this is Christmas anon! Thank you so much, I've loved your fics since forever. I'm in a bit of a mood so I'll go with "I'll Be Home for Christmas." It can be in (*ahem* fixed) canon or AU or whatever. Sending you much holiday love and positivity
Okay, sorry I’m a day late on this anon, I’ve been ill. Fixed canon ‘I’ll be home for Christmas Lifeday’ coming right up <3
For a year Rey has been alone.
Not physically. Her found family still surrounds her, rallies around her as she struggles to take the next step down her path. She loves them, and cares for them, but they don’t understand. Not even Finn, who had quietly admitted to her in the days following Exegol that he too felt the Force. He has no interest in further training, he has no desire to wield a saber or help her carry that lofty legacy which fell upon her shoulders.
So Rey is alone. Surrounded by loved ones, yet separated from them by burden and bitter memory.
They had not been in the throne room, they had not seen what she had seen. And though she had heralded him a hero, she knows they hold no love for Ben Solo. Her missing piece, her second. The wound of his absence remains fresh and raw. It is difficult to connect with the others when they will never know what he became.
She reluctantly agrees to spend Life Day on Kashyyyk. Chewbacca’s invitation. It is lovely. Lanterns swinging heavy from the soaring canopy, cookies to be eaten, children laughing. There is even a small gift exchange among friends. Finn gives her a necklace reminiscent of that which she received on Pasaana.
All of it feels hollow. The hole inside of her throbs more insistently now than ever. At this festival which celebrates life, and light, and family, Rey is different. her chosen name is a farce masking a darker truth. She is alone.
She turns in early, before the giant kegs of ale can even be tapped, and takes to a borrowed bed of furs and woven fabrics. Not truly tired, she closes her eyes to meditate and try to forget for a little while.
Below her the celebration carries on.
“Be with me.” She whispers, taking up the words into a mantra until they lose all meaning, carrying her halfway between conscious and unconscious, “Be with me be with me be with me be with me.”
She has not felt the presence of a force ghost since burying the sabers on Tatooine. But it is not those Skywalkers she longs for her in her secret heart. All she wants on this life day is to see Ben Solo, even as a phantom. She has so much to tell him.
So many times she has tried to find him, and so many times she has failed. Still, her voice holds its rhythm, “Be with me be with me be with me be with me be with me.”
Then it happens. A pulse, a tidal wave of power rippling from some central location. It is base and powerful, and though the room remains still, Rey is thrown from her bed by the strength of this… thing.
Finn must’ve felt it too. She thinks, grabbing her saber from the floor beside the bed and clipping it to her belt. Something must be very wrong for such a shockwave-
She freezes, ice in her veins, tears in her eyes. Rey dare not turn around for fear that the owner of that beautiful baritone might vanish once more.
All sound and sensation are sucked from the room and her surroundings are a strange patchwork of two separate realities, all blurred by welling tears. It is strikingly similar to those few precious moments shared between them in the Force.
“Rey, please look at me,” His voice is tremulous, she can feel his tears on her cheeks. It’s maddening to finally have him here yet know this is impermanent. Even so, the wound in her chest has already begun to mend. His presence is a balm.
Lips trembling, she replies, “If I look at you, will you stay, at least for a little while?”
Her knuckles are white on the hilt of her saber. If he won’t answer her, she has little choice. Rey turns.
He looks like no Force ghost she has ever seen. His body is opaque and strong, defined in the space he inhabits. Behind him it is night, and though his surroundings are dark, his outline is unwavering. His sable eyes are wet, and Rey can feel him as surely as her saber weighs on her hip.
Incredulous, her feet carry her forward unbidden. Her mouth parts and words try to take shape, but a years worth of grief overwhelms her when she comes to a stop in front of him. There are no words, only a deep, animal sob as she buckles forward onto her knees.
Ben Solo is alive. She can feel him in her chest, in that place he once inhabited, revived. His heart is thundering. When he kneels in front of her she throws herself into his arms, she touches his hair, his face, his lips. All real, all warm.
“I’m sorry,” He weeps with her, into her hair as he clutches her tighter than he did on Exegol, “I”m so sorry, Rey.”
He smells like Ben, clean and spice and man. Her fingers curl like talons into his shoulders as something like anger bubbles behind her agony. She was alone for so long, she thought he was dead. And now here he was and- and- “Why?”
She heaves, all snot and swollen eyes, “Where did you go? Why did you leave me, Ben? Why?”
She can tell he’s trying to compose himself but is failing with Rey so thoroughly wrapped around him. His broad hands stroke down her back, she she feels his mouth at her shoulder, “I- I was wounded. My mother’s will… I was sent somewhere to heal, far away.”
“I couldn’t feel you,” Rey pulls back to hold his gaze, she could lose herself in its depths. She wants to. “I thought you were dead, I thought I was alone.”
“Never.” He says, fiercely. And then he kisses her, just like she kissed him on Exegol.
They go slower this time, exploring this new, tentative thing. Rey reels in his lap, elated that he is alive and clutching her to his chest, even if it is only through their bond. He tastes of salty tears, she must as well. She’s still crying, despite it all, and when they break she lets her fingers trace over his cheeks and jaw.
“Please, don’t leave me,” it comes out as a whimper, pathetic. But after a year of broken bonds and torture what else could she be?
His dark gaze flicks between her lips and her eyes, and he gives his raven head a small shake, “Never again. Where are you? I’ll come yo you.”
“Ah,” he says knowingly, giving a small, crooked smile, “Life Day. I’m close, I’ll be with you before it’s over.
A sudden panic takes her at the thought of letting go of him. If she lets go now, there is no guarantee he won’t vanish once more. She doesn’t want to be alone, she can’t stand the thought of living another day without Ben. Her Ben.
“Ben, wait!” She catches his wrist as he moves to help her off of his lap.
Realizing what she needs, his arm circles her waist, holding her close. His chest is hard, broad and strong, and Rey angles her neck so she can kiss him once more. Delicate but yearning.
“I love you.” She breathes against his mouth, the tears come softer this time, “I had to live like you were dead for a year. Please, don’t make me do that again. I couldn’t take it.”
Ben kisses her back. Her mouth and then her head. Then he presses their foreheads together and she can feel his conviction humming in the force between them. His eyes are glittering with unshed tears, and Rey realizes that the past year must have taken its toll on him as well. Dyads are not meant to be separated so.
“I will never leave you again.” He says, voice shaking. The backs of his knuckles ghost her cheek, and she shudders to feel how real he is once more. “I’ll be home in time for Life Day, Rey. I’ll be with you so, so soon.”
Then he is gone, the bond severed. But not entirely. It lingers still, like it had before. Coiling tight and reassuring in Rey’s chest, always with her.
She readies herself, eager to go and rejoin the festivities. She will need to tell Chewie to prepare; Ben will be home in time to see Life Day through.
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