MyHusbandsCoffee

post tlg some random asshole defenseman makes a shitty comment about shane taking it up the ass and shane looks at him, then at the scoreboard that shows the centaurs winning 6-1, then back down at him like "i dunno man i think one of us is getting fucked in the ass right now and it isn't me." and then that guy tries to fight him

ilya sacrificing maximum technique during their first hook up because he just has to be as close to shane as possible so he can keep pressing kisses in between his shoulder blades

Shane at 45 years old, watching some punk-ass rookie on screen beat the All Stars speed record that he's held for over a decade now: Baby, do you think I can come out of retirement for next season?

maybe one day scott figures out Ilya is trying to Play with him and the next time he calls Scott a dinosaur he chirps back with something about how Ilya is 5 years old fresh baby just born yesterday. And Ilya Smiles HUGE

we talk about Shane's lingerie (jockstrap, white socks, backwards ballcap) but what about Ilya's lingerie. The white ribbed tank top. The house slippers. The CK briefs. The adidas track suit. I know in my heart Ilya owns a track suit and he wears it like a negligee #hislingerie

ilya is the type of guy to call his white tanks “wife pleasers” or in his case “husband pleasers” and you know shane is VERY pleased when he sees him in one

something something shane nagging ilya about eating healthy and quitting smoking and ilya just needs a fucking nicotine hit and (softly) snaps ‘why do you care so much? i’ll just do it outside and shower after’ and shane looks him dead in the eye and says ‘im not letting you chip years off your life when we’ve already wasted 9’ and ilyas just like yeah oh fuck he wants me for as long as he can get me and quits smoking and starts doing yoga even when it feels like his legs are going to fall out from under him because he doesn’t want his last thoughts to be regret for time lost

drunk shane burying himself in the crook of ilya’s neck whispering “i love you, i never loved anyone like i love you, i love you so much, i’m so happy you’re the first person i see every morning and the last person i see at night. i miss you all the time when we’re not together. i love you.” and ilya covering his mouth with his hand to stop the sniffles coming out and scaring shane

ykw headcanon that ilya is just scared of birds in general. not just the loons and canadian geese, but also the red cardinals that he thinks are the "devil's" bird because theyre an alarming shade of red. hes scared of pigeons because he saw this one theory online about them being government spy drones. hes scared of the magpies in australia because he and shane went there during the mating season and they all kept on trying to swoop at him. vultures terrify him and dont get him started on the fucking peacocks.

He was attacked by a pelican in moskow as a child and the fight was on. This rivalry may not be heated, but it is feathered.

Insert some joke about the swans in England belonging to the crown and Ilya batching about their aggressive evilness anyway...

ykw headcanon that ilya is just scared of birds in general. not just the loons and canadian geese, but also the red cardinals that he thinks are the "devil's" bird because theyre an alarming shade of red. hes scared of pigeons because he saw this one theory online about them being government spy drones. hes scared of the magpies in australia because he and shane went there during the mating season and they all kept on trying to swoop at him. vultures terrify him and dont get him started on the fucking peacocks.

He was attacked by a pelican in moskow as a child and the fight was on. This rivalry may not be heated, but it is feathered.

there’s this belief that ilya is the bottom in their relationship and it doesn’t help he’s so flamboyant and there’s this joke around “he’s gay or european?” which is obviously based on nothing but stereotypes. shane is always carrying ilya’s stuff, and holding ilya’s waist and ilya is always sitting on shane’s lap and doesn’t help at all he’s always making shane’s plate at the gatherings. and one time shane fixed a pipe at one of the centaurs house and the wags spread the story around so people really just assume that shane is the “man” of the house. the thing is that ilya and shane never share, confirm or denies what happens in their private lives. their dynamics is for them only and rose landry