bloop

libra! scales are boring as shit but whatever. why do you ask?

jeremy (the guy on my instagram) is not the super progressive cool vegan punk dude i was into last month...I was and still am into him but after the last time we were supposed to see each other didn't pan out, we had a little tension from the miscommunication and after we resolved everything and we're talking for a bit, he ghosted me. my friend's friends on campus say he's recently into another girl down there, to the pt of wanting to date her. which is fine because I said this was non-exclusive and she's probably great but...it's still a loss because he was so UNFATHOMABLY perfect. however...she is four hours closer to him. lol. so i dunno if we'll still see each other in january and if he'll still want to hook up or just hang out depending on his situation. the radio silence is annoying though. lol though because when we were planning to see each other last month I was like "only if you still want to" and he said "the only way I'd ever NOT be be down to fuck you is if I'm in a monogamous relationship, and that's definitely not going to happen." PERHAPS HE IS FINDING LOVE IN A HOPELESS PLACE IDK.

meanwhile jeremy is one of my friends from freshman hall that I was really close and comfortable with...so close that he became my ex boyfriend's little brother in his fraternity family.... but it's not my fault they don't keep in touch and I didn't initiate the flirtation itself so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ k*vin can bite me

jer and I went to get korean food and met his friends at pojangmacha and it went from fun platonic catching up to a little more cuddly. so when he walked me out to my car I maybe explicitly said "you're kinda stupid if you didn't realize that we could've gone back to your place and fucked" and he was so shellshocked he stopped in the middle of the street. but in a good way. apparently he's wanted to do this with me since we met...in 2010....so thats...validating? ! and we hooked up in the back of my car like fucking high schoolers lmao I feel so alive and we're gonna fuck on Christmas for maximum sacrilege

today was the first Monday I haven't had class.  I am DONE with the semester and finals which perpetuated my recent semi hiatus. and while the straight A's are v nice to see, I was all ready to sit down for a couple solid hours and a) write a huge post explaining my loss and progress and general condition over the last few months and b) dust off the 9 or so half coherent messages I have waiting in draft format for some of you sweethearts and c) just generally explain myself here and beg for yall forgiveness.  but then!! I got nauseous and triggered by the most flippant, one dimensional, dismissive discussion on child discipline vs child abuse by feminists pocs! mostly woc!! who ignore that teaching children to hit their loved ones could MAYBE have some bad repercussions, and also who are relating hitting your child to being a minority, which I don't fucking adhere to, and I think plays into white supremacist tropes of us being savage and literally these activist minded people were telling those who felt abused to leave the thread if they didn't like it because we were ruining their funny discussions on their family members whooping their asses? like fucking MRA-style? it was just a really disheartening experience that will continue to foment issues of relationship dynamics in our communities but...whatever. ..the point is i'm drained and luckily the page mod reached out be supportive and stuff but god.  I've been realizing increasingly that I don't have the tolerance to put myself through some of these fights anymore when they start to hurt. whew. anyways.  I am slowly coming back to life though!!!

also for those who follow me on instagram/fb/snpcht and might have been wondering if i was hooking up with that gorgeous guy I got budae jjigae with on Friday: