My Single Chicago

So there has been a lot of confusion amongst my friends as to what exactly is the point of my comeback tour. It’s not to find a man or have a lot of safe sex; it’s just to take my social life up a notch. When I was young, dumb and in love last year, I stopped being social. I didn’t see my friends much and I stopped going out. I made myself available for him. He worked late nights so I wanted to be home when he got off so we could spend time together. When I wasn’t being available for my man, I was working overtime for a shitty job that paid me pennies and worked me like a Hebrew slave. My social life was fucked up! This time around, I’m correcting and taking my youth back. I’m meeting new people and being fun again. So in a nut shell, the purpose of MY comeback tour is to living a fun and fearless life.

Last year, I fell in love for the first time with a man I promised to be committed and faithful to without the official girlfriend title. We were in a relationship but I was his friend and lover in the bedroom and “girl” when he introduced me to others. Looking back, I think it was his way of appeasing my feelings by referring to me as his girl and not girlfriend because he knew it was what I wanted to hear. Also, it was a way for him to continue to reap the benefits of a relationship without making it official. I later learned that he was not exclusive with me although he said he would be.

I was very naïve to think he would be faithful to me when I made everything too easy for him. For example, making him special dinners that he would request only to have him not show up or cancel at the last minute. Even while writing this, I feel even more like a fool because I was too nice to a person who didn’t deserve my kindness. I wasted months being on call to this man who found it difficult to be on call for me.

Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t a horrible person. He was very charming and likable, which made it difficult for me to stay mad at him. My issues with him were his lack of respect for my time, communication, and later on the cheating. I now realize that it would’ve been wiser for me to not continue to sleep with him when he wasn’t keeping up the end of the bargain. I should’ve created boundaries with this man and walked away when they were crossed.

These past few months of self reflection has led me to this new declaration of my sexual liberation. I’m doing me. If something doesn’t benefit me in any type of way than I won’t take part. I was programmed to think that I needed to wait to have sex and I convinced myself that I needed to be a relationship before it happened. Fuck that! I enjoy sex, and its hard finding a relationship in Chicago. If I want to have good, mind blowing sex with a man, then so be it.

I haven't blogged in so long because I've been distracted by life events and lazy. I told myself that this year I'd try and be more consistent with finishing things I've started. I'll get better at this.

Hi Lovelies!

My will power to stay strong finally snapped and I gave in to temptation. I don't regret a single minute either. I'm learning that I could possibly be my own worst enemy. Last night I prepared a nice meal for the boo but he couldn't make it because he had some family business to handle. My crazy ass almost snapped but didn't thanks to some really level headed girlfriends. I really need to learn some much needed patience before I ruin a beautiful thing. Our relationship is fresh therefore I must realize that other people who've been in the picture longer than me are priority. I get it now.

"You give me a feeling that I never felt before

And I deserve it, I think I deserve it

It's becoming something that's impossible to ignore

And I can't take it"

Lets say my resistance didn't last that long. 

Who knew a smile or a whisper of simple phrase like "Come here" could sound so erotic and have a girl weak in the knees. I'm starting to realize I'm a sucker for a bright smile, nice hands and brown eyes. Good Lord! It's been a while since I've wanted to slap a man in the face but ache for the touch of his hands at the same time. To say I've got it bad is an understatement but I'm committed to staying strong. He bruised my ego and pride badly, and for that I will not fall in so easily. For now, I will continue to fight the temptation of being whatever he wants me to be.  

  In the Hopeless in Chicago post, I mentioned a guy who was flirting with me and how I ignored his advances. I did run into him again and we exchanged numbers. What a complete waste of time! He has officially earned the title of “Nice Nigga” 2013. Within minutes of us texting, this asshole asked for naked pictures. WTF! Total turn-off. I’m starting to learn, no matter what age the guy is, he can still be an immature little douche. I assumed that because he was a lot older, he’d have his shit together but apparently not. I quickly shut down the naked pictures and he stopped talking to me. I guess I look easy because the guys I keep meeting are only interested in sex. Whatever happened to patience? If you were upfront with your intentions or took me on a couple of dates, we probably could’ve worked something out. Apparently I have the worst taste in mean because I’m attracted to sex crazed assholes. There has to be at least one nice guy in this city???

I’ve been wracking my brain about what my next post should be and to tell the truth I’m still not sure. I guess I’ll bring you up to speed on my life. Late last year I mad plans with one of my girls to celebrate her birthday and see the final Twilight movie. I don’t drive so I decided to work late so I wouldn’t have to go home to kill some unnecessary time. Everyone knows that I don’t like to be kept waiting or like my time to be wasted. 

Apparently my friend forgot that she was taking family photos around the same time as our plans. Instead of thinking smart and postponing our girls night until a more convenient time, this chick kept pushing the time back. Needless to say, I was resorted to wondering the cold streets of downtown Chicago wondering into store after store to stay warm until she was able to meet.

While I was browsing the ales of Barnes and Noble I get a text from homegirl saying I should go see the movie stag and she’ll meet me at the bar later. I was pissed! If you knew you were going to be running that late, you should’ve cancelled when I told you I was about to leave work. This city isn’t safe for women at night so I like to be home at a decent hour. Thank god one of my reliable friends rescued me from the potential rape/robbery I’m sure would have taken place if I continued to wait for the no-show.

 As my savior and I was dining on low-budget diner food, I get a call from the no-show stating she was going to meet us at the bar for one drink around 11 pm. This made me even more irritated. I almost froze to death for you to cancel on Edward and Belle, on top of that for you to have one drink with us for your birthday like you were doing me a favor. I’ve never been one to be pressed for friends and I won’t start now. I told her not to come because I have in so many words wasted enough time.

  Fast forward to today, I haven’t really spoken to her since and it’s killing me. I considered her one of my best friends but since that day I’ve reconsidered. I’m not one to hold grudges but for you to stop talking to me for your flakiness is unacceptable. I may be a drama queen and overreact but I stand behind my logic for being pissed that evening. How dare you toss our 10+ friendship away over some petty bullshit like this? It makes me wonder, were you my ace to begin with or just a phony friend?

My girls at work are set on getting me hooked up and freaked on. One of them has actually gone as far as interviewing potential suitors for me. When it comes to dating, I’m picky. It takes a strong man to handle my complex behind. I’ve got a smart mouth, tough exterior and quick wit but I also have a lot to offer. Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m blocking my own "love life" blessings.

I attract so many losers that I think I’m subconsciously ignoring the good ones. My senses are so screwed up, I can’t tell when someone is flirting with me especially if he’s fine and I’m looking like a bop. The other day I didn’t realize until later that this fine ass chocolate man was checking for me. He’s peeped me several times and my clueless ass has been oblivious to this. What I thought was us making conversation to pass the time may have actually been him sizing me up. Even though he says he’s seen me before, I doubt-it I would have noticed that smile. If it’s meant for something to come of it, I’ll see him again. 

Until then…