❛ 地縛霊—

Aichi definitely doesn’t make some sort of strangled squeak at the question. (well, the squeak is less at the question and more at the fact that there is someone - floating? around him?) (he’s being haunted, or something. this is oddly less terrifying than he thought - Aichi just guesses this is what his life is like now.)

“I  - I live here,” comes the response, a little too quickly. he doesn’t actually know if he does? but there’s nowhere else to really go, so he nods, more to himself than anything. 

and then - cleaning? he’s never been too good at the whole chores thing. that always required getting out of bed, and that seemed like…a lot of energy. or it used to, anyway - if it’s what he needs to do to stay somewhere, it should be okay. probably.

a strained kind of smile and more nods are all Aichi can really offer. if he’s supposed to say no to any of this, it’s moving too fast for him to, so he just kinda hopes the smile doesn’t look too forced. it sounds fun! he’s okay with staying here! he’ll go wherever!

“you’re, um, really energetic,” he adds on as an afterthought. he feels a little swept away here, but they’re roommates now? or something like that. it’s good to get along with people…!

he does hear the squeak, so he guesses he must have surprised him, or something. he doesn't really know how to tell with humans what their reasons for this or that are, considering he hasn't been one in long enough time to be disconnected from it. he'll just chalk it up to surprise, though.

"You live here? Hmm." that makes.. some ounce of sense, at least. whoever their previous roommate was hanako didn't have a chance to meet, so it makes no difference to him if someone else took their spot. he did notice that his stuff was moved to the first floor, though. "Okay, if you live here, then... welcome! Another person lives with us, so you'll get to meet him at some point."

and at least he seems to be paying attention, or he's nodding along like he is. he's fond of that, even if he can tell there's some ounce of a furrow in his brow. hanako can't place what that's about, either. but, he doesn't seem to have any less apprehension than the usual person does, so he won't comment on it for now.

“That–”

“–you know that wasn’t me, right?”

And it stings to say, because Mitsuba knows some part of him is. Was. He doesn’t know anymore. He knows somewhere along the line, if you follow the path of Mitsuba way back, it would lead to Sousuke. He knows that. He knows, too, that following Sousuke’s line forward… doesn’t inherently lead to Mitsuba. Sousuke stops where Mitsuba begins.

So Hanako says, that’s why I left you with the kid. Hanako says, I just didn’t want to bother with you. But he isn’t talking about Mitsuba. He’s talking about Sousuke. Sousuke, who Mitsuba used to (still does) envy with every fibre of his being. Sousuke – the face who stares back at him from any mirror Mitsuba tries to watch the memories of, reflected back like some cruel joke, that this is the life you can never have. Sousuke’s heart beats in Mitsuba’s chest alongside Number Three’s – neither one is his own. He could almost laugh.

He doesn’t.

And Mitsuba knows there are parts of him that are decidedly Sousuke. He still understands cameras; the first time he picked one up it felt like home in his hands, but he’s heard that Sousuke liked taking photos of things, not of people. Mitsuba tried that before, he really did. He tried to take photos of birds, of dead cockroaches or whatever else Sousuke might have considered “art”, but it never fit as well as taking a photo of a person. A memory; one that you can hold in your hands. A memory in physical form that says, I was here, once. I lived, or I at least played the part of something alive.

Every time he talks to Hanako is exhausting because Mitsuba isn’t Mitsuba, isn’t Number Three, isn’t whatever he tries to be. He doesn’t know what he is to Hanako, because he’s not Sousuke to him, either. He’s… something. He doesn’t like that he can’t put a name to it. He wonders if Hanako hates him so much because Mitsuba’s a perfect imitation of everything Hanako knows he can’t have either.

The only difference is just that Mitsuba hasn’t given up on it all yet.

“You–”

Mitsuba pauses. Stares.

“… uwa… I’m not stupid, you know, Number Seven? Look at how you treat her! Everything you do for Daikon-senpai is the same that I’d do for Kou-kun – do you even hear yourself right now? What is that? ‘Even if it means killing another person I’ll make sure that she lives’? And you don’t want to–”

It’s annoying. Hanako’s annoying. Mitsuba heaves the most dramatic sigh he can muster, raising his hands up to muss with his hair (but only a little bit; he doesn’t want to mess up how cute it is, after all).

“These things happen and they inconvenience me and always, always work out well for you. Being tossed into that other place wasn’t your fault, but whatever happened back home… and even this, after everything… what am I supposed to think? Anything that works out well for Daikon-senpai can be pointed back to you, and the two of you may as well be married already… you don’t care about anyone other than her, or what they might want, at all. What am I supposed to think?”

He leans back just as dramatically as his sigh had been.

