𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭
it was the fourth week and i was just scrolling through endless messages until i saw your name. honestly, i wasn't planning to message you, i was just looking if you ever came around but then, i accidentally sent a sticker, which i removed after a split second. i wasn't expecting anything because you're 𝘺𝘰𝘶. but you did reply. i was shaking as i stared at my phone. i had to explain the whole it-was-an-accident thing until our conversation turned into how we used to be. it's been two years since we last talked and it still felt like it was yesterday. but that was it. i didn't expect anything after that night.
𝐬𝐞𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫
we talked again. but this time, you called. we talked about the supernaturals, we talked about how our lives were when we were apart and how much things had changed between us. it was like meeting an old friend and it was fun and nice.
we didn't talk again after that.
𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳, you messaged me first. i can't remember exactly what it was about but i know i said we shared the same brain because we shared the same thoughts. days went by and i found myself counting when we'll stop. it was always like that, you see, and i was fine with that.
𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳, we were fighting over something i said years ago. you told me that you'll cut me off and i didn't really care. i was just thankful i got to talk to you again for a few days. 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘦𝘦, 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘱 𝘧𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴. 𝘸𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴' 𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. i was expecting that, but that didn't happen. instead, we talked until we resolved the issue. 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦.
𝐨𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫
university started and we both knew i'd be busy by then. but i still find myself talking to you in between breaks. we talked about our grandparents and how i thought we were connected in our past lives. 𝘪 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦. you eventually became busy yourself with some things, and that was fine. we didn't mind the distance nor the difference in time zones.
𝐧𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫
things are going great. you promised that you'll surprise my nephew with the song you sang years ago, and you asked me to sing it with you. i was waiting for that day. but you see, things don't always come our way. i've learned that you lied to me. for five years, you lied to me. so, i left. i couldn't handle the truth and i had to get away from you.
𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫
i hate you. i hate every fibre of your being. i hate that i started questioning everything because of what you did. you betrayed me and yet you still think it was for my own benefit. you were selfish and i hope we didn't ever meet. i regret every little thing i've said to you, i regret everything we did together. i was genuine towards you and you chose to break that. 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘪 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶.
𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲
it's been two months. and i saw the playlist you made years ago updated. it started with 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘢𝘺, 𝘪'𝘥 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 and ended with 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘨𝘰 𝘣𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶. i'm not sure why you updated that playlist but i found myself mad and hurt once again. after two months, i found myself spiralling. i hate you. i hate the fact that you still have this effect on me. i hate the fact that a lot of things remind me of you. but you see, someone told me that i will only be at peace if i removed you out of my life completely. and i did. i removed your playlist and i deleted everything that has remotely anything to do with you. i can no longer live in the past and question everything. that's just it and i can't let it control me. so, i've decided to let you go. i will slowly accept the fact that i can never have the closure i want nor the peace i want with you. you were just a huge part of my life and that's what you'll always be— a story in the end. one without an ending or beginning. just a fleeting moment. a forgotten memory.
february
you populated my dreams, and we weren't fighting anymore. even in dreams, i didn't possess the courage to ask for forgiveness first.
march
like clockwork, i was back in your life again. i was grateful for the chance even if it was undeserved. your friends spoke about me as if i was a warning, but your fear response was broken.
