miss goldenweek fan account ‼️‼️

And yet, there you were, so tempted to just reach forward and open the door. 

The ache in your cheeks from containing the torrent trying to spill over had subsided, but you felt that at any moment, the tears would return tenfold for no reason at all. 

You raised your hand to at least knock first, knowing he hated it when Match simply barged inside, and let your fist fall limp at your side. He was probably asleep. You shouldn’t bother him, especially not in the state you were in.

You were halfway turned around to go find a quiet place in your bedroom when the door slid open with a whoosh, and suddenly you were blinking widely at a startled Dan Heng. He nearly dropped the mug in his hands, a soft gasp slipping past his lips.

“What—” He stammered, clutching his cup tightly, and forcefully calmed . Dan Heng’s eyes lost their sharp edges in the face of your deer-in-headlights expression. “Do you need something?”

“No,” you said lamely. “Sorry, I forgot what I came here for.”

He must’ve been tired too, that was the only reason he would’ve grabbed your arm as you made to flee. His eyes went wide like he was surprised at himself, but nevertheless tugged you inside one step at a time. You blinked sleepily, wondering not for the first time if dragon eyes have some kind of compelling magic (perhaps, you thought, it was just Dan Heng).

Only when the door closed behind you did Dan Heng drop your wrist and carefully step away with crossed arms. You chanced a glance up from your feet. His hair had no business looking so fluffy and so good this late at night.

“Are you okay?” It was possibly the worst thing to ask. Dan Heng knew the answer. The moment he caught the trace of tears on your face something switched inside him; the issue was, he had no clue what to do with this feeling. 

And what were you supposed to say? You couldn’t say yes, obviously. His eyes peered deeply into yours, again putting all your mental guards at ease. The tears began to well up and blur his face before you could stop them. 

You didn’t see his eyes widen just a fraction before resolve covered his face, or the moment his jaw tightened. How Dan Heng lurched to hold you, touch you, before he jerked his hands back to his sides. 

“I’m sorry,” you gritted out, hands desperately wiping at the tears. 

“Whatever for?” You only sniffed miserably and looked anywhere but his eye. All you could do was shuffle from foot to foot.

You’d been in Dan Heng’s room before, perhaps more often than you’d been in your own, but the walls felt closer together now. The buttons of the archive databank flickered on and off, the only light other than the one lamp you’d forced him to buy the last time the pair of you had taken a day off, into the markets of Luofu. 

He sighed your name and the way it rolled off his tongue had your heart lurching in your chest. The tears rose once more, but you choked them down desperately. Dan Heng ushered you further inside, bringing you to sit on the mat he called a bed. He settled down in front of you, his hand ghosting your quivering frame.

“I know you don’t want to,” he began, as gentle as ever. He was only ever gentle with you. “But can you please tell me what’s wrong?”

There was very little you could ever deny of Dan Heng. It was perhaps your greatest weakness, one you didn’t care to be rid of. “I’m… so tired.” Your voice broke off. “I can’t sleep. I’m too afraid.”

“Afraid?”

Flashes of memory crossed your mind, from your most recent Trailblaze: the final battle with Sunday, the beautiful days to follow—Dan Heng greeting you with open arms, the words you’d longed to hear falling off his lips, the overwhelming love now reciprocated—only to be broken from it by that blessed memokeeper. To think, if not for her, you would have... The panic which kept you up for hours once again seized your chest. 

“What if I don’t wake up?” you whispered. “Do you remember how real it felt? I wasn’t able to break it myself, Black Swan had to save me. What if none of this is real and I’m still sleeping?”

His gaze bounced around your face. “It’s real.”

“You said that in my dream, too.” He’d said many things in your dream, all too good to be true. Why hadn’t you seen it wasn’t real? The moment Dan Heng was transparent about his emotions should have been enough of a clue. 

Dan Heng shifted to lean against the ridges of the databank’s side, watching you fidget, fingers twitching in your lap. “I was… in your dream?”

“Of course you were,” you spat out the words. The heel of your palm pressed painfully into your eye as another flood threatened to come loose. 

His silence ached you, his eyes full of pity you didn’t want nor need. Ever since the crew had left Penacony, there had been some kind of uncrossable space between the pair of you. How it got there was beyond you, but the running theory was the present topic itself: Ena’s Dream. Usually, you’d never hesitate to tell Dan Heng anything on your mind… but when it was him that took to your thoughts, well, it wasn’t that simple.

