her yet", Shikamaru gruffed, staring at the man with sunken eyes, gazing at a spot over his shoulder as if your spirit would materialise to guide him to you, scarcely discerning what Kagusa was doing. Shikamaru settled in his despair comfortably, knowing nothing else other than the chills prickling his body and the sweat rolling down his brow. "Maybe she did leave the country", he mused lowly, "I was thinking the Land of Rivers, she loves swimming, and I'm close to the border─"

"Sir", Kagusa pressed, trying to keep pity out of his tone as he stared at the man that was once the laid-back, intelligent ninja everyone admired, "Your presence is needed, urgently". The white lie at least caught his attention, enough for Kagusa to slung the bag over his own shoulder and have Shikamaru finally focus on Kagusa instead of your revenant only he could see.

"But I promised to find her─ I have to find her", Shikamaru continued to mutter, his words slightly slurred as he drifted in and out of consciousness, sleep deprivation taking its toll.

"Sir, come with me, please", Kagusa grasped Shikamaru's arm gently, carefully coercing him up from the floor and helping him walk with his arm over his shoulder, "I got you, sir".

Witnessing the young man who fought so valiantly in the war and helped his friends succeed in bringing peace hanging off his body tugged on Kagusa's heart. Shikamaru may be young, but he's just if not more brilliant than his father, and Kagusa respected him deeply. To see him so broken and ill over a woman made him wonder how wonderful you were to break a man like Shikamaru.

"You'll be fine", Kagusa murmured to him, slipping the bag to his front and slinging the unconscious man on his back, then leaping up to the treetops, "I promise this feeling will pass". He might not be the same, but with time the sadness will fade, and your name will no longer hold the weight it once did.

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

The sounds of steady, high-pitch beeps were the first thing that registered in his senses. Then came the warmth that comforted his body, and finally, the dry scratch in his throat. Shikamaru groaned quietly, lifting an arm as he groggily roused himself awake while rubbing the specks of sleep out of his eyes. His limbs felt heavy, movements were sluggish and slow, but the feeling and strength slowly returned as he woke up from his slumber. The familiar smell of filtered air and the line that tugged at his wrist helped him deduce the room he lay.

"There he is", came a soft and relieved voice from his side, followed by doors opening and feet shuffling into the room, more voices filling the enclosed space.

"Tell me I'm dead and not laying ass out in those hospital gowns".

"Nah, made sure they covered that pasty ass with some shorts", joked a familiar voice so loud Shikamaru could hear the grin in his tone.

Gentle laughter echoed in the room as Shikamaru peeled his eyes open to see Choji, Ino and Naruto surrounding his bed. Gentle smiles and relieved expressions donned all their faces, happy to hear the lazy drawl of their long time friend. He pressed the buttons on the side, slowly raising up to a sitting position so he could see everyone better and not feel like they were looking over his deathbed. He sighed heavily, running his fingers through the loose strands of his hair, finding it clean and brushed recently, "Did someone brush my hair?"

Ino waved her mini brush from her bag, "Your rat's nest was pissing me off─ I just had to fix it".

For the first time in months, a smile tugged on Shikamaru's lips as he stared at his closest friend, genuine happiness palpitating in his chest at her familiar smile and kindness, "Thank you". He was grateful to be among friends, to be in a recognisable setting even if it was inside the walls of a hospital, and hooked up to a line that replenished his haggard body.

"Ew", Ino cringed, laughing when they all looked at her in shock, "Swear at me for touching your hair─ don't look at me all soft and stuff, it's weird".

"You can be so insensitive, Ino", gruffed Choji with his mouth full of his chips, his friends long since able to translate his muffled speech, "Let the guy rest".

A huff tumbled from his mouth before he could help himself, something that closely resembled a chuckle. The noise startled him for a moment, pausing his thoughts, forcing him to come to terms with the fact that he hadn't made a noise of genuine happiness since he saw you. With the fog of hazed exhaustion lifted, Shikamaru could feel the ache in his limbs, his stutter of breath that squeezed at his lungs, the comfort of being among friends. That short, breathless laugh made him realise how broken and discontented his mind was from his body all these months.

