Revelations of a Misfit

It shouldn’t be difficult to come up with a few adjectives.

Not outgoing but not shy either. Not particularly friendly and welcoming, but nice enough to other people. I consider myself complicated as many 20-somethings do. Though I can’t be called unique as I am pouring my heart out on tumblr, and my interests include coffee, books, rainy days, alternative music, and cats. Not special.

Not exceptional in appearance or personality,

But a misfit.

 I was 5 years old the first time I realized that I was different. It is one of my first memories. We were watching a movie in Kindergarten, sitting on a thin, warn carpet, and staring at the flashing box on a rolling cart that illuminated a small portion of the classroom. Halfway through the movie, a girl in my class mistakenly pulled her entire shirt off over her head while trying to remove a sweatshirt. The whole class began to laugh hysterically and pointed fingers at the girl, who still had a blank look on her face, not registering yet what had happened. I imagine my face had a similar look because I could not understand the reaction of every child in that room. I picture that is the way circus animals see a crowd of people laughing at their fear and discomfort.

I always had many friends growing up—or so I thought. I was never a loner by any means. I did have different options however that seem to set me apart from my classmates.

I have this idea, and I’m trying to get it out of my head, so I am writing it here. To be continued J

What if we were told it exists only so that we would behave? If we do everything right, be the right person or reach a certain place in life, then true love will find us. It will be our prize. In the meantime, we comfort each other,

“don’t worry you’ll find him”.

If we don’t find that person, it must not be the right time,

or we are doing something wrong.

Well, there is nothing wrong with you, 

and there is no “him” to find. Once we accept that there is not some person out there that we are meant to be with, we can truly be happy with ourselves. 

There is beauty in solitude and joy in companionship,

 but it does not have to be the forever and always ‘till death do us part kind of love we read about in books. 

You think all you are meant to do is get married and have children? Don’t sell yourself short.

acquiescence.

to be a college graduate

this is the first fall season

that I am not dreading