Ena’s Dream had been so real, so beautifully tangible, that waking up to Dan Heng’s hand not clasped around your own nearly wrecked you. 

“I haven’t been sleeping either,” he confessed, dragging a grin out of you.

“When do you ever sleep?”

He rolled his eyes. You moved to mirror him, leaned against the wall, head lolled to stare at his profile. Dan Heng worked his lip between his teeth, brows furrowed in either concentration or frustration. You never could tell the difference.

“Did I ever tell you about my dream?” At your frown, he paused, combing his hands through his hair. “Everything was normal. We were trailblazing, traveling across the stars for years, for whole Amber eras. We had so many adventures, enough to fill hundreds of books, and I don’t think I’d ever felt that happy.”

You turned your face and blinked fast. Just what was he getting at? “That sounds nice.”

“You were always there,” he breathed. “Always. People came and went in blurs, but you were beside me through everything. We could have trailblazed for all eternity, as long as we did it together.”

A smile crossed your face as your heart melted within you. “That’s sort of like my dream. We faced danger every other day, but we faced it side by side.”

“That’s not much of a dream,” he mused, “since that’s also our reality.”

“Ena must have used all THEIR creativity on March. Her dream was wild.”

You shared a soft laugh, barely breaking the quiet surrounding you, until it dissolved. Dan Heng always looked at you with purpose, like there was nothing else he’d rather give his attention to, and now was no different.

“I won’t disappear,” he said. “I want you to know that.”

You meant to say I know but somehow his assurance struck a wound very deep. This time when you cried, Dan Heng invaded your space without hesitation. His arm curled around your shoulder and pulled you into his side, his chin settling over your head. If you’d been more coherent, you might have felt how his lips brushed your temple. 

“This is pathetic,” you sniffled into his chest even as your arms wrapped tighter around his middle. Since when was Dan Heng so warm?

“It’s okay, though,” he murmured. “I don’t mind.”

Your heart pitched sideways, throat bobbing around the emotions trying to burst from your mouth. He didn’t make this easy, did he? Dan Heng cared, and you never dared to wonder just how far that care could go, not willing to endure the heartbreak when the boy one without let you down oh so easily.

“What would I do without you?” is what you finally allowed to slip out. His hand stilled momentarily before keeping to its path up and down your back.

“It’s a question I should be asking, but I know the answer.” You tilted back to catch his eye. Dan Heng’s gaze remained on the wall in front of him. His fingers curled against your side before falling away. 

“Really?”

His nod came slowly. “Without you, my life would lose much of its meaning.”

Before he could see just how effected you were, you hid yourself back in his chest, ear to his heart, wishing beyond all wishing that he could just feel that you loved him from this alone.

“You’re… such a sap.”

He laughed against your head, his hands again finding purchase against your skin, easing the unrest in your chest. Dan Heng seemed to settle gradually as his body relaxed agaisnt the wall and his hold on you grew constant. 

“Only for you.”

And really, perhaps you should have heard his own confession in the words he so passionately gave you. Your love lay in your hands, and his remained in his voice. The pair of you sat wrapped up in each other, position slowly morphing into something that wouldn’t leave you aching in the morning, and somehow, sleep came easy like this.

The bubble of the unsaid longing burst around mid morning the next day, when Himeko knocked gently to see if Dan Heng was all right. It wasn’t like him to sleep in this late, after all. March came stomping down the hall a moment later, arms crossed and one brow raised, until she stopped at Himeko’s side and sent a suspicious look at Dan Heng’s door.

“Open it,” she whispered. 

“I’m not going to barge in, March.” Himeko made to rap her knuckles again, when the pink girl took matters into her own hands. In one swipe, the door slid open, revealing the scene to the women.

Himeko’s mouth parted into a small ‘o’ as March hissed an “aha!” You and Dan Heng, legs engtagled, lay in the middle of the mat. 

“I knew it,” March declared, hitting her fist to her palm.

“Again?” Himeko marveled.

The younger woman shook her head, almost laughing. “They’re so hopeless. It’s pretty obvious, isn’t it?”