“If your whole schtick is supposed to be keeping the balance or… that I can’t become a human or whatever… why’s it fine when – you know, I don’t care, actually. The two of you can hook up and I’ll – it doesn’t matter, y’know? You’ll just make me mad again.”

"Wasn't it? You can't remember, I guess. Apart from what was used to make you, not a lot about what you used to be really remains. I probably should treat you like a brand new person, but—if that hadn't happened, the 'you' that exists now wouldn't exist at all. Coming to life as a Supernatural is funny like that."

mitsuba says he's not stupid, prattles on about whatever, but hanako still ends up scrunching up his face. not in disgust per se, but more frustration. because it doesn't really feel like he's listening to him, even with hanako explaining it ❪ to be fair, he's not doing a very good job. he's always had a hard time being more direct with these kinds of things. ❫

hanako doesn't want to say more than he's comfortable with, but he really might have to, at least to get him to stop. but he knows anyway, that he inconveniences other people when he does whatever he feels like, he just doesn't care. which is... admittedly part of the problem. hanako's goal back home is to help her live, regardless of who it hurts. he can't really blame mitsuba for thinking the way he feels about yashiro is the same, can he?

and he doesn't really want to get into why a supernatural born on the far shore can't become human, not again, so he doesn't comment on that. mitsuba just has this notion that hanako likes yashiro, and he does, but not the way that he's meaning it. it's irritating, and probably wouldn't get to him so much if he wasn't thinking about rui this whole time. it'd be inconvenient if they met, and mitsuba said something about it, so.

"I... erm. I like.. boys... I like boys. So I'm not in love with Yashiro, I never have been. I don't want to hook up with her. I don't want to marry her. How I feel about her and how you feel about the kid are different, even if the stuff I do for her makes it look the same. She's just... important to me, is all. And I already have someone else I... like. So can you knock it off? You're really starting to get on my nerves."

maybe this will get him to stop. he's not very hopeful, and it's more than he would've wanted to say about himself anyway, but it seemed necessary. hanako ends up fidgeting a bit, though, clearly uncomfortable. maybe yashiro would be able to save him from this situation. he's pretty sure that, for her, she has someone else she likes anyway, too? hanako knows how he would feel if the circumstances were reversed, if... she sacrificed the one he loved like he did. he can see how she wouldn't be able to forgive him, but even so, she still somehow has. maybe. he's still fuzzy on the details for all of that.

It is too high for Hanako to float, then. Rui had assumed as much; still, he takes a few more moments to stare up at the roof in thought before continuing on in their joint attempts to figure out how to get up there. He does hope there’s an easy way to view the stars… maybe if not on the roof, then somewhere, but Rui thinks he’d much rather stick to the routine the two of them had grown used to rather than – he doesn’t know. Sit in a tree? Something about the thought of Hanako in a tree feels… dangerous?

They split up.

Rui wanders around on his own side, examining the exterior of the cabin as best as he can; he can’t find an easy way up, either. When he bumps into Hanako again around the back of the cabin he has a finger resting on his chin in thought, but it isn’t exactly helping him find any solutions.

“Oh, a shovel,” he deadpans, in acknowledgement of it. His hand remains on his chin for a beat longer – until he claps his hands together in a mock revelation, as if he’s just come up with the greatest idea ever (he hasn’t). Unsurprisingly, he feels as if Hanako may just think this is the best thing he’s ever heard in his life.

“Why don’t,” he starts, “you stand on the spade part of the shovel. Then, I jump onto the handle, which sends you shooting up into the air and onto the roof.”

It’s entirely deadpan. There’s not any world in any reality where Rui is being a single bit serious right now. Not even remotely. Still, it is Hanako he’s talking to. Rui’s been his boyfriend for long enough to know that the H in Hanako stands for Hohgodpleasedon’tthinki’mserious, so he follows up with an equally deadpan, “I’m joking.”

“Hmm…”

Rui doesn’t know the ins and outs of the forest yet – after leaving the Grove, he just headed directly here. Why would he explore around when the safe time for him to do just that was so terribly limited? Maybe there’s something they can use, or find, somewhere else in these woods, though.

“We should probably look around instead, once we’ve settled in.”

“We might be able to find something to fashion a ladder. If you want to see what the view is like right now, though, you can try to get up on my shoulders. That might give you enough height to grab onto the roof…?”

hanako's not sure what they could do with a shovel apart from the obvious, and he doesn't imagine he's going to be digging any time soon. he guesses it's good to have, but... not super necessary at the moment. his attention is diverted away from it when rui claps his hands together, which brings the full of his attention to him.

"Do you think that'd work?!" because, yes, of course hanako's intrigued. regardless of if rui's joking or not, hanako knows he's not really light, despite being a ghost that floats around that doesn't even reach five foot zero. if it were possible, well... but rui follows up with that he's joking, and hanako visibly looks disappointed.

