i remember back when i was in ed treatment, i gained 40 pounds in 3 months from them force feeding me on the highest meal plan they had. i wore a dress i loved. it was a bit difficult to get it on but i did it and it wasnt uncomfortable to wear. then i get home, try to take it off, and i literally cant. i ended up sobbing and panicking because i was stuck in this dress from how much weight I'd gained. i had to cut myself out of it.
also, i had this vest i adored and wore all the time. while in inpatient, i was still in denial about gaining weight, and forced it on. i sucked in as hard as i could, desperately trying to get it to button. i could barely breathe, but i still wore it. as soon as i sat down on the couch in front of everyone, the button popped. thankfully it was still intact, so id just slyly put it back together under the blanket so no one would see. after a while of stuffing myself like a sausage into this vest, the buttons flew off even while sucked in. i didnt get a chance to breathe.
after treatment, i got some jeans i really loved. they fit perfectly when i got them. i hadnt weighed myself at all in months. one day, i went to put them on, and struggled, but had the same denial thought process, im just bloated or whatever (despite barely being able to get it past my thighs.) as soon as i sat down, they ripped at the seams. i had the same reaction as i did with those pants recently—oh well, i guess they shrunk or whatever, ill just change into different pants and throw those ones out
you would think after years of incidents like this i would actually make a change, do something different, realize that every month i get heavier and heavier and actually face whats happening. but no. despite every sign and warning im getting, i completely ignore it and doordash another calorific meal to gorge myself on.