Lois pursed around a smile, Himeko did her best to preserve your dignity even in your absense. “Leave them alone. They have their own pace.”

“A slow pace. I’ll be forty by the time they finish beating around the bush.”

“Oh,” Himeko giggled, shutting the door swiftly, “hush.”

They left to the parlor car with one last laugh. Unfortunately, the walking stellaron emerged not long after, yawning as they wondered what March and Himeko had been stopped for. Curious, they looked left, then right, and decided that they’d rather apologize later than spend the day agonizing over what it could have been. So they opened the door. 

Blinking, they gasped about as loud as they could and bolted down the hall, leaving you and Dan Heng to blink awake, gathering bit by bit the open door, the sound of footsteps pounding away, and, of course, the undeniable warmth of lying side by side.

Silence. A half-hearted cough from the other side. You tried to slide the door open but found yourself unable, meeting too much resistance every time you tried to make it budge. You were no match for a dragon guarding the entrance to its lair.

You sighed, turning away from the door and leaning against it instead. Dust bathed in starlight glittered just outside the Express' windows. It wasn't unusual for Dan Heng to get absorbed in something, quite the contrary actually, but he'd never really shut you out in this way. March, Stelle, Caelus... Sure, they were sometimes barred from entering if Dan Heng had a particularly focused day and they were particularly loud.. But never you.

"Can you at least tell me why now is bad? I just wanted to check on you, you barely said anything while we ate. Himeko and Welt are worried as well."

The sound of steps carried through the door, pacing, unusual. "There's no need to worry. I just need a little time."

A quiet huff escaped your lips as you sank to the floor, leaning against the door. It was always a delicate balance, not pushing too much, but also not letting him deal with everything alone. "Time for wha-" Your words morphed into a squeak as the door slid open and you tumbled to the floor.

Dan Heng stood bent over you, his eyes wide with concern and the tips of his ears tinged red. Some of the tightness around your heart vanished at the sight. He was quick to sit down and pull you against him, his chest to your back, your face conveniently turned away from the archive.

An apology that turned into a chuckle was muttered into your nape while you took his tail hostage in your embrace. "Never one to miss an opportunity..."

You huffed quietly, warmth finally settling in your body as he squeezed you a little tighter. "I have to take what I can get these days. I feel like I've barely seen you.."

"I'm sorry.. It seems I severely overestimated myself."

"The great guard of the Express? Meeting a challenge he can't overcome? I hardly believe it!" You pressed your lips to the cool scales. "How about taking a break? Maybe letting me sleep here tonight?" His traitorous tail curled a little tighter around your waist as you spoke, and a satisfied grin emerged on your face. "Seems like a yes."

Dan Heng sighed, his head dropping to rest against yours. If you could've turned, you'd have kissed the crease between his brows. "Tomorrow?"

"What if I wanted to wake up in your arms on my birthday?"

Silence stretched long enough that your pulse picked up. Was that too demanding of you? Before uncertainty could fill the space between your ribs, Dan Heng nipped at your shoulder.

"What if I'm a poorly prepared boyfriend who hasn't finished your present yet and was hoping to do so during the night?"

At that, you twisted as far around as you could, just enough to catch the embarrassment in those pretty teal eyes. "That's what this is about?"

"That wasn't obvious?"

Relief flooded over you, a stone in your heart that you hadn't realized was there evaporated. You shook your head. "I thought- I figured you were mad. Or hurting. Or both."

Dan Heng looked more and more mortified the more possible explanations you listed.

"I-.." he paused, grip loosening enough to let you turn fully in his lap, thighs resting on either side of his hips. "I hadn't realized the change was so drastic. I'm sorry for worrying you."

He pulled you in for a hug, one large palm settling on the back of your head to keep you close.

"Hengie.." It was oddly sweet, this staunch guardian utterly bewildered by the notion that his absence would be felt so deeply. "How about.. you spend tonight with me and I'll most graciously excuse that my gift won't be ready?"

You could've sworn you felt his heart skip a beat. "Deal.."

Later, while tucked securely against his bare body, you looked up at him with a cheeky grin. "Hengie, what's my present?"

His clawed fingers pinched your hip gently. "I thought that was bad luck to know before the day."

You shook your head, pressing a kiss to his sternum. "Nuh uh, receiving it before the actual day is what's bad luck."