"Hmmm.. okay. Let's do that then. I haven't wandered around too much. I could probably look around during the day, when you're sleeping. D'ya wanna see if there's a shop or something, though? I dunno how thick your curtains are... I didn't look at mine when I got here. I kinda just laid on the sofa."

because, it's. easy enough a thing that hanako would be worried about rui getting touched by sunlight and turning to ash. he likes seeing him, so adjusting when he's awake was easy. when he didn't have much of a sleep schedule before, and all; ghosts don't need to sleep. still doesn't stop him from being groggy when he does wake up, though. if the curtains are thick enough already, then that's be great, but if they're not, he wants to take care of that as soon as possible.

"I do want to see, so, yes. Pick me up!" hanako can luckily float high enough where he can go above rui, but not much further than that. not enough to reach his hands up to grab onto the roof, at least. he probably would be able to reach better if he were on rui's shoulders. ❪ he's hoping, at least. ❫

so with rui's aid to getting on his shoulders, hanako half-wonders if he should try standing on them, rather than sitting. he can use that as a backup plan, for now he just looks up above, clenching his fist before flexing his fingers out as he reaches and—he can touch it. the roof is... cold, too, but maybe he can pull himself up onto it? so he moves his hands a bit to get a better position, and pulls himself up onto the roof.

"Yashirooo." hanako sets his hands to her shoulders, looking very determined. it's obviously the most serious thing in the world ❪ to him. ❫ "There's a big pot of soup. It's huge, I heard. You wanna go see it? Maybe we could get some. I want soup. I want soup."

he squeezes.

"Oh, you. I recognize you."

hanako floats around the man a few times as if to double check that he does recognize him, and it's from that other place, but not for very long. hanako's good at memorizing faces. when he stops in front of him, he knows that he didn't really even get a word in, but he remembers the scene. hanako made the mix, after all.

"Did you break in?" is the only thing he says before popping up, floating around all the while, looking the other boy up and down. he folds his arms, nodding, like he's deep in thought.

"We had another person here before, but they left. If you're moving in... Are you any good at cleaning?"

hanako stops in place when he gets to in front of him, raising a finger to his own mouth.

  is this all my fault?

  it’s for her, after all. to make sure she could live until she was 90 or more, to see the world far longer than what her book predicted for her. yet here, with the cost of that wish hanging over her and spreading out to hurt others, was it…

  was it ever going to be worth it? was living that long going to be worth it if kou could never see mitsuba again, if hanako-kun vanished from her life forever, if aoi was lost to the gardens of the afterlife without another word between them?

  nene doesn’t know. she doesn’t want to know.

  a sob comes out of her throat when she’s enveloped in the hug, strangled and hurting and so so sad that nene’s almost surprised by how capable of sorrow she is. it’s strange, this difference between learning she had almost no time left versus confronting the fact she was forcibly given her best friend’s remaining lifespan.

  ( aoi would have lived a long life. would she have been happy? would she be stronger than nene is right now if their positions swapped within the next year? )

  … she can’t think about that right now. aoi isn’t here. hanako is and he’s the one he’s the one she’s held by at the moment, crying into his shoulder and repressing any too-loud wails. nene sniffles and tries to calm herself down, wanting to find her footing again. it becomes infinitely harder when they’re face to face and so close to an almost embarrassing extent, her trembling mouth and watery eyes and running nose all the more obvious when settled like this.

  there’s too much to talk about and all the time in the world suddenly. it’s completely overwhelming and despite the questions hanako asks, all nene can provide is a shake of her head and reaching out to hold onto his wrists. her head moves to his shoulder, pushing her forehead into it. she breathes in, out, slow inhales and exhales until her voice returns to her.

  “ c… can we sit down? i’ll tell you in a minute, okay? my legs… just really hurt… ”

  finding a place to settle down would also give a bit of time for her to gather her thoughts and come up with an explanation. with how everything went in the red house and the events surrounding it, this… would be tough for both of them, wouldn’t it?

hanako doesn't know; the ins and outs of comfort, not in a way that matters. he's not good at patching things up, even if he tries to listen, he doesn't do it very well. but he can hear every strangled sob held back in her throat, choked the life out of it before it can become louder than that. he wants to tell her it'll be fine, but he can't really guarantee that either.

and, yes, he can see just how red her face is this close. he can see every tear, every tremble in her lips, and it's difficult for him not to look guilty. he knows what he did was wrong, but he doesn't think that... matters. yashiro matters. she matters enough that she's worth taking drastic measures for. she matters enough.

she holds onto his wrists—so gentle a touch it ghosts the skin, something that makes him just want to reach out again so he can hold onto her. it's careful, warm, like if she let's him go he'll disappear again. and when she moves her head to his shoulder, he tilts his own to lean it against hers.