His suffering wasn't from a contorted, personified hurt of heartbreak; but from sleep deprivation that pierced a migraine, dulled his senses and slowed his mind. With logic and reasoning returning with his functions, Shikamaru began to wonder how much time he wasted wandering around when he should have just rested and thought things over carefully. It's obvious by now you left the country─ Shikamaru needed to go over your favourite type of weather and affiliations that would determine a choice of a new home. He just needed a new plan.

"Hey, hey─ where do you think you're going?" Naruto pushed his shoulder back gently when Shikamaru attempted to get out of bed, firmly sitting him back down, "You're not clear to leave yet".

Shikamaru swatted his hand, planting his bare feet on the cold floors of the hospital room and struggling to stand on shaky limbs, "I haven't found her yet". He clicked his tongue in agitation at the looks of pity that surrounded his bed, "Don't fuckin' look at me like that─ I made an error, I can fix this", Shikamaru snarled through gritted teeth, "It's only been─"

"Kagusa brought you back over a week ago", murmured Ino, her eyes filled with deep sadness, "You were sleep-deprived and dehydrated─ you've been slipping out of consciousness this whole time and then" she bit her lip, wringing her hands in nerves.

"And then you went through nicotine withdrawal", Naruto finished for her, standing tall with his arms crossed and looking down at him with a deep frown─ daring him to make a move out of that hospital bed, "You need to stay for another day a or two so they can watch over you".

Shikamaru slumped back against the pillow, shocked how he wasted so much time over something so small; he just needed to rest for a while. It didn't matter that his hands shook every time he lifted them, "Guys, c'mon", he muttered tiredly, "Nicotine withdrawal is not that deep─ it's not like its fuckin' heroin or whatever", he hissed, once again grappling with the iv stand for aid in his attempt to stand, "I can still─"

"No".

He paused, feeling the atmosphere shift suddenly, allowing that word filled with a low timbre and etched with an authority he was surprised to hear directed at him. Shikamaru stood tall now with the help of the stand, glaring at the blonde-haired man that stood in front of him, obstructing his exit, "Is that an order?"

The other two watched them closely─ even Choji's constant munching stopped. The room stilted, the only sounds where the increased beeps of the machine connected to his pulse─ exposing how rattled Shikamaru was to the world, making him feel even more naked than the flimsy gown. Naruto maintained his stance, being every bit the stubborn wall he grew up to be, eyeing the darkened eyes and pale skin critically, "Only if you force me to".

Both men stared each other down, the beeping steadily rising as Shikamaru's blood boiled in anger, fists shaking at his side and teeth grinding in his jaw, "Is that how it is?"

"If that's how it's gonna be, yeah".

"So it's okay for me to risk my life going after Sasuke─"

"Oh c'mon! Don't fuckin' throw that at my face!"

"Nah, but let's talk about it!" He shouted in his face, hating how stoic Naruto was being while Shikamaru trembled like a leaf, shudders running through his body, his weakness only adding to his frustrations, "Sasuke didn't wanna have anything to do with you─"

"Shika─" "Dude─" the other two piped up in shock, though Shikamaru didn't hear anything above the shrill, stuttered beeping of the machine screeching beside him.

"But we chased him down and almost fuckin' died! And you─" Shikamaru laughed cruelly, his hair flying wild with every jerk of his head, projecting his anger and hurt towards his closest friend, "You chased him for years! He didn't want you! He never wanted you! SHE LEFT YOU! Y/N─" His voice cracked, tears now welling in his eyes, "Y/N loves me", he choked, unable to hold back his sobs, "S-she loves me".

Naruto unfolded his arms, placing his hand on his shoulder and then gripping tighter when Shikamaru slapped his hand away, struggling against his grip as he sobbed, refusing his touch from all the anger and anguish that twisted in his chest. Naruto held steady, pulling him into a firm embrace, holding his friend tight until his shouts subsided and the sobs eased into shaky cries. More arms joined in the hug─ thick arms that were warm and soft, along with thinner arms that smelled of flowers.

They all stood together, encircled in a wide hug until the cries stopped and the beeps of the machine softened into an easy rhythm once again. Shikamaru sighed, embarrassment burning through, but he ignored that like he ignored his clammy skin; instead, Shikamaru allowed the support of his best friends to envelop him, using them to anchor him until he became numb to your absence.

♡•°•°•°°•°•°♤•°•°•°•°•°•◇

The sun would set, the moon would follow with the phases shadowed by the sun, and the earth continued to spin because, in the end, nothing mattered. The world goes on. What does the universe care of human miseries? Babies cry─ people suffer, bodies decay, and the sun continues to rise from the east and set in the west.

