strongwords.

It always amazes me how much your life can change in a year. Almost exactly a year ago, I spent 4 1/2 hours on the floor of my parent’s kitchen, sobbing uncontrollably, trying to bake a birthday cake for my then boyfriend who was likely not going to appreciate it anyways. My mother came home and found me there, inconsolable, and completely shattered.

I couldn’t see at the time why or how my life had fallen apart so much. Now it seems so blatantly obvious. I spent too much time with someone who often times made me feel like less of a person. Made me feel as though some of my personality traits were deeply rooted flaws and needed to be mended. I was neglected and manipulated. After years of not understanding how women could stay so long in terrible relationships, I had found myself so far into an emotionally draining relationship myself that I no longer recognized that it was my choice weather or not to stay in it.

Looking back a year later, things could not be any better. I have someone in my life who gives me everything I need, and then some. He is my rock. He does not make me feel flawed, or that I need to be someone I am not. He calms me. We can spend every second of every day together for a week, and I am still silently a little sad to see him go. He is smart and athletic, handsome and funny. And supportive.

Immediately after leaving him, I want to know how long until I get to see him again. I am reluctant to tell him all these things, because I fear it may be too much too soon. But I think them all the time.