"Yeah, we can sit." he stays like that for a beat, though, a beat he doesn't entirely want to pull away from. and when he does, he takes her hands in his and leads her to a spot they can both sit. he doesn't let go even when they do.

"Were you running around? ... For your legs to hurt, I mean." he's at the very least looking at her, when he oftentimes just looks away when he's not comfortable. yashiro has an area of comfort that other people don't tend to give him, she's every ray of the light of the sun and it's something he can feel, for once. is it unusual for him to grow fond of her? get attached to her? supernaturals are drawn to warmth, too.

"I don't really mind if you rest, you know. I'm not going anywhere, I don't think, so... whether this is some weird shore or boundary, I'm sticking to it pretty well. The other place I was in—I was there for.. awhile. I don't know why I came here, of all places. You're here, too." he lets go of one of her hands, but it's just so he can reach a hand up to brush away some of the tears staining yashiro's cheeks with a thumb. "We can take our time here, I think, Yashiro. You can take your time. You matter to me, and it might not be a good thing; most people don't want a ghost attached to them. But you're not like most people, I think."

He guesses.

He guesses it affected Mitsuba too, as if Mitsuba wasn’t currently here (a mess by all meanings of the word) in front of him. Mitsuba can only assume that this… Severance, thing, is what happened to him, which means it was something important enough to have a name, and. And… and Mitsuba wasn’t told about it.

He’d had to ask that weird spider teacher-Mystery about what Urabon was, but no one had mentioned this.

Mitsuba opens his mouth. Exhales angrily. Closes it. There’s no – God, there’s no words to express how angry he is. Because everything that happens in Kamome is always either Tsukasa’s fault or Hanako’s, and without Tsukasa here (he hopes), all the hatred and blame falls squarely on Hanako’s shoulders instead.

“Why?”

That’s a question with too many possibilities to answer. Mitsuba seethes so badly that he knows his shaking is visible.

“Why’d you let it happen?”

Because one moment he’d been fine spending some time with Kou, and with Natsuhiko too he guesses, and the next minute he’d been getting ripped apart at the seams, disturbed from what was otherwise a peaceful and fine slumber. It had hurt. It had really hurt, and then he – then he couldn’t –

“Of course I did! And you did, too, didn’t you!? You always talk –” And it comes back in a wave, everything from before, when Hanako and Mitsuba had barely started getting along; they fill in a place in his memory that should have no interruptions, yet his memories from home still continue on seamlessly as well. It makes his head throb. “– you always talk so big, and separate yourself from everything, but you’re no different from me!”

Mitsuba wants to grab him and shake him until his smug little head pops off, but Mitsuba’d noticed he felt stronger here. He doesn’t want to risk what might happen if that’s happened to Hanako, too.

“… we are,” is what he settles on, resigned, tears blurring up the corners of his vision. Mitsuba doesn’t want to cry in front of Hanako, so he doesn’t let himself. The hands of his scarf have balled into angry fists.

So have Mitsuba’s own.

“We are, but Minamoto-kun isn’t, is he? And if Daikon-senpai is, if she knows all of the same things we do, how is it supposed to be any better being here? You caused this, didn’t you? You and Tsukasa-kun. You always run around doing whatever you want, making whatever you want,” – his voice cracks – “and – and – I hope you can’t let yourself live with how badly she must be hurting. I hope whatever happy little makeout-fest reunion you had planned here doesn’t ever happen!”

hanako can tell that he's angry. from the way that he's carrying himself to his overall body language, it's... not hard to see. mitsuba's more honest with his feelings than hanako is, so he can deal with him being mad. it's easy enough to put up with. because there's a level of apprehension that mitsuba has that's preventing him from thoroughly lashing out more, he's guessing.

"'Why?' You know already, don't you? You, Aoi-chan, the other mysteries... don't matter as much to me. But that's not news, is it? You knew that from the start. That's why I left you to the kid, I just didn't want to bother with you." which is a half-lie, in that he was hoping that he would be able to help mitsuba before tsukasa... did what he did to him. but life goes on.

and... no, hanako isn't any different. he wanted to stay. but he wanted a real life, not one after as an apparition. a ghost. a miserable excuse for an existence. but that's what mitsuba wants too, isn't it? hanako knows that.

"I guess we aren't different after all. Not a lot of good that does either of us, though."

and hanako's want to be cruel is there, of course it is, as ugly and calcified as it is. mitsuba's miserable, but so is he, and he wants more than anything to dig into and tear apart everything that he's saying. because it should be obvious; it should be obvious that it wasn't hanako. that, no, if he had a choice, why would he bring mitsuba here? to save him? does he think he deserves that? someone that most people didn't remember, sans some boy?

most people didn't really remember hanako after he died either, though. or, well, they did. but it tapered off, spoken more as a hush-hush behind rumors of 'did you hear what happened at the yugi house? the family had—'

people naturally forget, after a time. they stopped referring to it by his family name, long forgotten, and just refer to it as something else, now. they still don't dare go in, still do nothing but walk a little faster to the other side of the street when they cross it. but mitsuba didn't really have anything, did he?

hanako's clenching his teeth, so he tries to relax enough that when he speaks it's not as a snap.

