As I sat in the library trying to understand The Varieties of Religious Experience by William James a girl came up to me and asked me to watch her stuff as she went to the bathroom, to which I replied "Yeah, I got you"

A few minutes later she returned, didn't say anything, she just sat down. My job was done.

I sneezed, three in a row, like always. I heard one muffled "Bless you" through my headphones. I looked up and it was her waiting for my eyes to meet hers.

If I saw him again, the world would pause, but just for a brief moment.

I'd feel my heart stop as it broke into two.

One half plummeting to the depths of my twisted stomach.

The other climbing it's way to my esophagus, suffocating me, holding me back from uttering the words I didn't have.

The world would then resume

It is odd getting older, I no longer remember the things that bought me joy or what I did to have fun. Recently, I've felt like I haven't had fun in a long time. I felt like I didn't deserve to have fun. Whenever I was in a space to, my mind simply wouldn't allow me to. I took to my journal one night and scribbled a thought I tried to ignore "... I haven't had fun in so long..", I craved it, but I never tried to find it. I thought if I looked, if I forced, it wasn't real.

It feels very personal, almost like I am reading her journal

This is poetry, the meaning of each song is hidden behind metaphors and motifs 

The second track “love, try not to let go” flooded me with emotion. I didn’t know what to feel, the rhythmic beat caused an uproar and the somber piano followed behind to bring me down.

One line into “too young to die” and I’m already hooked. I lost it, sobbing. This song is simply breathtaking. It makes me feel the  purity of love, the ignorance of love. The feeling that love is a savior.   

While listening I started to make connections. The concept of love as a savior paired with the organ made me relate the song to the first track “Lydia wears a cross” where an interpersonal struggle with religion is explored. At first listen, it feels like the song is about a romantic love, but upon further reflection I believe it might be describing the love for "him" who is better known as God.

Less of a stranger - I connected with this song on an unearthly level. It explored the yearning to know the person that created you but knowing that at a point there is nothing you can do to make that connection happen not due to your own fault but the boundaries set by your mother. Your mother is a being, a soul that has roamed the earth finding herself before even thinking of having a child. To know who your mother is, is to know yourself. Sometimes it breaks my heart to know that, scientifically, I have been with my mother her whole life. Right before she was born the egg that would later form my body was created in her while connected to my grandmother. How can we spend our entire lives intertwined, yet not know each other.

I find myself restarting the songs to understand the piece with knowledge I gain from each line passed.

Overall, this is a gorgeous album sonically and lyrically. PRE PLEASURE is now on my "favorite albums" list