will you watch me as i fade away

I think the saddest thing about growing up is that you chase after that naive happiness in the christmas times, on your birthdays, in the amusement parks. I trace back to those moments, revisit them, eagerly wait for the next Christmas, birthday, amusement park visit. And then it comes and it's just another thursday. There's none of that special feeling, and you wonder if that's what growing up is or if you just became an empty shell of a person. Will I be chasing after that feeling my entire life? Am I doomed to fail?

Will it be like this forever? Chasing after that fleeting feeling of childlike wonder and happiness that I can't seem to remember?

Hi everyone, I'm back. It's been a while.

The feeling of euphoria and relaxation in my body after I cut is the best feeling in my life rn