People endure─ it's human nature to survive through the worst of conditions. Bubonic plagues, scorching deserts, blistering winds from arctic colds, and like radiation resistant cockroaches─ human beings always persevere. What is a measly broken heart compared to global destruction?

And like his ancestors before him, Shikamaru endured.

Moving on was exactly what they all preached to him about; it was pushing through and living life until time could do its job by melting away the pain that once weighed at his chest and squeezed his breath. Your name was no longer the forbidden word that people feared to utter in his presence lest the world came crashing down around him. And after six years, it was merely a name─ a name of a woman that held his affections now turned the memory of a life he once had in turn for the life he now lived.

When people ask how he's doing, Shikamaru could honestly answer fine because now he meant it. Genuinely, sincerely─ he was fine, happy even. Happy enough to smile at the strung lights glittering the streets and the delicious smells wafting through the air from the various stalls that covered the pathways of Konoha. This year's Rinne Festival was in full swing; music and laughter flittered and carried in the brisk wind of the winter season.

He walked through the street quietly, listening to Choji's excited chattering about the various foods fade away, accidentally separating while Shikamaru looked over stalls searching for the perfect gifts. When a particular shiny bracelet caught his eye, another smaller hand reached for it at the same time.

"Oh", gasps a young girl with jet black hair pulled into a ponytail, "Sorry, mister! I was trying to get something nice for my mama", she smiled up at him kindly, "She likes shiny and pretty things".

Shikamaru retreated his hand, smiling down at the kid with wide eyes that matched the hue of─ he shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the age-old habit of seeing you in everything he looked. "No problem, kid─ have at it, sure your mother would love it". He handed her the bracelet, finding it hard not to see the way her bright smile matched yours.

"Thank you!" she beamed sweetly, rummaging in her pocket, "She's distracted buying us some fried cookie dough! So I thought it was a good time to buy her a present". She handed the stall owner some money and admired the bracelet happily, accepting the free gift box and carefully placing it inside.

Shikamaru couldn't help his smile, she reminded him of his own son─ albeit she was chattier, but it was sweet, especially the way she bounced in happiness, "You must really like the holiday, then". He asked quietly, becoming distracted by the fireworks that crackled and popped above their heads.

"Yeah! It's my mama's favourite! We came from the Land of Rivers cause she said the Konoha festival is the best one in the world!"

Shikamaru chuckled, staring up at the sky with the hundreds of other onlookers, watching the colours streak the sky in an array of shades that sparkled the heavens. "She's right", he hummed, looking down at her and softening at the shine of amazement in the young child's eyes, "What's your name, kid? I have a son about your age, I'm Shikamaru".

"I'm Sika!"

His smile widened affectionately, "We have lots of Sika deer, y'know. My clan look after them in the forest".

She nodded, her grin expanding and showing off her growing teeth, "I know! My mama showed me this morning─ we had a picnic in a really pretty meadow!"

"I used to do that all the time, too", he hummed longingly, "A long time ago".

"Shika!"

Came a familiar shout, making him turn around and smile at the sight of his six-year-old son, Shikadai, holding the hand of his blonde-haired wife. He waved at them in return, a tender warmth blooming in his chest from the sight of them before he turned back to the young girl, "Happy holidays, kid. Take care of your mama".

Her sweet smile seemed to match yours in every way that mattered, and Shikamaru had to brush away that thought once again as she waved at him goodbye, "Thanks, mister! Happy holidays!"

Shikamaru walked back to his own family, slinging an arm over his wife and pressing a kiss to her shoulder before walking away in the opposite direction. Never aware of where the young girl bounced off to, only commemorating her as a passing stranger like all the rest. Unknowing of the threads of fate that connected them or the woman she called mama that held her hand and fed her fried cookie dough before leaving in the morning─ only here to show your daughter the land you once called home.

You smiled down at her, love filling you to the brim over the sight of your daughter, who reminded you of your childhood sweetheart. You kissed her cheek, listening to her delighted giggle then munching on your favourite treat with her. The sounds of music and fireworks echo in the background as the two of you sit on a hill overlooking the sparkling lights of your old village.

"It's just You and I, sweetie─ forever".

The End <3