"Would you believe me if I said it wasn't me that did this? You seem pretty convinced that it was." and the part about yashiro, what's he even going on about? "She's alive, so. I'm not happy that she's not, but she's alive. You should stick to minding your own business, though. Don't you think it makes you look kinda stupid? I don't want to makeout with her."

he's not friends with him, so the thought of sharing something about him feels off-kilter in the way that something's just unnatural. he's not going to say no, you see, i'm seeing someone else, because it's none of his business in the first place. hanako doesn't care about making friends.

"But enough about that, I doubt Tsukasa had a hand in this either. I know he does whatever he wants to, but I haven't seen him around, and if he is, he hasn't seen me. I don't care all that much if you blame me, or if you stop, because it's easy to, isn't it? Chalk it all up to number seven's made a mess of things again? So, go ahead. I won't stop you. Whether you like me or not, I'll put up with you. Yashiro likes you, for some reason, so I don't really have a choice either!"

because maybe hanako doesn't want to be friends with him, but he still has some semblance of... maybe they could get along, if hanako stopped being selfish, if hanako stopped doing whatever he wanted. but he wants her to live. he wants her to live so badly that it almost feels like he can't breathe, like he'll do anything to see it through, no matter the cost. even if it costs him everything. he doesn't want her to end up like him.

Rui doesn’t expect the kiss. He doesn’t, and it’s something so decidedly normal that it catches him off guard; he almost forgets to kiss Hanako in return, almost, but collects himself in time. Rui knows Hanako has to be as much in his head about this all as Rui himself is – because their anniversary means they lost more time than they’d had, and Rui doesn’t know where it all went. It should have been a year without pause, and instead it wasn’t.

It wasn’t, and Hanako remembers things that he hadn’t before. Hanako’s hurting because of it, but he… he remembers Rui. Rui has to take the little victories, but he’s almost not sure he wants to. If Hanako had forgotten Rui again, would his memories have stayed at the point they were at? Rui would rather himself hurt than having to watch Hanako hurt.

Oh, he’d rather it so terribly.

“… I’m grateful, too,” Rui mumbles after a beat, but he’s not sure he can trust his own voice. It’s a miracle when it doesn’t come out shaking. “I didn’t want to leave. I knew I didn’t deserve to be as happy as I was, but I didn’t think – I didn’t think that after so long, I’d –”

And his voice does shake there, but he lets himself get distracted with Himari headbutting against Hanako in retaliation for kissing her, and Rui interrupts himself with a laugh. Things still feel kind of… wrong, but they feel… better. They feel better, at least, because somehow Hanako’s here and remembers him, and Himari’s here, too.

Rui has to take the little victories, for as wrong as everything else feels.

“… it’s okay.”

Rui can tell how soft his gaze is. He always looks at Hanako a certain way, and now is no exception, even as he lets Himari loose so that she can hop to the ground again. She gives a stretch and heads happily back to Rui’s bed in order to curl up once more on top of the pillow. Rui wants to get permission from whoever the third member of the household must be before he lets Himari roam loose, so he motions to Hanako to follow him out and shuts the door behind them both.

“We can come back to her later. It’s – calming, just knowing she’s here.” If that makes sense. Rui’s certain Hanako will understand, one way or another. Offering out his hand for Hanako to take, Rui leads him outside the house, and stares up at the roof.

“I can check to the left and you can check to the right, and we can meet up in the back?” he prompts. “If nothing else, and there’s no easy way, I do – I do feel stronger. I might just be able to lift you up there. Or throw, ” he adds, teasingly. “At least it looks like we’re mostly under the trees… that might be helpful during the day. I don’t know how well it works for stargazing, though.”

he can hear it, the way rui's voice shakes. hanako didn't believe that he deserved to be that happy either, but... he knew that it would end, because things like hanako don't deserve happy endings, and one day hanako has to move on from his afterlife to the next, anyway. but he still likes hearing rui laugh, and whatever hanako feels about not deserving this or that, he's just glad that he has rui with him again. he wishes he didn't forget about him at all when he returned, but there's nothing he can really do.

