Learning About Poly

So, where did I leave off? Oh yes, I believe I ended this with having arranged a play date with a fellow I met from an acquaintance from OneTaste. 

June-July

June 24th, 2015. I had the day off because I worked the previous weekend. I got in the car that I borrowed from a coworker & drove the forty five minute drive to his (being the fellow) house. It was kind of surreal. We started off by grabbing lunch at a local store/deli down the hill from his house, while standing there and ordering our sandwiches and waiting for them to be made, he was ever so tenderly rubbing my back. He asked if that was okay, and I believe I told him it was very okay. I love affection, PDA, etc...the feeling of someone tenderly  touching me was simply mind blowing to me. It had been a while since I had ever felt a sincere loving touch.

Lunch consisted of sandwiches, chips, drinks, and screen saver of beautiful nudes on his television that he had linked to his computer. After that, there was play (a lady never kisses & tells! heehee). I can say during play I was able to let myself go and be in a headspace I felt I would never be in again after Dom Douchey pants. I felt completely safe and that I could trust this fellow. 

Following play, there were a couple more tender moments this time exchanging drinks & smoke. Both exchanged in a way I had never experienced, through sweet gentle kisses. I could not believe all the feelings I was feeling. I felt like I was being awakened from a deep dark slumber.

We went out to dinner and had a drink or two. It was lovely to be outside dining in downtown. We talked more about our lives and got to know each other. After dinner he asked me to stay the night. The next day was simply amazing, I ran late to work for the first time in 4 years and it didn’t bother me. I was on cloud 9 and little did I know I would be changing my own life for the better.

Not without struggles though. My best friend was interested in this fellow as well, and planned a get together with him the next day. I struggled with finding out the nitty gritty details of what they did together. So I quietly asked her not to share them. It kind of killed me because her and I shared EVERYTHING. But I was developing feelings for this fellow that I had no idea were going to come up. So how do two best friends who are poly deal with the same interest? I am sad to say, it did not end well at all. 

I told my acquaintances from OneTaste how I was pursuing unexpected relationships and it was so weird for me. My bestie took it pretty hard. She managed to fight with me on a pretty intense emotional trip.  Some things were said by her and it broke my heart and made me angry. I just chalked it up with she was just as emotionally charged as I was. She acted like everything was fine, but telling anyone who would listen about how I hurt her. She was lying to me about how our friendship was. She broke my trust and I stopped talking to her for quite sometime. Especially when she aired all my dirty laundry and was spreading some stuff about me to others, including this fellow I had become smitten with.

My usual response to conflict before this point was usually knock down drag out. But this time I needed space. I was trying to figure out my living situation, a brand new job starting in August, and a new relationship. The bestie was not giving me the support I needed in this major transition in my life. Actually, during this transition, I started weeding out the negative people in my life. I was lucky to be able to do that. 

JULY

I turned the big 3-0. Didn’t think I would make it this far. I had a very low key day. The fellow bought me beautiful flowers:

we went to the beach. Clothes shopping, a munch and ended the night with Gyros and dancing in the middle of Church Street to the Starline Rhythm Boys. I enjoyed every minute of it. Vacation was not long enough, and I was moving on top of it. 

My second vacation was babysitting. This made me realize that I was never ready to be a mother. One of the reasons why I have made the decision to get my tubes tied so I would never have to worry about that. I am awesome Auntie material. Not Mommy. 

July 30, 2015, I ended my four years at Health Direct. I went and did my last delivery at this job, said good bye and by 12:30 I couldn’t handle it any more. I gave my boss my badge and thanked him for the experience. I ended my job. It needed to happen. I wasn’t getting anywhere in that job, I was not respected and you know what? I was not happy. I was not happy who I was when I worked there. I realized that the negativity got down to the core of all of us that worked there. I am very lucky to have gotten out.

It has been a while since I have officially typed up a blog posting. My dating life has been a bit of a mess the past year. As so my mental health. So lets start with 2015. 

January/February 

I met a woman, whom I honestly wasn’t attracted to. Which lead to sexting a lot when I was stoned. Dated for a month, and during that time she wasn’t the nicest person. She always had to be right and no one was as smart as her. She didn’t have her priorities straight and was living in squalor (She had no heat or hot water, her licence was suspended and her car wasn’t inspected.)  Some how this was all my fault, and my self -esteem hit a hormonal low. She claimed I deceived her because I wasn’t the person I was when we met. She dumped me and then a week later she called me drunk (which was not healthy because she was diabetic), on my day off I raced and hour and a half down to make sure she was okay and saw what a wreck she was and mentally unstable. I knew I couldn’t deal with that type of crazy. Abusive Crazy. No thank you!

February-June

I had a challenge from my best friend to deactivate my dating sites for one month. It was hard but I honestly think it was the best thing in my life. I got to hang out more with her, go to kink parties, and meet people I wouldn’t have. I was convinced I was a lesbian. Thought that was the answer to my happiness.  But I learned things aren’t always what we expect or want them to be. 

On Fetlife, I received a message from a fellow, Mr. M,  and he was interested in getting to know “Columbia G” (My kink scene name). I was very hesitant because I was still stuck on the lesbian label. I didn’t want relations with a “Dick.” But I agreed to meet him for drink as a friend. Then we were going to go to the Bestie’s suggested activity. TurnOn (It is through a group called OneTaste and they do Orgasmic Meditation) During this event, they play three communication games (to mirror what its like during an OM). They encouraged us to be vulnerable and tell the truth. This was amazing, fun, but put a monkey wrench in my life as I knew it at that moment. Mr. M stated something he wanted to do and looked at me when he said it. I felt turned on, and intrigued. I wanted to explore this and see where this would go. 

We were having sex, kinky play time, going on dates, having overnight sleep overs. It was fun, until I developed feelings. He wanted something different than what I wanted. I took this energy I had for craving a relationship and joined in my journey with OneTaste. 

I spent all my free time there, meeting people learning how to be more open and vulnerable. I finally got OM trained and that really changed the playing field for me. I learned how to become and embrace my sensitive side, learning to embrace that things are beyond my control. And the things that I had control in? Yeah I took over that shiznit!  I felt confident, beautiful and I Loved myself. I was in full acceptance over everything. 

While I was there, I gave noticed at the shitty job I was at for four years. Then the next day my roommate informed me that we were not renewing our lease. Was I freaking out? No. I trusted that things would work out. I planned on Couch Surfing and I was job hunting. I wasn’t stressing out about it I felt that the right stuff would fall into place.

Then, my life changed again. I was at a TurnOn and one of my acquaintances from the group introduced me to her friend. She actually told us about him in this group messaging app we are all on. So she stopped by to say hi and wish us luck with that night’s turn on. She brought her friend with her and he was really attractive.  After that my mind kind of went into meltdown mode. I walked up to him without thinking and said “So,  you’re the infamous...(insert name here)?!” and I had nothing after that. I guess that approach got his attention, because the next time he came to a TurnOn our flirting game was on point. That night I said somethings that got his attention again. I ended up getting his phone number and email address.  We emailed, called, and eventually we set up a time for a play date. I was nervous, excited, and scared. I had no idea what to expect, but I knew something good was going to happen. But I didn’t know how it would all turn out.