My 11:11 Wish

"الحياة لعينة"

Written on July 15th, 2023

I feel like at this time and with everything that’s been happening in the world and with Gaza in Palestine… I feel like it’s not the time for what I’m feeling… Every time I feel sad, lonely, Angry or Depressed I have to push it back down.

I can’t seem to cry it out… every time I get one of those feelings I feel guilty for having them! The guilt for having feelings is eating me from the inside out! It’s the wrong time to feel anything… like those emotions don’t have a place in this world right now!

I feel like I’m going to blow up.

حسبي الله على كل واحد ما عم بعمل إشي!!

Is it what I’m destined for? Being alone?

No one I’ve ever loved fought for me…

I’ve heard stories of people fighting for people

Ruining their relationships so they would have them

Texting them anonymously

Sending them flowers

Seeking to talk to them threatening to ruin their marriages to be with them.

Am I not worth the fight?

And he left again…

Present

And Future

“Cause you should hate this version of me”

“La2 ma 7a t7ebini”

Why do you always go for the unavailable ones??

Toxic much?

Feb. 15th, 2023