"I thought that... I was going to be alone here. I still don't feel great, but I really thought that you and Yashiro and everyone else I know would just be gone. I'm glad that you're not, because—back there, it would've just been me and Aoi-chan, you see. The train would have taken us to the Far Shore, and I'd be there for good."

maybe he was saved.

and hanako doesn't see how rui's looking at him, because he's still focused on himari. because it's nice that she's here, too, and it's little things like this that make it a little more concrete that it's real. he still feels like his head is in a bubble, a little cloudy, but he does feel better.

"Yeah! I know what you mean. It's a good thing we checked." he's not sure if they have bowls for food and water for her, but they can probably get some, somehow. and when rui holds his hand out for hanako to take it, he does. he also stares up at the roof, when they're outside, then to the ground and along the wall from what he can see from standing where he is.

"Yeah, alright. Maybe there's a ladder somewhere... it's too high up for me to just float up, it looks like." hanako ends up laughing, though, at the thought of being thrown. "Well, you could try! It might be fun. But you'd still need to find a way up, too. Unless you could just jump."

and, yes, they are mostly under the trees. from what he can tell, at least. that's likely another good thing, and he's trying so hard to just focus on the good.

"Might be hard to see 'em... the stars, I mean. Maybe there's a break in the trees somewhere, but I guess we could find it eventually. One problem at a time!" so he lets go of rui's hand, and wanders around the right side of the cabin, looking around all the while. he doesn't see any easy ways up, but one alternative is that it could be easiest to climb a tree and drop from a branch onto the cabin? he's not sure rui would go for that, but hanako could. maybe.

on his side, he doesn't see any sort of ladder. he just stands at the back, furrowing his brow together while he tries to think of alternative ways up. he snaps out of this when he sees rui come up, though.

    seasoned adventurer that he is, and far too curious for his own good, it made sense that dar’khol would make the trip to the mouth of the cave. tremors that marked its opening maw practically sent shivers down his spine at the prospect of venturing somewhere new – or old, perhaps. maybe a way home. but, then again, when were things ever that easy for him?

  it should come as no surprise that others might travel the same ways here, but what was unexpected was the character he was met with. it was not a child he had planned on seeing here, yet that is what he got. he hoped the slight surprise on his face wasn’t too readable ( he was an open book, like it or not. ).

    “ — hah?”

    “it turns you right back ‘round? surely you’re just confusing yourself in circles.” or maybe it was some kind of ploy to lure him in; wouldn’t be the first time he’s been lead astray for whatever reason the gods’ may fancy. even so, consider his curiosity, unfortunately, piqued. 

    “though if you’re just wanting for some company along the way, i’ve no reason to say no. i intend to trek inside myself, it can’t be all that bad.” a curt laugh of a fools’ confidence is tacked onto the end, no time wasted in marching himself to the mouth of the cave. “alright, lets see this twisted path of yours!”

  he’ll even lead the way for the both of them – and before long get promptly turned around just as the boy had previously stated! fantastic! 

“ …….. – now hold on. Not once did I turn in the direction i went in; that makes no damned sense!!” a pause, scowl creeping over dar’khol’s features. “i’m going back in!”

"Maybe, but I think I have a good sense of direction!" it doesn't seem like he can do any convincing, though. being brushed off isn't something he's worried about, because he's mostly concerned with going through the fog. he did mean it, though. about teaming up, even if they both walk around in circles.

if it's a matter of company, this guy doesn't seem human ❪ if the ears are any indicator, ❫ so he doesn't have much of a problem with that. he doesn't confirm or deny this one way or another.

it's as he said, but hanako still follows along with him even if he knows better. the fog is pretty thick, difficult to see through, but - maybe now's as good a time as any to point out the lights? he'd noticed them at some point before, but he hadn't had a chance to go towards them yet. well, he didn't make the time, but...

"Heeey, hey! Do ya see those? The lights. I noticed them before, they're the eyes of statues, but if they're supposed to just mark the path then maybe we should follow them. But, another thing, if there's something else we need to do with them, then... it might be better than wandering around in a fog that brings us back to the beginning. You know? But if you want to just keep wandering around in circles, I won't stop you."

hanako waves him over to him, but floats to one of the aforementioned statues. he goes up until he can place a hand on the top of it's head, then goes a little further until he can stand on it. he's trying to see if being a little higher up can offer any advantages. raising a hand like he were blocking the sun from his vision, he looks around.

I don’t know if I feel saved is a hard truth that Rui hasn’t thought about confronting yet. He struggled with it a lot, before, in that other place – struggled with the fact he hadn’t been allowed to stay with his parents, even if that meant in Hell. He hadn’t felt saved, either, waking up here. But Rui had slowly come to terms with still being alive once, and while he was certain for a moment that Hanako would have forgotten him again – that this was another cruel joke, since Rui wasn’t ever meant to be happy after everything he’d done – he…

He thinks he might feel something closer to saved, now.

