Anywhere&Everywhere

Pathology Professor (via medschoolmanic)

A sign that looks like this hangs in one hallway of our hospital.  This is not the exact one, obviously, but remarkably similar.

I recently finished up a rotation with the infectious disease (ID) service.  I was extra excited to work with these doctors because they are some of the smartest in the hospital, and ID is something I think I want to do.  For the past month I have tried to sponge up the clinical wisdom that drips out of every conversation.  In many ways I regarded these doctors as the type I wanted to one day be.

And so it kind of stung a bit when I would hear them make comments I did not agree with.  Their jokes often had a component of sexism and they frequently belittled other services and providers.  I do enjoy comedy, and I find myself laughing regularly at the hospital.  But I try to avoid having fun at the expense of others.

This sign came to mind as I contemplated this dichotomy of brilliant doctors who suffer from various levels of immaturity.  Throughout my life I have been blessed with amazing mentors.  But no single one is perfect.  Character flaws are part of being human.  I have learned that you have to guard yourself from idolizing any single person, as this will invariably lead to disappointment.  Like the sign above, I always try to take what I need.

There are doctors with an amazing bedside manner and I cherish the opportunities to watch them with patients.  Likewise, there are doctors who are tremendously brilliant.  I find myself scribbling notes anytime I am around them.  But no doctor has ever encompassed every aspect of what I hope to be, which is not a reflection of impossible standards but infinite diversity.  Every doctor must decide what he or she values most and what to emphasize in their care; no two doctors will be practice alike.    

In less than two months I will graduate.  It is a surreal experience.  Just the other day I corrected a patient who referred to me as doctor, and it struck me that soon I won’t have to do that.  Somehow I made it.  And if I can, you can.

Medical school is a crucible; one I almost never made it to.  Eight years ago I was working a job I hated in order to fund my outrageous partying habit.  Through a series of life events I found myself facing a crossroad, asking “what am I was going to do that will make some difference in the world?”  It was then that I found medicine.  

No one thought I was serious when I said I would quit my job and go back to school.  I wasn’t even sure of my sincerity.  But I did it.  Soon the late nights at the bar were replaced by late nights in the library.  Alcohol was replaced with coffee and energy drinks.  I practically moved into a local coffee shop.   

During undergrad there were times I struggled.  One particular day, while stressed out and on the verge of giving up, an advisor told me I might want to reconsider med school if I could not handle the stress of undergrad.  A year later, I was criticized for accepting admission to my state school because I “wasn’t aiming high enough.”  And when I inquired about getting an MPH in medical school I was told by multiple sources that I would not be able to handle two degrees in 4 years (most programs require you take a year off, which I did not want to do).

This May, after 4 years of medical school, I will graduate with my MD and my MPH.  I have multiple journal publications.  I have held positions on national committees in organized medicine.  That’s not bad for a guy who “wasn’t aiming high enough.” 

I am not a role model for anyone nor am I here to speak of my successes; I am just a guy that survived the experience.  At every step of my journey there have been people who have tried to temper my goals with their doses of “reality.”  Each time, those predictions have proven to be false.  I want to share with you, the med students and pre-med students who read my blog, that you are the master of your future.  I am proof that you can make it when everyone around you suggests you can’t.

Your life is just that, your life.  You cannot let anyone or anything else dictate where it is headed.  Maybe you had a rough past.  Maybe your parents say you can’t make it.  Maybe your scores don’t seem high enough.  But what ever you want to do, you can do it.  The world abounds with stories of individuals overcoming odds.