“I understand,” is all Rui can bring himself to reply. He won’t force Hanako to do anything more than he’s comfortable with, even if that means the two of them just have to sit here for some time while Hanako gathers his thoughts. Rui can only imagine what Hanako’s going through; he stays silent, now. It – kind of makes him feel like a burden, like this is his fault somehow. That Hanako’s only here because Rui’s here, and if Hanako has things to do back home, then… all Rui’s doing is weighing him down.

But Rui wants him here, so, so badly. He’s always been a selfish thing.

“… okay.” His voice wavers a little when he speaks back up, trying though he is to suppress all the awful thoughts, but Rui’s… doing his best, or at least something adjacent to it. “We can look for my room, and then we can see if we can make it to the roof.” Rui – feels stronger than he remembers, though, which causes a pit of foreboding to gnaw at his stomach, like if he gets any stronger he’ll lose himself to the strength of Muzan’s blood running through him. He’s been weakened for so long that he doesn’t know if he safely… can ever return to his full self. If it’s even possible, he’s…

He’s scared.

But Hanako gets to his feet, and Rui follows shortly thereafter, keeping a firm grip on Hanako’s hand and resting the other hand on his shoulder to try and support Hanako as best as he can. It isn’t a difficult or particularly long walk to the rooms, at least, and Rui glances from one door to the other. One’s closed, and the other’s open, so it’s worth giving that one a try, and–

There’s an excited meow as they step inside; Rui all but squeezes Hanako’s hand infinitely too hard out of the surprise and realization that that’s Himari. She leaps off his pillow, purring up a storm, in order to rub against first Rui’s legs and then Hanako’s. Rui does his best to guide Hanako to the bed so that he can sit again, and once his hands are freed he first wipes at his eyes (his vision’s blurred) and next scoops Himari up.

With her still in his arms, Rui gives his room a quick bit of exploring, though his mind’s mostly focused on wanting to sit beside Hanako again. He finds his phone somewhere in his searching, or what he assumes is his phone, and feels his heart sink as he turns it on and realizes exactly how much time has passed.

“It’s November.” So, they definitely lost months in there somewhere. Rui purses his lips for a moment, but then gasps when he realizes exactly what day it is. Very barely – the clock’s only just hit midnight – but with it comes the date rolling over to the 23rd. Himari’s still purring in his arms, and Rui turns around a little hesitantly. Maybe he shouldn’t say it? Hanako’s in some sort of state, and Rui’s not sure if this would… well, make it worse. “… and… it’s…”

“… happy… happy anniversary, Hanako.”

he doesn't sound good, and hanako notices, but he doesn't want to ask why. he's drained, unsure whether he even has the energy to try. and it's not that he doesn't want to know, but—maybe rui will bring it up to him later, or maybe he won't. he doesn't entirely want to push for him to, anyway.

rui says they can look for his room, so he doesn't imagine that will take very long. they probably won't even spend very long there, maybe, unless hanako decides he doesn't want to go to the roof and instead just lay down for now.

and at least rui follows. the support is nice, when hanako feels so, so heavy. like he could collapse under gravity, weighed down by more than just that. he doesn't, though.

he's still a little spacey, too, but hearing the meow takes him out of it a bit. well - that and rui squeezing his hand a little too hard, it kind of hurts, but he tries not to react to it. he does, however, mutter out himari's name. he's... glad that she's safe, somehow. he's glad that she's here.

hanako lets rui lead him, sitting on the bed next, and watching as rui scoops himari up in his arms. he looks back away after that; hanako's mouth feels a little less dry than before, so he imagines seeing both her and rui helped in that regard. he's still anxious, but at least he can more or less ignore it now.

time doesn't usually matter to hanako. in the sense that, he falls so intrinsically outside of it that he's stuck in a circle of never aging, because he's dead, fixed in a position of never moving on either. it doesn't usually matter. but he feels a pit worse than before sink in his stomach over the fact that.. it's november, which means he lost a lot more time with rui than he'd thought. he presses his lips together, still stuck in thought, but rui continues.

and it does snap him out a bit, hanako looks back over, head tilted, and his gaze drops to himari cradled in rui's arms before he looks to rui next. if it's their anniversary, then.. they really lost so much together. hanako knows it's not his fault, but he still somehow feels like he should have done more to bring them back together again sooner. he's not even the reason they were brought back together; he realizes how little power he actually holds.

"..."

hanako doesn't want to just start crying again, he's tired of that, but he does move a bit closer so he can lean up and press a gentle kiss to rui's lips. it — admittedly, makes him feel a bit better. so he kisses him again, and again, and then leans back again.

"Happy anniversary." he reaches a hand over to pet himari, scratching beneath her chin then the top of her head, behind her ears, and she's just purring away. it makes him smile a bit, because he is happy to see her again, happy that she's here, still. so he's glad, ultimately, that they both checked the room first. he wants to stay here for as long as they can before moving to the roof, because he doesn't want to pull rui away from himari just so that he can. it's comfortable in the room, at least. the roof may be a comfort for him, but rui is, too.

"Even if we can't get those months back, I'm.. glad that we're both together again. I kinda knew that we were going to leave, it just felt like — like that's just how it was going to be. I didn't think so abruptly, though, so I wasn't prepared for that, but. I guess we're here, now."

hanako moves his hand away so he can kiss the top of himari's head, and she headbumps into his lips. this makes hanako laugh before pulling away again, and... yeah, he does feel better.

  nene wholeheartedly expects hanako to walk this back, pretend the circumstances are better than they really are, ignore the elephant in the room even for another moment. she wants to do it herself almost, to give into that frail beckoning to let her rage settle and her tears dry up because what is she crying for?

  one of her friends is here already. aoi certainly would follow soon if she hopes and prays enough.

  there’s nothing to be hurt about. there’s nothing, there’s nothing because… because…

  hanako’s hands are on her face and the tears start falling before nene can force herself to be strong again. it’s ugly, snot out of her nose and her vision blurring to the point where hanako appears shapeless, a smudge of black and a hint of red and crescent moon eyes. she hiccups, chest heaving and heavy. these hands are warm despite it all, a comforting feeling nene has missed.

  for all that her anger is worth, her heart is a soft, messy thing. she can’t be strong in the face of someone she missed dearly, not at this moment.

  her own arms move from her sides to reach for a hug, nearly encircling hanako’s back. he pulls away too fast, drifting out of reach (like before, far away from her and he’s disappearing into shapes that glisten in the moon, some horrible bit of irony that makes her throat raw), leaving nene to let one arm drop heavily against her side and the other to aggressively scrub at her eyes.

  everything hurts and heaves. her eyes, her legs, her hands, her throat– 

  it’s her chest that stings the most.

  a comfort; she wants comfort and it feels selfish to ask for that. hanako has his own regrets over this too, doesn’t he? is that why he’s so willing to hear her out now after almost trying to erase her memories? did he want her to forget all of this for her own safety? she sniffles, finally able to put the world into focus enough to look at hanako again, take in his words, and nod.

  “ o… of course i’m miserable…!  of course i want to yell at you!! but… but… how am i supposed to do that when i was scared i’d never see you again?! if kou-kun and minamoto-senpai and akane-kun didn’t all help with figuring out how to get back into that place, we would’ve… ”

  lost you forever.

  “ we never… could see aoi or mitsuba o - or you ever again… that’s not the goodbye that i want! that’s not the goodbye any of us deserved, hanako-kun!!! ” 

she's crying again, which is — ... it just makes sense. their parting wasn't anything good, hanako left a mess of things and the last thing he wanted was to say goodbye. his end goal was to make sure she could live, even if it meant living without him, even if he had to live without her. adjustment periods are always difficult anyway, but he knows he could do it. he did try to speed it along a little bit by making her forget him, but... he's kind of glad that she didn't?

but she admits it - that she's miserable. it's something he knows already, but it doesn't make him feel any less guilty. he presses his lips together while he thinks. she mentions 'that place' and he wonders if she's the one that stopped the train. it would also make sense, just given how she is. it's very like her to figure out a way to get to him again, and he wouldn't deny that he's happy to see her. he really is.

"No, it's not, I guess. I didn't want to say goodbye at all, but... it was the only option I had. I had to fulfill your wish, you know? ... Yashiro, you're different from me. I think you probably forget that sometimes, but it's not a bad thing. You stopped the train, right?" he wants to reach out for her again, but he doesn't feel like that's something he can do. he wants to build up so many walls that she can't see over them, that maybe she'll give up and that'll be it. but he knows she wouldn't, not on him. she's one of the only people that keeps giving him chances.

"I wish I could've seen you after that. You went through all that trouble! ... But... I get to see you now, so maybe that counts for something. I..." ultimately, he ends up reaching back out for her after all. when he pulls her into a hug, it's tight. he doesn't really want to let go of her; if he had the choice, he wouldn't let go at all. she's warm. yashiro's always been warm.

"I'm not sorry that I did it, but I am sorry. I just wanted... I wanted you to live. I guess in this kind of place, you'll be okay, so... even if you don't forgive me, do you want to have a life here with me? I want to see you every day again. We don't have to worry about the things we used to, so—"

even if her being in this kind of state is hard, he likes this side of her, too. the part that wears her heart on her sleeve, the part that lets him know that she cares about him. he doesn't want to be out of reach anymore. he may not want to make up for what he did either ❪ he still just doesn't regret it, ❫ but he wants to try to fix things as they are. he loosens the hug a bit, mostly to pull back and press his forehead to hers.